Chapter Six: Different From Me
Zell counted down the hours, the minutes, the seconds of each and every day, willing it to pass by as quickly as possible. Every bit of time that Selphie wasn't near him felt like someone was ripping apart his heart and he wanted time to pass as quickly as possible so he could heal the pain of not being with her. But each passing day, the pain only grew worse. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat. He was literally incapable of living without her. He was a lovebird, and she was his mate. Without her, he would only waste away. After almost a month of waiting, he finally decided to return to Balamb and find what it was that kept her from him. And he wanted to apologize. If he couldn't have her, he at least wanted the knowledge of knowing that they could be the best friends that they were before. Or at the very least, harbor no ill will towards each other.
He swallowed down toast and orange juice and attempted to hide how exhausted and worn out he looked but finally gave up after several futile attempts. He was what he was, a broken man. He slipped one last thing into his pocket before he climbed into the car and drove, slowly but surely, to the Garden, filled with dread. The gut feeling only grew worse as he walked through the doors and through the corridors. People would stop and watch him walk by, knowing looks in their eyes. And as soon as he passed, they would fall into hurried whispers and murmurs. He closed his eyes. He knew a bad sign when he saw one.
He traveled the familiar route to the cafeteria and as he pushed the doors open, he breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that the cafeteria was crammed full of kids. That meant that it would be easier for him to blend in. Maybe with the chaotic scramble for the precious hot dogs, he could find Selphie without out the frantic whispers and cold looks. He slid through crowds of people, all the while searching for her. Finally, his green eyes found her. He slipped around a group of giggling girls to hide behind a column right next to the table where she sat with none other than Irvine. Quistis, Seifer, and Rinoa also sat with them.
Quistis had a bridal magazine and she was debating with Rinoa on which bridesmaid dresses she should get while Seifer and Irvine were deep in conversation about the best way to kill a T-Rexaur without a weapon or magick. But there was something different about Selphie that Zell couldn't quite figure it. He stared at her intently from his hiding spot, listening to her comments, and trying to figure out what exactly was different about her. Then it hit him.
The smile on her face was fake. The enthusiasm in her voice was fake. Everything about her was fake. She was back to the pretender she used to be. She was no longer the Selphie he had known and loved. Selphie, why do you do this to yourself? He lowered his eyes to the ground, leaning back against the column. When he looked back up, he realized that Selphie was staring at him. But she didn't breathe a word and neither did he. They both just stayed that way, both in pain, staring into each other's eyes.
"Selphie? Are you going to answer my question? What do you think about the bows? Or maybe the pearls? What do you think?" Quistis persisted, pushing the magazine. She followed Selphie's gaze, flicking her eyes in that direction briefly, but she only saw the column. Zell had already vanished. Selphie lowered her eyes to the glossy pages, almost not seeing what lay in front of her. "So?" Quistis asked.
Selphie forced herself to plaster a smile on her face. It was even harder this time because she knew that somewhere Zell was watching her and she was forced to recognize that this wasn't who she was. But she raised her voice to a high pitch and added the perkiness. "Why don't you get one with a bow in the back and just have pearls sown into the fabric of the skirt? That way you can have both!" She added a giggle at the end before climbing to her feet and excusing herself to the restroom.
She looked for Zell but he was long gone by then. She slipped into the bathroom and took one look at her reflection. Her hair still had a long way to growing back out but she had already added a little flip to her shorn ends. Her lip gloss was bubble gum pink and shimmer eye shadow was sprinkled across her eyelids. And to finish off the look, a tear sliding down her face.
xxx
Selphie lifted her eyes to gaze at those seated around the table. Nobody was paying any attention to her other than the occasional glance her way. But it seemed as the night progressed the glances grew in frequency and Selphie had the odd feeling in the pit of her stomach that something was going on. But what? She had made several attempts to leave the table (headache, missed appointment, phone call, etc.) because the life was slowly draining from her body.
She wanted to return to the dorm she now shared with Irvine to crawl under the covers and hide herself away from the world around her. Ever since she had seen Zell his voice rang in the depths of her mind and nothing could get it out. Curiosity irked her; why had he returned? Did he really love her that much? But she quickly shook those thoughts away. He had returned only to prove his own points: that she was a fake and that her friends and lover didn't deserve her.
