Little Boyfriend

It's hard to believe that I lasted this long. I don't know what I did to deserve this pain but it must've been something very grave. Because as time passed by things became harder for me as the relationship between Kuki and Chad became more serious. They were falling in love and I had no choice but to watch. The kisses, the hugs, the romantic conversations…I painfully witnessed them all. As if that wasn't bad enough, I was still blessed with more burdens. First of all, the more Kuki and Chad's relationship got serious, the more I worried and got jealous, thus, increasing my addiction to smoking and drinking. The only boundaries I had were my friends and my parents. They helped me "stay in control". Another problem was Chad. Lately Chad had been bugging me. He's trying to "establish a friendship" with me. He follows me around, he talks to me and I hated that. And worst, when he's with me, he keeps talking about Kuki. He adores her, but obviously not as much as I do.

"Are you two doing it?" I suddenly asked him one afternoon when I was stuck with him in the clubhouse.

Chad looked at me with extreme curiosity. "What?"

"You and Kuki" I kept a solid blank stare on him, "Are you two doing it?"

"It? You mean…it?"

"Yeah" I said blankly. I watched him as he thought of an answer. And I swore to myself that I'd break his neck if he said yes.

"No. We haven't done it yet"

"…Yet?" I snapped.

"Oh! No. I didn't say that right. What I meant is it's up to her…I respect her and I won't do anything she disapproves of"

I looked away from him and continued smoking. Somehow his answer didn't satisfy me. I knew that I wanted him to say "no" but part of me wanted him to say something else. I didn't want him to say yes, but I also didn't want him to give me a decent answer. I was hoping his reply would be something that would make him sound like a pig. That way, I can declare that he's the bad guy. But no, his answer is a good one. And he couldn't be more perfect than he already is. I fumed as I admitted to myself that there was nothing wrong about Chad. He can never be a bad guy.

"She talks about you a lot, you know" He suddenly said.

I didn't turn to him. But I clearly heard what he said. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"She really likes you. She's always telling me how loyal and caring you are"

"I'm her friend. I'm supposed to be like that…"

"I also see that you're very protective of her"

I stayed quiet as I listened.

"You wouldn't ask me about my physical relationship with her unless you're trying to make sure I'm respecting her"

"That's because if you don't, I'm gonna break your neck"

He laughed a bit, "Don't worry Wally, I'll take good care of her. She'll be alright"

Chad left. As I sat there all alone, I thought of what he said. I should be glad that he said that. But I wasn't. Because no matter how much he takes care of her, I still won't get her.

More weeks went by and I managed to survive the torturing jealousy. One night, as I hung out with my friends, we all decided to have a real party at last. And when I say real, I meant that there was alcohol involved. For the first time, I wasn't the only one drinking as we hung out at the clubhouse. Throughout the night I watched Kuki. She didn't drink much. She obviously doesn't like alcohol. And there was Chad who took a sip from time to time from a can but managed to stay sober. As for Nigel, Abby and Hoagie, they drank but they didn't get drunk. Obviously, I was the drunk of the gang.

"Hey," Hoagie called me, "That's enough, Walls. That's your millionth can"

I only remember laughing after he said this. And I just continued drinking. And without knowing it, I was becoming more and more drunk by the minute.

"There you go" Abby said, "You're drunk"

"We told you to stop drinking" Nigel continued, "but you wouldn't listen and now you're drunk as hell"

I didn't know why but for some reason, I found that funny. And I started laughing. I just kept laughing and laughing and I couldn't stop. I was drunk. As the night went by I pranced around talking about the most senseless things. There was only one thing I did that I found important. I had a vague memory of approaching Kuki. And I've forgotten everything else that happened for the rest of the night.

I was awoken the next morning by a warm wet cloth gently pressing against my forehead. When I opened my eyes, I thought I was dreaming. It was Kuki.

"Good afternoon, sleepyhead" She said softly.

I didn't reply. I couldn't. My head was throbbing. I started moaning and grunting because of the pain.

"Here" She handed me two aspirins, "It'll help the headache"

Without thinking twice, I took the aspirins.

"What happened?" I mumbled.

"You got drunk last night"

"But…why are you here?"

"Chad and I drove you home. I came back this morning to check on you"

I stared at her. You're too nice, really…stop it…leave me alone…

There it was again, the tiny voice in my head. It keeps making comments on everything.

I looked around and my eyes led to my side table. There, right by my lamp, was my savior. It was a new pack of cigarettes. Right away, I grabbed it along with my lighter. But as I prepared to light a stick, Kuki took everything from me.

"I can't believe you're gonna smoke while you have a hangover…" She said as she tossed everything aside.

I rolled my eyes back and shut them as I massaged my forehead with my hand.

