Melinda had been gone for hours. I lay in my bed staring blankly at the wall. Knowing I was growing depressed and no longer fighting it. I felt so alone. Everyone around me was hurting me or pulling away and I was left standing alone, like always. I nuzzled into my pillow, feeling ready to cry again.
I wasn't sure if I was going to make it through the rest of the week. I really just wanted to go home and lick my wounds. Try to heal from what had been a horrible week. One thing kept me there. My worry for Melinda. She had been acting very strange sense last night. I had tried to drop hints all day to figure out where she was going that evening, or what she was doing. Each time I acquired she brushed me off, guilt written across her face.
I moved my eyes to look at the clock. It was after eight and she still wasn't back. I had no idea where she was and she didn't even seem to care if I worried. I numbly looked back at the wall tired. Tomorrow, maybe we would have a talk. I would tell her that I needed to leave, that the pain in my heart was growing unbearable. See what her reaction was. See if she even cared.
I started to doze; I could feel the room fading in and out of my view. I wasn't really tired as much as I was simply giving up on the day. I had tried to watch anime earlier and realized just how upset I had to be when even some of my favorites shows no longer soothed me. It had been a long time sense I had been this melancholy.
The fact that made it the most upsetting to me was I was still thinking about Leonardo. For some reason I couldn't shake him. No matter how much I wanted to solely worry about Mel and her circumstances, my mind would start to wander back to him. This happened as I started to sleep. I fell into a fitful slumber and I dreamed.
Inside my dream I was cold. So cold I couldn't stop shivering, but at the same time I felt like I had no form. I sort of floated around. Seeing everything, but seeing nothing in particular. I could hear voices. Some of them I recognized as family or friends, some of them were foreign. I liked the feeling of not being connected to anything, it was numb, and I was uncaring. I realized I had wings, they brushed against my body and I took a solid form. I had become a butterfly.
I twirled around. I could see my home and my room, but I was indifferent to all of it. I was dancing on an invisible breeze. Pure, free, alive. He was there, just as suddenly and as randomly as things happen in dreams. Leonardo was sitting and looking down. He didn't look strong like he usually did, in fact he looked hurt. I flew closer. Fighting to get near him and landed. As I did I felt myself take my regular form and I held him. He was warm. I was no longer cold.
I woke with a start. I was breathing hard, like I had been running. I was confused. I looked at the clock, it was now past nine. I had slept much longer then I had expected to. Melinda still wasn't back. I sighed, not wanting to worry, but unable not too. I rose and quickly checked the messages hoping she had called but found none. I began to feel a little sick to my stomach. I hated being in a situation like this one where I was worried, but powerless to do anything about it.
My mouth felt dry, I needed a drink. I walked into the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. My face was pale. I hadn't eaten enough that day and knew it. I simply hadn't felt like it. All I really felt like doing now was sleeping. I yawned as I ran the water from the tap into a glass. I drank a little and pulling out a ponytail holder, pulled my hair back away from my face. Picking up my glass I walked back into the main room.
I stopped short as I turned the corner out of the bathroom. There were two large armchairs facing away from the entrance to our balcony. Sitting in one of them staring mutely at me was Leonardo. I felt my drink fall from my hand and collide with the ground. The rug saving the glass, but the contents spilling everywhere.
"What are you doing here? My voice was small, I was confused. Half of me almost thought that maybe I was still dreaming.
"Why aren't you with Melinda this evening?" He leaned forward, questioning me with an unreadable expression. I felt trapped. I couldn't understand why he was here. I had thought I had left him in that alley the night before for good. That I would never see him again, yet here I faced him alone.
"She wanted to go out." I stooped to retrieve the glass, feeling self-conscious with his eyes on me studying me. "I'm not her mother. I don't force her to run every action she takes by me." I paused, feeling my uneasiness at the sight of him becoming annoyance at his boldness to break into where I was staying. "That seems more like your thing, Leo." I looked at him sharply placing the cup back onto the entertainment center to the right of me and fell back on my bed sitting and looking at him.
His eyes narrowed for one second at my words, before he regained control of his emotions. He stared at me as I glared at him. Warring between one another. It was then I realized he was hurt. It was his left bicep. It had a large gash in it and I could see it was bleeding weakly. I wondered what had happened. Maybe he had saved someone yet again, I sighed.
"You're trying to lecture me, but you can't seem to take care of yourself." I gestured towards his arm as I stood. I seen him look down at the cut surprised, then look up at me a little befuddled as I walked back towards the bathroom.
"I live a dangerous life… and an unappreciated one." I heard the bitter tone in his voice as I kneeled down to retrieve a little first aid kit I had in my travel bag. I noted it and stood walking back into the room with him.
"Yet you choose to live that way?" I pulled out some anti-bacterial cream, and some gauze. I saw his eyes widen slightly as he realized my intentions, he held his arm, my words lost to him.
"That isn't necessary, I'm fine." He protested, looking at me with a confused expression. I realized he couldn't understand why I was helping him. I was left to wonder that myself.
