Disclaimer: Don't own em just love em. The song Sleeps with Butterflies is by the lovely Tori Amos.
Pairings: Implied A/O fling. However this is first and foremost C/O.
Author's Note: The lyrics aren't supposed to go completely with the story. They are merely what inspired the story so I put them in places where I was given different ideas. If you think they may confuse you, by all means skip them. It won't take away from the story.
It had been a difficult case. Difficult for everyone. A little girl had gone into the hospital and had been raped. She was only 10 years old. Her older sister brought her in. The older sister's boyfriend had done it. There was no doubt because the girl caught him. It was an open and shut case or so they thought. When the boyfriend got arrested, he had one of his people kill the little girl and her sister. It had hit Olivia hard. Casey could see how much Olivia had been hurt not to mention how much all of this hurt her. She had seen the guy. The harshness in his eyes. She was suddenly terrified and ashamed because a part of her was relieved that she didn't have to prosecute him. An inmate killed him once they found out what he'd done.
'Gosh' thought Casey 'Sometimes even criminals have some sort of morals'. Everyone had been allowed to go home early that day. Casey didn't see Olivia before she left. She wanted to talk to her so badly. However she took her afternoon off and bought home some work. She couldn't work though. She kept thinking of that guy. The harshness in his eyes. She decided to watch a movie. She had been about 30 minutes into it when someone buzzed her apartment. She walked over to the front door. "Yes?" she said into the intercom.
There was a moment of silence then something she could barely hear. "Case, it me Olivia. Could I come up?"
"Sure. I'll buzz you in," said Casey. She was excited to see Olivia however she could tell that the conversation they were going to have wouldn't exactly be a happy one.
Olivia knocked shortly after and Casey let her in.
"Hi" Olivia whispered. She wouldn't look up at Casey.
"Hi. Can I get you something to drink?" It broke Casey's heart to see her like this. She loved how much Olivia cared about the victims but when things didn't turn out right, it was also something she feared. She'd known very few people in her life to be so gentle yet so incredibly strong.
"No. I just…I mean…I need" said Olivia. She looked up at Casey with unshed tears. She looked so incredibly helpless and she just stood there not knowing what to do.
Casey did the only thing she could think of. She led Olivia over to her couch and sat there and held her. She rocked her for such a long time. She couldn't remember when but at some point in time, she had begun to cry as well. Not such for this case but for every case that ended like this. They both cried for the hell the all the victims went through, especially the children.
They started to calm down after a while. Olivia wiped her eyes then looked up at Casey. Unfortunately well more like fortunately Olivia got too close to Casey's face. It only took that instant. They were soon kissing with a hunger that enveloped passion and hurt from the day. The pent up frustration and the myriad of emotions they'd been feeling. Neither one thought to stop. It was too much effort. Effort they didn't have. They ended up making love in Casey's bed and falling asleep in each other's arms.
Airplanes
Take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat
I won't push you unless you have a netOlivia was the first to wake. She was confused about where she was but then she saw the blonde lying next to her. 'Oh my God' she thought. She couldn't have done this. It couldn't have happened. This was a mistake, a big one. She jumped out of the bed as if she'd been on fire. Casey woke up.
"Olivia where are you going?" she says sleepily however the urgency of Olivia's escape causes her to wake quickly.
"God Case. I was hoping I could get out of here before you woke up. I'm so sorry about last night. It shouldn't have happened. It was a mistake. Hey let's just forget about it and say it was because we were emotional." Said Olivia as she picked up her stuff and started to get out of Casey's apartment. Casey threw on a T-shirt that had been lying next to her bed.
"OLIVIA! WAIT! WILL YOU FUCKING WAIT!" yelled Casey as she stormed after Olivia. Olivia was so frightened she turned around. Casey got frustrated, yes but she never yelled like that.
"You mean to tell me, you didn't feel anything? Nothing for me? That last night was nothing more than a one night stand?" said Casey. Her voice had gotten softer. She didn't look at Olivia and the last sentence was barely above a whisper.
Olivia didn't want to say it but she didn't want things like this. She wasn't even sure if she could give Casey everything she needed. Casey wasn't the type of woman you just sleep with. She wasn't like Alex. She wasn't just fun and games. She was a sweet and serious woman. Olivia couldn't do this. Not to Casey. Casey deserved more than Olivia could ever give.
"Yes" said Olivia and then she left.
Casey couldn't remember the door shutting or the light coming through the windows, all she could remember was falling to the floor. She remembered hugging her knees and sobbing. She had made love to Olivia. She had always dreamed about it and she'd never slept that well in a long time. Now it had all gone away. It had all been taken away before she had a chance to protect it. She didn't know how but she got herself off of the floor and into her bed. She somehow called in and got about a week off from work. She made up some story about a distant relative dying. She needed the time. The time to think. Although she practically wanted to beat Olivia for what she'd done. There had to be a reason. There had to be a way to get her back. She needed Olivia. She loved her and Casey Novak never goes down without a fight.
You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy
Olivia hadn't seen Casey in a week. She wanted so much to apologize. She'd checked Casey's office only to find she was on vacation. An "unexpected" vacation as they'd put it. Olivia deserved never to have Casey even look at her again. Olivia decided not to bother Casey. Casey had made it apparent that Olivia had hurt her beyond anything forgivable.
