Chapter Six
It was the start of the summer term. The corridors in the halls of residence were crowded and noisy as hundreds of students moved back in after the holidays, bringing with them a plethora of boxes and bags to personalise their space.
Katherine and her Father carried the last of several cartons into her room and placed them with the pile that dominated the floor. She gazed around at the unappealing mess that was to be her lodging and home for the next eight weeks. Without decoration it was just a faceless box, offering no warmth or comfort beyond a bed and a desk, with a small washbasin crammed into the corner and old curtains hanging at the windows.
"Is that it love?" Her Father questioned, scooping up a piece of paper that had been pushed to one side of the door, before looking in amazement at the amount his daughter had brought with her.
"Yes, I think so."
"Right, well I had better get going," he paused. "Unless you are going to introduce me to your mystery man?"
"He is not my mystery man Dad, his name is Eric and I don't even know if he's back yet."
"Oh he is." Her Father held up the piece of paper in his hand and read it out loud to his audience of one. 'Kat, I am back. Come and find me. Love Eric' He smiled as his daughter grabbed the note from him and read it lovingly. "Your mother still wants me to meet him you know."
"Well, okay," she sighed, admitting defeat. "It's this way." They traversed the corridors and stairs with some difficulty due to the volumes of student traffic, following the sound of loud music that was blasting out of the bedroom next to their destination, its door propped open for all to hear.
"Hey Katie, Mr F," Rob greeted Katherine's father with familiarity. He shook the outstretched hand. "Good to see you."
"Have you just come up Rob? We could have given you a lift."
"Naah, been up here working for the holidays. Needed to use the lab."
"That's good. Despite Dad's kind offer here, I don't think we would have had room for both of our stuff," Katherine interrupted the two men. "So have you seen Eric then? I take it he's back."
"Yeah, he's here." Rob lounged against the doorframe, unperturbed by the loud music in his ear. "I just saw him go out, but I think the room is open. Anyway, good to see you Mr F. Katie, come for a drink later?" She nodded in agreement and led her Father into the room next door, a quiet cell in comparison to the rowdiness outside. It too bore a pile of boxes and bags, in similarity to hers.
"Uh Dad, I have something to tell you," she began nervously, her back to him as she fiddled with the contents of the box on the desk. "Eric, well, he doesn't look normal," she said hesitantly.
"Pardon?" Her Father looked at her back in amusement. "What do you mean Katie?"
"Well, um, I don't know if animals can get them, so you may have seen them before, but it can be a bit of a shock, but try not to show it as he is rather sensitive. That is one reason I have not invited him home, I know Mum would be really curious and stuff, but it is just for pressure you see."
"I'm not following you dear. What are you talking about?"
"Well Eric's face of course!" Katherine turned and looked at him in astonishment. "Didn't I tell you that?"
"No. You simply babbled about him being sensitive." Her father looked at her calmly. "Now tell me again from the start."
"Eric is well, he has problems with his face." She chose her words carefully. "It's a condition known as Congenital Haemangioma. I don't know if animals can get them. Anyway, he wears a mask; for pressure and it can be quite a shock when you first meet him. Obviously he is a bit sensitive about it and I just wanted to…" Her explanation was interrupted as the door was kicked open and the object of her narrative entered carrying a large cardboard box, which he put on the floor with obvious relief.
Standing up, Eric recoiled in surprise as he saw two people watching him. His girlfriend was looking happy and eager at his arrival, the other visitor's face wore a carefully neutral expression, although there was a glint of amusement in his eyes as Katherine swooped down and flung her arms around her boyfriend.
"You must be Eric," the older man proffered his hand. "I'm Tom, Katherine's father.
"Nice to meet you Tom," Eric replied, with a smile. "Eric, Eric Reighland." He carefully watched Katherine's father, realising that he must have been forewarned, as his face was one of professional blandness, although it softened as he looked at his daughter who was clinging to Eric like a monkey. Glad for once, of a surface that hid any blushes, Eric bent down and fulfilled her demand to be kissed, before straightening and looking at the older man. "Do you need a hand bringing things up?"
"No, no, just finished. In fact need to be getting home, no doubt some crisis has erupted in my absence," Tom chuckled. "Better leave you to get on with it."
"I'll see you to the car Dad," Katherine detached herself and looked at Eric. "You coming?"
"No, I had better start unpacking," Eric tactfully replied, realising that her Father would want to say goodbye in peace and no doubt ask some questions.
Katherine pulled her parent out of the room and wandered down to the car park, where his battered old Land Rover waited. "He seems a nice enough chap," was his answer to the unasked question. "Bit weird not being able to see his face though."
"It doesn't bother me," Katherine commented with a shrug. "I can tell what he is thinking anyway, it shows in his body. Besides, he's having an operation soon and hopefully it will all be better. But please, don't tell Mum. I mean the bit about the mask. Just say he is tall and dark haired."
"Very tall," Tom amended. "I am surprised you haven't bought a stool so that you can kiss him. Don't get a crook in your neck!"
"Dad!"
"Well love, I must go but I will phone for prompting if you Mother quizzes me in too much detail." He kissed her on the cheek and climbed into the vehicle. "Have a good term. Say goodbye to Rob for me." Katherine waved to him as he manoeuvred the car out and drove off until she could no longer see him.