But she found that she could not replace her love for him with bitterness or resentment. Selphie was brought back to reality when a hand reached under the table and gripped hers tightly. She shook her head, blinking dumbly. Irvine leaned forward and whispered gently in her ear, "Are you okay?" She nodded and forced a smile to her face. He grinned back, unable to see the pain beneath the bubble-gum pink smile. He pulled her hand out from beneath the table and kissed her knuckles gently, like he always did before releasing it and pushing back his chair to stand up.
She stared at him, confused. She glanced around at the others seated around the table, trying to figure out why they were all staring at her with wide knowing smiles. "Irvy?" She muttered. His grin only grew wider as he dropped to one knee beside her chair. He placed his hands on either side of her face and leaned in to kiss her softly.
"Selphie, I have loved you all of my life. I've made mistakes, I've hurt you, and I don't deserve you. But you always stayed by my side, suffering, while I gallivanted around, having fun. I searched my entire life for someone to keep by my side, to love and hold, and cherish. But I never saw that she was by my side from the very beginning. Seffie... " Tears blurred her vision but that didn't keep her from seeing the small black box that he pulled out from a pocket in his long jacket.
"Will you marry me?" The tears fell freely from her eyes. Tears of sadness, tears of joy, maybe both. She indeed did love Irvine and it had always been her wish to marry him but what was wrong? That's right. She was fake. He was in love with who she was pretending to be, not the real her. But she slowly nodded her head, promising with that single gesture to marry him, also promising to open herself to him. That she would reveal herself to him. And if he decided that he didn't love the real her in the end, then that would be that. She would grow up and move on.
Irvine slipped the ring onto her finger and pulled her into his arms while she cried her tears. Tears of sadness, tears of joy, maybe both?
xxx
Selphie groaned loudly as she took in the damage she had caused to one of her newer shirts. The red wine stained darkly against the soft pink fabric and she wiped it frantically with a napkin. She threw the napkin, down, pouting slightly. She gazed around the room, her eyes meeting Irvine's, who stood on the other side of the room. He frowned, a questioning look in his eyes. She motioned down towards the stain, stamping her foot when he began to laugh. She pointed towards the door, excusing herself from the engagement party.
Her mind was filled with thoughts as she drifted down the corridor to the dorm she shared with Irvine. The cool breeze that wafted in through the windows made her shiver slightly and she wrapped her arms around her small waist. Amazing how quickly things could turn around. One minute she's torn between a life she's loved and a life where she makes people feel loved, and the next minute she's getting married and making plans to live happily ever after. She would finally be loved back.
Her eyes staring out at the night sky, her hand reached for the door, only to find it already open. Her gaze shot towards the darkened room, her heart skipping a beat. The door was never opened. Only she and Irvine had the card key. She narrowed her eyes, peering into the darkness. She could make out a slight form in the bedroom, standing next to the window. She stepped lightly across carpeted floor, reaching for her weapon that sat like a positioned snake on the table.
She lifted it and continued to stride towards the unknown person, whose back was turned to her. "Who are you?" She shouted, bringing the end down onto the person's back. But the figure dodged it swiftly, calling out her name.
"Selphie!"
She dropped her weapon, it clattering to the floor, and her jaw dropped with it. "Zell? What are you doing here?" She reached for the light switch and found his wide blue eyes staring into her own. But there was something wrong with them... The life and love that had once lit up his face was gone. He stepped forward, opening his arms. She hesitated but fell into them, hugging him tightly.
"I came to ask you something, Selphie..." He pulled back a little, smiling sadly. He grabbed her hand, his other hand curved around an object. But as he was about to place it in her hand, his finger ran over the ring that Irvine had given her. He stopped in his tracks, pushing her hand away, and shoving the hand that held something deep into his pocket. "What... What is that?" He stammered, in disbelief.
Selphie bit her lip and lifted her hand, staring at the engagement ring. "Irvine asked me to marry him today, Zell..." He sighed deeply and forced a smile to his face.
"Selphie, you'll always be my best friend." He grabbed her hand once more and pushed the object into it, closing her fingers tightly around it. He leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the lips before whispering, "But I know the real you. You're no different from me." He slipped past her and Selphie was left standing in the middle of the room, staring at the object that he had given her. She felt the tears coming but waved them away. It was true; she was no different from him. She was no different from anybody else. But did that mean that everyone else suffered the way she did?