A\N: Hola everyone! Hope you like this chapter, I had the whole thing written out, and had my friend read it before posting it, and basically she said it was crap and too random, so I kind of re-wrote, because I'm going with my gut, and I think this chapter pretty funny (I hope), and when I was writing this, I was listening to Rent and watching The Simpsons, so it's a little bit of the wall, but I hope you all love it and review! I have a hole in my heart in the shape of the people who review my story... not that I'm sure you care...hmmm...awkward...

Chapter 21

Erik awoke the next day to stifling heat. He kicked the covers back, and turned over to see that Christine wasn't beside him.

"Christine?" He called, rolling clumsily off of the bed, and landing on the floor with a huge thump, causing Gerard to wake up and start crying. "Fuck, fuck fuck!" He stormed over to Gerard's crib, and gently picked him up, and started rocking him back and forth, when there was a loud knock at the front door. "Christine can you get that?" He hollered, and there was no answer. "Fine." He muttered stonily, and gently lay Gerard back in his crib, then made his way to the front door. "What do you want?" He asked, throwing the door open, and saw a small black kitten wearing a red ribbon around it's neck sitting patiently on a small blanket. "What the fuck?" He muttered, leaning down to inspect a card attached to the red ribbon around it's neck. "To Erik," he read out loud. "For your birthday, I got you a cat to serve companionship, I named it Raouldar." At this point, the kitten looked up at Erik, and started purring. Erik looked back down at the card, and continued reading. "Don't try to rename him either, he'll only react to 'Raouldar', Happy Birthday. P.T.O, don't ask how I know it's your birthday, I just do. Baby."

Erik gently picked up the kitten, or Raouldar as he was called.
"Sorry little cat, but you can't live with me, you'll just end up getting hurt. Besides, anything Raoul gives away is unacceptable." He leaned down, and tried to shake Raouldar out of his arms, but Raouldar stubbornly clung on, purring defiantly. Raouldar lifted his paws up, and wrapped them around Erik's neck, and then lay his tiny head against Erik's chest. "Well, when you put it that way, welcome to the family." He smiled faintly, and began to stroke Raouldar, when Christine burst through the front door.

"Oh there you are Erik." She cried breathless. "I was getting worried. Why are you holding a cat?" Erik handed Raouldar to Christine wordlessly, and she read the card around his neck interestedly. "Oh my god," she exclaimed after a moments pause. " Raoul has girly handwriting." She snorted derisively. "Oh, and it's your birthday." She glared at Erik, "why didn't you tell me?"

"Well I didn't really think it was a big deal, I didn't even realize it was my birthday, until Raouldar reminded me." He affectionately patted Raouldar's head.
"Well," Christine started to whisper in what she thought was a sexy voice. "We'll just have to celebrate extra hard tonight." She pressed up against Erik, who started laughing nervously. Grabbing his face, she kissed him passionately, and then abruptly released him, so he fell against the side of the house. Christine then grabbed Erik's ass, and strolled back into the house with Raouldar in her arms. There was an awkward pause, then Erik jumped down the stairs, and strode over to Raoul's house.

"Erik!" Raoul jumped up from his couch, when he saw Erik at his door. "You came to visit?" He asked, swinging his door open.
"How did you know its my birthday?" Erik simply demanded.
"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies." Raoul smirked, and then anxiety clouded his face. "Um, well this really isn't the best time to discuss anything, I'm a bit busy, if you could come back in an hour that would really be helpful"
"Why, you sleeping with another whore?" Erik asked, inexplicably angry, pushing Raoul aside, and strode into his house.

"Please, please, please." Raoul rushed over, and jumped in front of Erik. "Ummm..." Raoul searched his mind for something to distract Erik. "Ok, I totally just thought of this: isn't it funny that guys piss standing up right next to each other? I find that extremely weird." Erik decided not to dignify this statement with an answer, and he continued on his way into Raoul's living room.

"Ah, Raoul." A dozen fat businessmen were sitting around, smoking, and they all looked up expectantly as Erik burst into the room. There was a slight pause, and one particularly fat man removed the pipe from his mouth and remarked,
"You're not the Vicomte"
"Um no, that is correct." Erik fidgeted uneasily, aware of everyone staring at his mask.
"Ah, messieurs, I see you have met Erik." Raoul hastily walked over to the liquor cabinet.

