"Switch Sides"

I don't know for sure what was going on through my mind when Lea had opened the door and saw Don and I kissing. The happiness that I had of being so close to Donatello quickly disintegrated when I saw the look on my best friend's face. Her face looked so pained with sorrow and shock that it made me feel so sick to my stomach. I felt like I had betrayed her. Maybe I shouldn't really care for Don so much. It was wrong! Gah how can I be so fucking retarded! It's not right! I can't like them! I tried to call out to Lea but I felt like I couldn't talk loud. I swear my voice came out almost in a whisper but even if it wasn't, Lea did not listen to me. She quickly had turned around and stormed out of the room. I stood where I was frozen. I heard Leonardo calling after her but then I heard the door shut. She was gone. I didn't know what to do. Lea was my best friend, my sister. I never saw that look on anyone's before. I felt like shit, let me tell you right now. I felt so ashamed of myself for even stooping so low into even kissing Don that I couldn't bear to lift my eyes up at him. I am not sure of any concrete dialogue that I had with Don at that point, all I know that I quickly wanted to get out of there. I stuttered to Don that I had to go. I heard him try to protest but I completely ignored his words. I picked up my cell phone and ran as quickly to the living room. I was dreading to pass the others. I knew they must have been listening on what was happening after Lea left because the apartment was so quiet that I could hear their murmurs among one another. As I walked past them to the front door, using the corner of my eyes, I could see them staring at me with open mouths. I hated to be the center of attention! I was shaking so bad, I knew I was nervous to as I spoke finally to them. "Thanks for letting me come over, April," I stuttered and left the apartment. I didn't even look at them. Once I got down to the streets, I broke off in a quick run and turned the corner sharply. I wanted to get far away from there as possible. I wanted to run to Lea and tell her I was sorry. But then again I didn't want to face her. All I kept seeing was the look on her face as she entered the room, finally after I was at least 6 blocks away from Soho, I slowed my pace but continued my journey to the hotel.

As I was walking down the streets, I finally looked down at my cell phone. I could tell that Lea had dropped it but luckily it did not break. A piece of the side had cracked off but nothing severe. Though my parents would probably yell at me for breaking it but right now that did not concern me. The drop threw the battery off some so the phone had shut off. I stopped at a crosswalk corner and I was waited for the cars to go by, I fixed the battery and pushed the on button. I figured that it was my mom who called and knowing how my dad's nerves were if I didn't call her right back then they would probably think that something terrible would have happened to me. I sighed and stepped away from the corner to stand near the traffic light post to let the other people push by me to get across the street. I glanced around some as I dialed my house number but I knew Donatello probably wasn't there watching me. And why would he? I have basically broken the guy's heart like twice! But why should I care? Ugh, Melinda! You have to get this nonsense out of your head! My family would disown me or send me off to a psych ward if they found out that I fell in love with a mutant humanoid turtle. Well not only my family but also everyone that I come in contact with. How could I possibly get my career going when people ask me if I am married and I say, "No I am not married but I am dating a mutant turtle." This was intolerable! But then again I did have some sort of feelings for him but then again I made Lea upset. I decided to stop arguing with myself and talk to my mom. I waited on my cell phone till finally I heard someone pick up on the other line. It was my mom. She seemed kind of alarmed on what happened. How she was cut off and how I didn't really call her till about 15 minutes later. But I assured everything was okay but I lied and told her I had to go because I was losing range. I let out a deep sigh as pushed the disconnect button on the cell phone. I stood there for a moment in blank thought then redirected my attention back towards the direction that I had come from. Worried that I may be followed, I scanned the area carefully with my eyes and then turned and swiftly followed the large group of people across the sidewalk over to the other side. Why was I so scared? Suddenly I heard the ring tone on my cell blaring so I knew someone was trying to call. I looked down at the screen and saw a number that I at first could not recognize but I went ahead and answered it. "Hello?" I asked, in fear that it would be April or in hope that it would be Lea trying to call me.

"Hey, Mel?" A voice asked over on the other end. At first it didn't match anyone I knew but then it hit me. It was my friend Meredith! I totally forgot that she had gotten herself a place in Brooklyn and I had promised her that I would try to visit her on my visit.

