A LOTR Parody… another parody?

A/N: This story has two narrators: Me, and … Me. Though, I made the other me a Mike, to make things interesting. I have a pretend partner. Contains Legolas/Aragorn romance

Good evening, all! This tale begins with a bang!

BANG! Legolas looked out his father's bedroom window to inspect the alarming sound. As Legolas' eyes widen at the sight, Aragorn's head join's Legolas' in the window.

"What was that noise, Lover?" Aragorn asked. Legolas nodded his head.

"I know not, but I do know this…" Legolas said, eyes tearing. He smiled at his dear friend. "I am glad you came to me."

"Oh, Legolas…" Aragorn sighed, heart breaking. "It grieved me so each day I said nothing. I had to come. Though, I must soon return to my kingdom, I've errands to run and…"

"Arwen…"

"Yes, Arwen…" Aragorn said, in remorse. "I love her, too. I do not understand my feelings for you, but I knew that I had to come to you."

"Thank you, Aragorn, I shall not forget you!" Legolas cried softly. Aragorn watched his friend compassionately, and after a moment, embraced him. Legolas shut his eyes tightly and savored the moment.

BANG! The two forbidden lovers looked out the window in total awe – then looked to each other, gasping.

"Oh, no!" Aragorn breathed.

"Quickly! I know not what my father would say should he find us here, together! Nor would I know his words if he knew we used his bed!" The two ran out the door, quickly, and ran into the courtyard before the palace.

Legolas looked around at his people, who walked about casually, some whistling. Aragorn looked just as confused as Legolas to see that everyone looked so at ease. Finding Thranduil, Legolas walked to his father, Aragorn following.

"What was that noise?" Legolas asked. Thranduil turned to his son, embracing him.

"My son! I have returned from my journey! Alas, that these days must pry me from my affairs in my own kingdom!"

"Yes, I… I see you've returned, father… but what was that bang?"

"What bang?" Thranduil asked. Aragorn frowned at this Elf king, questioning his wits for the first time.

"What do you mean?" Aragorn breathed. "It was very loud, like an explosive!"

"Nay, I heard nothing! You two must feel guilty. The fairies must be teasing you for something."

"The fairies?" Legolas said. "I do not recall us having fairies."

"Never mind, my son…" he said, walking off. Legolas and Aragorn watched Thranduil recede from them.

"I wonder if we made the bed," Legolas said, looking puzzled. Aragorn laughed.

"No matter dear friend, I must go – the heat is yours, then, I guess. I take my leave!" Legolas shot a look at his friend, but then they laughed together.

"Please return to me some day," Legolas said. "Like on my birthday." Aragorn laughed.

"I shall, friend." Aragorn gave him one last sympathetic look, then ran to the stables. Legolas couldn't bear to watch his friend go, so he walked off to his favorite gardens.

As Legolas walked passed some rose bushes, Pippin came whizzing from around the corner suddenly, smashing right into Legolas.

"Sorry," Pippin said, shaking it off and looking goofy, "the narrator made me do it."

"I did not!" A voice said from the sky. It was female, and those who heard it couldn't help but think she was very, very pretty.

"You did, too! And don't flatter yourself! I saw your photographs!" Pippin argued. Legolas looked to the sky.

"Your narrations are ok, but the stuff you make us say and do is a bit inaccurate for this time frame, and you know not our culture like you should."

"Ok, shut up, I'm writing, now," Carina White said.

"Yeah, me too, so shut," Michael added.

"Who was that other voice?" Pippin said.

"Me, Mike! I'm the co-author."

"Alas!" Legolas cried. "Perhaps you won't write so erratically as Carina does! Please, perhaps you can explain what that bang was!" Legolas looked into the sky expectantly, but only silence followed. There was more silence for about twenty seconds, when Legolas looked to the ground, then to Pippin, who gave him a look.

"What noise?" Mike finally said. Legolas looked away, quite annoyed. The next thing he knew, his words and actions were controlled again by the narrators.

"Pippin!" Legolas laughed. "You bumped into me! Be careful, now!"

"You're acting weird, Legolas, what did you do, piss the writer's off?"

"Perhaps…" he said softly, looking into the sunset in the distance.

"Let's make out," Pippin said. Legolas looked to Pippin in complete shock, nodding his head.

"Nay! Such a thing would be… unnatural!"

"I wasn't talking to you, pretty boy," Pippin said, walking past him. He embraced a beautifully serene Elf who simply glowed in the soft beams of the sunset, and held her face lovingly, kissing her. Legolas arched an eyebrow and looked away. That was just wrong, and he wouldn't look at it. Suddenly Merry whipped around the corner and saw the sight, gasping.

