Chapter Five: Finally, You and Me

When you finally find that one person that makes you feel complete, that makes you feel like you can breathe easy in a world of chaos, it should end in happily ever after, right? Irvine never came back that day after Zell hit him and Selphie opened her heart to another man. And it made Selphie bitter. Even though he had hurt her like no one had ever hurt her before, she had expected him to change his ways and try to be her best friend, if he couldn't be her boyfriend. If he really loved her, he would have tried.

Selphie loved being loved by Zell, but everyday, her eyes would look toward the city gates of Balamb, expecting to see Irvine trotting through the archway, a smile on his face. But each and every day she was more and more disappointed. But she calloused over the wounds in her heart and tried to focus on making it last between her and Zell. He treated her the way a man should treat the woman he loves.

But there was always something missing, and as autumn turned to winter, and winter to spring, Selphie couldn't quite figure it out... She could only hope that time would heal her and answer the questions she needed answered.

xxx

Zell hummed to himself. It wasn't a familiar tune, or a popular song, just a string of notes that strung themselves together as they came to mind. But it was a quick and happy tune, whatever its name may be. He nodded to those who passed him on the street, or gave a quick wave. Everyone who saw him knew him to be a man in love. It was obvious, the way he wore it on his face. He skidded to a stop in front of the gift shop and greeted the shopkeeper warmly.

"I need a bouquet of daisies and some chocolates please!" He said, pulling the wad of cash from his pockets. He had been dating Selphie for nearly half a year now and he found himself growing more and more in love with her with each and every passing day. Just when he thought he had figured out and knew her inside out, he would discover something more about her that he had never known before. And together, they tried to piece together their past, and figure out just who they were. Selphie had been curled up in his arms, sound asleep, the night that she dreamed the dream about her parents.

She had cried because she finally knew what had happened to them. Her tears weren't just that of sadness, though. She cried out of joy because she finally could put a face to her previously faceless parents. Now, when she felt the pain of being an orphan, she could recall their faces and rejoice quietly in the fact that they were watching her now from heaven.

"You are a changed man, Zell." The woman at the counter giggled as she arranged the daisies in a bright yellow flower pot for him, and tied a yellow ribbon around them. Daisies were Selphie's favorite flower, and yellow her favorite color. He grinned back at her, scratching the back of his head.

"Aw, whaddya mean? I'm still the same old me, Sara, you know that!"

She shook her head and pulled the chocolate covered cherries, Selphie's favorite candy, from the shelf behind her and set it on the countertop next to the daisies. "Before you met her, sdfyou were just like a puppy. Always running off somewhere, with no direction. Chasing your tail. And now... " She winked at him. "Selphie is pointing you in the right direction. To the future you deserve, Zell." He blushed. "So when are you going to marry her? You better tie her down soon!" Zell's eyes widened, shaking his head as he placed the fist full of cash on the counter.

"Keep the change, thanks." He said, waving a goodbye. She merely laughed, a knowing smile on her face. Zell breathed in deeply the smell of the fresh daisies, a smile gone from his face. Marry Selphie? Hyne knew that he wanted to be with her forever but was it too soon? He knew that Selphie still needed time, time to figure out who she really was. But couldn't he help her do that? Couldn't he be the one to point her in the right direction the way she had him? They had already started looking for a place to live outside Molly's house, so was that a sign that Selphie was ready for the next major step in life?

Dread filled Zell's stomach. Not at the thought of marrying Selphie, but at the thought of her turning him down. What if she did say no? Or what if she decided that she never wanted to marry? Or what if she just didn't want to marry him? He shook his head, and shook away the fears with it. That time would come when he would get down on one knee and ask the only woman he had ever loved, besides his mother and Matron, to marry him. Maybe that time would be soon. Only time could tell.

His face lit up brighter than before.

xxx

Selphie struggled the lug the last suitcase up the stairs to the bedroom she now shared with Zell. Quistis had finally managed to find time in her busy schedule to round up the last of Selphie's stuff from Balamb Garden to bring it to her at the Dincht's residence. Quistis had been full of questions about Selphie's new life, but not a single questions passed Selphie's lips about the life she had left behind. So Quistis sat on the bed, dodging around the subject of Irvine, and chatted consistently and persistently about life at Garden.

Selphie had finally sighed heavily. "Enough, Quistis. I know you want me to ask about Irvine so fine... How is Irvine? What's he been up to?" She placed her hands on her bony hips and stared at Quistis, slightly irritated. This was supposed to be a new start in a new life, but there were times were she still played pretend. Every time she saw Quistis she played pretend that she didn't care about what was happening with Irvine while she desperately wanted to know.

Quistis nodded. "You'd be surprised Selphie. I know that you think that he hasn't changed, but he has... I've heard so many complaints in class from the girls who have tried so hard to hook up with him but he won't have anything to do with him. He still stays in the dorm you two shared together and guess what! He even took over the Garden Festival Committee." The blonde woman climbed to her feet and opened up a box and started to pull out some of Selphie's clothes, shaking the dust from them before she folded them neatly on the bed. "The Festival's next weekend." She eyed Selphie, gauging for a reaction. "You really should come."

Selphie sighed again and shook her head. "No, Quistis, I can't. I can't go back there. There's too many broken memories. I'm happy here with Zell and I want to stay here with him." Quistis nodded, understanding her friend's pain. But for how long could one person go on hurting? Shouldn't there be some kind of closure?