"Hey Taco," I replied. It was the usual name that I called her. It was given to her when we played together in high school basketball. I am not sure on the origins of the nickname but it stuck with her. Meredith and I go way back. We attended the same preschool together, which was a Christian preschool center. She was always the bad, over hyper child who usually got stuck in the back of the line when we went out to recess. I was always the goody goody who always got in the front of the line. In Recreational basketball, we use to call Meredith "Little One" because she was so much shorter than anyone else and looked so tiny. You wouldn't believe that now because she was clearly up at 6 feet tall! She use to call me "Switch sides" because I always had a bad habit on switching sides of different opponents. This never would occur to me till later on that had my nickname clearly DEFINES who I am in life. Meredith was a friend that I always wanted but yet the same kind that you want to stay away from if you want to remain good all of your life. She would stick up for you and basically beat the living crap out of anyone who was giving you grief but yet she was total a bad influence on me. She was rowdy and always liked to push the limits, often she would get me to do things with her and I would get myself in trouble or pretty close to it! Meredith was a wild child and did a lot of things in life that I would be ashamed of. But yet no matter how much she pushed me to do things I didn't feel right on doing, she excepted me for who I am and always encouraged me to go for my dreams. I use to think for a while that Meredith hated me when I was in high school but I realized how much she really did care for me when I was injured in 1999 and was taken to the hospital in ICU. Meredith was one of the first visitors there and I remembered I cried to her and told her how sorry I was to let her down because she had practiced with me so hard so I could be a starter for the basketball team in high school and my accident caused me to lose that opportunity. I hated to let anyone down.

"You busy tonight? I am craving some mad Italian food and I know an awesome place in Little Italy we can go to!" Meredith said, I could tell the excitement and plead in her voice.

I remembered I was debating with myself on what to do. I really wanted to stay at the hotel and try to get myself to talk to Lea. I worried so much about my friend but yet I was so angry and ashamed of myself that I felt like I couldn't face her and I just wanted to get away from everything for a while. I knew as long as I was with Lea I would have to think of Don and I didn't want that right now. I didn't want to deal with that. "Sure," I said.

"Okay, well I am getting off of work now. Where you at? I can meet you and we can go to Little Italy together," Meredith said.

"I am already near Soho. Just meet me at the Canal Street subway entrance," I said. "I should be there in about 20 minutes or so."

"Alright, bye," Meredith said as she disconnected.

I hit the disconnect button as well once more and then turned to go into the direction of the Canal Street subway entrance. I knew I had to tell Lea at least where I was going so I dialed the hotel's number and told the receptionist to connect me to my room. The phone rang but no one picked up, finally I heard the answer machine clicking on. This was odd but then again Lea did look upset. Now I was troubled but I decided that I should really go on with Meredith besides it may do Lea and I some good to be on our own to think. I recorded a message on the machine and told Lea that I was going out with my friend Meredith to get some food in Little Italy and that I should be home some time that night.

I envy the way Meredith looks. She is so skinny and never has to worry about gaining weight because she has high metabolism. She was wearing low hip cut jeans and a dark red cotton shirt with short sleeves. The shirt went down and cut off some to show her stomach. She had her purse bag slung over her shoulders. Though Meredith and I were total opposites, being with her brought me some peace and nostalgia. After talking with her for a while about the end of college made my mind clear about what had occurred earlier. Being with her once more brought back so much childhood memories that everything seemed to disappear.

I still remember the Italian restaurant that she took me to. It was the same one that we went to in 2003 but I could never find the place since Little Italy was still pretty new to me! I think the only reason why she goes here is to flirt with the waiter. She always likes to flirt by speaking the little Italian that she knows to impress him. He always tries to pick with me and ask me to say something but I tell him I only know Spanish and German. Then of course he knows Spanish and tries to strike up a conversation but I shyly say nothing in return. Same like in 2003, Meredith decided that we would try both the red and white wines for dinner. "Come on, Meredith," I said, she always knew I was being serious when I called her her real name. "You know I don't really like to drink too much." Just like old times, she was going to try to push her ways on me.

"Aw, lighten up, Mel. Your parents are not here. They are not controlling you anymore so have fun!" She said as she poured some of the white wine from the cylinder into my glass. Her voice was so commanding and stern. Why do I get myself into these messes with her every time?

"I am having fun but I just don't like to drink," I said kind of sadly as I watched her pour.

"That's because, you've been living under your parents' roof for too long. They control your life too damn much. They are not even here and they have you chained," She spat as she looked at me. I knew she was getting frustrated because I was protesting against her wishes. "You're still scared of them. Look one time is NOT going to hurt you. Now just drink." She smirked, "I want to get you drunk tonight."

I laughed some but it was more like a fake laugh as if I was forcing myself to for her sake. I pulled the glass over to me and sighed as I watch the wine swirl back and forth in the glass when I moved it. I took a couple of sips to please her and then set my glass down. Damnit! No matter how much I tried to get my mind away from everything, I still felt like crap for what happened. I felt so bad for Lea.

For the rest of the evening, I remained partially quiet to Meredith. I hardly touched my wine which I knew probably annoyed her. She was already on the 2nd glass. After we both had finished eating. She finally broke the silence. "Mel, you haven't touched your wine yet." She said as she eyed my glass. It was still pretty full.

I groaned to myself. Now I dreaded for even going with her here. I should know what she is like but yet every time I am always a sucker for going out with her. Maybe I just crave friendship so much that I let myself suffer to be in the company of others? "I did too drink some of it," I said, there was edge on my voice because I knew I was getting pretty annoyed with where this was going.

"Doesn't look like it to me," She said as she moved her eyes over to my glass then to the half full wine cylinder that we had on our table. "We still have plenty of wine to go!" She poured some more wine into her glass and then poured the remainder into my glass. It was to the brim again! Gah it took me that long to drink a bit of it!

"Meredith…" I groaned now out loud when she put the now empty cylinder back down on the table.

"Just do it and lighten up, Mel," She said as she put her glass up to her mouth and sipped on it. She reached into her purse with her free hand. Seconds later she pulled out her credit card and put it on the tablet that held our check.

"Meredith, I can get my own," I said as I reached into my pocket to retrieve my wallet.

"I got it. Don't worry. Just drink. I have to go soon to head back to my apartment and we are not leaving till you are at least half done!" She said as she set down the glass to motion for the waiter to come over and get her card.

I sighed. "Fine, Taco." I put the glass up to my lips and began to tilt the glass. The bitter taste of the wine pouring into my mouth. I eyed her carefully with the glass up to my mouth and then tilted the glass more, just wanting to get this over with. I guzzled the wine down till about only a little more than a quarter was left. I put the glass down and sat there. The bitterness of the wine was still in my mouth and I could feel its ickiness in my stomach. My whole body felt numb. But it wasn't too bad! I just hate drinking! Meredith smiled as she got up from the table to leave once the waiter brought back her card. I followed her out, keeping to the side of her but remained quiet. She giggled some, "Boy I am stoned!" I rolled my eyes. How could people get a thrill out of getting drunk? "Hey you want to come back with me for a bit to see my place?" I made a face of confusion for a moment. I wasn't too sure if I should or not because it must have been at least 6pm but still my mind wasn't completely clear on everything so I shrugged and nodded my head. I let my hand fall down to my pockets. My left pocket was empty where I had put Don's note in it. Feeling the emptiness of the pocket, made me think of the note that I had in there to give Don. Then of course this led to me actually giving Don the note and then basically what happened after that. The kiss I had with Donatello. Okay, fine. The KISSES I had with Donatello. I started to think about how I felt his skin, his breath on my skin from him being so close to me; the scent of his body. How peaceful and relaxed I was when I was with him. I frowned some as I started to zone out and think about this especially when I saw the image of Lea's face in my head once more. How horrified she looked. "Melinda, you okay?" Meredith asked me, which made me snap out of my daydream.

"Yeah…" I said some sadly as I followed her down the subway entrance to get on the subway metro to Brooklyn.

"You sure? Look you don't have to go back to my place if you don't want to," She said as she studied me, taking her metro card out of her wallet.

I took out mine from my wallet. "No I am fine. Really. It isn't that," I sighed some heavily as I followed her over to the platform to wait for the train to arrive. "I just had a fight with my friend, Lea. That's all."

"Oh what about?" Meredith asked. Gah why wouldn't she just leave me alone! I could feel her eyes staring at me but I didn't want to tell her the whole truth.

"Nothing. She's just mad at me because I really like this guy but I think it's hurting her and I am not sure on what to do," I said quickly. I was hoping that she wouldn't inquire me too much about the guy and I was grateful that she didn't. "I mean I am happy with him but then again I am not too sure if I really like him and I don't want to lose her friendship, Meredith. She's a really close friend, almost like my sister. I would be lost without her."

Meredith studied me for a minute and then said nothing for a brief moment as we entered the subway station. Luckily despite the hour, it wasn't all that crowded since it was heading to Brooklyn. I was dreading my metro ride on the way back to 42nd street. We sat down in the hard plastic seats. I remained quiet and looked out the window. I felt a jolt as the metro started off on its descent to under the water to reach Brooklyn. Finally Meredith spoke. "Mel, fuck her. Be happy with what you do and don't let anyone stand in your way. If you want to be with this guy then go right ahead. Life is too precious to worry about others. Remember that guy I told you in Mexico that I liked?"

I sighed hard as I looked away from the darkened tunnels of the subway and down to the floor of the train cart. "Yeah…"

"Well I still miss him a lot but I can never be with him because how completely opposite our lives are. Your guy must be somewhere close to you so go ahead and do it then. So what if you lose Lea? I am here with you," She said as she leaned back against the seat and looked out the window.

I looked over at her. Her words made me cringe but yet I felt bad. I could see the pain on her face. I knew recalling the guy that she loved tremendously in Mexico brought her terrible pain. I felt bad for this but I felt even worse with her telling me to forget Lea. I couldn't leave Lea. So what if I would miss my only chance at finding love. It wasn't right! He's a turtle and it's nonsense! Besides I was raised as a Christian and I am pretty sure God wouldn't approve this. But then again things happen for a reason. God has a plan for us all. Or at least that was what I was taught but what did all of this mean? Gah I hate huge philosophical debates with myself. This whole matter was way beyond me and I had no one I could truly talk to about the matter. Nobody could understand how exactly I felt…no one.

I felt the subway train screech to a halt then the announcer over the PA system announced that it was Brooklyn's stop. I exited the train station with Meredith and followed her up the stairs. I stayed behind her and kept quiet. Actually both of us were quiet for different reasons or were they for the same reason? Gah another huge debate! I hate emotions sometimes! Actually I just hate being human period! As we walked up to the apartment building that she was staying at, I knew it wasn't as good looking as April's but it was decent. It looked better than the ones that I saw in the Bronx. I followed her up the stairs and she opened the door to her apartment. It was apartment 17C. It was decent but small. A lot smaller than April's too. "Yeah this is it," Meredith said as she stood in the doorway. I watched her go for her pocket and retrieve a pack of Marlboro red cigarettes. "Gah I need some nicotine!" She said in a frustrated tone as she opened her pack and took out a cigarette. I chuckled some as I watched her. She looked over at me and leaned the box closer to me. "You want a smoke?" I looked down at the box. Normally I don't like smoking…actually I hate smokers. But I was just so upset about everything that I didn't really care. With to her surprise, I reached down and grabbed a cigarette from the package. "I didn't know you smoked," She muffled as she put her cigarette in her mouth and held out her lighter for me.

"I do some but not much," I said. I never really started to smoke until my ex boyfriend broke up with me in 2001. During that time I was going through some pain as it was the same with September 11 and with all the crap that I had put up with my boyfriend before that, you would have thought I would be grateful that he ended it but no I was devastated. I went through a mild depression and smoked for a week straight. But I managed to stop myself. But during my college years as I tried to go to school and work at the same time to get money, I became more stressed. Then with issues with my family drove me into depression once again. I became more than mild I became severe, almost suicidal if you will. I use to smoke every chance I could get on my breaks from work when I got the chance to take a break with Samantha or Tina. Temptation always got the best of me. Course after I had smoked, I would feel terrible for doing such a thing. I inhaled some and felt the cigarette almost soothing me but I knew I couldn't stay there with Meredith. It was almost 7pm and I wanted to be alone once again.

"Thanks, Taco for the great time but I should head back. Lea is probably wondering where I am," I said in almost kind of sad tone.

"Okay, that's cool. You want me to ride back with you to 42nd street?" She said as she took a glance into her apartment then back at me.

"Nah. I'll be fine," I giggled. "I can take care of myself." I waved goodbye to her and walked down the steps to get out of the apartment complex. As soon as I reached the bottom, I sighed out hard in frustration and threw the cigarette on the ground. I knew I had stepped down low again to smoking. I sighed hard at myself and started to make my way back to the subway station. It was still light out but it was growing darker. I could hear far off distance sirens coming from Manhattan and it made me feel even sadder. As I walked in Brooklyn towards the subway entrance, I was hoping there would be some sort of sign of comfort of Donatello following me. But nothing. I knew I was alone. I was going to be alone, no matter what in my life. I felt myself growing a little tired and woozy as I walked. I knew it must have been the wine. This made me even angrier with myself. I walked down the subway train entrance and slid my metro card through the reader. Luckily perfect timing, I got on the train right as I walked onto the platform. I sat down in a train cart that looked pretty empty and took a seat near the window. I looked out the window at the people bustling to get on other carts and up the stairs to go out of the station. I knew I was going to miss the place, too much. The train made a loud sound as it screeched then jolted. It began to move, picking up speed as it soared out of the tunnel into the dark abyss to head back to Manhattan Island. As I sat there, the entire train cart was quiet but I heard the distant sound of a radio playing nearby. The song I could hardly tell what it was so I tried to focus my ears more on hearing it. It sounded familiar. I couldn't believe it! Somebody was listening to Disturbed! I looked over and to my amazement I saw the same guy at the place that resembled Hot Topic sitting there with a CD walkman on his head. His head was down and he was head banging slightly. I giggled some, and smirked even more when I heard he was listening to "Down With the Sickness." My eyes lit up when I realized that I had my tribal chain in my right pocket with my small wallet because I was planning on wearing it later that day but I didn't wear it when I was with Don because I was afraid of scaring those poor guys. I took the chain out of my pocket and put it back around my neck. As I sat there I saw the guy lift his head up and look out then he looked over at me. I smiled at him. He smiled back at me realizing who I was and took the headphone off his ears. " I REALLY like that song!" I said grinning from ear to ear. Which is true! I really liked the song! I constantly listened to that song on my way to work.

