Erik awoke the next day feeling proud of himself. His hangover was completely gone, and he had completed a good deed. Last night he had run outside, and told the police officers that Raoul was mentally challenged. The police were only too happy to let go of the naked Raoul and toss him over to Erik.
"Ok." Erik had said, holding the naked Raoul a couple of inches away from him. "Let's get you back to your house." Raoul turned around drunkenly.
"Oh Erik, you are the one I've been looking for." And he had passed out in Erik's arms.
"You don't know what you're talking about." Erik had said, a little flattered though if he did say so himself. Erik decided to return the favor, and he left the drunken naked Raoul passed out on his own doorstep.
Erik walked downstairs, with a little twist in his step.
"What a beautiful morning!" He screamed ecstatically, stepping into his kitchen.
"What's so beautiful about it?" A glum Christine asked him, sitting alone at the table. "Look at me." She pointed to her stomach that had started to swell out even more. "My figure is gone, my beautiful figure." She wrapped her arms around her stomach, and sighed deeply. "I suppose I should be happy that we're going to have a kid but," Christine stood up from the table. "I really need some chocolate." She started rummaging around in the cupboards.
Erik shook his head. "Women." He muttered softly. "Men are so much better than any woman. Women can't do this." Full of vigor, Erik jumped on the table and started dancing wildly. "C'mon baby." Erik shouted at Christine, putting his hands in his belt buckles, and twisting his hips in a circle.
"I'm not in the mood." Christine grumbled, and sort of waddled up the stairs. Erik didn't feel like stopping in mid-dance, so he kept on twisting, and high kicking for awhile before noticing the milkman standing in front the door, staring at him with an open mouth.
"Don't act like you're not impressed!" Erik pointed at the milkman, who quickly turned around and darted away. Erik ended his splendid dance, by falling into a split.
Raoul woke up, angry and depressed and with a hangover the size of
Nantucket. He stumbled blearily around the room, and looked out of the window, and noticed Christine and Erik's house.
"Oh Erik, how I love thee." Raoul said dreamily, laying his head on the windowpane. He immediately stood up in shock, and slammed his head against the top of the window. "Fuck!" He screamed, as pain shot into his head. He fell to the floor, grabbing at his head. "Mmph." He groaned, rolling around on the rug. Finally, after the pain in his head subsided, Raoul lay motionless on the ground. "I can't believe after all those stereotypes calling me a fop, and it actually is true." Raoul paused for a moment. "No." He said. "I'm not a fop. It was a slip of a tongue caused by my hangover. I don't like men, let alone Erik. I'm all about the ladies. In fact I think I'm going to go find a woman to sleep with right now."
Bella the maid was sitting at the kitchen table, reading a magazine, when Raoul burst into the room, looking all flushed.
"We are going to have sex." He announced to the startled Bella.
"Like I haven't heard that already today." Bella said smugly as Raoul
picked her up, and pushed her against the wall. With a flick of his wrist, Raoul ripped the back open of Bella's dress, and pulled it down to her knees. Bella closed her eyes, and waited for Raoul to work his magic. And waited. Finally she opened her eyes to see Raoul standing in front of her, panting slightly.
"Well?" She asked impatiently.
"I can't." Raoul said, blushing slightly.
"What do you mean you can't?" Bella asked.
"What do you think?" Raoul shot at her.
"Oohh." Bella said, understanding at last. "Let Bella help." She walked up to him, and grabbed his crotch in her hands.
"Nngh." Raoul let out a squeak.
"How does that inspire you?" Bella asked, releasing Raoul's crotch from iron grip she had it in. Raoul quickly turned around, and hobbled back up the stairs.
"How embarrassing." Bella commented, pulling her dress back on. "Raoul will be so embarrassed, when I tell everyone that the Vicomte couldn't seal the deal."
After eating a hearty breakfast, Erik went upstairs to see Christine.