Casey had her plan. She had figured it out. She wasn't Alex. Not only in work but also in life. Casey was a simple person. The kind just as content to stay home as to go out. She made dinner for her lovers and watched movies and was the kind of person you baked cookies with. By no means was she a little housewife, she'd proved that in her career but it didn't mean she didn't have a softer side. One that just wanted one thing. To love and be loved by someone. Olivia specifically. She was going to tell Olivia this. She would give her time. The time to know if she wanted this as much as Casey did. Casey knew that this was the only way. If she pushed Olivia too much then she could never hope to actually be with her. She decided to give her a call.
Olivia went home that day some time in the afternoon. Cragen had seen how much she needed an afternoon off and even though she had some time off the week before, he let her go home. In fact he ordered her to. So Olivia slipped out of her clothes and into a much needed shower.
Casey got Olivia's voicemail. 'Shit' she thought. It would be a while before she knew how Olivia felt about all of it. Olivia could always say she never got the voicemail. Then a thought came to Casey. In her voicemail she simply said, "Be expecting a delivery".
Olivia saw her cell phone blinking when she got out of the shower. She was afraid of what kind of message she had when she recognized the number. Her face was full of questions however when she heard what Casey had said. "A delivery?" she said out loud. She got dressed and sat down on the couch still thinking about it when the doorbell rang. She went to open the door and there stood a man with a bouquet of roses.
"A delivery for an Olivia Benson?" said the man clearly in a hurry.
"Yeah that's me," said Olivia. She signed for the roses then shut the door after the delivery man. She looked at the roses in confusion. 'What the hell?' she thought.
She found the note easily. It read "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I thought everything over. I love you Olivia Benson and I'll wait forever if I have too. Love, Casey"
"Oh my God" said Olivia. She couldn't believe it. She treated Casey like some two-bit whore but Casey still loved her. Then Olivia realized what she'd been pretending not to know. Casey was who she was meant to be with. Casey was everything she thought she never wanted. She didn't want to be tied down. She didn't want rules, commitment. She realized though that she was afraid. Casey was everything she needed. Now how in the hell was she going to keep from screwing this up?
Balloons
Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhereOlivia had taken Casey on one date. One very lousy and very short date. Olivia had taken Casey to one of her favorite restaurants. Casey had been so happy but she was making Olivia work for this. Casey had gone to the bathroom at some point in time when a very young and very attractive woman stopped by Olivia's table. Olivia had been trying to fight the woman's advances but before she could tell the woman no, she squeezed Olivia's hand and whispered in her ear and left her phone number.
Casey had been furious. She thought they were getting somewhere but Olivia was just going back into her old ways. She would never give Casey a chance.
Olivia had tried to apologize and tried to get Casey to understand that she wasn't going to call the woman. She was going to shred that paper. It was Casey she wanted to be with.
Casey walked out of the restaurant. She would find her own way home. She was crying but she didn't care.
Olivia knew she needed to make this up she didn't know how. She would come up with something though. She couldn't loose Casey.
So here she sat in her apartment trying to come up with a plan. It was hard though. Casey was like no other woman she'd ever been with. She had to think of something that Casey would like. Something that would show how much she wanted Casey in her life. It took her all night but she had a plan. She just hoped it worked.
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boyCasey had been given a note around lunch. All it said was "Please let me make things up to you. Come by around 8." Casey thought about standing Olivia up. She wanted to but something about her was incredibly curious as to what Olivia planned.
She knew where Olivia lived having been there a couple times to work on cases. She buzzed Olivia's apartment and Olivia hadn't said anything and just let her in. She knocked on the door and heard Olivia shout from inside "Come in".
What Casey walked into looked nothing like the disorganized cold apartment she was used to. Olivia had lit about 15 candles placed around the living room and kitchen. There were rose petals on the floor and the kitchen table was set for a feast. Some soft jazz was playing on Olivia's stereo. Casey couldn't breathe. No one had ever done this for her before. No one. She just stood there in astonishment. Olivia walked up to take Casey's coat. "I hope you like dinner. I made it myself. I promise it won't kill ya, I tested it". Olivia gave her an unsure smile. It was then that Casey understood that she and Olivia wanted the same thing. She understood Olivia was telling the truth on their date. She stepped toward Olivia and gave her a kiss. It was sweet and simple.
"Thank You" Casey whispered.
"You deserve it. You deserve it and so much more. Look Case, I don't know if I can every give you everything you deserve or want but I promise here and now that I will try. I will try every day Case. I love you and I can't live the rest of my life unless you're in it" said Olivia as she held Casey's hands. Casey was so touched.
"You are all I'll ever want or need or deserve. Look Liv, I know I'm not like any woman you've ever been with but I can be all you need me to be. I know I can be. I can take care of you and be there for you. I want to be because I love you too." Said Casey as she smiled at the woman of her dreams.
So then they decided to take things slow. The way they should be. Olivia was glad to have found her "woman to come home to". Casey was glad to be with the most wonderful woman she'd ever met.
The End.
