Imaginary: Ryuichi's Invisible Tears
By: Icyblackflame and Youkai Dreams
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation, I only (hopefully) own the plot of these stories I am telling in here.
A/N: This is a song fic to Evanescence's "Imaginary." Also, keeps fucking my fonts and stuff... –sighs- Can anyone tell me how to make it so this site spaces everything how I want it to? Also, if you ant this song, email or IM me.
Imaginary: Ryuichi's Invisible Tears
Aaa-oh paper flowers
You may think of my behavior as a cry for help, and those many years ago, it just may have been so...
Aaa-oh paper flowers
...But it isn't anymore. I realized I'm in too deep now. If I call for help, no-one will hear me. I am trapped in this world I created, and I can never escape.
I linger in the doorway
...Of alarm-clock screaming monsters calling my name
And let me stay where the wind will whisper to me
...Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story
When I was a child, I was a very happy boy.
...No, that's a lie.
When I was a boy, I was extremely stressed, and I always worried about everything. My father never treated me the way he should have. In fact, I used to pray he'd only be mean.
Not a day passed when he failed to remind me of how pathetic or useless I am...I was.
He beat the life out of me; I had none to spare.
I suppose you think I cut myself or something similar, right? You're wrong. People do those things to feel. I once knew what it was like to feel things; those nights I cried myself to sleep until I had no more tears to shed.
I became scared and thoughtless; nothing fazed me. I could not see. I could not hear. I could not think. I could not feel.
Why would I want to feel if feeling caused me so much pain? Feeling was for people who could enjoy it. I was never one of those people, and I feared I never could be.
In my field of paper flowers
...And candy clouds of lullabies
I lie inside my cell for hours
...And watch my purple sky fly over me
I became lonely. No-one wanted me to be their friend, or be in my presence.
They were all afraid. Just like me...
One day, my mother came home with a gift for me...I loved her to death, just so you know.
I remember being in my room, watching the kids play on the other side of the window. I remember wondering what it would be like to have friends by my side to watch over me, or stick up for me, or even just to smile, or say "hi!."
I remember smiling at the giggles escaping their young mouths, and watching them play games I'd always dreamed of playing with somebody.
My smile could have fooled anybody, but not my mother. She noticed the great sadness and loneliness behind each and every smile I produced, and she knew it took all my strength just to do so.
She cried herself to sleep probably as often as I did. She thought about me, and how my life was. She cared about me, which made me cry more, when I still remembered how to cry.
I was so used to being the shadow of everything; not invisible, but not completely there. I wanted for so long for someone to care about me, just to hold me in their arms. When I saw my mother, and how she cried, I found out what it was like to have someone care about you.
It made them sad.
I didn't want anyone else to be sad because I knew all too well what it was like. I couldn't live knowing there was someone dieing like I was. I didn't want anyone to care for me at that point anymore, because each tear shed for me would help me die faster.
I remember almost crying at the sound of the children's laughter when I heard my door open, and heard my mother's voice.
"Ryuichi," she said, coming closer to me.
"Ryuichi, I want to give you something," she said sitting down on my bed beside me.
"Sweetie, I can't imagine how you feel at this moment, but I want you to know that I hear your cries, and I see the sadness within your heart. I've watched you stare out your window everyday watching those children play, dreaming of what it would feel like to be with them.
I watch you smile at their happiness, and I watch you cry at it too. I know you feel lonely, and I'm sorry. It kills me to see you like this, and I know you don't want me to worry, but I have to, Ryuichi. You're my son, and I cannot live knowing you're living like this..." Her voice trailed off.
I watched as a single tear trailed down her cheek, and a frail smile claimed her pale lips.
She looked me straight in the eyes. It was only then could I see her eyes filled with un-shed tears. It was only then I could see her smile all along was fake, just like mine. I was the only person she could not fool, and she was the only person I could not fool. Our hearts were one, forever.
She held out her left hand to reveal a stuffed animal, and began to speak again. "Ryuichi, I won't be here forever, which means you won't have anybody. I bought this for you, sweetie!" She said through a tear-stained-voice.
"I want you to know that you'll never be alone, because he will be your friend. He'll stick with you through the hot and cold, thick and thin, weak and strong, and everything else." She said, handing me the animal.
