Stay With You
Chapter 7
He looked longingly at Calleigh as she continued to gaze at him, the concern evident in her eyes. The admission of Sam's betrayal hung heavily over his eyes and he felt them begin to sag . Inside, even though his heart was still beating, it was damaged, possibly beyond repair. He didn't know why he had come down to the firearms, and secretly he hoped that she wasn't there. But when he saw her bent over the paperwork, thinking of something obviously pleasant, his emotions took over. At that point , he just wanted to feel.
He walked into the office and stood by her, his eyes emoting the hurt that pulsated through him. He tried to speak, but the sobs that were choking his throat made that impossible. As Calleigh looked at him, she instantly thought that something was wrong with Sascha.
"Tim , is Sascha alright?" Calleigh asked with deep concern in her voice.
Tim glanced down at the desk and then back to her, nodding. There was no words for what he was feeling . Anger, hatred, love, despair, all came to mind, but he couldn't put them into context. He was hoping that Calleigh could figure this out for him, and help him.
" Alright, so if Sascha's okay, then the problem is with Sam," Calleigh concluded.
Tim spoke softly through the pain of his tightened throat, feeling the alien words tumbling out, "Sam has betrayed me."
" What?"
" While she was in New York, she slept with her former boyfriend. Also, I find out that she is pregnant. Why does this keep happening to me?" Tim asked as he closed his eyes. " All I want is to be loved."
Calleigh tried to suppress the shock of this and grasped his arm. Despite everything that they had gone through, she never wanted to see him in distress, which is where he resided at that very moment.
" Tim , you are loved. Sascha loves you , God knows Alexx loves you. Eric , Horatio... and I love you."
Tim opened his eyes and gazed into her face, " You what?"
" Yes, Tim, I love you. I suppose that I will always love you. The love that we had will never die."
" Then what happened?" Tim asked , his eyes crinkling slightly.
" It got lost and we moved on. You found Sam and well, Horatio and I ... ," Calleigh said quietly. Her current stresses had taken a toll on her and she wondered if she was truly happy with her lot in life. She couldn't deny her love for Horatio, but as she had told herself time and time before, Tim had held a special place in her heart. Tears began to surface and she blinked back at the thought of what could've been for them.
" Calleigh, I'm sorry to bother you with this. It's obvious that you are dealing with your own troubles... I'll go." Tim returned as he turned to walk out.
" No, Tim..." Calleigh said as she put a hand on his arm, causing him to stop.
" What?"
" I think that we are looking for the same thing," Calleigh said as she pulled him closer. The proximity was unnerving to them both. She gazed into his eyes, seeing the desire there, but also seeing a hint of hesitancy. Disregarding it, she pulled him into a searing kiss and he returned it , amplified.
The intensity of the kiss pushed her back to the desk as she fought to stay connected to him. Her mind was afire with the lost feelings of his lips kissing her, and she let her control slip as she felt his hands on her shoulders. His touch seemed to burn through her flesh, marking her once more, then moving to her waist and encasing her. The electricity that coursed through them was powerful as he felt her hands on the buttons of his shirt. He wanted this badly, he wanted her, he wanted love.
In seconds, his shirt was off and she broke the kiss, glancing at the door. As if knowing her intentions, Tim crossed the room effortlessly and closed the door, locking it. There was no turning back now. He returned to her as she slipped off her lab coat and tossed it on the desk. His fire was stoked, watching her as she put her hands on the edge of her blouse , and felt the lust rise in him quickly. He approached her gently, putting his hands on the exposed flesh of her waist, moving ever so slightly to her chest, eliciting slight moans. His eyes closed, his mind flashed on her , re living a tender a tender moment that they had shared...
" It's ok, Tim. I know you loved her. She will probably be in your heart forever, but she's moved on from that and you have too." Sam said as she cupped his face in her hands. " No matter what, I am here for you, Tim. I love you too...".
What was he doing? How could he have forgotten what Sam had meant to him. But, she slept with another man, his mind told him. He dropped his hands and sighed audibly, startling Calleigh. He couldn't go through with this. No matter how much he wanted to , or how much he wanted to hurt Sam, he just couldn't do it. Then it dawned on him, he really loved Sam. If just thinking about her could make Tim stop reconnecting with his 'lost love' then he knew that it was a deeper more refined love that he felt for her. Standing away from Calleigh, he bent to pick up his shirt and slipped it on.
" I'm sorry, Cal. I just can't. I mean, I want to, but I can't," Tim stumbled. Calleigh inhaled deeply and then let the air escape slowly, smiling.
" You love her."
" I love her."
" Good," Calleigh said as she bent to pick up her shirt. Even if she wasn't with him, she wanted him to be happy. And obviously, Sam made him happy.
"Cal,..."
"No, it's alright. Really. I want you to be happy and you made your choice ,it seems, a long time ago. It's what matters Timmy."
" What about you? You deserve happiness as well."
