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Alex didn't know how long she was on the floor nor how long she had been dazed. She turned her head and noticed that Bobby was still there, on the floor with her, but he had leaned against some machinery and had fallen asleep. She smiled, glad for a brief moment where she could forget her own woe and appreciate the calm of his face. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen him so passive, so unstressed. She wanted to touch his face, in a hope that maybe she could be calmed by his sleep too.
She tried to move closer, to reach a hand out, but a sharp hiss escaped her. She was sore; sitting on the ground had only aggravated her injuries. Ignoring the pain, wanting to bring herself back to something more normal, she slowly made her way within arm's reach of him. Getting up on her knees to both keep the pressure off her hip and see his face better, she traced the lines of his face with her eyes. The dark circles under his eyes were larger, his mouth frowned more than usual causing the lines from his nose down passed his mouth to be deeper. He doesn't look all that calm, she decided. But he still looked more placid than she felt.
She reached out a hand, brushed her fingers across his cheek and let the feeling wash over her. She stared at her fingers on his cheek, watched as they traced his nose and forehead, and finally started tracing the lines of age and worry that he had had far beyond his time.
Calm did flow through her body, though it wasn't the contagious calm she had been hoping for. This calm was deeper, and yet more fleeting. It was the calm found when the mind stops rationing like an adult, and explores as a child. She enjoyed this calm, this exploration. Her mind was set adrift amongst tranquil little waves, unable to see land.
"Alex." A hand grabbed hers, gently. "You don't want to be there." How long had his eyes been open, watching her in a world she thought was private? Instinctively, she pulled back, trying to get way from the unprofessional, from the man in her mind, from the man altogether. "That's where I spent my childhood, Alex. It will do you no good to stay there." His hand held hers, not letting her fall away to a more distant place.
"Bobby, I—"
"Alex, you can't just run. You need to fight back. It's hard, I know it is, but you need to do it." Worry was more distinct on his face. "Alex." The spell had been broken. Her eyes lifted up and met his. Through the dark grimace of fear he held for her, he smiled. Fear for herself filled her eyes but she couldn't pull away from him; he was too strong, to determined to keep her with him. He didn't pull back, didn't demand anything from her except that she stay. Neither one of them moved, each one staring into the eyes of the other. One felt an over whelming urge to run, the other, an over whelming urge to pull her closer, but neither acted knowing they would both fail.
Two quick raps on the door and Logan entered, followed quickly by Berak. "Alex?" Logan had yet to notice them on the floor. He was brought to their attention by his partner.
"Bobby, would you mind if I talked to her alone for a minute? You two Logan." Berak looked from one man to the other, slight worry and more pleading shown in her face. Bobby nodded and got up slowly, letting Alex's hand fall back as the he broke away. Logan followed. The sound of the door closing behind them felt hollow on Alex's ears. Would everything seem empty or full of negativity from now on?
Berak didn't say a word, never indicated how much she knew. She kneeled down next to her wounded friend and pulled her into a hug. Berak didn't need to hear the words. She had felt a chill, some dark sinister force in the small room and seeing Alex like this, she knew. Alex's joy had been ripped from her by a monster. She saw how empty her friend looked, could predict her feelings yet couldn't imagine living with them.
Alex didn't cry. For once, she felt as if this was a proper time, but nothing came. The sorrow was ever-present, though, with support from both Bobby and Carolyn, she felt a knot in her throat, one that wouldn't let anything pass. She was grateful for their help, for the knowledge that they thought she could get better even if she didn't believe it herself.
A hand running from the top of her head to the base of her skull brought her back to the present. "Mike and I are conducting the investigation Alex. Deakins decided to keep it that way. But I wanted to ask you if we could refer to SVU when needed. We won't tell them who you are; they don't have to know." The last two lines where said with hesitation, as if they almost should have never been spoken. And then one more line was added, one that Carolyn knew wouldn't be kind to her friend, but was needed all the same. "They're sending over a psychiatrist."
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"Alex was raped!"
"Mike, calm down! She doesn't want anyone to know, she's stubborn like that. I want you and Carolyn on the case but I want you two to keep that fact out of it as much as possible. Your partner already asked me if you could refer to SVU; I told her it was a great idea. We're going to get them to send over a psychiatrist too."
"Captain!"
"Bobby, we need a professional here." Deakins turned to look at him. Bobby seemed lost for words. Though he never agreed, Bobby sat down without further complaint. Turning back to Logan, he continued. "I called Captain Cragen while you were on your way here and he said he would talk to Dr. Haung, see if he could help us out."
Bobby nodded. "Haung is good." He said it quietly, through the hand that covered his mouth.
"Well, I'm glad you approve." Bobby didn't reply. Instead he stood up and, through his daze, he walked back toward Alex's room. He knocked on the door, Carolyn let him in. He avoided looking at either woman and chose a chair as far from Alex as possible. He tried to look invisible, not wanting to interrupt their bonding, but unable to be without Alex.
