Her

Here I am, six months later watching Chad and Kuki miserably as they snuggled with each other on the couch. I was dreading every single moment of it. My cloudy, half-lit eyes stayed motionless as I witnessed the torturing romance between the woman I loved, and the man I hated. Finally, I moved. I rolled my eyes back and closed them as I tried to erase the image of what I just saw. I leaned back on the corner and rubbed my forehead as I breathed deeply hoping to let all the pain and jealousy out. It didn't work. Nothing ever does…and I knew it. I stood up and walked out of the room, not caring whether anyone noticed or not. When I got outside, I walked to an isolated, hidden spot on the side of the clubhouse where a comfy shade waited for me to rest in it. I sat on the grass, leaned back on the wooden wall of the clubhouse and took out a pack of cigarettes from my pocket. Yes, it's true. I smoke now. Lately, smokes and booze have been my best friends. They help me feel better even just a little bit. After just a few minutes of privacy, another best friend came to cheer me up. It was Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr.

"You alright?" He asked as he took his seat by my side.

"Same as always" I mumbled, "Tired…depressed…wasted…"

"That's not 'same as always', Wally"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"If you were the 'same as always', you'd be more energetic and crazy. Or at least sober"

I gave out a small laugh, "I wish I remembered what that feels like"

He didn't say anything.

"…I am sober, aren't I?"

"No dude…you're not sober. You're just not drunk enough"

"How do you know?"

"You smell like booze from a mile away"

I laughed quietly.

"It's not funny Walls. You're a mess. Give yourself a break, will you?"

"A break from what?"

"This. All of this"

"All of what?"

"All this crazy jealous crap"

I still didn't answer.

"Give yourself a break from her"

I stared straight ahead with my mouth slightly open only to let the cigarette smoke out. I somehow admired my best friend for being such a smart-ass. He knew everything from building air crafts all the way to his best friend's problems and emotions.

"Hey love birds!" Someone teased from afar. I didn't bother to turn my head to see who it was. The sarcastic sense of humor was too recognizable. Abby settled beside Hoagie and cheerfully asked, "So, what are we talking about?"

I didn't bother to answer. I knew that Hoagie would do it for me. After he turned to her and stared she got it right away.

"Oh Walls…" She transferred herself to my side, "It's alright. Things will work out soon…"

I gave out a small laugh declaring that I disagreed with her. As I took another wisp of my cigarette, I ignored the two loyal friends who were staring at me.

"Don't be so down" Hoagie said, "I mean, there are loads of women out there who are throwing themselves at you. One of them is bound to be a good match for you"

I saw Abby nod in the corner of my eye. Yet again, I laughed sarcastically and saw the smoke puff out from my mouth.

"In case you haven't noticed…"I said, "I'm Wallabee Beatles, the woman-hater. There's only one girl I want and it's her. Other women mean nothing to me" Ever since I said those words, there has been nothing but silence between us three for the rest of that afternoon.

Hours later, I was left alone sitting in the same place, staring blankly into space. I haven't moved from that single spot at all. And a third cigarette was locked in between my fingers. Not a single sound rang in my ears except for the haunting howls of the winds. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back as I prayed for the wind to blow away my misery, very much the same way it did to the smoke flowing from my cigarette. Nothing happened. The moment the wind stopped blowing, all the emotions came crashing back into me. I bowed my head as I thought of the last thing I said about Kuki. There's only one girl I want and it's her. Why didn't I say her name? Why did I only refer to her as…"her"? When I told Abby and Hoagie that she's the only one I wanted, I tried to sound insensitive as much as I could. I tried to sound like I didn't care. But I did care…I cared a lot. I cared enough to feel like being pierced by a thousand needles every time I thought of her being with someone else. Kuki will never be just a "her" to me. She'll always be Kuki, the only girl I love.