"Christine?" He asked cautiously, walking into their room. He looked around, and saw Christine asleep on the bed. He walked up to her sleeping form, and gently brushed some strands of hair, that had fallen into her eyes. Christine was being quite a pill lately, but Erik still loved her. He gently lay his head down on her swollen stomach. "Oh my god!" Erik stood up excitedly as he felt something. "The baby just kicked! Wait 'til I tell Raoul!"
"Tell Raoul what?" Christine asked, opening up her eyes.
"Uh, tell Raoul he's fat yea, that's it." Erik nodded his head up and down quickly.
"Well on your way to tell him that, will you pick up some chocolate?"
Christine asked, rolling over onto her side.
"I remain your obedient servant." Erik bowed to Christine, and swept out of the room.
Thirty minutes later, Raoul patched up his lack up manliness by wearing tight leather pants.
"And I'm set for the count!" He said jumping down the stairs. Raoul flung open the door, and stepped outside in high hopes.
"Hey look it's the Vicomte who can't have sex with the slut maid." A bystander said, pointing at Raoul.
"What?" Raoul looked around confused.
"Bella came out here, and told us all the sordid details." The bystander told Raoul, winking at him.
"What? That was just thirty minutes ago, what kind of crappy city-I mean I don't know what you're talking about." Raoul tried to suavely turn the conversation around. The bystander started laughing at him, and Raoul quickly darted off. He ran in no particular direction, and people stopped and stared at him.
"How can this news travel so fast?" He asked himself, and slammed into
Erik. "Oh it's you." Raoul said, trying to look cool, and only managed to fall over onto a rosebush. Erik rolled his eyes.
"Why, why, why God do you put me through this every time I leave the house?" He looked down at Raoul, who was twisting around in the rosebush.
"There's a twig in my eye." He screamed. Erik then noticed Raoul's leather pants, which sculpted Raoul's butt perfectly. He shook his head with amusement and distaste.
"Look at you, in your tight leather pants, you're nothing but a fop!" Raoul gasped.
"How does he know?" Raoul thought wildly. "I mean, I'm not a fop! I'm not a fop! I aint no fop." Raoul burst into tears, and collapsed onto the pavement. "Hey Raoul," a voice in Raoul's head told him. "If you want to convince people, including yourself that you are not a fop, stop acting like one!"
"Right." Raoul said standing up. "Would a fop do this?" He asked Erik, moving towards him. Erik leaned back nervously, and Raoul threw his arms around Erik, and kissed him.
"Mmph." Erik's eyes widened in shock, and for a moment he stood still, with his lips pressed against Raoul's lips. Regaining composure of himself, Erik quickly shoved Raoul off of him. "What the hell are you doing?" He hissed, wiping his mouth angrily. "Don't you know the meaning of the word fop?" Raoul stared at him, looking a bit hurt and embarrassed.
"I'm not a fop." He mumbled softly, and quickly ran away, into a dark alley. "Where am I?" He asked himself, a bit scared. "What kind of day am I having?" Grumbling, Raoul searched his pockets for some sort of alcoholic beverage. "I need to drink all this misery away."
"Psst." Raoul looked around wildly, and saw a figure half hidden in the shadows. "Hey Vicompte, over here." Raoul warily walked over to the figure.
"What?" He asked, eyeing the man's greasy hair. Automatically, Raoul's hand shot to his own perfectly manicured hair.
"I heard about your, ahem inability to you know." The man nodded his head vigorously. Raoul let out a sexually frustrated sigh.
"Who hasn't heard that, curse Paris to hell." Raoul shook his fist angrily at no one in particular.
"Anywho, I decided to help my fellow friend in need." The greasy man produced a small bottle.
"Rum?" Raoul started towards the man excitedly.
"No." The man replied, rolling his eyes. "Drink this, and you'll be able to have sex with anything you want." He handed Raoul the bottle. Raoul grabbed it, and stared suspiciously at the man.
"How do I know this isn't poison?" Raoul squinted his beady eyes at the greasy man.
"Do I look like you can't trust me?" The greasy man asked. Raoul looked at the man's matted down greasy hair, and his bloodshot green eyes.
