Disclaimer: I own nothing . Nothing! Oh, and i did a lot of research on various websites that'd I'd like to give credit to, but can't list them all, so if you google up "The Wizard of Oz screenplay" you should probably get most of them...
Note: This is a crack fic, no apparent pairings yet, though if there is enough support for something i might chuck it in. Oh, and at the bottom of every chapter there will be a cast list of everyone who appeared in the chapter, if you are confused as to which role each character is playing. All future chapters shall apply to the aforementioned disclaimer! No suing! Now on to the story!
Bright pink hair flared out behind her as Haruno Sakura ran down the road towards the farm that she lived on. The dog in her arms barked in protest as she squeezed him tighter to her and ran faster.
"That wench! She didn't hurt you, Pakkun, did she? She tried to, didn't she! We're gonna tell Auntie Anko and Uncle Iruka, aren't we?"
Pakkun had been listening to the entire tirade patiently so far, but the squeezing was starting to get to him. Sure the old transvestite Ebisu had attacked him with a rake, but at least he took a hunk out of her cat's hair first.
"Grrrrrr"
And in the magical world of the movies where all the distressed heroines understand what every grunt and growl of their animal sidekicks means, this could be roughly translated as, "Dear god woman, you talk too much. Now stop squeezing me or I shall pee in your shoes."
Of course, Sakura decided to ignore this advice and ran faster, consequently squeezing tighter. As she neared the farm house she started yelling to bring everybody's attention to the horrible almost-tragedy of the near beating Pakkun had received.
"Auntie Anko! Auntie Anko!" Sakura schreeched even louder when she got no reply. She kept going past the farm house to the barn, knowing that everyone was probably working there.
"Fifty-seven...fifty-eight..." Auntie Anko was doing one-armed push ups with Uncle Iruka sitting on her back, along with several farm animals.
"Auuuuuuuuuuuntie Anko! Listen to meeeeee! Me and Pakkun were-"
"Pakkun and I" Uncle Iruka interrupted, correcting her grammar.
"Hmmph! Pakkun and I were skulking around the old Ebisu place, when Pakkun got away and-"
""Shut it, girl, Can't you see I'm busy!...Sixty-five...sixty-six..." Auntie Anko interjected.
"But, Ebisu went after Pakkun with a-"
"Sakura! We're trying to do something! Be quiet for a minute!"
"But Uncle Iruka, Ebisu hit Pakkun with a rake! A rake! And I-"
"Stupid dog ...probably...deserved it...seventy-eight...seventy-nine..." Anko grunted.
"But! But!..." At this time Sakura realized that no matter how persistent she was, they weren't going to listen to her raving madness. She marched off in a huff to find better company, but before she had even turned the corner around the barn, she heard them talking about her...
"Poor little orphan girl, and her Ebisu problems..."
"One hundred and six...the damn dog ...probably...deserved ...it, I...tell ya..."
Sakura huffed even faster, and in the process was almost run over by the wagon that Sasuke, Kakashi and Naruto were pushing. She just got out of the way in time, and the three hadn't even noticed her there, or maybe they were just ignoring her.
"How's it going" Sasuke grunted in the other two's general direction.
"Take it easy..." Kakashi said, barely paying attention with his nose in an orange non-descript book that just screamed porn. How he could see at all, with the combination of the book, and the eye patch over his left eye was something they all had yet to figure out, but he seemed to be doing a fine job, despite such obstacles.
"Ouch! You got my finger! " Whined Naruto.
"Well, maybe you shouldn't put your finger in the way, stupid." Sasuke's head popped up from behind the wagon as he directed his insults at Naruto.
They stop pushing the wagon and catch their breath.
"Alright! Hup-to! Little more this way!" Kakashi instructed.
"Ah! You got my finger again!" Naruto shrieked
"Hn. Just be glad it wasn't your head, stupid."
Sakura thought she had been ignored long enough, and so she decided to invite herself into the conversation despite the obvious wishes of the others that she remain silent.
"Oh Sasuke! What am I gonna do about Ebisu? Today, again she went-"
Sasuke looked uncomfortable, and started to walk away" Uhhh, well, i got to go feed the pigs now..." Naruto followed him
Kakashi put his hand on her shoulder as she tried to follow the boys. "Listen Sakura, you're not thinking this through. Use you're brains, or I'd think you have none at all."
"I do to have brains!" Sakura protested
"Well, use them then. When you're coming back from the academy, use a different way. That way you won't meet up with Ebisu and you won't get into trouble." Kakashi scratched the back of his head and acted like he was stating the obvious.
