Chapter Two starts with a He.
He decided tofurther distract himself from the weirdness of the conversations at hand, Merry waved the matchstick to thin out the flame until finally it died and a trial of smoke rose from the match.
"Fine, we are cousins…" Aragorn said, rolling his eyes. He turned to Legolas and held his waist, leaning his head on his shoulder. "I could not bear to part from you."
"Yet you could marry your cousin," Legolas said bitterly.
"I return to you and yet you act this way, why?" Aragorn hushed as he withdrew from Legolas. Legolas only gave his friend a sour look, then turned back to the Hobbits, looking beyond them as he cleaned his nails. "You were so pleasant this morning! What has changed?"
"He must have his period!" Pippin said, then both he and Merry exploded with chuckles and giggles. Aragorn eyed them and looked back to Legolas, who was fuming as he stared down the Hobbits. When the two noticed Legolas looking at them in such a way, they laughed harder, Pippin falling off the bench as Merry tried to help him stay up. They eventually laughed into the table, burying their faces in their arms and laughing even harder. Legolas stood. Aragorn stood after him, grasping his arm. "Tell me, why are you upset?" Aragorn pressed.
"I am upset because you are married to Arwen yet wish a life with me. You cannot have us both. You can come back on my birthday, or to surprise me, but you cannot have us both like this."
"Why not? I need an heir, and you cannot… you…" Legolas looked away as Aragorn trailed off, then looked Legolas in the eye. "Kiss me." Legolas shook his head.
"Nay."
"Kiss me," Aragorn urged. His urgent tone made Legolas feel numb and submissive, and he shifted in place. He nodded his head, but Aragorn threw him on the table and leaned over him. The Hobbits were no longer laughing, they stared in utter shock, then Merry stood.
"This is not something you should be doing in the open! Stop this!" Aragorn looked at Legolas, who continued to feel submissive.
"Aragorn…" Legolas managed.
"You will accept that Arwen and I are together, or you lose me," Aragorn urged.
"Ai…"
"Then we are agreed." He helped Legolas stand, but Legolas ran into a doorway in the back of the room. Aragorn looked after him strangely, then glanced to the Hobbits. "Excuse me, friends." Merry nodded, looking distant, and Pippin wore a sly grin and lifted his pipe, nodding once. Aragorn ignored the annoyance he felt for that treatment, but went after Legolas.
After walking into a dark hallway, he realized that it was never used and so it was not lit. There were three empty rooms, but before he would peer into one, Legolas came from behind and held him.
"I am sorry for leaving, but I did not want to show my affections for you before my people, and the political guests," he explained. "Forgive me, but we must be together in secret… you see how the Hobbits have trouble accepting us like this."
"Yes, they do," Aragorn agreed, nodding sadly. "I feel bad that I must remain with Arwen, but I cannot let her go. I love you both. Perhaps one day, you too, shall have a wife and understand this."
"I hope so, for now I cannot understand how you can love two people." He looked away sourly, Aragorn's face falling as he did so.
"Legolas…"
"She is your cousin." Aragorn's head fell very suddenly, and he moaned.
"Legolas…" Legolas grinned. "Legolas…" he said, pleasantly this time. They embraced and held each other for a long moment. Legolas looked into Aragorn's eyes and they sighed at each other, and leaned closer.
A kiss was to follow, but Legolas' heart started to beat hard into his chest and he grew very nervous and shy. Aragorn looked nervous, too, and so they dropped arms and nodded their heads.
"I'm sorry," Legolas said. "This is awkward." Aragorn looked upwards, as if looking for someone.
"Please, don't make us kiss. We'll do the huggy lovey thing, but we can't kiss."
"Kiss him, damn it!" Mike said from above. Aragorn frowned.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Mike. Co-author." Mike must have bitten into something, because they could hear him crunching.
"Well, that explains it," Aragorn said, eyes distant.
"What?" Mike said. Aragorn shook it off and looked up again, finding only the stone ceiling.
"The man-to-man romance… it is not Carina's style. She has never written anything like this before. The Legolas/Aragorn love theme is certainly your idea."
"Yeah, well… she was curious, so, she let me write it up. I really don't want to waste text, so please pucker up and kiss already. You have die-hard fans out there who've read on and on just to get to this point. Don't you want to please your fan base?"
"This is…" but Legolas suddenly leapt onto Aragorn, kissing him against the wall. Aragorn struggled stubbornly until the pleasure on his lips and Legolas' strength against him made him submissive. He blushed, and their kissing slowed and became more intimate. Legolas ran his soft hands down Aragorn's arms, then held his back. Aragorn's hands ran down Leglas' back, and he cupped his rear.