Strolling back into the halls she went to Eric's room. He had made little progress since they left him and was looking around in astonishment at the lack of space. "I think it has shrunk over the holidays," he said as she walked into the room.
"Oh mine has as well. Is this everything then? How did you get up?"
"Dave brought me up and just left; so yes, this is everything. Bloody good thing too, I have no idea where to put it all." He started to extricate the books from their boxes onto the shelves, unsure with Katherine's presence. So much had happened since they said goodbye to each other four weeks ago, and whilst he had talked to her on the telephone, it had not been the same.
He had missed the way she enthusiastically defended him, her ability to find the positive in almost any situation, but most of all her companionship, in and out of bed. Now that she was standing only centimetres behind him though, he found himself unable to tell her all this.
"I had better make a start on my room," Katherine noticed his discomfort and guessed that his natural reticence had reasserted itself during their time apart. "Why not come and find me when you're a bit more organised?"
"That's a good idea." He kept his back to her, but relief lightened his voice. Katherine lightly touched him in parting and went upstairs. She looked around in wonder, sighing at the sight that greeted her, and started to unpack.
Two hours later the room bore some semblance of comfort, almost everything had been unpacked, the bed had been made and she had started to hang her posters and pictures on the pock marked walls. She stood back and gazed at her efforts with a swell of satisfaction for it felt so much more comforting to have a welcoming room. Glancing at her watch she realised the lateness of the hour and how much time she had spent, yet she had barely sunk on to the bed with exhaustion when there was a brief knock at the door and it opened, admitting Eric.
"Well, you're further then me," was his opening comment. "I can't get my computer to boot, which isn't helping, wasted half an hour on the bloody thing."
"Hello Ric," Katherine grinned up at him from her prone position. He flopped down on the end of the bed, laughing as she propped her feet up on his chest. "Welcome back." He grunted in amusement and idly played with her feet as he thought how best to express what he was thinking.
"Did you have a good holiday then?"
"Oh ugh no. As I told you, Dad's receptionist started her maternity leave early, so I was employed as an emergency receptionist whilst they found a replacement. I don't know - unpaid labour. Apart from that I've been trying to revise, you'll have to go through mechanics with me again, 'cos I still don't get it."
"Which bit?"
"Well, all of it mainly." She laughed. "How did the laser treatments go?" Eric turned and looked at her, a smile playing around his lips as he realised that this was the opening he was looking for. Now that the moment was upon him he was not quite sure what to do first.
"Well," he drawled leisurely, pushing Katherine's feet off his body and sitting up straight, "tell me what you think?" He pulled the mask off in one swift movement and turned to face Katherine so she saw his features straight on.
"Oh Ric!" His name came out as a breathy gasp, full of shock and delight, as she struggled into an upright position and moved over to where he sat. "Wow," her hand came down on his cheek, rubbing the scar, which had shrunk and split into smaller raised lumps. "That looks so much better! I cannot believe it. How much treatment was that?'
"Two sessions. I have another one in four weeks and then I go in for the op, two days after my last exam." He shrugged, before a shy smile graced his face. "So you think it looks better?"
"Yes, definitely. Why, don't you?"
"Well, yes of course, but now I'm impatient and want to get rid of it totally. Do you know what I did this holiday Kat?" She shook her head. "I went to the park, had a picnic with Dave and Anne-Marie and I took the mask off. God, it was wonderful, the feeling of the breeze on your face and the warmth of the sun! It was amazing, and I've never felt it before!"
"You know it looks so much better, you could take it off for good!" Eric sobered up as she made the comment.
"I know." He puffed his cheeks out in frustration. "Annie suggested exactly the same thing, but it's harder then that. I want to, but I can't!"
"Your mother need never know."
"Yes, you're right, she wouldn't, but I still feel like she would find out, would tell me off in some way." He fell silent for a moment. "Actually, she has gone off to America, to a new clinic. It might help her - at least I hope it will."
"It may help her, but not you," Katherine said gently. "You need to accept who you are, before you expect your mother to."
"I know, I know," his frustration was felt in his words. "But, even when I think I have, it's not true." He looked at her intently. "I've been having nightmare again Kat. Nightmares! You're not supposed to suffer from nightmares at nineteen are you?"
"Well, most people haven't been through what you've been through," Katherine comforted him. "Besides, now we're back at university you can be whoever you want - speaking of which, I told Rob we would go out for a drink tonight."
"Hmm," Eric realised that she was trying to distract him. "Yeah, he told me seven at the Anchor. You're right of course," he switched the topic of conversation back to his face, "I do need to sort it out in my head, but I am hoping that it will be easier when I look normal."
"Normal? What's normal? Is normal a porn star and their huge boobs? Is normal those people who stick the rings in their lower lips?"
"The Brazilian Indians," he corrected.
"Yes, them. The thing is, we have a strange idea of what's normal and believe me, you look normal, just with a blotch on one side of your face. You would look a lot stranger with; I don't know, three eyes!" At this Eric laughed.
"I forgot how frightfully good you are at getting worked up!" He stood up and pulled her to his feet, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her passionately. "I've missed you Kat. Welcome back!"