Quistis fiddled with her ring before her face lit up. "Hyne! I can't believe I forgot to tell you!" She grinned widely and held out her left hand, the diamond in the ring on her hand glinting brilliantly in the sun. "Seifer proposed to me last Friday! He took me to the flower fields near the orphanage and proposed to me! We're going to get married this fall, on our anniversary of getting together!" Selphie wrapped her arms around her best friend and congratulated her. She may have seemed like she was focused on the conversation about Quistis and Seifer's wedding plans, but her mind was really working.

What would her and Irvine being doing right now if they hadn't ended so abruptly? Selphie turned her back on her friend as she folded her clothing and stuffed them in the dresser drawers. She blinked back tears. Would she have had a ring on her finger too? Would she be flipping through magazines, looking at dresses and deciding who would be in the wedding party. Her green eyes turned towards the window. Zell was out running some errands and when he came home, Selphie was going to tell him how much she loved him. Marriage? One could do without. At least, that's what she told herself. Marriage was at least a little more secure. Or at least it made you feel that way.

Selphie kicked the suitcase up the final step and plopped down on top it, sighing deeply. She rested her chin in her hand and closed her eyes. She was happy with Zell, she really truly was, for once, happy. But sometimes she felt like she was two people. She was the Selphie who could be herself with Zell, the one who was in love and content with her life. But when she was alone, her mind tended to wander and she became the Selphie whose every thought was another stab to the already bleeding heart. She felt like she would never really, truly be over Irvine.

She always told herself that it would take time. But time seemed to do nothing for her pain; it only made her wonder more. She climbed back to her feet, willing herself to clear her mind. She zipped open the suitcase, expecting clothes. What she found instead was a suitcase full of memories...

xxx

Zell's grin only got wider, if it was even possible. The brief walk home had turned into an hour long walk around Balamb City as he thought and planned. He had money saved up but would it be enough to buy an engagement ring? He could only hope. But he knew better than to just spring the question on Selphie. He would ask her tonight, even though he had no ring. But he would ask her and promise her the world and more. When he was with her, he really felt that he could hand her the world. "God, I love you, Selphie!" He whispered to himself. Marriage. That would be the one right thing he did with his life.

Finally he understood that it didn't take battles and glory and gil to make a man. It took the love of those around him to build him up to what he truly was. And Selphie really did make him the man he wanted to be. Zell climbed the stairs, his hands gripping the flowers and chocolates tightly. This was it. She was already his best friend, his lover, so why shouldn't she be his soul mate as well? He rehearsed the lines in his head and imagined what she would say in response. He paused and breathed deeply at the top of hte steps as he tried to calm his frazzled nerves. He adjusted the chocolates so that he could open the door but his hand stopped on the doorknob.

He could hear Selphie through the wood door. She was crying. But why? Zell turned the knob and opened the door, desperate to find out why she was upset. She had seemed just fine earlier, before he had left. She had seemed more than fine. What had happened since then? A thought came to mind but he quickly shook it away. What if Irvine had stopped by today? Irvine would never come back. There were some lines that weren't meant to be crossed.

Zell dropped the flowers and the chocolates. The vase shattered upon hitting the floor and the shards were floated in the puddle of water. The daisies were still beautiful, even in their mangled mess. The chocolates fell from the package and rolled under the bed and dresser and every possible nook and cranny it seemed. Zell found himself unable to breathe as he found out why Selphie was crying. She was sitting on top of her suitcase, pictures spread out on the floor around her and more were still in her lap. Zell didn't have to look hard to know what was in the pictures. They were pictures of her and Irvine and the life they had shared together. He closed his eyes as she scrambled to her feet, quickly brushing away the tears.

"Zell, I - " He held up a hand and stopped her. He shook his head and turned his back on her, trudging down the stairs. He had come tonight, ready to give her his heart, his faith, his trust, as well as the rest of his life and what does he find? That her heart, her faith, her trust, still belonged to Irvine. "Please, Zell, let me explain!" She demanded, her voice husky with tears. He shook his head once more.

"There's nothing to explain. You still love him, and you clearly don't love me as much as I love you." She reached out his arm but he yanked it out of her grasp coldly. Her jaw dropped and she stared at him in disbelief. Never had he acted so cold and bitter towards her.

"I do love you! It's just there's some things you never really get over! He was my first real love, Zell... That's a hard thing to forget!" She stammered, feeling weak.

He shook his head. "I came here tonight to propose to you, Selphie. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you. But I can't do that if Irvine's always going to be in the picture one way or another. It's me or him, Selphie and if you haven't gotten over him in all this time, then fine. I can't be with you. I can't be with someone who doesn't want to be with me." He walked through the front door, slamming it hard behind him. As he walked away from the house, fuming, he could hear her sobbing harder than before. I don't care that I hurt her. She hurt me... At least that's what he told himself.

When he came home later that night, the daisies and chocolates had disappeared. And so had all of Selphie's stuff. He yanked open the dresser drawers and the closet door, unwilling to believe that she was gone but not a trace of her was left behind. He collapsed onto his bed, rubbing his eyes to keep the tears at bay. But finally he couldn't hold back the pain anymore and for the first time since his grandfather had passed away, he cried, hugging his pillow tightly, wishing that it was Selphie that he was clinging to...