I was lying staring blankly into space. I had taken a short nap. Nothing to brag about and woken with a headache. I truly felt awful both physically and emotionally. I had finally come to grips with the fact that yes, what Leonardo had done had hurt me. At first I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe a creature could mean this much to me. Could actually shake my heart at its foundations with one touch. But the sooner I accepted that his embrace had stirred me the easier I realized it was to start healing.
When he had held me I had felt so comfortable, so safe. It was like nothing I had experienced in a long time. I could tell he was pure power and that he could protect me from any fear, except that of his own betrayal. I had expected many things might happen, but I had never foreseen the words that left Raphael's mouth. The confirmation that Leo indeed felt nothing for me. That to him I was some sort of joke. I was certain he was toying with me as revenge for Melinda and Donatello. I now realized what a twisted individual his was and chided myself for not seeing it sooner.
I then realized little of this matter. I wasn't ever going to see him again. Melinda could do whatever she wanted with Don I wouldn't stop her, but I refused to be near him again. I am certain Leo and Raph had a great belly laugh at my expense. I had been made a fool and it would happen again.
I was somewhat surprised to not see Mel back when I woke up and checking the room messages had been surprised to hear she had went out with a friend. I had sort of expected her to stay with Don. I mean there kiss had looked so inflamed, so full of pure emotion, I was certain that they had both finally come to grips with there feelings for one another. I suppose I may have been wrong.
Then I felt guilty. I hope my running out hadn't messed up whatever was brewing between the two of them. That hadn't been my intention. I had simply been jealous. I could admit it now. I mean at first I had been shocked, but that had worn off after seconds. I guess somewhere deep inside of me I must have developed some sort of attraction to Leonardo after he had saved me. An attraction that yearned to find release and when I saw Melinda displaying her affection for Donatello it had hit me hard because I had realized my own desires.
Now I knew how stupid those desires where and I loathed Leo for tricking me. For making me feel so close to him only to mocked by his brother. I couldn't forget Raphael's sneer and every time I thought of it I just got hugely angry all over again.
I was thinking about all of this when Melinda entered. I didn't even hear her until she spoke to me. I turned and told her that we needed to talk. Her expression turned fearful and once again I chided myself. I had made her so upset so often now. It just made me feel crappy.
I decided I should set all my cards out; bluntly tell her what was wrong before we both ended up more upset then necessary and fighting. "Look Sis…before I say anything else, I want to say I am sorry. I wasn't upset with you for what happened with Don. I was just being stupid. If my running out of the house caused you problems I regret it. I am a fool and I don't want you to be upset about it for one more second then you have to." I sighed; I was hoping she wouldn't be mad at me.
She looked a little startled. I was fairly certain those where not the words she had been expecting to hear from me. She crossed the room, falling to sit on her own bed her expression still guarded. "So your really not mad?"
I nodded mutely. Looking down at my hands for a moment. My thoughts still on how Leonardo's skin had felt. I grew angry again. "No Mel, not at you. At myself, yeah probably." I sighed and flopped back on the bed staring up at the ceiling, wallowing in my own stupid self-pity.
"Why would you be angry at yourself?" I could hear she was clearly confused. I was usually the fairly collected one. So seeing me SO out of sorts must have been slightly disarming for her.
"Melinda you wanna know the real reason I ran out of April's?" I continued staring at the ceiling, not ready or able to look Melinda in the eyes again quiet yet.
"Yeah?" Her answer was hesitant, like she was afraid of what I was going to respond with. I could hear the bed creaking as she was leaning over to relax some. I closed my eyes briefly trying to think of the best way to word the mess of emotions flowing through me.
"You made me realize a lot of short comings about myself I guess." I grinned ruefully. Thinking about how naive I was. How I had so easily falling into what should have been such an obvious ploy between Leo and Raph. I had been set up by them. It had been a game. Something snapped inside of me and I sat up on the bed roughly, growling out in frustration.
Melinda looked at me shocked, sitting up herself, her face twisting with worry. "Sis are you alright? Your not acting like yourself?" I lowered my head, I was upsetting my friend and I hadn't meant to. I simply had too much emotion surging through me for me to control it. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I wanted to scream but I was afraid to appear insane. Instead, I just sighed weakly and looked at my friend pained.
"Truthfully Sis…no" She looked at me both concerned and puzzled but didn't interrupt me. "I am an idiot. I should have a big 'I am stupid' sign pasted over my head." My mind once again tumbled through all the events of my last few hours. I cringed at remembering yet another time.
"Your not stupid Sis, I am certain whatever happened, it wasn't your fault." Melinda's frowned at me. I could see she was trying to read me. Trying to interpret where I was going with this conversation, but that she really didn't have a clue.
"I let Leonardo hurt me…" My voice was small, I felt weak as I spoke the words.
Mel's eyes grew wide. "Hurt you how?" Her voice was a little shocked.
"He came to talk to me about how I ran and realized that maybe…" I looked away for a moment, dreading speaking the words. "Maybe I had feelings for him." I saw her face as I said this. It was like she had been punched in the gut. It was then I realized she too had feelings for Don and I wondered if she had though I had ran because they disgusted me and she was shocked to realize that maybe her emotions weren't wrong if I could feel something for one of them too.
"So why did he hurt you?" Her voice was soft now too, full of thought and confusion.
"He tricked me. He tricked me into realizing what I felt and then crushing me, by making me look like a fool with Raphael's help. The two of them are horrible" My voice wavered but I refused to cry. I wasn't going to allow this creature to destroy me to such a degree.
"What happened?" Her eyes implored me for the entire story, but I didn't think I was ready to relay it quiet yet.
"I don't really want to talk about it Sis. I just kind of want to forget the whole thing ever happened." I sighed again and laid back down, reverting back to staring up at the ceiling. Wishing away everything I felt.
"Do you think Don was toying with me too?" The hurt is Mel's voice was plain. She desperately wanted to hear that what she had felt wasn't false and I was grateful to be able to confirm her hopes for her. Because I honestly thought Don was a good guy.
"No Mel, I don't think Don is like those two. I think he is a very truthfully individual and I think anything that has been shared between the two of you can be taken at face value." I turned on my side to look at her, the conviction of my words set in my face.
"Honestly Sis? You're not humoring me?" She still looked unconvinced.
"On my honor." My face was serious. I knew Melinda knew that was one oath she could trust from me. She nodded lightly looking very thoughtful.
We both sat in silence for a while, lost in our own days, our own issues and problems. Finally I couldn't take my own mind anymore. Reliving the painful events from the afternoon, I talked trying to distract myself. "What do you want to do tomorrow Sis?" I turned again to look at her, curious.
Mel took a minute to look back I could see she was very deep in thought. It might have been my imagination but I could swear as soon as she heard my question a flash of guilt flew across her face. One she buried quickly. "Oh I am going out with my friend Meredith again Sis, I hope you don't mind." She shifted uneasy.
I looked at her with mild suspicion wondering what had her so antsy but I didn't pry. She would tell me if she wanted to. "Alright Mel… I guess I'll just hang out here." I smiled weakly, turning away again. I could hear her shifting around. I had a feeling there was more she wanted to say, that she felt badly, but once again I wasn't going to pry. It just wasn't in my nature.
"I think I am going to sleep Sis." I nodded at Melinda's words. Thinking some rest might do me good also.
"Alright Sis, Maybe we could go get lunch tomorrow before you go out?" I couldn't help but sound hopeful. I didn't want to have to be alone all day.
"Yeah, Lea that sounds good…" I could hear her climbing under her blankets. After a while the lights went out on her side of the room. I laid in bed for a bit, but couldn't sleep. Finally I decided some air might help. Creeping past the sleeping Mel I wandered out to onto the balcony. I stared forlornly at the sky. Sad the lights from the city blocked out the stars. I froze as I thought I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. My head turned swiftly and I was almost positive I saw a shape watching my own from the rooftop parallel to us across the street. I chided myself. Now on top of everything else the stress was causing to see things.
I decided it was now time to sleep, before anything else strange happened. With one last suspicious look across the way, I slipped thought the balcony door and closed it with alight whoosh. I climbed back into bed tired and confused. Not yet ready to face tomorrow.