A single scream woke Katherine from her sleep with a snap. The room was pitch black, even the dim light of dawn had not yet started to show through the thin curtains. She felt; rather then saw the trembling figure next to her, realising that he had once again woken himself up.
"Eric, it was just a nightmare," she whispered thickly, rubbing her hand up and down his leg. "Just a nightmare darling, let's go back to sleep." As if to emphasise her tiredness she let out a long yawn and snuggled back down into the covers, listening as her boyfriend's breathing calmed and he once more joined her in repose.
But sleep refused to come back to her as easily. It never did when she was woken up and this was the fifth time since term had started four weeks ago. It was as if some long buried monster had surfaced in Eric's imagination, haunting his sleep. It was always the same, a sharp scream as he stared at the remembered horror of his childhood face.
The irony, Katherine thought, realising that sleep was to evade her for a while, was that his face was looking better and better. Three laser treatments had reduced the size and swelling of the scar on his face and broken it up slightly, so what once dominated his features were now smaller red scars. At the last session he had attended the day before, his surgeon had confessed himself delighted and confirmed that the final operation could take place in a month's time.
It seemed as if the future was opening up for Eric, yet instead his sleep was disrupted by dreams of his face. The face that had scared him so much when he was little that he had tried to attack it with his bare hands.
"Leave your life behind and face the future," Katherine whispered quietly, not wanting to risk the chance of waking Eric again. He refused to have counselling despite her regular pleadings, yet he kept waking them both with this dreams.
Katherine yawned and shifted herself around her boyfriend's sleeping form, trying to settle down and fall asleep again, not wishing to see the dawn in musing over events. Eric muttered as her leg made contact with his thigh and ran a large sleepy hand over her torso, pulling her closer into him.
"I must be strong for him," she thought as her eyes started to close. "I must help Eric banish his demons," was her last thought as she once more fell asleep.
"Are we keeping you awake?" The voice swam into Katherine's sub consciousness as she sat at the back of the room, her head propped into her hands, not participating in the discussion that was taking place in her revision group. "Katherine, do you wish to add anything?" Her tutor's voice was pleasantly firm.
"Uh, no," Katherine sat up, resisting the urge to yawn. The sun had been pouring into the office, making it warm and stuffy. Combined with her broken sleep, she had found herself suspended in semi somnolence, not fully awake but unable to relax and sleep. "Well, it could be argued that to run a JIT system you, uh," she looked down at her notes, hoping that they would help jog her memory into action. "Well, a Just in time system could be said to destroy traditional supply structures and be over dominant, thereby degrading the consumers choice." She finished her answer in a rush, hoping that it was sufficient, holding her breath until her lecturer nodded in approval.
"And can you think of an example where this is happening?"
"Damn you Eric for keeping me awake," Katherine thought. She had overslept and had not woken early to read the notes she had made about the topic in question. "Supermarkets?" she half guessed, trying to remember what she revised. "The destruction of the traditional town centre by the out of town supermarket running a JIT system which requires large scale supply and coordination. Um, yet they draw the customer away as well, so the small scale supply system is uh, eroded from above and below?"
"Yes, technically correct, although in some ways it is more subtle then that." Her answer was assessed. "And can you think of ways that the JIT system is being turned around on itself."
"Backlash through farmer's markets and the organic movement?"
"Good example, such as the one we see in town every Friday, may I suggest some of you have a look, it makes a change from Pot Noodles." A ripple of laughter floated around the room at the sarcastic suggestion and Katherine, relieved to survive her ordeal tried to look as if she were concentrating on the rest of the discussion. She found herself idly doodling on the edge of her pad, thinking about Eric and why he was suddenly waking up. Cause and effect, she wrote on her notes, delayed reaction.
She sat up with a start as she stared at her handwriting. Anne-Marie's words came back to her, with her gentle warning that Lucinda's actions would have undone all the good that had been done. She had been right, Katherine realised, for outwardly Eric seemed to be winning the battle with his reticence, but the nightmares occurred whenever he visited the doctor, whenever his face was called into question.
At university the fact that he hid his face was accepted and he was therefore accepted as a person, but at the specialists and at Anne-Marie's his family ties and relationship with his mother were continuously called into question, for it was connected with his features. The cause of his restlessness was due to his mother's reaction to his face. "As soon as it is better", Katherine thought. "Then I must make sure that he gets back in touch with his Grandparents. If they accept him, then surely his mother will accept him." She gulped at the thought of the task that she had chosen, knowing her will clashed against the ironclad obstinacy of her boyfriend.
With a start she realised that the meeting was coming to a close and hurriedly gathered her belongings, before sidling out of the room, not wanting to talk to anyone or be given the chance to be lectured about her lack of participation. She hurried back to her halls, breathing in the warm summer air, trying to rouse herself whilst looking for Eric. Even without seeing the mask he was easily spotted on and around campus due to his height and bearing.
Reaching her bedroom she quickly ascertained the reason for her boyfriend's absence. He was still fast asleep in her bed, tired like she was with their wakeful night, buried in a heap of pillows and duvet. Dropping her books, she bent down and gently stroked the back of his head, making him wake up and raise his head in confusion. "Eh, what?"
"Hello darling. It's midday. I think you should get up." He looked blearily at his girlfriend and sank back onto the pillows without comment. "I'm actually as tired as you are, you know, but I had a study group and you didn't, so you have no reason to sleep all day."