"Want me to tell you what happened after you got drunk?" She asked playfully.

"…What?" I said ignorantly.

"You lost control of yourself" She giggled, "And you started having mood swings"

I stared at her as I tried to say I wasn't interested. But she continued.

"You just kept laughing and then you start screaming then you start laughing again. It was so cute. Scary, but cute"

Like I care…

"And you called Chad an asshole" She laughed.

I don't need to be drunk just to call him that…

"And you know what?" She said, "After a while, I was alone on the couch and you sat beside me and hugged me"

I started to listen more attentively.

"And you smiled at me and you said, 'I love you'" She smiled after imitating how I must've said it.

I didn't know what to do or say. I continued to stare at her as my heart started to beat faster. I couldn't breath.

"It was so cute" She said happily.

I finally took a breath. Oh right…that would be only a friend's "I love you" to you…

"You know, even though you were drunk, I was still happy to see you laugh, "She told me, "I haven't seen that in a while…"

She stared at me as she smiled sweetly.

Stop that…stop smiling at me…

The sight of her beautiful smiling pink lips was torture. I wanted to kiss her…

"Come on" She urged me to get out of bed, "Let's go have lunch"

We went downstairs where the rest of my family was having lunch.

"Well now, if it isn't Mr. Drunkee!" My mom said, "Now Wally, you're banned from alcohol for the next few months. I don't want you coming home unconscious again"

I ignored my own mother as I sat down. There's no point telling me that. I won't be able to survive without alcohol, especially in my situation.

"You know you're lucky that Kuki and her boyfriend were there to help you" Mom said.

I felt a hint of anguish inside. My own mother with her strong Mother's Intellect couldn't possibly say anything worst. I wasn't lucky at all. And if the sweetest couple on earth wanted to help me, they could've just killed me instead.

As I sat there baring with the pain of my hangover combined with my jealousy, it was as if my head was gonna explode along with my chest. But then someone covered my eyes from behind and I knew right away who it was. It was the person who was to help me bear with the pain. As I was blinded, I reached behind and scooped him up and placed him on my lap. Joey laughed and giggled as I did this. Despite the fact that his laughs were loud, it didn't cause me any headache at all. I smiled as I hugged him, resting my head on top of his.

"Ew, you're stinky!" He referred to the smell of alcohol on me.

"Joey, don't scream" I said, "I have a headache"

And he giggled some more.

"Hi Joey" Kuki greeted him from beside me.

It took Joey a minute of staring before he replied, "Hi…"

Seeing this reminded me of a few weeks ago when Joey found out about my pain as we walked home. Apparently, it caused him to feel different towards Kuki.

After lunch I took a shower, leaving Joey and Kuki in the living room. When I came back, I saw Joey through the front door playing in the front yard while Kuki sat alone on the couch.

"Does your brother hate me?" She asked me as I sat down in an armchair.

"What?"

"I think he hates me"

"…Why would you say that?"

"He doesn't talk to me like how he used to… Remember how he used to follow me around your house? Now he stays away from me"

I thought about it. And I came to the conclusion that my brother was acting almost like me. He was trying to stay away from her. Of course, he succeeded better than I did. He didn't love her that much.

"Maybe he has a reason for acting like that…" I said.

"Maybe" She whispered. Next thing I knew she was calling Joey from the yard. I watched Joey as he stood there for a minute before actually coming in.

"Come here" Kuki beckoned him. Joey approached her and allowed her to take him to sit on her lap. The whole time that he was resting his back on her torso, he was trying to act uninterested by focusing on a tiny action figure on his hand.

"Joey, do you hate me?" Kuki asked charmingly.

Joey slowly nodded.

"Why do you hate me?"

That moment I felt something strange. I wanted him to tell her what I told him before. Maybe that way, I could find an excuse to tell her everything. After all, I was desperate to be rid of all the pain.

"Because you have a boyfriend…" His tiny little voice said.

"I have a boyfriend? Why? Do you hate Chad?"

Joey nodded. You and me both, little brother, you and me both…

"Do you want me to get rid of him?"

"Yes…"

"I can't do that"

"Why not?"

"Because we like each other too much"

Please shut up…I'm begging you…

"I wish he wasn't your boyfriend…" Joey said.

Kuki looked at me for a minute. And I stared back blankly.

"You know what?" She turned back to him, "Let's fix all this. I won't dump Chad, but you can be my little boyfriend too" She giggled.

It was as if Joey forgot about me. He suddenly smiled at Kuki, telling her he liked the idea. And then he gave her a peck on the cheek and went back to playing.

"You're little brother is just the cutest thing ever" Kuki told me.

She was right. Joey is cute, and he's strong. Even stronger than I am. Just like that he was able to tell her everything he felt. That was something I could never do.