Confrontation

Carolyn looked up from the crouched position where she was holding Alex. If Bobby didn't stop mumbling quickly, Alex would become aware of his presence. She didn't want to think of the chaos that would arise if she knew. She roped her arms underneath Alex's and pulled her up. "Alex, everything is fine." She cupped her friend's face in her hands and tried to wipe away some of the tears with her thumb. "Why don't we sit on the couch." Alex looked up, her face almost too melancholy to look at, and nodded.

They had been settled on the couch for several minutes, Alex having burrowed herself in Carolyn's arms hoping to find some comfort, when she began speaking. "I feel bad. I'm afraid, so afraid."

"Shh. Everything's fine."

"No its not, Carolyn. I saw his eyes today, I hurt him. I'm afraid of him, but I can't face him. Every time he looks at me, I can feel my skin crawl. Its irrational but I can't help it." Alex paused several times, catching her breath and holding back the onslaught of more tears.

"Bobby?" Alex nodded. "You seemed fine around him in the hospital a few weeks ago."

"I panicked then. I tried to run, but I couldn't. And when he reached out to help, I screamed in terror."

"Alex—"

"But when he was sleeping, I didn't feel afraid at all. It was like I was lost in a trance—like I wasn't me, that I was a third party looking in. And then he woke up and I was too stunned to move. You brought me back."

"You didn't seem to mind when he was in the room with us."

"You were there. I don't understand it, but I feel as if nothing is going to attack in public."

"You want to feel safe around him again." Alex nodded again, and curled farther, as much as she could, in Carolyn's safety. "Would you like to see him now?"

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Bobby quickly refound his breath and calmed his nerves. Sitting on the ground, with his back to the wall, he thought of the revelation that had just come over him. He did love her, in his own special way, but he was fairly sure that it was love. He heard his name float through the door and turned his attention on the women inside.

"…panicked then. I tried to run, but I couldn't. And when he reached out to help, I screamed…" Oh god, how had he been so blind? She had been traumatized and he had treated her as if she was just upset. And then when he had caught her staring at him, he had demanded that she face her problems head on. How could he have been so insensitive?

"Would you like to see him now?" No, she couldn't see him! Not now! He didn't want to panic her anymore. He didn't want to confront her…now that he knew how he felt. He had always tried so hard to keep her happy, he enjoyed her that way, but he had hurt her. She couldn't deal with it right now—he couldn't deal with it right now.

"Bobby? Bobby!" He jumped a bit but turned his head to see Carolyn leaning out the doorway. "Can you—Are you all right?" He nodded quickly and got up, turning his face at an angle so she couldn't see his pained expression. She went back inside. After a moment, he rubbed his hands on his face and followed.

Alex stood at the far side of her living room, looking as if she would flee with the slightest provocation. Their eyes met. She held his and he could see the fear she was so desperately trying to push aside. "Why were you…in the hall?" He broke the gaze, afraid of having her see the truth that he couldn't hide from her.

"I called him." Carolyn stepped in, breaking the moment between the two partners yet again. "He's your partner, Alex. I thought he should know."

"Did you tell him to come?" Alex's voice was beginning to show signs of incredulity. "I thought I called Carolyn, not Carolyn and Bobby!"

"Carolyn called me because she thought it was the right thing to do. I insisted on coming, Carolyn couldn't have stopped me. Be angry with me, not her." Alex, instead of falling into a fit of furry, turned and walked into her kitchen. Unbeknownst to her, Bobby followed, putting up a hand to keep Carolyn from intruding. Carolyn only half followed his command and rested against the doorway into the kitchen with no thoughts to interrupt the coming sequence of events.

Alex leaned over the sink, her head hung trying to steady her breath. "Alex, I'm sorry." The voice was calm and quite, emanating from just behind her head. "Am I scaring you?" She shook and closed her eyes but didn't turn around. "I don't want to hurt you, Alex. Just the opposite, I want to help you." He couldn't see, but she bit her lower lip, trying harder than ever not to cry out with fear. Carolyn is there. She won't let him do anything. This is Bobby, Bobby. He couldn't harm you. Why are you so damn afraid of your own damn partner? There was a time in recent memory where you would have thrilled to have him this close to you but now all you do is shiver like a beaten child. Damn you, Alex. Damn you. For being so weak, for calling Carolyn to solve all your problems, for not being able to turn around and face your fear… You are pathetic.

At that moment, she believed it. She believed what her mind was telling her. Her life was over. No cop could function with this mentality. No human could for that matter. She wanted to break, to collapse and be caught by another human, one she could trust. But she wasn't quite sure what trust was at that point in time. It was all too much, too confusing, too emotional.

"Alex, take your time. I can't imagine anyone would be able to recover overnight. But eventually you will have to deal with it all."

"I don't want to deal with it." Her voice was quiet, shaky, but strong. "I want to forget it ever happened, ignore all its affects."

"You can't do that." His voice had quieted too. Carolyn struggled to hear, but realized the importance of their conversation. "That would change who you are." His hand gently brushed up against her shoulder.

Her shoulders twitched. The feeling of his hand on her back felt good—a warm presence which could guide her if she so wanted. "This is who I am, Bobby." She whipped around and pointed a finger at herself. "I am scared out of my mind! I don't want to deal with this! I want life to be like it was before anything happened, before we went to the opera! If I want to be pathetic, then let me be pathetic! This is me! No one is pulling the strings."

"Alex, you know—"

"No! I am the one living my life! I should be the one who decides how to live it. And if I want to loose a chunk of time, so be it." She roughly pushed him back so she could get away from the sink and stalked out of the room, brushing by Carolyn who followed her with her eyes, completely baffled.

Bobby stood, stupefied for several moments, unable to take in the full shock of what had just happened. She had pushed him away, not only physically, but also mentally. She saw him as a threat. "Bobby…" He felt a hand on his arm and he let it pull him around until he was looking Carolyn in the eye.

Both of them knew confronting Alex in this state would only aggravate the problem but they knew if they left she would do something rash. Instead, they waited, in what, in any other situation, would have be companionable silence, until the time forced them to go to work. Carolyn, with Bobby right behind her apprehensively, knocked softly on Alex's bedroom door before opening it. Alex lay in bed, her eyes closed, her breath steady and sheets twisted around her body. There was nothing more that they could do in that moment so they headed off to work in the same silence, hoping she would wake up in a better state.