"Welcome back." Sam lengthens his stride to catch up with me.
"Thanks."
I'm exhausted. We got home from Wisconsin at 3 a.m. In a new record, Donna had to pee every two hours.
She blamed me.
I refrained from mentioning she had been a willing participant and, if in fact her doctor is correct, the instigator of the incident that led to this situation.
I unpacked and came straight to work in an attempt to find my desk under almost three weeks of paperwork.
"Toby and I took care of your stuff while you were gone. I took the DNC meeting Monday."
We round the corner to Leo's office where Margaret stops me to ask about Donna.
"She'll be in around 10. We figured one of us should get some sleep. Thanks for the flowers and the card." I tell her, hoping I'm just reading her wrong and she doesn't really want to give me a hug.
"Get in here!" Leo thunders from his desk, saving me from finding out.
The staff meeting is uneventful, last minute inaugural details and the like. The world is quiet for once.
"Who took the DNC meeting yesterday?" Leo asks benignly as we're wrapping up.
"It was supposed to be me," I volunteer warily.
"Oddly enough, I don't think I can blame this one on you. Toby?"
"Sam." Toby nods in his deputy's direction.
"A 20s costume dance, Seaborn? Are you insane?"
"Sam!" I start to take a chunk out of him, but CJ beats me to it by smacking him upside the head.
"Do you know the likelihood of me finding a flapper dress that will fit?"
"Wilbon said you agreed to a 20s theme, Josh." Sam tries to defend himself.
"I agreed to a 20s jazz band. Not a costume party." I think I just screeched.
"We're locked into this thing, guys. Way to go." Leo sighs at us all.
"Which night is this again?" Toby asks.
"The 17th. A week from Friday." I groan.
"Okay, all of you go work. Josh, stay a minute."
Just like old times, I get held after class.
Once everyone is gone, Leo comes around the desk and sits next to me.
"How is everything?"
"Pretty decent, actually. Donna's mom is an accountant and they've got a good lawyer. I'm not worried." I deliberately sidestep his real question. He needed to ask and I needed to not answer.
"If you two need anything" Leo puts his hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze.
I appreciate his gesture, but he and I are not good at this. It's time to change the subject.
"A costume party, h'uh? What exactly was hip in the 20s, Leo?" I grin at him.
"Go find your desk."
***
Josh is buried in paperwork when I get in. My own desk is a federal disaster area, but I'm having a hard time getting motivated to do anything. We're only back one day late, but it feels like an eternity.
Checking schedules, I see that Josh has no meetings the rest of the week. If we buckle down and work fourteen-hour days, we can be back on track by Monday.
If the thought were anymore unappealing, I'd vomit.
Of course, almost everything makes me want to puke right now.
Hands running up my arms startle me out of my funk.
"You all right?" Josh asks softly.
"I'm just trying to figure out how we're going to get out of this hole." I gesture at my over-flowing desk.
"By shopping?"
I whirl around in my chair and look up at him is disbelief. "Shopping? You want to go shopping?"
Joshua Lyman wants to go shopping?
Hell has frozen over.
"No, but Sam agreed to a 20s dress theme for the staff ball next Friday." He doesn't seem very enthusiastic about this.
"Okay. I'll find some places. Is anyone going with us?"
"CJ and Toby probably. Sam's on his own."
***
After four 16-hour days, Donna and I finally get caught up. I'm a little worried about her working so much, but when I brought it up I was informed she was the best judge of her own body. And she wasn't nice about it.
We meet CJ and Toby on Saturday for breakfast before setting off to find something for the Costume Party from Hell and something for Donna to wear to the official' Inaugural Ball on the 20th.
The latter is easy. An hour at Barney's and she finds a full-length, royal blue silk gown. CJ described it as off-the-shoulders cut with a narrow waist.' All I know is the slit goes all the way to Donna's hip and it makes her look like a goddess. Add some matching gloves and we're off on what CJ is calling "Flapper-Quest 2003."
It ends up taking all day. Donna has to go to the bathroom 8 times. I know because I counted. We have an appointment with the obstetrician on Monday and I'm making a list of questions. Currently at the top of the list: is all this peeing normal? Closely followed by: will her constant desire for sex continue?
Anyway, Toby and I are about one store away from finding a sports bar and a basketball game and we still have nothing to wear on Friday.
"I say we just go with the monkey suits." Toby is staring at himself in a three-piece suit with wide legged pants. He's convinced himself that white-tie tuxedos were in back in the 1920s.