"Pippin, you fiend!" he cried, then charged at his friend. He tackled him, and they wrestled on the ground. "How dare you? How dare you betray me!"

"Betray him? Oh, I see! Then you, too, have fallen in love with your friend, even though he, too is male! How wonderful!" Legolas said, cupping his hands and raising his foot in the air.

"What!" the hobbits asked, totally lost. "That's nasty!" they said in unison. Legolas slowly let his hands drop and lowered his foot from the air, and even his hair felt like it was lowing itself.

"And what do you mean, you too?" Merry quizzed. Legolas' eyes widened and he looked away, blushing.

"'Tis nothing!" he said distantly. The female Elf bowed to Pippin.

"My lord, we cannot be together. I do not love you, and I am immortal and you are not. I am sorry," she said, and walked away. Disappearing in the faint rays of the sun, the two Hobbits teared to see her go.

"I wanted her! You went for her nonetheless!" Merry cried. "How could you! I loved her first!"

"I loved her more, Merry! You don't know what we shared together!"

"You stalk her!"

"I do not!" Legolas watched them argue on, then sighed as he imagined them smoking some of their classic Old Tolby and getting along, forgetting their troubles. Without warning, Legolas picked them both up by the backs of their shirts and carried them off, the Hobbits immediately shutting up.

He brought them to a large room where many large, heavy wooden tables lay. The room was semi-crowded with many Humans and few Elves, and Legolas looked upon them grudgingly, not wanting to bear these Humans as his father's political guests. Well, it didn't matter. Right now he had other things to worry about, like his friend Aragorn whom he loved, who was returning to that beautiful wife of his, and the two Hobbits who were tearing each other apart over an Elf.

"Sit here, await me," he said. "Do not quarrel." He took off, and the two Hobbits crossed their arms and watched each other suspiciously, glaring. Minutes later, Legolas returned with their stash of Pipeweed. Their eyes lit up, and they both grabbed the jar at once, their hands landing one on top of the other, even while Legolas still held it himself. The hand sandwich made Merry and Pippin look awkwardly to each other, holding the stare for a little too long. Legolas smiled cutely at them, but wiped it off his face as soon as the Hobbits looked to him and withdrew their hands, quickly. Legolas' hands felt empty, suddenly, without hands atop them, and he felt lonely. His thoughts trailed back to Aragorn as the Hobbits started to roll their weed.

"Thank you, Legolas!" Merry said.

"Yes, thanks!" Pippin agreed. "We were silly to fight! We're like twins!" Legolas' eyes widened. If they were related, then they couldn't be together! Suddenly Legolas' head went down, looking disappointed. His fantasies were ruined! Were they really related? Legolas looked away. He didn't know what he would do if he ever found out he and Aragorn were related…

However… it was true that he and Arwen were also technically related. His face contorted into a face of disgust and he gawked at his knees. To surprise him, Aragorn had snuck up behind Legolas and hugged him, in front of everyone.

"I can no longer keep from you, friend! I turned back, I could not go back!" he pleaded. Legolas turned around, and Aragorn sat beside him.

"This is a surprise!" Legolas said, and the Hobbits leaned in for a few whispers as they looked to the two strangely.

"I couldn't bear it!"

"Aragorn!" Legolas smiled! 'It had bothered me that you would live with a distant cousin, but not with me, so I am glad you returned."

"What?" Merry said.

"It is adult talk, you should not listen," Aragorn said. The Hobbits' eyes widened and they looked to each other, gasping, then back to Aragorn.

"We're not stupid!" Merry exclaimed. "Oh my goodness!" he stood, then sat down, and Legolas blushed.

"We won't tell anyone, Pippin said, smirking. He tried hard not to laugh, but he wasn't sure how long he could contain himself. He planned that to drown thoughts of Aragorn and Legolas out later tonight, that he would drown himself in much, much alcohol, as much as Hobbitly possible. Merry gave him a look, and Pippin instantly knew that his friend was thinking the same thoughts.

"What do you mean, Legolas, when you say that Aragorn is with a distant cousin?" Pippin asked.

"Think about it! Lord Elrond had a brother named Elros, who chose the life of a Human… a mortal life. Elrond had three kids, Arwen was one of them. Elros has a long line of decendents that eventually conceived Aragorn… it is a very long line of descendents, but there is a very small blood relation still. They are technically cousins."

"Legolas, it is so distant a blood line…" Aragorn waved off.

"You are cousins!" Legolas snapped. The Hobbits giggled, then realized they were giggling at a lover's quarrel and their faces dropped again, and they lit up to distract themselves.