Disclaimer: Do I need to write this for every chapter? Once again, not mine, Cloud 9's.
Note: Hopefully less OOC. Watched a few episodes to get the voices back in my head again.
It's not until much later that I learn we're going to the Island.
It's Lex who tells me, strangely enough. Slade hadn't seemed to know, and Jay either didn't know or wanted me kept in the dark. Nobody else would answer when I questioned them, all turning away and pretending not to have heard me. Twelve hours after returning from the dead, I was already considering throwing myself overboard. Speaking to Lex is, and always has been, something of a last resort for me, but any port in a storm. He's leaning on the railing when I see him, and I move quickly to stand and lean next to him before he can move away. Though he turns to look at me like I'm something he scraped off his shoe, he doesn't move, and he doesn't pretend I don't exist. It's a start.
"Good morning," I lie to him. I no longer feel like I'm liable to drop dead, but I still feel as thought I might be tempted to take matters into my own hands. He doesn't answer me, just stares off at the horizon with the kind of expression that usually means a person is thinking. I'm not sure what the expression could mean on Lex. "Lovely weather, isn't it?" This much, at least, is true. In classic defiance of my black mood, the sky has remained pristinely blue all day, only now touched with rosy fingers as night begins to fall. True or not, however, Lex refuses to look my way again. Usually I would be more than happy at his silence, but in this one case I find it incredibly annoying. Quickly running out of my usually boundless patience, I resort to a far less than honourable tactic. "I've been sleeping with your wife." True to form, Lex lunges towards me with a snarl, and stops only as he sees the grin on my face. This, of course, was lie as well. I wouldn't have touched Tai-San if she'd wanted me to, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. She's not exactly my type.If he had half a brain to go with his deceit and guile, Lex might be, but I'd rather sleep with Tai-San than tell him that.
"What do you want, Mega?" It's hardly a term of endearment, but at least I've got his attention now. There are lists... no, volumes I could recite to him now, but I decide in the end that brevity is best when dealing with the simple-minded.
"Just an answer," I say finally, and hope that's short enough for him to cope with.
"What makes you think I'm going to tell you anything?" He snaps at me, and I smirk down at him, amused inwardly by an image of an ill-trained dog snapping at my knees.
"Because I deserve to know the answer, I think." I'm thinking, but I can't come up with anything I have left to offer him or threaten him with. I can't tease him with information about Tai-San, because I've already closed that avenue in order to get myself out of the Mallrats' prison. I can't threaten to hurt him, or any of his friends, because- and I realise this with the deepest chagrin and a sudden wave of fear- I have no real power anymore. Nothing left but my mind, and my body. Like before I joined the Technos.
"You deserve an early grave," he shoots back at me, and I have to focus not to wince. He might be stupid and underhanded, but damned if Lex doesn't know how to be properly intimidating when he needs to be. Once upon a time, I might've tried to recruit him to the Technos' cause, but I don't have that anymore. Besides, I recall, he hasn't proved himself to be the most trustworthy of allies. As I had suspected, he doesn't go for the righteous angle, and I find myself forced to grasp for straws.
"You know, I did save your-" I cut myself off, mid-sentence. The smirk has moved from my face to his, and I realise with some shame that I've already used this against him. I think I must be getting sloppy in my old age. "Fine," I growl, allowing him to see my annoyance. "Look, all I want to know is where we're going. That's it. I think I deserve at least that much." I can practically see the rusty gears turning as he wonders about how best to hold this over my head. I don't like putting myself in his hands like this, but it can't be helped. I have to know where I'm going.
"All right. Fine." He starts grinning, and I'm aware of a feeling of vague unease. A grin on Lex, I've learned, is usually a sign of trouble, and rarely a sign of friendship. "But you're not gonna like the answer." There's a pause, like he's waiting for me to insist he speaks, or something. I'm not likely to give him more of a hold on me than I have to, however, and so I only wait. "We're going to find the island where you're keeping all of our friends you Technos kidnapped." He was right, I don't like that answer. Not one bit. I'm not going to let him know that, however, as Lex already has more than enough power over me.