"His name is Kumagorou, and he wants to be your friend. Do you want to hold him?" I nodded, smiling. Of course, I couldn't predict what she was setting me up for, and I can imagine she didn't either.
She held the pink bunny in her hands tightly, and reached them toward mine. I carefully took possession of him, and hugged him close, watching more tears escape from my mother's eyes.
"Kumagorou, you're gonna be my bestest friend, aren't you? We can play, and talk, and read, and do lots of neat stuff!" My attention was once again to my mother. "Thank-you so much, mommy!"
My mother rapped me in a tight embrace that night, and did not let go for a long time. I did not know she was telling me in her own words that I'd never see her again.
Don't say I'm out of touch
...With this ramping chaos; your reality
I know I would rise beyond my sleeping refuge
...The nightmare I build my own world to escape
I suppose you'd like an explanation as to why I "act" this way, as people say. To tell you the truth, I cannot remember a thing at the moment, but Tohma told me of an accident I was in fourteen years ago, when I was seventeen. He says that's why I'm the way I am now.
"Damn it! I missed the bus again...now I have to drive myself." I was on my way to school- I had the most important test of my life to take first period (not that I thought I'd pass), and I was going to be late for school! Now I have to run home (which is about a fourth of a mile from here), get in my car (which needs gas), and get to school (which starts in eight minutes). All this would probably take me around twenty or so minutes.
I watched as the departing bus turned a corner, and I then turned around, and sprinted to my house. My breath was escaping me fast; I couldn't breathe, but I had to get to school, and I had to be there very soon. I was hoping with all my heart that my teacher even let me enter his class- they mostly didn't for late students.
As I saw my house in the distance, I felt something hit my face. I slowed my steps and lifted my hand to the sky. Water. Rain. Great.
I finally reached my house, but I was completely soaked. I'm already running behind, and I now have to change my clothes! Aside from being late, I knew my school absolutely would not let me enter looking like that. Why today of all days?
My keys...where are my keys? I couldn't see very well then; it was raining far too much. Aha! Found them. After opening the door, I raced upstairs to my closet and quickly changed. I'm so far behind! School started three minutes ago. Maybe if I rush, I can get there in ten minutes.
I finished changing, and was out the door once again, heading for my car. As I got in and started it, I looked at the gas gage. Maybe I will get lucky this once. It looks like I have enough to at least get there.
Well then, ten becomes five. Great.
I was slightly wet again, since it was still raining. I pulled out of my driveway, and braced myself for the little ride I was about to go on. I needed to go a little fast if I planned on making it in five minutes. I hope I don't get into trouble.
Water was pounding the roof of my car, trailing down the windshield. I could not see in front of me- not one inch. That was dangerous, but I had to trust myself. I had to get to school.
I saw a stop light ahead, or at least I thought I did. I switched gears and stepped on the break, but my car didn't slow down. I slammed my foot on it again, but my car only slowed down a little.
I...I see a light. No, two. I think there's a car in front of-
Something crashed through my windshield. A woman- no, a man. He was screaming, but I could barely hear him...I could barely hear anything. I'm really tired. T-tired. So-...
In my field of paper flowers
...And candied clouds of lullabies
I lie inside my cell for hours
...And watch my purple skies fly over me
I woke up in a room- a really, really bright one. A man was sitting in a chair beside the less-than-comfortable bed I'm in. I think I'm in the hospital.
He looked at me, and released a shaky breath. "Y-you're awake. Are you okay?" I nod. "Marvelous. You've been in a coma for the past two months. I was worried," he admitted. I'm confused.
"Who are you?" He smiles.
"Seguchi Tohma."
"Why are you here? Why am I here? What happened?"
He looked away. "You were in an accident. I called 911."
An accident? What's he talking about?
"A car accident.-you were driving incredibly fast. A car in front of you was going fast also, and there was a man in-between the both of you. The car hit the man, causing him to crash into your car. Then the car crashed into your car as well. The man died, and the driver- a woman, was hospitalized. She isn't faring well. I think she may have died already."
This isn't true. He's lying. I'm just asleep- this is just a dream. A really bad dream. And he isn't here- he isn't real. I'm just asleep- just a dream...just a dream...
"Whoa, be careful," he said, a hint of shock in his voice. I don't know what he's talking about. I- I...I'm standing. Wait...where am I? How'd I get here? And who is he? I look at him angrily.