"Yes okay," the mumbled reply came from the covers as he rolled over and sat up, squinting in the bright light.
"Hello," she said brightly to the scowling man in her bed. "Caught up on your beauty sleep?"
"Mm, yes. Why did you wake me up?"
"Because it's the middle of the day and it's far too fine to be antisocial and sleep through it. Besides I thought you might want to revise."
"Revise?" Confusion and scorn marked the word.
"Yes, you know, review what you have learnt, refresh it in your memory."
"Nope," His scowl was replaced as a wide yawn split his face in two.
"No what?"
"No, I don't feel the need to revise," he answered grumpily, climbing out of bed and stretching his massive frame. "Waste of bloody time. If I don't know it now, I never will."
"Hmm, I wish I had your brain," Katherine mused, watching as the naked apparition in front of her wrapped himself in the dressing gown hanging on the back door.
"Well it was mine before you stole it and you don't have a bloody bathroom," was his comment as he noticed her raised eyebrows, and grabbing her towel off the radiator pulled the hood up so his face was hidden in it shadow, before swinging out of the room. Katherine could not help but smile at his behaviour and the marked contrast to when she first got to know him. Then he would sidle out the room, desperate not to attract attention, trying to melt into the walls, now he did not care who saw him, as long as they did not see his face.
She sat at her desk and read her revision plan, hoping for inspiration. Clearly divided into the remaining days before the exams started she had listed the subjects intended for reading and note taking as well as the allocation of a percentage of time to be spent on each of them. The only trouble was that the schedule reflected a pious enthusiasm for study that she could not emulate in reality. The pile of books on her desk held no joy and she mentally dragged her feet as she opened her file.
"Much better," the voice startled her into looking away from the writing on the page and to where her boyfriend stood towering over her.
"I do wish you could make more noise when entering a room," she said with tetchiness in her voice, refusing to rise to the occasion that was presented.
"Want to get rid of your ghost?" he teased her, pushing the hood back from his face and peering over her shoulder. "Do I distract you from, ooh, structural marketing, business patterns and mechanics? That sounds like fun!" His tone of voice made it quite clear that he felt the opposite.
"Well, as much as I wish you could sit these exams for me, it can't be done. Even you are not clever enough to be able to write two papers at once," Katherine's lack of sleep and general stress levels made her irritable and she started to take her worry out on her seemingly calm boyfriend.
"Kit-Kat," his voice was calm and soothing, as he moved behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders and lightly touching her neck. She relaxed into his warmth as he softly removed the strain from her body. "You've been studying far too hard, I think we need some fun."
"Fun?"
"Yes, the opposite of horrid things to do. Let's hire a punt, go upriver to the meadows, find a grassy bank and I will explain the point of mechanics to you. I promise that if you don't understand it by this evening I shall throw myself in the water."
"But I can…" her protests were silenced as a large cool hand was firmly placed over her mouth.
"There is no such word as can't, that is what my mother used to say. So, come on, no time to waste."
He was right, Katherine thought, as she sat at the front of the long narrow boat, trailing her legs in the water. From time to time, she glanced over her shoulder, watching as with skill and strength, Eric lifted the long pole and propelled them forward down the stream. Soon they had left all vestiges of the city behind, as well as the other students and tourists who did not have the same talent when it came to rowing the punt. They found a small grassy lawn and dug the iron pegs in to the riverbank, holding it firm in the long grass.
He helped her out of the boat and they sunk on to the cotton blanket she had brought with her. "Oh this is glorious Eric," she sighed, closing her eyes against the dappled light that danced around the glade. "How did you find it?"
"Chance, it just seemed nice," he mused.
"You've never been here before?"
"Never been punting before."
"You seemed to know what you were doing." He didn't bother replying just smiled in a way that Katherine could interpret. She knew it was his way of saying that he found it easy, another talent to add to the already protracted list he carried with him. She yawned again as the heat warmed her and moved on to her side, watching her boyfriend as he almost mimicked her actions. "Why not take it off?"
"What, oh," his hand went to the mask in a gesture of embarrassment, before he glanced around their fairy glade. With a swift move, he pulled off the covering and carefully placed it next to the blanket. "Oh, that feels lovely," he commented, lying back on the rug, face up to the light.
"What does?" Katherine was not aware of any peculiar sensation.
"Sun, breeze," he said, before adding. "On my face."
"I never thought…"
He rolled on to his side and looked at her, a hesitant smile hiding in his mouth. "I have always hated summer. Hot, sticky. It makes it seem claustrophobic. To have space and air is well…." He could not find the words to describe the sensation and so he reached behind him and grabbed the mask. "Here," he held it up against Katherine's face, although she shrunk away from the threatening covering. Yet his persistence gave her a glimpse of what he went through, as her view shrunk to that around the eye holes, the leather hot, sweaty and airless against her skin. She involuntarily took a gasp of air in panic.
"No." Realising her alarm he pulled the covering away and once more placed it besides him, where it stopped being an intimidating item and once more became part of Eric, as normal as the shoes that sat next to it. Slowly releasing her breath, she decided to change topic. "So, you said that you would make me understand mechanics. You do realise that you will end up very wet this afternoon, if you don't fulfil your promise."