"Thank you," I tell him through a forced smile, and walk away. On a boat this size, it takes me only a few minutes to find Jay. Thankfully, he's alone, back in the room where I had woken up. I slip inside and shut the door behind me as quietly as I can. He knows I'm here, of that I'm sure, but my intention wasn't to hide myself from him. I'm feeling a little slighted by his refusal to tell me our destination, and am hoping to catch him off guard.
"Hello, Mega," he greets, glancing up at me from his book for only a moment. Level-headed bastard, I think using words that have likely been used against myself more than once. I hate it when I'm more upset than the people around me. It's terrifying. Now, however, I'm more or less in control of myself.
"Why did you save me?" I let some emotion seep into my voice. Some anger, some hurt, and a bit of fear that I hadn't entirely intended to include. "Do you realise the Technos hadn't had contact with the Island in nearly a month? For all we know, the prisoners took over. If you take me there, and the prisoners are loose, I'm going to be ripped to pieces!" Probably Ram as well, now that I think about it, but I don't have the time nor the inclination to worry about his well-being. The thought occurs that they might harbour similar animosity towards Jay, and that, however, does give me an unpleasant fluttering feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"I hadn't thought of that," he tells me with a frown. Ah, so he did know where we were going. The thought makes me a little bitter, and I try to ignore it. "I just thought we'd go, and we'd rescue them, and that'd be the end of it." I know there's a brilliant tactitian somewhere inside Jay, it's just that I can't see it in him right now. "I'm sure it'll be fine. Even if they have taken over, lots of them were friends of the Mallrats, were former Mallrats. They'll listen to the Mallrats."
"And if they don't?"
"They will." His faith in the goodness of others never ceases to amaze and annoy me. "Trust me."
"Oh, nevermind," I snap irritably, wondering at his distressed expression. Certainly he isn't worried for my sake. I know he must have saved me for some specific reason, him hiding our destination from me only supports that. I'm fairly certain he isn't worried for Ram, since those two have long since ceased to have, or at least show, any emotion but disappointment and loathing for one another. Jay couldn't conceiveably be worried about himself, since he's the hero of his own epic poem, and heroes never fear for themselves. That leaves someone on the Island... ah, there it is. The answer was right there in front of me the entire time. "Ah, of course. Ved." The look on his face, of barely-concealed hurt, affirms my suspicions. "You're wondering if Ved is on the Island."
"You know." It's an accusation, almost, cold and hard. He stands, and stares down at me with pain and anger in his eyes. I turn away from him, unable to meet his gaze. Anyone else, and I could laugh, could hold it over his head and make him beg to know the truth, but I've seen too much pain in Jay's lovely eyes. Most of it caused by my actions.
"Unless something has happened to him since we lost contact, he's there." I'm not quite prepared to risk another glance at him, scared as I am of his anger. When he speaks, I am grateful for the apparent renewal of his usual relative calm.
"What kind of place is it? What are they doing to Ved there?" The words are angry, but the tone is frighteningly smooth. I'm worried, for the first time, that he might be angry enough to lash out at me, and I don't know what to do about it. I can't defend myself against him.
"It's only a prison. There isn't anything unusual about it." I can hear him come closer, his boots ringing loud against the ground, and I tense up. This is it, I think, he's going to hit me. Kick me. Something. A few seconds and... nothing.
"Are you sure?" He's much nearer now, much quieter. Angrier, I think. I'm definitely trembling a little.
"Yes, of course I'm sure." I wouldn't dare to lie to him now. Not without an army behind me. Not when it's just me and him and an entire boatload of his friends and allies, all of whom are my sworn enemies. Except Slade, but even he can't be much help now, not with Jay standing so close I can feel his warmth.
"Mega, look at me." His hand flashes towards me, and for a moment I think he's going to strangle me. But no, he grips my chin in strong, soft fingers and yanks my head his way. If it had been less rough it might have been a tender gesture, a lover's gesture... but no, now is not the time, if there ever is one. I meet his eyes all too unwillingly, afraid that my own might prove windows into my soul. Assuming I still have one. "Now tell me again. Is Ved there? Is he alive?"
