Chapter XII: Appalling Anarchy

The babies cowered under Slade's derisive smile. Mirgath instantly knew something was wrong. He was not where he was supposed to be, wherever that was. So he stared back at Slade with a blank stare. Bluefire was starting to cry softly; Whitefire was looking around fearful. Slade seemed to grow darker at the infant's fear.

"I suppose you are wondering what is happening," Slade said. "Here is what will happen. You will forget about your origins and be my apprentices to help me rule the world. When I'm old I'll poison you so you don't rebel against me, and I'll bury you in Mexico because it sounds cool. While you're my apprentices you'll be subject to my every whim and torture I bestow upon you. Deal?"

Mirgath sent one thought: What's origin mean?>

"This is going to take awhile," Slade mumbled. Bluefire realized they were in enemy hands. Whitefire stared angrily at Slade. Mirgath found he had to pee.

"Officer!" Robin shouted. The policeman turned to see the Titans advancing towards him. "Alert the city. Three newborns have been kidnapped."

"Um, I'm not who you want to see," the person responded. "I'm just disguised as a policeman." Robin jumped on him and pinned him.

"Why are you disguised?" Robin asked. The man swallowed nervously.

"I'm hiding from wandering salesman," he whispered. Robin got off him. A salesman came running up. Screaming the man ran off. The salesman hopped in a car with other salesman and drove after the guy. The salesman started to chuck sales forms at the man, and he suffered a heart attack. The ambulance came to take him away, and police fought off the salesman.

"Crime has reached a new level," Raven muttered. Then Robin spotted someone very familiar.

"Batman!" Robin shouted, and he ran to him. "Slade has kidnapped some…"

"Whoa there, Robin," Adam West said. "I only play him in the movies. But I bribe the phone company to put Batman as my name in the phone book, and they told me Slade's in there." Then he walked off to make fun of himself in some other story.

Lover Robin, something is strange> Starfire thought.

I know what you mean> Robin responded. Beast Boy interrupted any further conversation by shouting.

"Let's give it a try!" he said, and the Titans ran to the nearest phone book.

"Let's see," Cyborg muttered, flipping through the pages. "Sandler, Adam; Simpson, Ashley; Simpson, Homer; Simpson, Jessica; Here it is! Slade, Relish! Wait, Relish!"

"No wonder he's evil…" Robin mumbled.

"Where does he live?" Raven pressed.

Cyborg answered. "He lives at…"

The babies were enclosed in a room, with Slade sitting in front of them. A chalkboard was behind him. Slade grabbed a piece of chalk.

"Alright," he said. "Here how it goes." He drew the babies on the board. "The three of you will…"

Which one is me?> Mirgath asked. I can't tell; they're all stick figures>

"It doesn't matter," Slade said. "Now, you…"

Huh, well that's nice> Mirgath muttered. Whitefire says if you went through all the trouble of kidnapping us you could at least draw us properly. And that means no faults>

"Now I know why I went after Robin…" Slade mumbled.

"…In Paris!" Cyborg shouted. "What's he doin' there!"

"Makes sense actually," Robin muttered. "France loses all the time, he loses all the time."

"What do you got against France, dude?" Beast Boy yelled.

"Nothing," Robin countered. "They just lose all the time."

"Why are you arguing, friends?" Starfire asked. "Our children are in danger. How can we go to this France that never wins?"

"C'mon, we're going to the airport," Cyborg said. They all hopped in the T-car (which appeared out of nowhere) and drove to an airport. It didn't occur to them that they could make the T-sub fly over there. They arrived at the airport and walked to the desk attendant.

"Excuse me," Robin said. "Could we get a flight to Paris?"

"I'm sorry," the desk attendant said. "All flights to Paris have been shot down. France isn't accepting any flights over there. They are angry with us. They claim that President Bush insults them too much."

"Flamin' Republican!" Robin shouted. Starfire wasn't sure what he meant, but anger was radiating from him. The link was overpowering.

"Wait," Raven said. "Why don't we take a military plane?" Instantly the T-car appeared inside the airport, and they took off for Fort Jackson in Tennessee, breaking the speed limit at 1,002 mph (at which they could have driven over the Atlantic).

They ran up to the flight officer. "Sir, could we take a flight to Paris?" Raven asked. The officer shook his head.

"Sorry, ma'am, but the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines only have 30 men total, and our only equipment is wooden sticks. The reason for it is John Kerry just became President, and he nearly disbanded the Military to please other countries."

"Pathetic Democrat…" Raven hissed.

"How are we supposed to get there now?" Starfire asked. She sensed brightness from Robin.

"I got an idea!" he said.

"Alright!" Slade shouted. "Now that you've been drawn to perfection, taught why adults are stupid, why the dumb ones wear masks like mine, why idiots dress like I do, had your diapers changed, and learned why mindless freaks kidnap babies, let's…" Slade now realized what these lectures meant. They were proving him stupid. The babies laughed.

Slade's face reddened beneath the mask. He had just proven himself stupid. In fact, at one point he had proven himself to have an IQ lower than that of a rock's, which meant his was negative. He built up rage.

"ENOUGH!" he shouted. The babies froze. "YOU ARE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME! UNDERSTAND!" Slade picked up Mirgath and stared at him. There was a leaky noise, and Slade's expression dropped. He put Mirgath down, and went to find some paper towels. The babies erupted back into laughter.

The Hitchhiker's Guide has this to say about stealing:

If you're gonna do it, don't get caught. Stealing is considered a heinous crime on many planets (except on Earth as set by Robin Hood and Sir Francis Drake, as well as Spy Network which steal information), and it will get you many long years in prison. However, if you truly feel inclined to you, then here are a few pointers:

Don't let anyone know what you are doing. This is a great way to get thrown in Jail. It happened to Zaphod Beeblebrox during one his terms in jail as President.

Plan out your steal. If it's something like thirty Altairian dollars, then make sure you can maneuver into a situation where you cannot be seen. If it's bigger, then plan when and how.

Prepare yourself. If you're going to pickpocket, try to cut it loose with something, so the victim does not feel you pushing in the bag. Have equipment or a method for security: camera jammers, dark clothing for lights, digital watches for security guards…

If you're caught in the act, and you have your goal, run. If you don't have it, run and come back for it later by giving the victim lots of drinks. Have an escape route ready for a get-away.

If all else fails, have your towel with you.

"Hey! Somebody stop him!" the guard yelled. "I don't know how!" Robin sprinted towards the Thunderbird, where the rest of the Titans were inside. He had been spotted by an eighth-grade class who thought he was an imposter of Robin, even though he showed them his hero ID. A guard jumped in front of him. Robin hit him in the head, and hopped the Thunderbird as it took the skies.

"Hold on back there," Cyborg said, and the Thunderbird hit Mach 5.

We're coming, Starfire thought. Please be safe.