"Promise? Oh to throw myself - well, yes, better get started then. Where's the file?" He sat up and gathering the heavy file opened it in front of them and rolled over on to his stomach, so that he stared at it. With a sigh Katherine joined him to start the lesson.
"You're getting burnt," she remarked a couple of hours later.
"But do you understand it?" Eric sought clarification.
"Surprisingly enough yes! You were very clear and very precise, but your shoulders are very red."
"Huh," he peered down at his bare shoulders. "Oh, did you bring any sun cream?"
"No, didn't you bring a sweater or something to cover them?"
"No," he glanced around, seeing if anything could offer some protection, suddenly aware of the burning warmth of his skin. With a stroke of inspiration he realised they were lying on a light cotton throw. "Roll over onto the grass," he instructed and Katherine obliged. With a flourish he swept the cloth up, shook off the dust and tied it around his shoulders where it draped like a multi-coloured cloak, the ends hanging down to his calves.
"Very nice, very dashing," Katherine giggled, admiring his state of dress as she brushed the grass off herself and packed up their remaining things. She stashed the bags in the boat and watched as Eric tied the mask on. Letting go of their mooring, he steered the boat back into the lazy flow of the river, still wearing his impromptu costume against the late heat of the day.
"You know what you look like," she mused leaning against the cushion and looking up at him as he propelled the boat forward.
"What?" A slight breeze caught the edge of the cloak and sent it swirling around him.
"The Phantom of the Opera."
"The what?"
"The Phantom of the Opera, you know, Andrew Lloyd Webber's show. I just thought with your lovely cloak there," she gestured to the throw with a giggle, "and a masked man stealing a woman off and rowing her across a lake…", she trailed off, as Eric seemed to find her explanation unamusing.
"It's a book actually. By Gaston Leroux, Le Fantom de l'Opera," was his comment.
"Book?"
"A book and several movies and a stage show, but I have only read the book."
"So you know what I am talking about?"
"Well," he violently pushed the boat forward, rocking it slightly to elicit a scream from his passenger. "Seeing, as I am not kidnapping you, I am returning you and the closest we are going to get to an underground lair is my bedroom; no there is not that much similarity. Also, I have no intention of teaching you to sing as I rather value my eardrums and the most accurate statement you have ever made is when you described your musical abilities."
"Ah, but you can sing."
"Next you are going to call me a crazed monster and suggest I should live under an opera house, at which point I will have to throw you in the water," Eric sighed, unhappy with the turn of conversation, but determined not to let if affect the happiness of their afternoon.
"No, I'm not calling you crazed. It was more just the setting of a picture, then an actual comparison," she soothed. "Besides, you don't look like a tortured soul to me."
"Humph," Eric agreed with her summary. "Not that there are any opera houses around here. Living under the cinema doesn't have quite the same appeal. Are you now going to accuse me of appearing in your mirror and torturing your lover?"
"Now that would be a talent as my mirror is far too small and as you're my lover you can hardly torture yourself. No, I would much rather you helped me like you did today. Thank you." Katherine hastily changed the topic of conversation. "It makes so much more sense when someone bothers to sit down and systematically go through it with you and explain when you get stuck."
"Well, the trouble is that it's rather like building blocks." Eric was mollified by her thanks. "If you don't understand something at the beginning, what's taught later has no foundations to build on. You know more then you realise, it was just a bit muddled."
"It makes sense now. All I need to do is pass this year Ric and then I will be fine. I can understand formula when they are applied to a model, but this random maths is a little beyond me."
"The exam is in two days, so if you can keep it straight in your head for that long it will be fine."
"Ugh, I cannot believe exams start in two days."
"Just think they also finish in a week!"
"Mine finish in two weeks actually. Mechanics on Wednesday and then next Tuesday and then the Friday after that is the last one. When are yours?"
"Wednesday, Monday and the Tuesday after that," he replied calmly. "It could be worse, Rob has a whole day of practical exams as we speak." They punted along in silence, the boat shed coming into view with people milling around it. "Do I really look a prat in this?" Eric indicated his impromptu cloak."
"Yes," Katherine replied. "Without a shadow of a doubt," He chuckled and without breaking his rhythm; he untied the garment and threw it at her, bearing his red shoulders to the assembled multitudes as he moored the boat up and helped Katherine onto the small wooden pontoon.
"Thank you for a lovely day," he bent down and kissed her.
"That should be my line," she smiled up at him.
"Ahh, but you got me out of a hot stuffy room, made me do some exercise. Good for the soul."
"Well," Katherine replied, a wicked gleam in her eye. "I was rather hoping you would come back to a hot stuffy room with me and we could take some more exercise!" He grinned, understanding her invitation.
"Good for the soul?"
"Very, and other parts too!" His laughter joined the happy chatter of hundreds of people as he put his arm around her and together they wandered back to his room.
Eric checked that Katherine was fast asleep as he stealthily slipped out of bed. He sought refuge on the windowsill, behind the curtains, leaning against the cool glass, trying to calm his panic. The dream had not been so bad this time and he had not disturbed her sleep, only his. It was always the same, the dark ugly black shadow, and the hands reaching out trying to grab him as ran away, lungs bursting. It was no longer the monstrous face that used to haunt his childhood dreams, but a dark threat that he could not stand up to and this filled him with more fear then the reflection he had witnessed that day.