"Yeah they are cool!" He said. "You know they are coming here the week after next right?"

"No. Really?" I knew that my eyes must have lit up. I have been only to 2 concerts in my entire life but I always dreamed of going to a Disturbed concert.

"Yeah I am heading over to meet my buddies on Bleeker to pick up my ticket. You want to come?" He said.

"I wish. I don't have that much money," I said and giggled some.

"No, man. It's on me," The guy smiled. "Come on. It'll be fun." He said as he stood up and walked over to the door. I didn't realize that we were at his stop already. I was going to protest but he motioned me with his hand and I followed him out.

I walked a bit with him but then I stopped some. "No, really. I don't think I can go. I am out of town and I am suppose to leave some time this week. Besides I don't have that much money to stay longer here," I said kind of sadly. I thought of not being able to stay with Don some.

"Ah but you have to stay for THIS concert," He protested and smirked to me. "Don't worry. I got you covered." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He pulled out some bills and handed them to me. I almost gasped when I saw them. He had given me 9 $100.00 bills. I knew this could not be right.

"Uh. I can't really accept this," I stammered some. I was amazed on how much he had given me.

He walked up to another group of men. They talked amongst themselves for a moment. I recognized one of them to be Chris from the store earlier. The guy that I had walked with pointed to me and motioned for Chris to give him another ticket. I am not even sure what the guy's name was that I was talking to. He handed me the ticket. "Here," he said. "These are great! We got back stage passes! Look, we are having a group meeting tomorrow night. Why don't you come to that as well? It will be tons of fun!"

I was really shocked and amazed on everything that was given to me. I couldn't believe that I would have a chance to see one of my favorite bands and even with a backstage pass! My friend Daylyn would kill me for that one! "Uh sure," I said smiling some. At least something WAS going right today.

"Great!" He said. He gave me his cell phone number and I put it into my cell's phone number book. He told me to call him tomorrow around 4pm to ask him where to meet him.

With that I headed back to the hotel. It would be around 9:30pm when I got back. I had been gone for nearly 6 hours and I knew she probably would wonder on where I was. But maybe my message earlier about me being with Meredith would keep her from asking me too much. I was thrilled about my concert ticket and for all the money that was given to me. I knew it was wrong to take these things, I really didn't trust these guys but then again I wanted to stay for the concert and I knew neither Lea nor I had the money to stay and plus I knew my family would never agree to send me more money to let me stay. They were even hesitant on letting me go for this long on my own. Lea and I needed this money. But me staying here longer meant that I would have a longer time in the city. That meant perhaps another chance to see Donatello. But did I really want to have that again? I thought about some things on my way back to the hotel. I knew by what happened earlier Lea wouldn't be too thrilled on staying so I decided to bring up the fact that I probably more than liking was going to stay longer. I was planning on just staying longer and not letting her know that I was going to stay longer. Besides Don and I were through. I was just going to this concert and that would be it. Lea had no interest in staying here so I knew she had to go back home. I decided to keep the ticket and the money a secret for a while.

I made my way upstairs to my hotel room and used my key card to go inside. Lea was stretched out on the bed with her head propped up on some pillows. The tv was on the evening news. Gah I hope she was NOT that worried about me. But I knew by her facial expression that she was not paying attention to it. She seemed off as if she was thinking hard and deep about something else. I think she didn't realize that I was there until I spoke, "Hey I am here…"

She blinked some and then looked at me, sitting up some. "We need to talk about some things…," she said back. Her tone was different, it was as if she wanted to not only talk about me but talk about something that dealt with her. I cringed.