Truth

I listened to the phone ring without bothering to pick it up. I waited for the machine to answer.

"Hey Walls, it's been three weeks" Hoagie said in the voicemail, "We still don't understand what happened with you and Kuki in the clubhouse but we'd appreciate it if you stop avoiding us and just show up. You're being an ass, you know. Well…that's all…bye…"

And he hung up.

"I can't see you guys…" I whispered, "I can't see Kuki…"

Twenty-one days of misery had passed since the day I had a breakdown in front of Kuki. These past few weeks were torture. I couldn't help but think back to what she said to me.

"I have a boyfriend! You know that!" I remember her shouting.

It was painful to remember…and what's worse to know is that she screamed those words to me right after I kissed her. Didn't she feel anything at all after I kissed her? I sighed sadly and rolled over to my side.

"I miss Joey…" I said softly, "If only he was around I wouldn't be thinking about all this…"

The emptiness of the house caused a thick silence to devour me. I was all alone. My dad was at work, my mom was with her friends and Joey had karate lessons. So here I am left to cry over the girl that I love. I took a wisp on the cigarette I was holding. I knew that I was smoking too much already but what was I to do? Smoking was the closest thing to making me feel better. It was the only option that I had.

"…Other than drinking…" I said when I discovered my other option. I aimed my eyes on a brown door beyond the dining room and gulped for I was mesmerized to go through it. I looked away and fought the temptation.

Just one can…no…one can will do a lot of things…bad things…but it's just one…

I punched the couch angrily. I hated this feeling.

I can't go through that door. I can't... It'll ruin me… There are other ways to feel better right…?

I searched my mind for any method of feeling better. Nothing came up. All I could think of was Kuki defending herself from me for the sake of Chad. That thought angered and pained me so much that before I knew it, I gave in to temptation. I ran to a closet close by and searched for my dad's toolbox. Right away I found the screwdriver and used it to unlock the brown door. The moment I stepped inside I felt a combination of guilt, fear and relief. The guilt was for giving in to temptation, the fear was for the conflicts that lie ahead of me and the relief was the thought of feeling better. I scanned my father's private bar. Everywhere I looked there was alcohol. I didn't know what to do next. Should I take a step back and stick to my emotional torments, or should I take a step forward and do things that I'll probably regret later on? Once again I looked around and thought about it. Don't do it…it's not worth it...you're an alcoholic…you can't drink…

"That's right…" I said to myself, "I'm an alcoholic…"

I walked through the dark, cold streets drowsily with the vodka in my hand. I just left my house after a fight with my parents.

They shouldn't have tried to stop me from drinking…

It was nighttime already and I've been drinking all day. By then everything was a blur. I wasn't even sure where was going and I could hardly balance myself. I was drunk. Somewhere inside me I felt guilty for breaking my promises to my family and myself but I couldn't help it. I was on the verge of beating myself up just to get rid of the painful feelings that I had. That's why I started drinking again. It was a better choice.

I took another gulp of the alcohol and leaned on a tree to rest. I rubbed my eyes because I was tired…so tired…

"Wally?" I turned sharply to my right and was shocked to find Kuki standing there. It turns out that the tree that I was leaning on is the maple tree on her front yard.

"Oh god…" I said and I tried to flee from her.

"Where are you going?" She demanded.

I didn't answer her. I just tried to run away but my drowsiness was slowing me down.

"Wally, everyone is looking for you. You're parents called and they are worried sick!"

"Get away from me" I told her as I tried to get away.

"Come on, let me take you home" She took my arm.

"Haven't you learned anything!" I shouted at her and it shocked her. "Don't mess with me when I'm drunk or angry or whatever. I've already hurt you once or twice when you interfered with me. Believe me, you don't want to mess with me again" I threatened her. And yet she showed no sign of fear. I turned around and continued to walk away.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" She asked me suddenly.

"Just get away from me, Kuki…"

"I can't, Wally!" I heard her following me, "I can't stand here and watch you walk away being a mess. I'm not gonna let that happen! You're gonna kill yourself if you keep drinking!"

"WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!" I turned and yelled at her, "If I'm sober, I'd rather kill myself anyway!"

And once again I continued to walk away.

"You're stupid, Wally…" She said from behind me.

I stopped walking and took a deep breath. I was getting furious. "You wanna know what stupid is, Kuki?" I turned to her and approached her slowly. "Stupid is when you're oblivious to all the things are thrown right at your face. Stupid is when you're blind to all the things people show you. Stupid is when you're dumb enough to not understand what people are telling you" I leaned over to make my face close to hers and looked directly into her eyes despite my drunkenness. "All this time you've been asking me what was wrong and I've told you everything not through words but through my actions. And yet the whole time you were blind and stupid about it. Don't you dare call me stupid, Kuki. Because if either one of us is stupid, it's you"

I took another dose of the vodka and walked away.

"Wally, you have to stop this…" Kuki called from behind me, "Please? Do it for me…"

"For you? Do it for you?" I turned to her, "What about this? Don't you think this is for you?" I lifted the vodka bottle and showed it to her. After that I threw it angrily at a tree nearby and saw Kuki gasp at the sight and sound of it smashing. "Believe me, I've done enough for you…"

She stood there silently and stared at me. As I looked into her eyes I saw not a single hint of fear but I saw every ounce of pain and disbelief. Still, I ignored those eyes and continued to walk away.

"Wally…" She called me in a broken voice.

I turned to her in annoyance and watched her as she spoke.

"I still don't know what's wrong, okay? Yes, I guess I am stupid…And if I am stupid then you're gonna have to help me understand…"

My rage lessened as I witnessed her crying.

"Please just tell me…"

I felt weak as I watched her bow her head to cry. It hurt to see her like that. So I slowly approached her and held her cheeks. I lifted her head and I finally told her everything.

"You kissed me once but you were just dreaming…I kissed you but you pushed me away…Not only that, you found someone perfect and I turned invisible to you…That's the reason why I'm hurting myself…that's what I've been trying to tell you…"

I kept my eyes staring deeply into hers and I saw the confusion in them disappear. She finally understood. Without a word from both of us, I silently pressed my lips against hers. When I pulled away, I finally told her.

"I love you"

And I left her.