It was only two weeks after living at their so-called perfect house when Christine started to get a bit moody. Erik figured that it was because she was pregnant, but her moodiness still irritated him, and scared him. One night, Erik was lying peacefully in his swan bed, reading on how to pimp up masks, when Christine burst in wildly.
"Did you eat my pickle?" She accused Erik, holding up a stub of a pickle.
"Actually," Erik said, sitting up. "I used it to see if it was bigger then-ahem." Erik broke off, and blushed. "Yea I ate it." He said, nodding vigorously.
"Well that's just great." Christine snarled, throwing the stub of a pickle at Erik's head. "I have to eat for two now, and you go around eating everything like a selfish pig." She burst into tears, and threw herself on the swan bed dramatically. Erik stared at her wide-eyed. He had an urge to kiss her, but he decided not to push it.
"Umm." Erik moved over to her. He started rubbing her shoulders, and he started to sing "The Music of the Night" to her softly. Christine angrily turned around, and pushed him away from her. "Bitch." Erik cried, hurt that his ultimate cool song hadn't worked. He angrily stomped out of the room, and Christine burst into a fresh batch of tears, and flung herself headfirst onto a pillow.
When Raoul heard someone knock on his door, he slowly made his way to answer it. He wasn't expecting anyone special. So when Raoul flung open the door, he was quite shocked to see Erik standing in his doorway.
"What are you doing here?" Raoul asked the distraught Erik. Erik stepped into the room.
"Christine yelled at me, and my ultimate sexy song failed to soothe her, and I needed advice, and you were married to her for a year, and I just ended up here." Erik took a deep breath, and looked at Raoul with pleading eyes. Raoul furrowed his brow in concentration. He needed to give Erik sage advice.
"Ok, you need some booze!" Raoul said enthusiastically, jumping up into the air into a heel-click.
"Sorry I don't drink." Erik said, putting his hands into his pockets.
"Uh ok." Raoul said turning around. He grabbed a bottle of vodka, and dumped it into a glass. "Have some water." He said, handing it to Erik. Erik took it, and cautiously took a sip.
"Bleh, this water tastes like my mask left out in the sun too long." Erik made a face. He put the glass down the table, and there was an awkward silence.
Five minutes later, Erik was downing shots of vodka, and was getting quite drunk. Raoul sat back in his chair, and watched Erik rant and rave with some amusement.
"And she's always like 'Erik don't do that to the toilet, it's unsanitary!'" Erik pushed his empty glass at Raoul.
"I think you've had enough 'water'." Raoul said.
"I think I haven't." Erik shouted at Raoul. "And she won't let me eat butter. She says she doesn't want me to ruin my buns of steel." Erik leaned in towards Raoul, giggling. "But I secretly eat butter, shh, don't tell her." Before Raoul could answer, Erik jumped on the chair, and shoved his butt in Raoul's face. "Now can you tell me my butt is less then magnificent?"
"No it's fine." Raoul managed to squeak out. Erik fell back into his chair with a thump.
"See, the fop gets it, why can't she?" Erik struggled to focus on Raoul's face. He was a bit confused with everything that happened in the past fifteen minutes. He closed his eyes, and leaned towards Raoul.
"What is he doing?" Raoul asked. With a gasp he realized that Erik was going to kiss him, and he wanted him to. Raoul closed his eyes, and prepared for the kiss of his life. With a thump, Raoul felt something heavy bump against his chest. Opening his eyes, he noticed Erik passed out on his chest. "Damn." He muttered. He wrapped his arms around Erik's waist, and tried to pick him up. "Ahh!" He yelled, as he fell backwards, taking Erik with him.
"This really is twisted in every way." Raoul looked up to see Bella the maid staring at him. Well aware that Erik was on top of him, and this didn't look very good, Raoul only yelled at Bella,
"Just shut up and help me carry him."
Erik woke up face down on his swan bed. He looked up, and clutched his head, when sharp pains stabbed at him.
"I remember…" He squeezed his eyes shut, and tried to clear the swirling mist out of his head. "I don't remember anything, except I had a fight with Christine." He stood up, and noticed Christine across the room, sitting in a chair reading. "Christine?" He asked, almost falling as he made his way over to her.
"I see you've woken up." She said not looking at him. "I found you lying on the doorstep, drunk as a lemur, just like Raoul."
"It was water that I was drinking." Erik tried explaining. He wrapped his arms around Christine's neck. "I'm sorry I swore at you, and ate your pickle. Whenever I see a pickle, whenever I see any food, I'll ask you before I eat it."
"You don't need to make fun of me." Christine said, raising up her
shoulders in defense.
"I'm not." Erik grabbed Christine's shoulders, and spun her around. "I will never do anything to make you mad."
"Oh Erik." Christine threw her book over her shoulder, and kissed Erik on the lips. Erik pushed her against the wall, and moaned
"Raoul."
"What?" Christine asked, pushing Erik away from her.
"Uh, Raoul!" Erik said quickly and suavely (if he thought so himself), pointing out the window, where Raoul was sitting on the grass screaming things that were unknown to the human tongue.
"What fresh hell?" Christine hissed, moving to the window.
"Phew, what a blessed relief I was saved by the nut job." Erik leaned against the wall, and wiped his forehead. "Now why did I say that fop's name?" He concentrated hard, and was only rewarded by his head throbbing harder.
"Oh my God!" Christine screamed, breaking into Erik's thoughts. Erik quickly rushed over to the window, and gasped. Raoul was sitting in the grass playing bongos. Naked.
"Wow." Erik said, leaning further out the window. "I can see it's a cold night." Christine slapped him, and turned away from the window.
"I'm afraid if I look any longer I may be sick." She said rubbing her arms.
"No Christine look!" Erik pointed out the window excitedly. "The police are here!"
Down on the grass, Raoul was oblivious to all, playing his heart out on the bongos.
"Yea." He jammed out, banging his head. Suddenly two arms reached out from under Raoul's armpit, and pushed him up. "What?" Raoul looked around wildly, seeing two grim looking police officers standing behind him, he tried squirming his way to freedom.
"You're going nowhere nude-o." One of the officers said, holding Raoul in an iron tight grip.
"Nude-o?" Raoul gasped in indignation. "Uh, you don't understand, I'm here for a, uh party with the people who live here. Yeah that sounds right. Erik!" Raoul started screaming up at the house. "Erik!"
"Oh God." The officer was looking a bit troubled. "Here, you take him."
He said, thrusting Raoul at the other officer.
"No way." The officer said, looking as if he was about to puke.
"Erik!" Raoul screamed one last time as the officers started to cart him away.
"What is he screaming about?" Christine asked, still not daring to look out the window.
"I think he wants me to save him from the ordeal he's going through."
Erik replied, with a bit of amusement. "Oh Christine you have to see this, Raoul got away from the police, and now he's running towards his house. Ouch." Erik winced. "Both of the officers just tackled him. Ha, that's going to ruin his weekend." Christine laughed.
"He deserves it. Anyway, I'm going to bed. Are you coming?"
"In a minute." Erik said, still looking out the window. "I think I better go straighten up this mess. Raoul wouldn't last an hour in jail."
"Yea." Christine snorted, slipping on her nightgown over her head. "He might see a scary shadow." Erik swished his cape madly, and made his way outside to save Raoul from the predicament that he was in.