That had done it, because Legolas suddenly jumped from Aragorn, blushing heavily and looking away.
"That is enough, Mike!" he breathed, taking control of himself again. "You were quick to control me, but that was too much, and it alarmed me. I now have control again, more control than you would wish me to have! I now, will direct the story."
"I think not!" Mike said, laughing playfully.
"Legolas, why have you withdrawn from me?" Aragorn pleaded. Legolas looked up again, hoping to get through to this Mike character.
"This is embarrassing. Stop controlling him! Write a nice story."
"Oh, I am, it's very nice, hee hee, the fan girls will love me…."
"Make me kiss a pretty girl," Legolas argued. Suddenly Aragorn approached Legolas, but his eyes dimmed suddenly and he stepped back, and like a drone, started playing with his hair and leaning on one leg, acting feminine. Legolas tisked. "I am not a man-lover!" he stated. "I shall take a new direction," he assured. "Where is the compassionate writer known as Carina?"
"Yes!" Aragorn said. "Carina is compassionate! I'm glad you noticed!" Legolas looked to Aragorn, then upwards again.
"You need not speak through Aragorn, Carina. I need you to write me something pleasant to endure."
"Certainly! Of course, Aragorn-kisser!" Carina said suddenly. Out of nowhere, a tray of chocolate fudge squares appeared on a silver tray on the ground. "You'll die for these, they're amazing. Try them!" As Legolas turned to inspect this strange alien food on the ground, Aragorn turned him around and held him captive under his strong arms, kissing him everywhere. Legolas threw Aragorn from him after a struggle, and looked up.
"I am not a man-kisser!" Legolas took off, and walked through a wall. Aragorn frowned, utterly confused. He was going to follow, but the chocolate on the ground caught his eye and he found himself far too curious.
Walking into a semi-messy room, Legolas found Mike writing on Carina's laptop, and looked around the room only to find Carina lying on some pillows on the floor, reading a science magazine. The article was about quantum physics and it was called "Are We In A Hologram?" Legolas ignored these strange terms and looked to her, then to Mike.
"I will not kiss another man, Mike, and I will not leave ere you promise the same." Mike whipped around very suddenly, eyeing Legolas in utter disbelief. Carina shrieked and dropped her magazine, then blushed as her eyes darted to every Legolas poster and cut-out on her wall, and she blushed. Legolas looked very confident as he looked at Mike, and Mike could only stare in utter awe.
"I… I…"
"Well?" Mike turned around stubbornly, though, and continued typing.
"I'll find something else to write about, then, until you go back. I'm the writer, here. Don't you tell me how to write."
"Very well."
"As soon as you go back, you'll kiss Aragorn again, but in a bedroom," Mike said, as if trying to break Legolas' spirit. Legolas glared at the back of Mike's head, then turned away. Carina shrugged, then looked back to Mike.
"Maybe he's right, maybe you should just leave Legolas and Aragorn alone. If they love each other, they can do it without your help."
"We do not love each other!" Legolas cried. "I am not like that!" Mike turned around, looking extremely skeptic.
"Oh, common, everyone knows you are so homosexual!"
"I am not, I assure you."
"You're saying that you're straight," Mike said bluntly.
"I am," Legolas said, raising his chin. Mike looked at him plainly, shook it off and looked away.
"That's the funniest fucking thing I ever heard. Legolas straight…" he trailed off. Legolas looked to Carina and walked over, leaning towards her. Mina looked up from her magazine and blushed when she realized how close his face was to hers.
Suddenly, he kissed her, then pulled away. Carina looked stunned, but after a silent moment between them, she smiled sheepishly. He smiled and kissed her again, cupping her face. He pleasured her lips with his until she rested on her pillows and he leaned over her, supporting himself with his elbows. They continued kissing, and the thoughts of Legolas actually with her and kissing her was pleasurable alone. His actual kisses were ultimate bliss. She sighed very romantically, completely taken. Legolas himself didn't expect her, or himself to be so intimately involved with the kisses, and watched her in a pleasant surprise. Mike turned around, noticing finally that they were making out, and turned back to his work.
"God!" he exclaimed. "That's just gross"!
"Mmm…" Carina managed.
