One Foot Apart

"I have to tell you something" I said weakly.

"Not now, Wally. I have to go. I have a date with Chad"

"This is important"

"Tell me later"

"No Kuki, I have to tell you now"

"It's too late…"

I watched Kuki desperately as she walked out the door. Next thing I knew I was falling down into an endless abyss with nothing but darkness. As I fell I heard the echoing of her last words. It's too late.

I gasped as I lifted my head in horror. All of a sudden I was sitting on solid ground and the darkness brightened a bit, forming the image of the night sky. And as for the echoing voice, I realized where it came from.

"It too late" I heard Nigel say from afar, "I better go inside. See you guys" I slowly crawled towards the front side of the clubhouse but stayed hidden in the shadows as I watched Nigel walk away and enter his house. When he came in his house I saw his silhouette in the window flipping on a light switch. It was then that the garden lights decorated around the place gently lit up the dark shadowy backyard. After this I stood and decided to make my way out of the house. But before I could even withdraw from the shadows of my isolated place, I saw Kuki and Chad hugging in the middle of the garden. I stopped before I could reveal myself. I was hiding behind the corner of the clubhouse as I watched the sickeningly sweet couple have their moment in that romantic garden. My heart fumed painfully when I saw Kuki's smiling face. I hated to admit it. Chad was a good guy. He really was. He's no longer that bully that I used to know. He's Mr. Perfect Nice Guy…and Kuki was happy to be his girlfriend. I looked away from the couple and leaned back on the wall. I bowed my head, shut my eyes tightly, breathed heavily and intensely and I tugged on my own hair with my own two hands. I was becoming mad. Hoagie was right, I had to get rid of all this crazy jealousy…because it was literally driving me mad. I pulled on my hair harder and harder forcing the pain to make me forget about her. But the truth was, I was wasting my time torturing myself. Nothing could make me forget. The moment I stop pulling my hair, the memory of her would come back to me. Finally, I gave up. My grip loosened from my hair, my breath slowed down and I opened my eyes. It was then that I realized that I was crying silently. My eyes were filled with tears. Not because of the pain I caused myself but the pain that destiny has bestowed upon me. I was tired of it. I was desperate to get rid of it. All of a sudden, right in the middle of my emotional breakdown, something else caught my attention. It was the noise that broke the silence. I heard rustling of the grass and dried leaves on the ground as it was stepped on. Chad and Kuki were leaving. When I was finally alone with nothing but silence I finally came out from my secluded shadowed place. But my knees were weak from what just happened to me so I had no choice. I once again, leaned back on the clubhouse's wall. This time it was on the front side, right by the door. I rubbed my tired eyes and yawned from the slumber I had earlier. I took out my cigarette pack and lit a stick. I stayed there relaxing and smoking with my eyes closed while I was alone…or so I thought.

"Wally?" I opened my eyes and saw the gently lit form of Kuki. "What are you doing here?" She asked me.

I didn't answer her.

"You've been gone all afternoon"

Don't you have a boyfriend to attend to? I asked her in my mind. But I said a different thing. "Where's Chad?" I asked her blankly.

"He went home"

"Then why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be with him?"

"I didn't feel like going home yet" She smiled, "Where were you?"

"I was having a smoke" I held up the cigarette.

"For the past six hours?"

"…I fell asleep…"

She stared at me for a second but then suddenly laughed. "You're silly, Wally"

I smiled at her blankly and watched as she tucked some of her hair behind her ear.

"Come inside with me" She said.

"What?"

"Nigel won't mind if we stayed" She said as she took my hand and tried to get me to follow her. I didn't move. I just stared at her. "Wally, come on"

"…I'm smoking" I said to her without thinking.

She smiled at me for a minute then took the cigarette from me while I was puffing it. She dropped it on the ground and stepped on it.

"Come on" She laughed and she led me inside the clubhouse by taking my hand.

"Isn't Chad gonna get mad when he finds out about this?" I asked her.

"He won't mind" She told me, "Besides, it's just you and me for now"

I wish…

Inside the clubhouse she led me to the couch. But I didn't notice since I was focusing on the soothing warmth of her hand. I wished that I'd never have to let go. So I didn't let go…but she did. We sat on the couch in front of the TV and I soon felt uneasy after remembering that the spot I was sitting on was Chad's place earlier.

"Wow," Kuki sighed, "It's been a while since the two of us hung out"

More like an eternity…you've been too busy sitting back in Mr. Perfect's Mustang every night while he sucked the lip gloss off your lips…

Kuki handed me something. It was the controller of Nigel's video game. Without another word from either of us, we started playing, battling against each other in the game. In no time I lost.

"You haven't improved at all!" She teased. I looked down and smiled as I reminisced about all the times I allowed her to win. I've played this game with her a million times and I could've beaten her easily but I never did. I let her win every time, including this one.

"Let's go back out side, it's nicer out there" Kuki said and so we did go outside. We took our seat in front of the clubhouse. As usual, I was leaning against the wall. I took out my pack of cigarettes and lit my last stick. I heard Kuki sigh with disappointment but I didn't let it bother me.

"It's beautiful out here" She said. I looked around. She was right. The place was perfect. Decorative lights lit this beautiful garden causing it too glow gently along with the fireflies flying around, and the cold night wind was a nice touch. It would've been a romantic night for a couple. But Kuki and I weren't one. My attention on the garden was interrupted when Kuki started using her fingers to brush my bangs off, clearing them from my forehead and eyes. I looked at her and she smiled back at me.

God you're beautiful…

"What are you staring at?" She laughed gently. I didn't know why but I didn't reply to her. Instead I gently blew the cigarette smoke on her and watched her cough.

"Wally…!" She groaned as she waved her hand in front of her to get rid of the smoke.

"Sorry" I said, still watching her. Even when her face presented a bit of annoyance, she was still beautiful. After coughing she wrapped her arms around herself and rubbed her hands on her shoulders. Seeing this, I put my cigarette down for a second and removed my jacket and placed it on her.

"Thanks" She smiled. I didn't know it but she was watching me as I leaned back and continued to smoke. When I finally noticed, I asked her, "…What?"

"Can I ask you something?" She said.

"Sure…whatever…" I looked away.

She sighed gently then asked, "Are you…alright?"

"Sure I am…why?"

"It's just that you've been so…different lately. You're always smoking, you always appear to be at least a teeny bit drunk, you act too seriously…you're not the same…Tell me what's wrong, Wally"

Okay, I will. I love you. I stared at her as I blew smoke out from my mouth. And I continued to stare as I thought of what to say. I wanted to tell her everything right then and there. But when I ended up looking down, I noticed that we were sitting at least one foot apart. And I decided not to tell her anything. Because when I saw how distant we were from each other, I figured that it'll always be that way. That's the closest we'll ever be. Our friendship will always be one foot away from turning into a relationship. So, I didn't tell her anything. I just stood up and walked away.