"Yes, and he seems somewhat intelligent." One man commented, and Erik made a indignant noise in his throat. "Now, uh, monsieur, we are discussing on ways to make Paris a more lucrative city." He paused, and Erik gave a curt nod of his head. "And the vicomte came up with this excellent idea." Erik looked over at Raoul, who started shaking his head frantically.

"No, no, he's lying!" Raoul screamed desperately. "Uh, anyway, the vicomte came up with the idea that the Opera Populaire was just a waste of space, and we are discussing on ways on how to dispose of the Opera house. Perhaps you could help us think of an amusing way to get rid of it?" The man continued earnestly.
"What?" Erik exploded, taking angry steps over towards Raoul. "Why in god's name would you want to get rid of the Opera Populaire?"

"Well it's just," Raoul cowered against his wall as Erik advanced towards him. "People don't really go to the opera any-Gahh!" Erik wrapped his thin fingers around Raoul's neck, and started throttling him.
"Well actually," The man continued, "I think your exact words were 'the opera sucks, and anyone who spends more than a day at the Opera Populaire has no life of their own.'" Erik growled, and tightened his grip on Raoul's neck.
"Yes, this new guy seems a little too anxious for my liking." Another man said, trying to reach down and grab a saltine off of the floor.

"I know what will loosen him up." One unctuous man commented, sneering and digging into a bag, and retrieving a pipe. He poured a little bit of mixture in it, and then lit it. "Here you go." The man handed it to Erik, smiling widely. Erik cautiously let go of Raoul, who immediately ran back over to his liquor, gasping for breath. Erik grabbed the pipe, and hesitantly turned to look at Raoul, who now looked as if he was trying to conceal his excitement. He eagerly nodded at Erik, and then started to gulp down his brandy. "Eh." Erik nonchalantly shrugged, and started to smoke.

Two minutes later, Raoul quit his alcohol and joined in Erik, and began smoking. Five minutes later they were both stoned out of their minds.
"No no no, I have got such the biggest craving for pastrami, let's eat sheets of pastrami!" Raoul gasped for breath, and ran into his kitchen.
"There's a hole your carpet!" Erik yelled, dropping to his knees, and paused for a moment, and then sniffed at the air, and then up the leg of an extremely fat man.
"What the fuck?" The man gasped, yanking his leg out of Erik's reach.
"The world is at your feet!" Erik screamed, bowing down to them all, and then Raoul came skidding down the hall with a bowl of pastrami.

"Oohh I love pastrami, but not as much as I love your taut muscular thighs." Raoul giggled, and fell down next to Erik. Erik nodded vigorously, and dug his hands into the bowl, and wriggled them around.
"All right, that's enough out of you." He yelled, throwing a scrap of pastrami at Raoul, who grabbed Erik by the shoulders, and started pushing him back and forth.
"Ssshhh, your pants are flaring out of control! There will be piss flying in everyone's boots in a moment." He looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling for a moment.
"This is getting to vulgar for me." One man frowned, chomping on some saltines.
"Ssh, this is deliciously disgusting." The man who originally gave Erik the pipe said, leaning forward intently.

"I want to tell you a story," Erik regained control of himself. "It's called 'Salty Sea Stories!' It involves pantyhose."
"Can lettuce ravish me in my sleep?" Raoul inquired, looking anxiously around.
"Ok, you know what?" Erik demanded, shoving pastrami in a hole in the carpet.
"What?" Raoul asked politely.
"Shut up about my mother!" Erik yelled, hitting Raoul over the head. "Now sing for me"
"Ok, it's hard to keep track of you, when you keep screaming out nonsensical things." Erik fixated a cold stare at Raoul, who opened up his mouth to speak, but Erik interrupted him.