"Who are you? How'd you get in my house?"
He looked confused. "What?"
"My house, how'd you get in here? Get out before I call the police."
He's trying to stand up now. No, I won't go for that. "Stay down."
"This isn't your house; you're in the hospital. I just explained to you what happened."
I snicker- I'm aggravated at this point. Does he think I was born yesterday? This is clearly- wait. This isn't my house. This-this is the hospital.
I gasp.
I remember. I was in an accident- a car accident. "Who are you? Why are you here?"
He still looked confused. "I just explained to you why I am here. I called the police."
Now I'm confused, or more so at least. Just told me? I don't remember that. In fact, all I remember is the accident and waking up here...standing here. What's going on?
"Who are you? What is your name?" He looks familiar. I think I've seen him somewhere.
"Seguchi Tohma." My eyes narrow. Seguchi Tohma? Right, as if I'd believe that. I look closer, and gasp. He does look like him, although I still am not convinced. I guess he can tell, since he is smirking. What's with this guy?
"Do you not remember?" Wow, what a genius.
"I told you I remember the accident- I just don't remember you. After all, it did happen yesterday."
The man raised an eyebrow. "Yesterday? That happened two and a half months ago. You've been here for two and a half months."
What, do I have a stalker now? "Why did you keep coming here? Don't they only let family in here?"
He smirked yet again. I don't think I like this guy. "Well, let's just say I'm your sister's daughter's cousin's mother's son's uncle twice removed on your father's side."
Wow, this guy's full of it. I don't even have a sister. But it did work. Yes, I give him credit for that.
"Where's Kumagorou?"
He looks confused again. "Who?"
"My bunny. Where is he?"
He's laughing now. "Oh. I believe that's him over there." He pointed to a table beside the bed. Oh Kumagorou, I didn't mean to abandon you! Please forgive me! I haven't forgotten about you, promise. I-I...Oh no! I missed the test! The important tes-
The man is standing beside me. Whoops, I think I fell...but how did I get from the bed to here? Kumagorou, we're in big trouble this...Kumagorou? "Kumagorou? Where are you?"
Now the man is helping me up. "What is your name?" He asked.
"Sakuma Ryuichi. Where's Kumagorou, Mr?" Uh-oh. He looks confused again. I hope I didn't break his brain! It feels like I broke mine. My head hurts so badly, and I can barely stand up.
What was the man's name, again? Se...guchi-san? Yes, that's right.
Seguchi-san walked over to the table and picked up Kuma-chan for me. He's so nice! He handed him to me, and I hug him happily. Uh, Kuma-chan, not Seguchi-san.
Seguchi-san placed his chin in his hands. I think he's thinking really hard. "What are you thinking about, Seguchi-san?"
He looked at me. "I'm Seguchi-san now?" He looks confused and a little angry now. "Hmn, do you remember me telling you how long you've been here, five minutes ago?"
I'm confused. Come to think of it...I don't even remember five minutes ago. Just how long have I been here?
"You must have hit your head harder than they thought. What do you remember?"
What do I remember? Let's see. "About the accident? Well, you said there was a-"
"No. Tell me everything I just told you. From start to finish."
Start to finish. Okay. Um...what did he start talking about? "Uh. Oh, well, you told me your name. Then you told me why I'm here- I was in an accident. Then I...woke up."
Seguchi-san stared at me with a blank expression, his head still settled in his laced hands. "I see," he barely whispered.
What? Did I miss something?
-Sighs- Why can I never END a one-shot? Must they ALL turn into actual fics? . Okay, I've decided to actually FINISH this before I post it, so I KNOW it will be finished BEFORE I post it and eventually forget the plot. I finished this chap on January 3rd, 2006, by the way.
Okay, so this story was in Ryu's perspective, obviously, and I hope you were a little confused while reading it. I tried to make it confusing so you'd kind of feel lost, like Tohma, only...not as lost as he. How'd I do?
Ha! I'm not posting the next chapter until I receive at least 10 reviews. I don't like getting 10,000 hits, and 1 review per 8000. . So this way, I know the story is finished, and only YOU suffer if I get no feedback, not me. Muar! All right, this shorter-than-my-other-long-ass-author's-notes note is done.
Review!
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Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming...Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights...