Falling Apart

A/N: This is kinda depressing. I wrote it on the fly so hopefully you still like it. As always thanks for the reviews :) Keep em up!

Summer's throat constricted and she literally felt all the blood drain from her face like a waterfall. It couldn't be. It just couldn't. It didn't make sense. But it was real. No matter how hard she pinched her arm or bit her tongue, it had happened. She wanted to curl up into a fetal position and cry herself dry but she was angry, furious. She was only eighteen, this wasn't supposed to happen. The remote was still clutched in her hand and she squeezed it with all her might but she wasn't the hulk. It did nothing but launch an onslaught of tears and suddenly she was hurling the remote from her tiny hand at the tv. She didn't want to see it anymore, but all she succeeded in doing was crack the screen and split open the remote into several pieces. The news was still covering the accident and there was nothing she could do. She was helpless and lonely and scared and in the midst of a serious emotional rage blackout.

When Seth entered Summer's room a half hour later, on schedule, her half of the room was a bit disheveled to say the least. The first thing that drew his attention was the cracked TV screen which prompted an on-slaught of fear. "Oh my god," he choked out. Her number was on speed dial but waiting as the rings resounded in his head was anything but speedy. When her voice mail picked up he felt his stomach sinking into his pelvis. Where the hell was she?

Summer had made it to her car but had succeeded in doing nothing further. She was curled up in the drivers seat with a handle of vodka in her lap, her face tear stained, her eyes red and swollen, her heart heavy and disolving. She lifted the hand not clutched to the bottle and revealed her cell phone. Three missed calls from Seth. As much as she needed him she didn't want to hear his sympathy. She just needed to be alone. But as the minutes wore on and the alcohol wore thin she became desparate. When he answered on the first ring spilling words of sympathy, apology and love she completely broke down.

"Sum are you ok? Where are? I want to see you." Seth's voice was on the brink of going into a panic attack. After he left Summer's room he called Marissa, leaving out the need for urgency until later, but she had no idea where she was. He had walked around campus for a half hour trying to figure out where she would have gone when she finally returned his calls.

The tears were freely flowing again and her voice had completely failed her. She continued sobbing, trying to get a word out but hiccuping in a loss of breath, as Seth tried his best to soothe her. He was now pacing in circles, not even sure where he was anymore. "I need you," Summer finally got out. It was soft and needy and it broke Seth's heart.

"Where are you?" he asked again.

"I... ah... in my car."

It was a good thing he didn't need to ask where it was because he probably would have died waiting for her to respond. He knew exactly where it was located since he had parked it there himself a few hours ago. "I'm coming... as fast as I can."

"Don't hang up," was all she could say as more emotion coursed through her. Seth just listened to her wrenching sobs until he finally reached her car and snapped it shut.

Seth cautiously opened her door and pulled himself in. Summer clung to him as he engulfed her in his arms, pulling her onto his lap so they could both sit. He cupped her face and whipped away the tears as best he could but they continued to fall. "God, are you gonna be ok?" He had no idea what to say to her. Nothing like this had ever remotely happened to him.

She hicupped into his chest, "Ok? He's gone..." She bunched his shirt in her hands, trying to gain her breath. "I'm an orphan," she spat out, suddenly shifting gears. "I... have... no one." And again she dissolved into tears.

Seth had never seen her like this. No amount of soothing words would make this go away. Her father was dead and all he wanted to do was take all her pain away. She was frail in his long arms, in stature and emotionally. Who knew what kind of toll this would take on her (as of now, not good), on them even. Seth hugged her tighter to his chest, rubbing her hair. "I'm here for you," he whispered in her ear.

Seth had finally convinced Summer to return to her room after she was completely emotionally drained. She hadn't wanted to see anyone or talk about it further. Marissa had called her a few times, but she couldn't answer. Seth did, but he lied. Sleep seemed like the best idea but it never came. They both remained awake into the wee hours of the morning, Seth holding Summer for fear she might waste away in grief, but sleep deprivation finally overtook him. Summer was no way near ready for sleep. Even though she didn't want to talk anymore, her mind was realing. No matter how long she squeezed her eyes shut and thought of happier times, REM never came.

It was now almost 5 am and Seth was finally sound asleep. Summer carefully sliped out from under his suffocating hold and grabbed a sweatshirt from the closet. She slid on the only pair of shoes she had that weren't heals, grabbed her purse off her bureau, and quietly sneaked out the door.

She aimlessly walked around the deserted campus until she reached into her purse and pulled out her phone. She scanned over her contacts not realizing the effect it would have on her to see 'dad'. Her eyes started to tear but she successfully halted their downward decent. She continued down and briefly stopped on Gloria before scrolling further and hit ok on 'mom'. It seemed like the right thing to do... but at the same time it didn't. She had a mother, she wasn't an orphan, but she hadn't spoken to her since she was thirteen years old. When she had denied her departure so long ago, she had gone snooping and found a phone number with her mother's name on it in her dad's office. And here it stood. She had never called, though tried a few times. She didn't even know if this was still her number, or ever was.

Loneliness took her and she continued scrolling over the names. She needed Marissa, even Seth, although she had just left his side a mere 15 minutes ago. In the end she closed her phone without a word uttered and replaced it back in her purse. The path was beckoning her, and she unceremoniously followed.

Seth's eyes fluttered open and when he didn't see Summer by his side he started to panic. But when he turned around she was sitting at her desk seemingly lost in thought. He immediately joined her side, inching on to the bit of chair still visible. His arm wrapped around her and he kissed her head. "How are you?" he asked cautiously.

She didn't look at him when she spoke. "I have to go home." Seth knodded. "I'm the only one on the will. Apparently I get everything," she said in a monotone voice.

Again Seth knodded, not knowing what to say to that. "When are you going home? Do you want me to come with you?"

Her mouth hadn't even opened yet to respond when the door flung open and a dissheveled Marissa entered. Ryan was just a step behind. "Summer," she whimpered. "I just heard. I'm soooo sorry." Seth scooted off the chair and onto the bed while the girls embraced. When they finally broke apart Ryan get her a sympathetic look and leaned over for a hug. "How are you holding up?" Marissa asked.

Summer avoided the question. "How'd you find out?"

"My mom just called and told me." Julie Cooper-Nichol, almost Roberts, dated her father for a little while creating an unconscious bond between all four kids and their parents: the Coopers, the Cohens and the Roberts. They were all interconnected in some weird way. "She says she's sorry and wanted to know if there's anything she can do for you." And then there was that. Sorry... what did that even mean? Just a nice way of not saying sorry your dad died? Summer hated people to baby and sympathize with her. Her best friend, practically sister, didn't even know that. Cohen hadn't appologized. She distinctly remembered that as she probably would that entire fateful day.

"I'm fine," Summer mouthed. She sat down on the bed next to Seth. He put his hand on her back, rubbing back and forth.

Marissa and Ryan sat down on her bed, all just staring anywhere their eyes would lead them to avoid the awkward silence. "Um...," Marissa hesitated. She wanted to be symathetic but not harsh. "When's... ah, the funeral?"

Summer sniffled automatically. "I don't know. I'm going home tomorrow to sort it all out." Again her voice was flat, emotionless. All her emotion had extricated itself from her body last night and their was nothing left. The spark that made Summer Little Miss Vixen was currently gone or at least on hiatus.

"We're coming with you," Marissa demanded quickly. Seth and Ryan both knodded in support.

"I can't ask you to do that. You have class."

Ryan finally spoke up. "You didn't ask. We're your friends and we're going with you." Summer didn't think it was a good idea but looked rather grateful anyway. Her lips puckered at the edges, but in the very slightest.

There was a letter. Her dad had left her a letter with the will. She hesitated opening it up. What could it possibly say? Seth had left to get food at his house and would be back in a half hour. She hadn't told him about the letter. She had wanted to open it earlier but the accident was still fresh in her mind. After the letter then that was it. This was the last communication she would ever have with her dad again, if you could even call it that. She tucked it back under her pillow when she heard footsteps on the stairs. Unknowingly, she had starred at the envelope for thirty minutes. Now it was just haunting her. Maybe after the funeral tomorrow she would be able to read it.

"Hey," Seth said quietly as he entered her bedroom. "You just been sitting there this whole time?"

Summer seemed as if she hadn't heard him but her head moved up and down slowly.

Seth skipped over asking if she was ok. He had been doing that a lot lately. He just wanted to make her happy and that meant not discussing her crushed heart. Seth had every intention of restoring it but still lacked the means to do so. He couldn't bring her father back. "I brought thai," he said holding up the bag of food.

"I'm not really hungry."

"Please eat with me," he pouted. She just shook her head and laid down on her back. "Come on I have pad thai. You can't pretend like it's not your favorite."

"I'll eat when I'm hungry."

"Fine," he said defeated. He put the carton back in the bag, placed the food on the floor, and laid down beside her.

"You can still eat," she said lazily.

He turned on his side to face her. "I'll eat when you eat." She didn't respond. He cuddled into her side, brushing his lips on her temple. "I wish I could take away your pain." It was so soft that Summer almost didn't hear, like she wasn't supposed to hear.

She finally turned to face him, locking their eyes together. "Will you?" she asked desperately.

"What? What can I do?... Please tell me how I can help you."

Summer felt like crying again. Seth was babying her but she needed him so bad that they ultimately canceled each other out. She leaned in and pressed her lips against his. He hesitated at first but cupped her face and drew her closer.

"Wait," he said. "I can't do this. I feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

Summer led his hand up her shirt and smirked. "I'm giving you the advantage." He hesitated again. "Please... I need you."

And that was all it took. As soon as Seth's lips found hers again he immediately sought out to steal her unhappiness.

"Are you ready?" Seth asked as he entered Summer's room in a suit. She sat at her desk in a simple black dress. She had forgoed doing her makeup and instead settled for her Gucci sunglasses instead. It would all be washed off in an hour anyway. She knew she would be a complete wreck. Goodbyes were not her thing.

"No," she replied and slipped her sunglasses over her already glossy eyes.

"I'm sorry that was a stupid question."

Summer shook her head. "It's ok." She slowly stood up and Seth reached out for her hand. She took it gratefully.

The limo was waiting for them in the driveway. She wanted to turn and run but the firm protective grip on her hand prevented her from doing anything but climb into the backseat. The rest of the Cohens and the Coopers were already seated as well as the lone Atwood and now the lone Roberts. They all exchanged mixed looks. Marissa reached for Summer's other hand and Kirsten laid a comforting hand on her knee. The water works were about to begin but at least she had more than enough people to hold her up.

The ceremony seemed to last an eternity but Summer was relieved when it was over, just not relieved to say goodbye. As she suspected the tears were constant. She didn't take off her sunglasses even in the poorly lit church. Summer watched as her father's casket was carried down the alter where she was to meet him a final time at the cemetary. Every time after that would just be his tombstone.

Seth wrapped his arms around her after his body was gone for good. Just the two of them remained at the cemetary. "Seth, can you just give me a few minutes?"

"Yeah, of course." He kissed her lips and wiped a stray tear that had slipped under her sunglasses. "I'll be waiting for you in the limo."

"Thanks," she mouthed.

When he left she sat in the grass and pulled out her dad's letter. After taking a deep breath she finally pulled it out.

Hi Summer,

I don't know when you'll get this but I hope with all my heart that you're happy. You deserve the best and I'm not just saying that because I'm your father. Everything's yours. I left everything in your name. Do whatever you want with it. It's yours now. Dream big. Fall in love as often as you can and live like every day's your last. I can't say that I did that myself, but I brought you into this world and that is really the only thing that matters. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry you didn't get to grow up with a mother. It was all my fault. Please forgive me.

Stay strong. I'll be seeing you. I love you baby,

Daddy

Summer whiped away the fresh tears. And to think, she was mad at him for canceling Thanksgiving plans with her. Now she wouldn't have any more plans with him. She stood up and smoothed out her dress. "Bye daddy." As she said it though she couldn't believe it. All she really felt like doing was running. Where did she have to go? What did she have to do? Everything was all messed up now. Could it ever be healed?

ideas?... greatly needed... I have a few things up my sleeve but not much...