With a slow reluctance, he drew his hand down the side of his face, feeling the growths that were to be removed, dreading the pain of the operation and even more confused and worried about the ending of one part of his life and the beginning of the other. "I'm scared," he whispered to deaf ears. "Kat, I am scared, please help me."
Eric threw down his pen and with a cursory check on what he had written, silently stood up and exited the exam room with time to spare. His head pounded, his body heavy with exhaustion, the mask sticking to his face like a second skin. He had not had a single night of uninterrupted sleep for over a week and it was starting to tell. He was short tempered, tetchy and generally irritable.
He headed back to his room, in the hopes that he could have a few hours shuteye before he started on the mammoth task of packing his room up for the end of term. He sighed as he passed the posters advertising the summer ball and other events celebrating the end of the year for he would be unable to participate in anything as he was due to go into hospital for the final operation on his face.
He reached his room without seeing anyone and dropped his bag on the floor before falling onto his bed. Hardly aware of his surroundings he fell fast asleep, not even removing his mask.
He did not know how much later it was but he heard the quiet noise of someone opening a door and sat bolt upright before he had even fully woken, grabbing the leg that was next to his bed without thinking.
"Eric!" His name came out as a shout of fright.
"What, where…" as he fully woke he realised that the leg he held fast in his grip was his girlfriend's who was standing there, watching him. "Oh, sorry," he apologised letting go of her appendage. "I was dreaming; I think." He went to rub his eyes and realised that he was still wearing his mask. "Hey, what…?" His confusion was so evident that Katherine sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at him in concern as he pulled the covering off and scratched and yawned.
"It's six o'clock Eric, I came to see if you wanted to join us for a drink before supper. We are all going down the pub."
"You're meant to be studying," he said gruffly.
"Well I had a good exam today and now have two whole days to revise for the next one so thought I could spare an evening off. Are you going to join us?"
"No, I don't think, I'm not sure." He was sure that he was still half asleep, for his thoughts were disjointed, his words not forming properly in his mouth. He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts.
"You look like you could do with a nice warm bath and an early night actually," Katherine smiled and placed her hand on his face.
"Oh stop it," he muttered shaking it off, unsure why, but he found the gesture annoying.
"Eric," her tone was lightly chastising, as if she realised he was not quite himself.
"Look, I'm just very tired, I might join you later," he could not keep the annoyance from echoing in his voice. "I just need to pull myself together. Are you at the Anchor?"
"No, probably The Dog and Duck, they have ice cold Guinness, which Chris has decided he is rather partial to." Eric let out a grunt of amusement. "Do you want me to bring you anything to eat?"
"No," he scowled.
"Okay, well, we might see you, we might not. I'll pop in later if you don't come over, check that you are okay."
"Heavens sakes Katherine, I am not a fucking baby," he said nastily. "I can bloody well manage for myself. At his tone she stood up.
"I know that but you're tired and I'm trying to help," she said with considerable dignity. "Sleep well." She dropped a kiss on his forehead, although he remained stonily rigid, knowing that to apologise would make him vulnerable to more of her fussing. As soon as he heard the door slam he dropped back down onto his pillows and within minutes was asleep again.
When he next woke the sun was pouring through the curtains. He sat up on his wrinkled bed, with a stretch and a yawn. For the first time in what felt like ages he had slept the night through and now with a clearer head he felt he was up to the task of packing up his room. Already the heat of the day was building. He glanced at the clock next to his bed, which read eight in the morning. Just time for one last run, he thought grimly and changed into his running shorts and a t-shirt. Slipping outside he let his thoughts drift as he started to jog and then sprint around the edge of campus, knowing that for the next month or so he would be unable to take such strenuous exercise.
It was later that day that Katherine and her friends lay on the lawns trying to study and take advantage of the warm sunshine. The midday heat was too much for all of them, but they relentlessly lay there, their files open in front of them; hoping to combine revision with a tan.
She shaded her eyes and looked at the figure sprinting around the edge of the lawn and back towards the halls. Unable to clearly make the person out against the bright light, she wondered if it were Eric although the figure did not seem to posses his ground-eating stride. "He wouldn't be stupid enough to run at this time of day either," she muttered to no one in particular. She was still angry about his rudeness to her last night. She knew that he had had a long exam and realised that the stress of this; coupled with a lack of rest was telling on him. She had given up sleeping in the same bed with him, for his disrupted repose was telling on her as well, degenerating both their tempers.
"Lucy, do you know the pre requisites for the sighting of a small company?" she finally asked in desperation, realising that she had read the page in front of her four times.
"Kath, I do English, how am I supposed to know?" Lucy rolled over and lazily opened one eye. "You should ask Eric, he's the genius amongst us."
"With a foul temper to match," Katherine added bitchily, her annoyance rising to the surface.
"What's the matter Kath?" Caroline sat up, noting the tone in her friend's voice.
"Oh, he's such a pain in the ass sometimes and he is so rude and…" she trailed off. "He says he doesn't like coming outside that much as it's so hot, you know with his mask and all, but then he is so moody when he stays inside. Its just so eugghh." She was unable to put words to her frustration. Her friends tactfully remained silent. "Anyway he is going in for an operation soon. He finished his exams yesterday, lucky devil."