"You're right." Raoul said, apparently convinced. He grabbed the bottle, and downed the clear fluid in one motion. "Yuck." Raoul shook his head, and tried to ignore the foul taste the drink left in his mouth. "Self-respect here I come." Raoul threw the bottle against the brick wall in what he thought was a sexy motion, and he darted off towards the de Chagny mansion.
"Ok." The man said after a slight pause. "He probably shouldn't have drunk that whole bottle."
Back at Raoul's house, Bella was absentmindedly dusting the walls. "I feel that alerting everyone about Raoul's failure has been my good deed for the day." Just then, Raoul burst into the room all flushed. "Your timing is impeccable." She said lazily. Raoul smirked at her, and grabbed her by the waist.
"All right Raoul, let's not put you through this embarrassment again." She started to tell Raoul, but stopped talking when Raoul started kissing her neck.
"Well what the hell." Bella pushed Raoul off of her, and shoved everything off of the kitchen table. She hopped onto the table, and pulled Raoul to her.
"Now who's the fop?" Raoul grunted, ripping off his shirt. "I'm an animal!" He screamed, getting a bit off topic Bella thought.
"Are you done?" She asked him.
"What?" Raoul tore his eyes away from the length size mirror, and looked back at Bella. "Let's get this party started." He roared, and rolled off of the table, taking Bella with him.
Four hours later, Bella was asleep and Raoul was doing pushups to congratulate himself on a deed well done. Bella opened her eyes, and saw Raoul acting like a moron.
"Do you want to do it again or something?" Bella yawned, and started to stand up.
"What are you talking about?" Raoul asked, collapsing on the floor,
exhausted by his five pushups.
"How should I phrase this in a classy way?" Bella thought hard. "Raoul de Chagny you have a massive erection."
"Huh?" Raoul looked down, and gasped loudly. He grabbed a robe that was lying on a chair, and vainly tried to cover it up. "It must be that cursed drink. The man didn't say anything about the effects lasting four hours." Raoul mused to himself.
"What?" Bella asked, starting to search for her dress.
"Nothing." Raoul said quickly. "Down!" He screamed at his crotch. Bella rolled her eyes, and left Raoul to himself. "I think I better go to the doctor." Raoul announced to the empty room, and dashed out the door, wearing only his leather pants. Raoul paused once he was outside. "Now which way to the doctor's?" He looked around, hoping to see some signs pointing him in the right direction. "I'll go this way." He shouted pointing straight ahead, and starting running in that direction.
He started slamming into people left and right, and only stopped running when he bumped into Christine.
"Hey, oh it's you." Christine stared at Raoul with distaste.
"Well at least it's not Erik." Raoul thought to himself.
"Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?" Christine smirked at the scarlet Raoul.
"Well." Raoul said, pulling a roll of quarters out of his pocket. "You never know when you might need some." He said, looking at his quarters with some affection.
"And yet it still looks like you are happy to see me." Christine turned back around, and resumed buying her stack of food.
"Bah." Raoul raised his hand threateningly at Christine, and continued running. Ten minutes later, Raoul managed to find the doctor's building. He burst through the doors.
"I need medical assistance!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.
"That's not all that you need." A blond haired nurse informed him.
"Ok." A doctor came rushing over to Raoul. "Let's get you into a room, before you poke someone's eye out." He put his arm around Raoul, and started to lead him towards a room, when someone screamed out,
"Ow, my eye!" Raoul looked around fearfully, and noticed the blond haired nurse clutching her eye in pain.
"Are you ok Mary?" The doctor asked the nurse, giving Raoul a suspicious look.
"No, I just poked my eye with a quill." The nurse, still clutching her eye, rushed out of the room.
"You're lucky." The doctor told Raoul, shaking him wildly.
"Huh?" Raoul asked, all disoriented.
"Just be quiet." The doctor shoved Raoul into a room, and slammed the door shut, leaving Raoul alone in a strange room. Raoul closed his eyes, and prayed that he would survive this embarrassing ordeal.