" I'll be fine, Tim. We have to deal with what we are dealt. Deep down I imagine that I will always have this sense of unhappiness, but I have a wonderful life. Stress and all."
" Stress can kill you," Tim said smirking. It felt wonderful to be able to do that at a moment like this.
" Don't I know it. Go to her Tim. Work it out. Get married. But for god sakes, don't let this love pass you by. You are too good of a man for that," Calleigh said as she put her hands on his cheeks.
" Thanks, Cal. Being able to talk to you, it means a lot to me."
" Consider my door open , always, Tim. I'll be there if you need me."
" I'll probably take you up on that," Tim said as he bent to kiss her on the cheek.
" I'm counting on it. Now go. You have a fiancé waiting for you."
Tim nodded his head and smiled at her as he finished buttoning up his shirt. As close as he had come to making the same mistake that Sam had made, he was glad that he came to Calleigh. With a renewed sense of purpose, he walked out of the firearms lab, leaving Calleigh with a smile on her face.
S/S
Sam moved angrily against the nurse who had come in to administer the breathing treatment. Despite the pain that this was causing her, she felt like she deserved it for what she had done to their relationship. The nurse shot her a stern look as she maintained her vigilance in placing the mask over her face. The nurse ended up winning the battle of wills and smiled as she patted Sam on her shoulder.
" Now relax, sweetie and let the medicine work," the nurse said simply.
Sam stopped fighting it, and inhaled deeply, letting the medicine take hold. Soon she drifted off to a light slumber, her mind fixed on the events of that night in New York. She wanted to think about Tim, but instead her mind wafted drowsily to Martin.
Sam sat at the bar, thinking about her life in Miami. She couldn't wait until this was over so that she could return to him. As much as she loved him, she couldn't help but wonder what he was doing while she was here. Her mind played tricks on her, imagining him with Calleigh. She absently stirred the tea that she had ordered and closed her eyes. She had to stop doing this to herself. The ring that he had put on her finger glinted up at her, but provided no assurance. She still fell prey to her fear of losing him to her. She slipped it off and held it between her fingers. One simple piece of jewelry, signifying an act of love. She sighed heavily and replaced the ring on her finger. If only it was that easy, she thought.
Deep in thought, she didn't see him until she looked up . He walked into the restaurant seemingly knowing where exactly he was heading. As he came up to her, she saw his smiling eyes.
"Sam, what are you doing here alone?"
" I was thinking," Sam replied as she saw him take a seat.
" You don't mind if I join you, do you?"
"No, by all means."
"Sam, I gotta say that I'm happy that we could work together again. This place's been lonely without you."
" Really? And I would've thought that Jack would've kept you busy with work and everything," Sam quipped.
Martin chuckled lightly and looked at his hands. They had parted ways on pretty rough terms, and it was only when she announced that she was leaving New York, did he realize how much he needed her. He instantly noticed the strained look on her face and moved in closer. Something was bothering her.
"Sam, what's going on with you? The entire time you've been here, you've been in your own little world. What's got you?"
" If you really want to know... it'sTim," Sam said as she sipped on the tea. Her mind again flashed on him and his ex wife.
" What about him?" Martin asked softly.
" I -I don't know, he asked me to marry him, but it seems like he still has feelings for his ex wife . He's told me that I have nothing to worry about, but I can't help but feel like he's sizing me up against her. I want to be loved for who I am," Sam replied on the verge of tears.
Martin moved deftly and caught her tears as they slid silently down her cheeks. She looked up at him, seeing the wonderful smile that she had fallen in love with, suddenly feeling the need to hear him continue talking.
" Sam, you are a wonderful woman. There's no one like you. None. He's a fool if he tries to compare you to her."
" Martin,..."
" No, Sam. I mean it. You deserve happiness. I wished that I could've been the one to give it to you..." Martin said as he caressed her cheek
She stared into his blue eyes, wanting to see the love that she desired to feel. She closed her eyes and dropped her head. What was she thinking? She could easily call him to talk, but she knew that's not what she wanted. She wanted something tangible, something that she could feel. She needed it, craved it even.
" Let me try," Martin continued.
Her next movements were a blur to her and suddenly she found herself in his apartment, in his arms,her fears and doubts fueling her need for intimacy. She soaked up all of the attention that Martin gave her, forgetting all about her commitment that she hadn't taken off.
In the middle of their passion, she spoke quietly with tears in her voice, " I love him..."
"If you love him, then why are you here with me?" Martin returned breathlessly as he continued to focus on her.
It went on for hours, Sam losing herself in Martin's love. Afterwards, she gazed at the ceiling while Martin slept soundly, not feeling any better . Some how, she thought by giving herself over to him would make her feel . She was right, she felt worse.
What have I done, she thought to herself.
As Sam continued to sleep, a solitary tear dropped and trailed down her face. It was a tear dropped in vain, a mistake had been made.
TBC...