"Aren't you worried?" Jenny asked. "I mean if Rob was going in for an operation I would be on my prayer mat."
"Of course I am," Katherine cried. "It's just when he is so pig headed I cannot feel very sympathetic towards him." The other girls exchanged knowing glances.
"So how long have you two been going out anyway?" Lucy asked, holding her arm up in front of her face to see if her tan had developed in the past few hours.
"Since January, so that's five, six months."
"And your parents still don't know!"
"They know, but only my Father has met him. I really wanted to wait until after this operation, hopefully it will be the last…" She trailed off lamely, glad of her friends' support. With her persuasion, Eric had explained to them what exactly was wrong with his face and why. It had been a clever move for it increased their trust and as they had moved closer together as a group of friends, away from the social whirl of university life, they took Eric with them.
Katherine quietly reflected on their time together. Her boyfriend could be sociable and charming, a source of amusement and amazement as he showed off his extraordinary catalogue of talents with an almost obnoxious ease. Yet at the same time he could also be moody and changeable with a temper that could flare up with the slightest provocation, and more often then not Katherine found herself on the receiving end of it. Yet she knew that he loved her deeply and trusted her implicitly despite his shows of anger, and had learnt that it was best to leave him to calm down, for if she challenged him, at once the confident young man would disappear and would be replaced with a scared grovelling child. Despite all this, she knew that she loved him absolutely and it was her burden to put up with the baggage that he carried with him.
She was pulled from her thoughts by Jenny nudging her in the ribs to gain her attention. "Speak of the devil." Sitting up Katherine saw Eric strolling across the lawn to where they lay. He was barefoot, dressed in his shorts and ripped t-shirt, his typical uniform. Wandering over to where the girls' lay he stood there idly, throwing a short shadow over them.
"Eric, you're blocking the sun," Jenny complained as the darkness hit her. He obligingly moved out the way.
"Are you coming to lunch?" he asked the crowd generally. The response was almost unanimous as they sat up except for Katherine who resolutely remained lying there.
"Where?" she asked.
"The Anchor. Come on, a nice boozy lunch will do you good."
"Are you paying?"
"Yes," he conceded. Katherine sat up and smiled, although it didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Pass me my shorts then please." He willingly did so, trying to pluck up the courage to apologise for his short temper, although not wishing to do so in front of their friends. They trailed the others up to the pub, following them into the beer garden, and gathering around a wooden bench where some of the boys were already seated. It was the usual crowd. Jenny and Rob, Lucy, Caroline and Chris, with Eric and Katherine making up the set.
"I'll get this round," Eric volunteered, hoping to have a word with Katherine who had already gone inside. "What's everyone drinking?"
A chorus of replies were returned for various beverages and he quietly memorised them before walking into the cool dark interior. He paused to let his eyes adjust to the lack of light and saw Katherine waiting at the bar, one elbow propped on it, so that she was lazily leaning against the wood. Her long tanned legs were encased in a pair of faded shorts and all she wore on her top half was her bikini. The long dark hair that was normally left to flow down her back; was gathered into a bun on top of her head in an attempt to stay cool. Eric thought he had never seen her look so lovely and moved toward her, meaning to tell her so.
"What would you like?" The barman interrupted his crusade. Katherine raised one eyebrow, with a slightly mocking smile, as if aware of his thoughts and Eric felt guilt and shame wash over him, as he recalled his words of last night.
"Four Gin and tonics, one Guinness and two Stella please," he placed the order without tearing his gaze from her. She looked back at him, without speaking, the ensuing silence painfully uncomfortable. "Kat," he finally managed to stutter. "I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean it."
"What about the day before that and the night before that, as well as every other day this week?"
"What?"
"Eric," Katherine sighed. "You've been in a foul mood since the exams started. I've tried to be patient, but you keep ripping into me. It's beginning to hurt really badly and it will take more then a 'sorry' this time." Eric looked at her in surprise. "I know what is bugging you and this heat is getting to everyone, but that does not give you an excuse to be so nasty all of the time. Please sort your temper out." She gazed at the drinks on the tray. "Listen, I don't feel like anything to eat. I think I may have a bit of sunstroke and am going to lie down for a while. Make my excuses to the others would you?" Not waiting for an answer she turned and left him standing at the bar.
Back in the coolness of her room, Katherine flung herself down on her bed. She was tired and hurt with Eric's behaviour. Kicking off her shoes she curled up and closed her eyes, promising herself a few minutes rest.
When she woke, she felt the coolness that came with the descent of the sun. Grogginess controlled her limbs and she climbed off the bed and splashed her face in an attempt to wake up, before standing at the window and looking onto the small courtyard in the fading light. Behind her someone tapped quietly on the door.
"Come in," she called softly, turning from her position at the window and watching as her boyfriend entered holding a carrier bag. He turned and shut the door, rather then letting it slam as customary.
"You're awake," his voice was deep, soft and warm and it wrapped around Katherine like a blanket, lifting and calming her. She said nothing but her lips turned up slightly at the corners. "How are you feeling?"
"Groggy."
"You probably had sunstroke. I came up earlier and you were out for the count." He walked further into the room. "I brought up some food, I thought you might be hungry."