"Just hold out your arm, this may sting." He did as I asked and I applied the cream. If it did sting he showed no signs of it. His eyes held mine steady. I felt myself goose pimple and got out the gauze quickly. I wrapped his cut, wanting to help him so he could leave as quickly as possible.
"Why are you helping me?" Emotion crept into his voice again. I moved away and sat on Melinda's bed, so that we weren't completely across the room from one another. "I thought you hated me?" He looked at me baffled. I felt in power of the situation we were in, I liked that.
"Oh I do. I think what you did was rotten and that you're horrible. That doesn't mean I want to see you get hurt." I was frustrated with myself. Why was I helping him? Could it be even with everything that had happened I couldn't bring myself to actually hate him? Was I really that stupid?
"Oh…" His tone lost feeling again; he looked away, like he wasn't sure what to think about my words. The two of us sat in silence for a few moments. I really couldn't understand myself. Last night I had been ready to tear him apart. At the moment, I felt so indifferent, so unsure. I just wanted him to go away.
"Why are you here, Leonardo? You never answered my question." He was looking down at where I had bandaged him. His head lifted, I steeled myself against his gaze as he spoke.
"I actually didn't want to bother you. You made it fairly clear what you thought of me last night. Even if I didn't deserve it." The bitter tone again. My own eyes narrowed and I swallowed back the harsh reply that sprang to my lips. I wanted to know why he was in my room now. And I was curious enough about it to give him a little leeway in his speech until I could garner my answer.
"Last night aside." I spoke firmly. "Or did you come here just to remind me of what you did?" This game was becoming annoying. I just wanted my answer and his departure.
"It's YOUR friend." Heat rose in his voice. "She getting herself into trouble. I wanted to warn you." He leaned back in the chair, staring at me coldly.
"Melinda?" his answer caught me off guard. "What kind of trouble?"
"She is joining a gang and not just any gang, one of the worst ones in the city." My eyes must have widened as he spoke because he nodded like he was confirming my unasked question. I mulled over his words for a moment uncertain.
"I can't believe it…" I paused, emotions swirling through me, my better judgment leaving me.
"Neither could I, I mean how stupid." He shook his head.
"No… I can't believe YOU would make up such a stupid lie to try to come here and bother me more! What in the hell kind of game are you playing!" My voice was shaking. I couldn't believe what he had just told me. Like Mel would ever join a gang. That was one of the stupidest things I had ever heard.
"Game?" It was his turn to look shocked. "You think I am actually making this up? I just saw it with my own two eyes, how do you think I got injured?" Tense frustration rose in his voice. I could tell this was one avenue he had NOT expected. I am certain he had thought he could come waltzing in to tell me about Mel and look like the "hero" so that I would be all impressed with him again. It made me sick.
"You're pathetic you know that! What type of guy makes up such an asinine lie to try to manipulate someone? If you are going to make up something at least make it believable!" I stood as I spoke, passion rising into my voice.
"Me pathetic?" He growled. "You're the one moping around your room, wallowing in your self pity while your friend is out there getting herself into trouble!" He also rose; I could see his muscles tense, anger rising into his voice.
"I am NOT moping!" I growled annoyed because he had read me so correctly. "Excuse me if someone messing around with my emotions hurts my feelings, I guess we are all not unfeeling bastards like you are!"
He stepped back like I had struck him. I watched his fists clench, and his breathing stagger, I shivered as I realized I had actually hit something inside of him that had greatly inflamed him. "Me unfeeling? I wish I was, then I wouldn't be here right now trying to help such a stupid selfish little girl like you!" He spit the words into my face.
My jaw dropped. How dare he speak to me in such a fashion? He barges into MY room and treats me SO rudely. I can't stand for it. "Get out!" I growled the words, my eyes narrowing.
I watched him reproach himself at my tone. He stepped forward grabbing my arm roughly, shaking me lightly trying to get me to understand him. "Listen Lea… if you could just act sensible…"
I wrenching myself away from him so hard I nearly feel over, my next words came out very low, threatening. "Don't you EVER touch me…"
He backed a step up. Even in my fury I was surprised to see that my words didn't make him angry, but instead seemed to hurt him badly, so badly that he verbally struck back, but I didn't care. I was getting sick of whatever juvenile mind game he was playing.
"If you're too stupid to even listen to my warning, then you can both rot away see if I care!" He turned on his heel quickly, walking with purpose back towards the balcony door and flung it open. He turned to glare at me once last time. "If you have any intelligence at least consider what I have said to you." His guard was back up. The emotions he had let slide through in front of me had disappeared again. His face was stone.
"If I let you fool me once Leonardo, it's shame on you, but if I let you fool me twice, its shame on me. Get the FUCK out of my life." I stood my ground. Unwavering to his words, to his expressions. I wasn't falling into his trap again.
He growled, looking like he was going to say something else, but thinking better of it he turned and disappeared behind the balcony curtain. I stood breathing hard, my anger boiling within me. I strode across the room and slammed the door shut not caring if he was still outside or not. I managed to make it back to my bed before I collapsed sobbing. I cried for what seemed like forever. Melinda still wasn't home when I fell back asleep.
I was done; I was going home the next day. I couldn't take this anymore.