"Kakashi, you just aren't listening to me!" Sakura whined as she turned to leave.
" Hmmph, your brains aren't made of straw, are they?"
Sakura nearly threw a fit, but decided to leave and find some one else to complain to.
"Ohhhh, my back..." She heard the low whisper from over by the pig pen where Naruto was working. His new training regiment left him feeling like their rusty tractor, and he wanted everyone to know about it. Sasuke was nowhere in sight.
"Naruto, you understand, right? That horrible witch Ebisu shouldn't be allowed to-"
"Sakura, YOU have to understand. Ebisu is old and ugly. She/he's got no heart, so you gotta be the one to. Take pity on the hag." Naruto advised, strangely somber.
"But I do have a heart!" Sakura protested.
Naruto bent over again and that was when she noticed the strange contraption he had been working on...
"What the hell is that?" She said.
"The best invention ever! Just like I'm gonna be the best inventor ever!"
"...Well, What does it do?"
"Hmmmm... Haven't quite figured that out yet...Hey where'd this part go?"
"Uhhh..."
"Hah! I bet Sasuke stole, 'cuz he's jealous! Stupid prick!"
Sakura backed away, not wanting to hear the rest of the rant. It was the same one every time anyway...
Coincidentally, Sasuke arrives, herding a group of pigs, the one called Ton Ton in the lead. Sakura was almost run over by the exuberant piggies, they were eager to get their dinner. Sasuke chased them all into their pen and latched it before he picked up their feed. Sakura lept up onto the rail and balanced as she watched Sasuke work.
"Grrrr..." Translation: Get in there or you'll be made into piggy banks. ...It was the most expressive Sakura had ever seen him.
"Oh, Sasuke! You feel bad for me and Pakkun-"
"Ffth..." Translation: Pakkun and I...
"Hmmph. Whatever. But isn't it awful what she-"
"Keh..." Translation: The old hag is nothing to worry about...
"I'm not afraid of her!" Sakura protested.
"Mmm-hmm" Translation: Sure you aren't. Well then, next time she bothers you, challenge her to a fight...
"Oh...Oh!" Sakura lost her balance and landed in the trough with an undignified yelp. Once she realized what she had landed in, she yelled to Sasuke for help.
Sasuke grunted and dragged her out by her leg. Kakashi and Naruto came over to see what all the commotion was about. Auntie Anko had also come to investigate when she heard screams, but was obviously hoping to find an opponent. When she discovered none, she turned to Sakura and the farmhands.
"Hmmph, should've known...Well, whats all this about! If you're all gonna just stand there like buffoons, I know of three farmhands who are going to lose their jobs soon."
"Who?" Naruto asked cheekily.
"Hnn, well, go back to that wagon! You can't just let it sit in the way!"
"But...oh...uhh..."
"Do you have anything to add Naru-...What the hell is that thing?" Anko had noticed the ...thing leaning against the fence of the pen.
"That's my invention!" Naruto replied. "It's what's gonna make me famous! They'll make me mayor, and put a big stone statue of me in-"
"...Right..." Disbelief was evident in their collective answer.
"Sooo, ah... Oh, Sakura, what happened to you?" Anko had only just taken notice of her dirtied niece.
"Mumblemumble"
"What's that?"
"She fell into the pig sty." Sasuke answered, using more words in that one sentence that he does in a month. The group stared in shocked silence.
Then Sakura decided to bring up a conversation topic they had all been trying to avoid. You wouldn't believe what Ebisu is threatening to do to me and Pakkun! She said she was gonna-"
"Stop imagining things dear. Now if you aren't gonna help, why don't you go find someplace where you'll be out of the way." Uncle Iruka said as he approached. "Now it's my turn to do push ups, Anko dear..."
Sakura stormed off once again, pouting. There was only so much rejection a girl could take in one day...
(To be continued!)
Well, if you liked it, or have some criticism to give me, review. If I don't get any reviews, I won't update! okay?
Casting (in order of first appearance):
Dorothy- Haruno Sakura, Toto- Pakkun, Auntie Em- Mitarashi Anko, Uncle Henry-Umino Iruka, Farmhand Zeke- Uchiha Sasuke, Farmhand Hunk- Hatake Kakashi, Farmhand Hickory- Uzumaki Naruto, Almira Gulch- Ebisu (I couldn't find his last name ;)
Note: All names were gotten from and casting is NOT up for suggestion! Don't get mad if I don't take your advice!