"What's the time?"
"Seven. You've been asleep for six hours!"
"Oh."
"Do you want something to eat?"
"Yes please," she replied, realising for the first time how hungry she was. At this Eric smiled, pleased that she was calm and not ranting and raving at him. He realised that she was as tired as he, for she had shared much of his burden, but unselfishly had not taken its effects out on everyone else. Crouching down on the floor he unpacked a selection of food on to the small table.
"Just some French bread, Brie and some wine, nothing complex," he commented spreading them out picnic style. "Come on Kat, come and eat, it will make you feel better." Katherine realised that this was his way of showing how sorry he was and walked into his arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair as he held her gently, letting her head rest against his shoulder as he rocked her gently.
"What's wrong Eric?" she finally asked. "You can't fool me, what's worrying you? If you don't talk about it, it will only get worse." He pulled back and looked at her, but her face held no mockery.
"I'm going into hospital tomorrow."
"No, no you're going in a week's time," Katherine contradicted, shaking her head and pulling back to look at him. His mask was still in place and she pulled it off, not wanting him to be able to hide behind it.
"No, tomorrow, I spent the whole day packing."
"But, I have it written down, you go in after the end of exams."
"The end of my exams, I finished yesterday."
"Oh God, how stupid of me! No wonder you've been so off." She tightened her hold of him. "Are you scared?"
"Yes," the word rang in her head in such a way that she wondered if he had even said it. "The last time I had a major operation I remember it hurt like hell. Worse still it was itchy, hot and uncomfortable. Maybe it's worse in my memory then it really is."
"So when are you going in? When are you going home? How long will it take?" Katherine started to fire questions at him, her worry beginning to rise uncontrollably and making her sound slightly hysterical.
"Come on Kat, I think you need some food," Eric hugged her tightly before sitting down. Pulling a corkscrew out of his pocket he opened the wine. "Drink this," he ordered pouring her a generous glass before putting together a plate of food. "Firstly, I leave tomorrow morning, I spent the whole day packing. Secondly, I am going in tomorrow evening, although the operation is on Friday morning." He looked at her quizzically. "What were the other questions?"
"How long will it take?" Katherine took a sip of wine, relaxing as the warmth spread through her.
"It'll take as long as it takes," he answered non-comittally. "Although usually about four hours, maybe five. I tend to be asleep. Next question?" He handed her a plate of food and poured some wine for himself.
"Can I come and see you?"
"Do you want to?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure? I'll look pretty damn ugly. Not that it normally seems to bother you. Seriously Kat, I'm a human mummy for a few days and then turn into my usual role as a bad tempered sod, as the painkillers start to wear off."
"Which hospital?"
"University College, it is one of the best hospitals in the country for it. I am too old for Great Ormond Street now." Katherine didn't know what to say. Lulled by the alcohol, the whole prospect seemed less frightening then at first, but it still filled her with unease.
"My exam is on Friday," she said finally holding on to him with desperation. Then I'm finished. The summer ball is on Saturday, so you have to put it off, we must go together. I've even bought my balldress, so you have to take me!"
"I'm sorry Kat," he disentangled himself from her grasp. "There is nothing I can do. Go to the ball without me and have a good time with everyone else; raise a glass to my health." He took a long swallow of wine, keeping up his courage. He found that by trying to reassure Katherine it stopped him dwelling on his own fears.
Katherine didn't know what to do. The wine had spread into her limbs and her brain, yet her glass never seemed to empty. She did not realise that Eric kept filling it, hoping that it would make her sleep in tomorrow, so that he could slip away without panicking her. She stretched against him and he wrapped her arms around her, kissing her on the forehead and holding her gently against him until she fell asleep. When it happened he put her to bed and kissed her once more, before creeping from the room
The morning came too quickly, even though he had had little sleep. He had spent the night, sitting on the windowsill, half-heartedly reading a book and trying not to reflect on what was to come. He longed for a joint, but did not dare due to the anaesthetic he was to shortly receive. As the sun rose he had crept into his unmade bed and grabbed a couple of hours sleep, before being woken by Anne-Marie and Dave knocking on his door.
It took them nearly an hour to empty his room, before he handed in the key. "We're going to wait in the car, if you want to say goodbye to Katherine," Anne-Marie came up behind him.
"No, that's okay, we said our goodbyes last night," Eric replied. "I didn't want to….", he trailed off, unsure how to explain his worry.
"She will understand and will want you to," his guardian placed her hand on his arm.
"Yeah, right, back in five minutes," he said sprinting upstairs. Running to her room he went in without knocking. She was lying in bed, not asleep, but not quite awake. He sat down and ran his hand down the side of her face. Her eyelids fluttered open and she looked at him.
"Hello darling," she said drowsily, before realising that he was up and fully dressed. "What's wrong? Why are you up?"
"I just wanted to say that I love you and please come and see me in hospital and I will think of you all the time," he said bending over and kissing her on the lips. She returned it, pushing herself up on the pillows.
"I love you. I will miss you," she said quietly. "But I will see you soon."
"I had better go. Anne-Marie and Dave are in the car." He bestowed one last smile on her that faded as he walked out the room and down to where the car was parked. As they pulled out of the grounds he took one last look at what had been his home for the past year, before looking to the future.
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