"Yes." It comes out as a dry whisper, and I lick my lips nervously. I don't know if I'd rather kiss him or kick him in the shin and run away. I do neither. "As far as I know," I amend, and see a flash of annoyance cross his face. It's not the absolute he wants, but I can't give him absolutes. His hand on my jaw tenses and I shut my eyes, preparing for a blow.
"I'm not going to hurt you." He might be mocking me, but I think it might actually be intended as a reassurance. His voice is softer, certainly, and on Jay that usually means he's calm, but as I told him, I can't deal in absolutes. The world has too many variables. For instance, Jay still hasn't let go of me. This is worrying. "Why are you so afraid of me?" Looks like I'm not as good at keeping myself under control as I had thought. I begin to spin a lie inside my head, a story half-constructed before I realise that it was musing, a rhetorical question, that he hadn't wanted an answer. I can't read him right now. The boat is eerily quiet except for the hushing of waves and someone's muffled arguing. The position of his hand shifts a little and something warm comes to rest across my lips. The gentle touch hits me like a lash. Fearful of being too hopeful, I open my eyes, and am only a little disappointed that it's only a fingertip. But still, this is Jay touching me, Jay looking at me with something other than anger, something other than pity in his eyes. I can't stop shaking. His expression is one I've seen on him too often, a look like a lost puppy that's been kicked around a few too many times. I hate it on him, because it makes me hurt for him, and because I never know what he's thinking about when he wears it. "Just promise me you're telling the truth about Ved, and I'll leave you alone." I don't really want to be left alone, not really. Contrary to popular opinion, I do like being around other people, it's just that I usually prefer to watch rather than interact directly. Direct interactions almost always bring awkwardness and pain. This, for instance, is a very direct interaction. "Mega?" His hand drops back down to his side, and though I can feel a dull ache in my jaw that might materialise into bruises later, I miss his touch already.
"Barring extenuating circumstances," I begin as he turns away from me, hoping to keep him here a while longer, "Ved should be alive and well." His eyes meet mine again, and the hope in them is too much for me to hold his gaze steadily.
"And he's on the Island?" He grabs my arm, tugs none too gently, like I'm the one who's threatening to leave. I try to imagine Slade being this worried for my sake, but can't quite do it. Jay is unmatched in the sheer force of his dedication to those he loves. I feel an inappropriate flash of envy for Ved.
"That's where he was sent," I affirm as best as I can, glancing up at Jay. He opens his mouth and I cut him off, already knowing what his question will be. "I'm as sure as I can be, Jay. Don't force me to give you answers I don't have." The pressure on my arm lifts, and I'm not sure if I'm glad or not.
"Thank you." There seems to be no end to the number of surprises Jay has for me. He's smiling at me now like we're anything but enemies, and in his eyes... sheer relief, glowing gratitude. I could never comfortably wear my emotions on my sleeve like that.
"For what?" For imprisoning his brother in the first place? Certainly not. Then what? I can't think of anything I've done for him that he would view as being towards his benefit, or more accurately the benefit of his friends.
"For being honest with me." I can't take the full force of his two hundred-watt smile straight on. He's too bright, too blinding, too pure. He melts my defences and there's nothing I can do about it. He's like my sun, and without realising it, I've let my earth revolve around him, let him become the purpose behind so many of my actions.
"I have nothing left to lose through being honest, and whatever I have left to lose by lying. It's in my best interest," I say to convince myself as much as to convince him. It doesn't work on either of us. He smiles at me with one of his unfathomable looks, then walks past me, towards the door. I turn to watch him go, wanting to reach out to him so badly. "Jay," I call after him before I really know what I want to say, and am a little surprised when he actually stops and looks back at me over his shoulder. "Can we be anything like friends again?" I hate to open myself to him like this, but I've managed to leave myself completely vulnerable to him without thinking about it. Friendship is, of course, not what I really want with Jay, but it's probably the best I can hope for.
"Start learning tell the truth," he suggests with an infuriating grin, "and I'll think about it."