"Stop kissing him, make him go home so we can finish the story. I'm getting tired about writing about the Hobbit's funny experiences with their pipe weed." There was no answer, so Mike looked back to notice that the two were so into their kisses, that the whole world faded away from them. They were clinging onto each other and pulling each other closer as they kissed on, and Mike found himself starting to get jealous. "I'm going to write about Aragorn barging in on the Hobbits getting high and joining them," Mike informed. "Well, what have you got to say, huh?"
"Mmm, ok, do what you want," Carina barely managed. Legolas turned from her, his knee slipping between hers, and looked at Mike.
"See, I am must more at ease with a woman!"
"Go back to her, then!" Mike said bitterly. Legolas looked to Mina, blushing, and dove onto her lips. She pulled him closer and their kisses became slower, more pleasant.
"Carina, come look at this line, or can't you move?" Mike said.
"Heee," Carina managed. It wasn't exactly a giggle, but it was what she was capable of generating at the time.
Merry and Pippin stood on the table tops that night, singing songs and entertaining most of the people who came to eat there that night, to hear Thranduil's speeches and the speeches of other leaders of the North, including the Humans who lived in the southernmost area's of Mirkwood, or Greenwood the Great, as it were. Aragorn smiled at the Hobbits, but where was his Legolas? He sighed as Gandalf the White entered the room.
"Ah, there you are, Aragorn."
"Wassup?"
"Uh…" Gandalf looked to Aragorn funny, but shook it off. "I am here for the speeches, but I did not think to see you here, Aragorn. You have a kingdom to mind in the south, and your men would await you even now. You are not yet home? Why?"
"Well… if it is only between you and me… and apparently the Hobbits, well… I can tell you…"
"What has happened, dear friend?" Gandalf said distantly, gravely.
"Legolas and I…" Aragorn started. Gandalf's eyebrows rose for a moment, then he looked to Aragorn knowingly.
"No, no, wait. I think I know what you would say."
"Is it so obvious?"
"I'm afraid it is. It is no wonder there are so many angry faces here tonight, looking down on you."
"What mean you?"
"Have you not noticed, Elessar?"
"Nay, what mean you?" Aragorn said urgently. Gandalf swallowed and looked around, sighing, then turned to Aragorn secretly.
"It is obvious you two have decided to run off to Valinor with Arwen, so that you can live forever with her, and of course you would wish not to be parted from your best friend. Rumor has it, too, that you bring Gimli. Also, the Hobbits, but most consensus in Middle Earth feel that they would feel relieved to be rid of them," he joked.
"Oh!" Aragorn said, dramatically relieved.
"Oh?" Gandalf teased. "Is this not your secret?"
"Nay, but that is a very good idea."
"Just because you united Middle Earth, it does not mean you cannot give the grown to another."
"Perhaps after I conceive my heir."
"You would not leave him here?"
"Why not? Who cares, right? I love Legolas." Gandalf's eyes widened for a moment, questioning whether or not he was serious. He could do nothing else but laugh, as if he was joking.
"That is wonderful," Gandalf said.
"I am serious. That is why I am here. I came to tell Legolas that I love them both, and I will not be forced to chose between them. They must simply accept this. Of course, Arwen shall not find out."
"You truly love Legolas?"
"Of course!"
"I should have guessed. Legolas acts so queer. Everyone thinks so."
"That is not fair," Aragorn said softly. Gandalf looked to him, raising his eyebrows.
"Oh?
"Oh!" Aragorn confirmed.
"Oh?" Aragorn gave Gandalf a look questioning his sanity.
"Anyways, are you appalled by this, or can I trust on your wisdom later on?"
"I am not appalled, my dear friend," Gandalf said compassionately. Aragorn's eyes lit up.
"Truly? You are not?"
"Of course not!" Gandalf laughed. "I am played by an actor who is openly gay!" Aragorn looked around, then to Gandalf again.
"What are you talking about, Gandalf, you're not making any sense."
"Sir Ian McKellen is openly gay. You didn't know that? I think it's wonderful that he can be that comfortable with it. I think you should do the same, and tell everyone."
"Who is Sir Ian McKellen? You are not making any sense!"
"Aragorn, shut up, you're ruining my writing! Damn, I can't write fast enough to control you," Mike said from the sky. "Just shut up and play along."
"Oh, Legolas…" a female voice said. From the way she spoke, Aragorn and Gandalf both thought that she must be very, very annoying.
"That's not true, you're the one writing most of this story," Aragorn said. "Now what is going on up there?"
"Oh, Carina, come back with me, come back and marry me," Legolas said. Aragorn looked up, utterly appalled.