"Quiet." Erik ordered, and held his hands in front of his face. "I hear it, I hear it, I hear it, my song! I see the music." He began swaying drunkenly in time to music that seemed to be playing inside his head.
"Crotchal moisture-" Raoul tried to get in with the random action, but Erik tackled him before he could say anything else.
"You're down! Down you!" He screamed repeatedly, his head buried in Raoul's stomach. Raoul began wailing furiously, tugging at his hair. There was a loud rip, and several strands of Raoul's golden brown hair came off in his hand.
"Nooo!" Raoul covered his eyes, and began crying.

"Shh, shh, don't play detective." Erik whispered, placing two fingers on Raoul's chin. Realizing just who was on top of him, and whose lips were just a mere five inches from his own, Raoul decided to be a gentleman, and take advantage of a man who probably wouldn't remember anything that happened the next day. He dug his fingers into Erik's hair, and pushed his lips against Erik's. Erik's eyes bulged open, and tried to pull himself away, but Raoul pushed Erik down against the floor, and began kissing him passionately, running his hands up Erik's chest.

"Now this, THIS is awkward." The fattest man pointed, and got up, and hastily exited the room, and returned five minutes later with a bowl of pudding. Raoul finally pulled back, leaving them both breathless.
"God, I need some booze." Raoul whispered, tightening his grip on Erik's shirt. Erik opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again.
"I'm so scared right now." He commented, while Raoul clambered off of him, and started pouring gin down his throat.

"Ohhhh, why does distance make us wise!" Erik started crooning, while lying on his back, wriggling his arms about. Apparently done with his booze, Raoul threw his gin bottle up in the air, and watched it smash on his carpet with mild interest. He twirled around, and then stopped suddenly.
"Oh god." He stumbled, and doubled over, and vomited all over the fat businessman who was slurping at his chocolate pudding.

"Nooooooo!" The man hollered, and he darted out of the house furiously, with the rest of the businessmen plodding behind him. Raoul slowly turned around, and sheepishly smiled at Erik, who was deep in thought, "Christine." He said quietly. "Christine!" And he jumped up, and ran out of the house, treading on Raoul's foot as he went.
"Oh goddammit." Raoul heaved a sigh, and chased after Erik.

Christine was relaxing in the bath, when she heard Erik screaming from outside,
"Christine! Christine!" She tried to ignore him with little success, but as his screams grew more agitated, she slowly climbed out of the bath, and pulled her robe around her.

"What? What is it? Are you hurt?" She asked, hurrying to the window.
"Hey, Christine!" Erik screamed, wrapping his hands around his face.
"Oh my god, what's wrong?" Christine asked, leaning out of the window.
"Can you throw us down a couple of rolls of toilet paper?" Erik calmly asked. "I mean Raoul wouldn't have any, he's a vicomte, they wipe their asses with bark"
"What in god's name are you talking about?" Christine threw her arms up angrily. "No, just forget it, that's enough out of you."

"Just throw down the toilet paper." Erik said.
"Fine, fine." She disappeared for a moment, and then chucked some rolls down at Erik.

"Yes." He breathed in, and tossed a roll over to Raoul, who caught it a bit unsteadily. "Quick let's tepee the house." He chuckled to himself, and began throwing one toilet roll up against his house.
"Oh shudder." Raoul sighed, and reluctantly started throwing more rolls.

"Oh for god's sake!" Christine muttered moodily, as a roll of toilet paper hit her head. She disappeared from view, and slammed her way out of the house. Spotting her, Erik panicked.
"Run man!" He bellowed, throwing the toilet paper in the air, and he tried to run away, but Christine caught the back of his shirt, and hauled him back into their house. "But Christine, the music!" Erik pleaded, but she pushed him back into the house, and slammed the door behind them. Raoul tottered for a few moments unsteadily, and then passed out in Erik and Christine's front lawn.

"I cannot believe you!" Christine was saying furiously inside the house.
"Oh Christine." Erik's head lolled around, and he looked up at her through squinted eyes. "Let's just have sex." Christine suppressed a giggle. "Oh all right." She smirked, "hang on, I'm stuck." She turned around to pull the bottom of her robe out from underneath a chair. There was a huge thump, and Christine turned around to see a unconscious Erik, lying on the stairs. "That is it." She cried, "tomorrow we are going to a psychiatrist!"