Horror Relived
"So, Alex, how do you feel?"
"Fine." The question had been simple enough, but she didn't want to answer, didn't want to verbalize what was really running though her body.
"Is that the truth?" He was persistent by nature, pushing her again.
"No." She looked away.
"Than what is?" She sighed. Did they really have to be doing this now? "Would you like me to invite your partner in? It might make you more relaxed." Alex hadn't noticed, but her shoulders were tense. She let them drop. Did she really want Bobby in here?
Dr. Huang stood up and walked to the door, opening it before he spoke. "Detective Goren, could you join us please?" Alex watched as Bobby walked through the door, his head down in thought though she knew he was trying to hide his emotions.
"Yes?" He scratched his cheek, avoiding Alex's look.
"Your partner is being stubborn." Dr. Huang didn't miss the glace Bobby threw his partner, who looked away. "I was wondering if your presence might help to lighten the mood. You each know the other well enough that you could bring to light thoughts and feelings which could improve Detective Eames' state."
Bobby looked up at Dr. Huang for a moment and then turned, walking into a corner of the room and beckoning Eames to follow him. She stood, and slowly walked toward him, making sure to keep an unusually large distance from him though it was obvious that her emotions were confused. Huang made a noise of interest, but sat back down in his chair and started writing on a note pad.
"Alex, are you ok with this? Do you want me here?" Bobby whispered it, hoping that Huang couldn't hear but that Alex could from her distance. She looked at him, her mouth open, unable to speak. After a moment, she nodded. He nodded back, his gaze falling once again to the floor. He made a sudden move forward and she jumped back in response, her nerves beginning to show through her thick front.
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"Detective Goren!" Bobby turned around. "I wanted to thank you for sitting in with us today. Detective Eames seems to be really insecure about this and until you showed up, she refused to show any emotion at all." Bobby nodded, the doctor intended well but he wasn't sure Alex would ever fully respond to his help.
"Eames! Wait!" Bobby ran to catch up with her. She looked around, noticed no one but him, and made sure to keep him as far from her as possible. "Eames? Are…are you afraid of me?"
"No." It was a little too fast; they both knew it. "Not…not you, just…" Her hands shook.
"Eames…" His eyes were sad, full of the pain he wished he could squeeze from her but he knew if he tried she wouldn't be alright. She broke the gaze and moved forward.
"Can I be alone, please?" She had been released from the hospital three days earlier with much warning about not doing anything physical to abstain from aggravating her injuries. Bobby knew she wouldn't. Hell, she knew that he knew she wouldn't. She didn't want to be near him, but she wanted him to hug her and hold her and tell her everything was alright, that everything would work out and that she was still the Alexandra Eames he knew so well. She knew she wasn't, and she knew he wouldn't. He left her standing at her apartment door.
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That evening found Alex alone in her apartment, restless and sitting on the sofa, holding her gun. She hated to be alone, after dark, but she hated it even more when people were around. What had happened to the old Alex? The one who wasn't afraid of anything, who could handle all of life's problems head on? It was like the essence of Alex Eames had evaporated and all that was left was the human shell to continue life's tasks.
She wanted Bobby there. She wanted to tell him how grateful she was that he was there for her, that he cared so much for her in all his little, idiosyncratic ways. But she couldn't stand it when he was around. She was terrified of him. His every movement made her jump; she twitched when he walked in the room; wanted to run for her life when he looked at her.
And it wasn't just Bobby. She felt the same way anytime she was with Deakins or Logan…practically every man she knew. It scared her, to be so afraid of so many people. She didn't want to live like this, it was too much to have a sensory overload every time she thought of someone.
She got up and walked into her room. The door to her apartment had been locked and checked three times. Her gun was fully loaded and under her pillow, ready for anything that might disturb her. The light was left on and suddenly she was asleep, the light causing a hollow glow upon the curves of her face.
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The phone rang, waking her up. "Barek." Her hand was already at her face, wiping the sleep away. "Alex! Alex! Calm down, I'll be there. No, no, stay where you are, I'm coming." Carolyn got up fast—Alex was in trouble.
Less than three minutes later, still in her pajamas, Carolyn was in a taxi, her cell phone to her ear. "Bobby…no, she's not. I'm going there…no, I don't think…Don't! I'll call you if…You're her partner, you should know…Fine, than wait outside." She snapped the phone shut, paid the driver and ran up the two flights of stairs to Alex's apartment.
"Carolyn, it was so bad. I couldn't fight, I tried, tried so hard…so bad, so, so—"
"Alex, Alex calm down. It was just a dream, no one's trying to hurt you. He's dead. You saw him get shot, that's what you said, that's what the evidence proves. Its over, he can't hurt you." She held her sobbing friend, too concerned for her safety to notice that this was the first time she had ever seen her cry.
But, through the still open door, hidden around the corner, Bobby heard her cries. The tears that fell down her cheeks were visible on his own. She wouldn't let him in—couldn't—he knew. But it still hurt, it hurt to know that he couldn't help her. Whispers fell over his ears. "Alex, Alex please, come back! Come back to me! I miss you, want to help you…I love you, Alex. Please, let me…" He choked on his sadness as he realized who was speaking. It was true, the feeling of wrenching pain that he knew was there because he was separated from her by a wall proved that it was.
"Its ok Alex. Everything is alright. You saw him die, you saw him die."