"Legolas!" Aragorn snapped. "You are to be with me!" There was silence for a moment, but then he heard shuffling noises like someone was moving around, then Legolas spoke.
"It was you who wished me to take a wife of my own, Aragorn, to better understand you!"
"Well, you understand me, so get down here!"
"No! I shall have her, too!" Carina grinned and fell to her pillows again, sighing blissfully.
"Wow," she sighed.
"Wait, why am I talking like this? Aragorn, we were controlled by Mike the Writer, he wishes us to be together, it was not the decision of you and I!'
"I love you! Please come back to me as I had come back to you!"
"Well…" Legolas said, looking to Carina. "Only if you come with me," he said. Carina sighed and rolled in her pillows, giggling. Mike sighed.
"Nay, and anyways, she has a boyfriend," Mike said. Carina sat up suddenly, gasping.
"Holy shit! I have a boyfriend!"
"Do you? A friend, though?" Legolas pleaded. "I wish you to marry me, Carina! You shall never need to lift a finger again! I shall provide for you and you can do anything you wish, even return here when you need to!"
"That sounds… tempting… but…"
"You are in love with another?"
"Yeah, and he's real."
"Ouch," Mike said. "Get back in the book, bro, common, Aragorn really wants you."
"I do not want him. I want Carina. I shall take her, by force if I must!"
"Nay!" Mike said. Legolas looked to Carina, who started to weep.
"We don't know each other. It was just a few kisses. I fell under your spell. That's all it was. At least, that's… that's what we're going to have to live with telling ourselves. Now, go!"
"I would take you to Valinor, where we could live with Aragorn and his cousin Arwen!" Carina laughed, but looked him in the eye.
"It is very tempting, but I'm in love with someone I've known for a bit more than five… wonderful… minutes…" she sighed very romantically, and Legolas took her wrist and led her through the wall. At the last moment, she snapped out of it, and pulled from him and pushed him though the wall.
"Carina!" Legolas cried.
"It's for the best!" she called into the laptop. She pushed Mike aside and wrote herself.
"Aragorn, Legolas," Gandalf said. "I am happy for both of you."
"Why is that?" Aragorn asked. Legolas looked to Gandalf, just as curiously.
"Because from this day forth, you shall both have your free wills returned. This story has ended." Gandalf said. Legolas realized Carina was speaking through Gandalf, and grinned happily.
"This is wonderful!" Legolas said.
"But there is just one more thing…" he said, grinning mischievously. Aragorn frowned.
"What's that?"
"This is for the fan girls!" Gandalf said, clapping joyously. Aragorn looked to Legolas, who smiled warmly at him. Feel-good music started playing in the background bringing a closing to this happy ending as the two slowly approached each other, utterly happy to be reunited.
"Thank you for returning to me, Aragorn, I should not have been angry," Legolas said. Aragorn held his friend's dear face and smiled, and teary-eyed, he nodded his head.
"You need not ask forgiveness, Love," he managed. Happily, they kissed. The Hobbits arrived to say something typically stupid and looked on as the two kissed, making faces.
"Oh, that's just wrong," Merry said. Pippin raised his eyebrows at them and turned to Merry.
"Not really. If we look at it the right way, it is really quite beautiful. We cannot allow ourselves to become too judgemental."
"Right you are, Pip, right you are…" Merry said, making a face at Thranduil who was gawking in the distance, like he had lost all hope. The music picked up more as the two giggled and kissed on joyously.
"Although, I suppose I could be more compassionate towards their life choices and their own sexual preferences," Merry agreed. Thranduil approached, shaking, trying to hide his face of devastation. Gandalf noticed and chuckled, and the Hobbits continued whispering to each other. Aragorn and Legolas pulled from each other and watched each other in complete heaven as they caressed each other's faces.
They stepped away from each other and looked to Gandalf, who was looking to them expectantly. Suddenly, as if freed from a spell, Legolas and Aragorn felt something rise from them at once, liberating them. Understanding each other, they glanced to each other, and then to the Hobbits who were dancing, totally stoned, who looked to their hands and then to Aragorn, Legolas and Gandalf. Thranduil and everyone else in the room besides the Hobbits suddenly, in a wave, forgot the whole incident and continued with what they were doing, realizing suddenly, an absence of Hobbits on the tables.
Gimli emerged from behind others, who looked at them stoutly and let out a small breath, looking pleased to finally find his friends. He smiled at his friends and dropped his bag of luggage.
"I heard we were all going to Valinor!" he said with a heavy tone of a thirst for one last adventure in his voice.