I shouldn't talk. Everything I know about 20s fashion, I learned from watching Kevin Costner and Sean Connery in The Untouchables.'
"Too bad Sam didn't go with a 40s theme." CJ comes out of the dressing room wearing a pale lavender thing that makes Toby forget all about what he's got on.
"Zoot suits, CJ? Thanks, but no thanks. I'd rather look like a gangster."
"I think you look cute. Kinda of an Eliot Ness look. Especially with that fedora." Donna says from behind me.
I fidget with the sleeves on the jacket as I turn around to face her. "Donna, I look like a dork!"
Wow.
She puts CJ to shame. It's a 1920s flapper version of the little black dress. The fabric is sort of see through all the way from the top to somewhere past her navel. It fits loose, the waistline falls around her hips and the dress continues to her knees where it ends in a fringed hem. Her hair is up, tucked under a wide, black scarf she wrapped around her head.
"Pick your jaw off the floor, Josh." Toby orders.
In the end, Toby and I go with the gangster look: black pinstripe, three-piece suits with fake
pocket watches and black fedoras. Donna keeps trying to convince me I don't look like a dork.
***
Having been good boys all day, Josh and I are released from captivity to go do something manly. CJ and Donna insist they need to accessorize' their outfits and we men would simply slow them down.
Whatever.
We are sitting in a deserted bar in Georgetown that caters to Knicks fans. Which is why Josh and I are the only two people here. The Knicks are getting their asses kicked by Sacramento.
"I need a favor." Josh says out of the blue.
I lower my gaze from the TV to his suddenly serious face.
"Who did you piss off now?"
"Nobody. I need your help."
Those simple words make me reconsider him. Josh Lyman does not ask for help. Period. Help typically has to be shoved down his throat with an Executive Order.
"With what?"
"I need to," he pauses for a moment, sipping his beer. "I need to write a marriage covenant."
***
Toby just choked on his scotch.
"You want to write a what? Josh, you'd do better to order one off the internet. When was the last time you set foot inside a temple?"
"Will you help me or not?" If he's not going to I need to find someone else, like a rabbi.
"Why?"
"Which part? Why or why you?"
"Both."
"I want to put my feelings on paper and give it to Donna as part of her wedding gift. I want her to know how much I love her, how much she means to me."
***
Josh and Donna are soul mates. I've known that for years, but I have frequently wondered if Josh truly realizes all she is to him.
This is the first time he and I have ever really talked about their relationship and I must admit I don't wonder anymore.
"I'm asking you because I trust you," he continues.
I find myself nodding before I realize it.
***
"You know what Victoria's secret is?" I ask Donna.
We're standing in the middle of the trashy lingerie section looking at thongs.
"No real woman can wear this stuff?" Donna replies.
She's looking at a black lace teddy. It would look great under the dress she's wearing Friday night. God knows something's going to have to go under it or Josh will have a fit.
"Exactly."
I look at her a little funny when she puts it back. "Why don't you get it?"
"It's $75, I'll wear it once."
"I think Josh would appreciate a repeat performance."
She gets a funny little smile on her face, but doesn't say anything.
"As your maid of honor, I am required to throw you a bridal shower, you know. Maybe we can make it one of those sex toy ones." It was Carol's idea. She figures they don't need any traditional wedding gifts like bed linens or towels or dishes.
"God, CJ, the last thing we need is a collection of toys. Hold off on the bridal shower and throw us a baby shower instead."
I dig through half a rack before what she just said sinks in.
"Donna?" I call. She's wandered over to look at silk nightgowns.
"What?"
"Are you?"
"What?"
"You know."
***
"Pregnant?" I say the word for her.
"Yeah."
I've never seen CJ speechless before. This is not at all the reaction I was expecting from her at all.
"Yes, Josh and I have gone forth and multiplied." I think I spent too much time at church over Christmas. That thought sends me back to the trashy lingerie section.
***
Little Josh Lymans running around? Talk about frightening thoughts. Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll be like Donna, who has gone back and picked up the teddy.
"I can always wear it after the baby is born," she explains.
***
I decide I can also model it tonight. I beat Josh home and decide to wait for him in bed.
Wearing the teddy and high heels.
"Donna?" He calls from the living room.
I resist the urge to answer, figuring he'll come into the bedroom to change clothes.
"Wow."
He's saying that a lot today.
"Like it?" I purr.
***
Donna just purred at me. She's lying on our bed in a black lace teddy purring at me.
There is only one thing to do.
I get out of my clothes as fast as humanly possible and join her.
***
"I have an appointment with Dr. Williams on Monday at 9:30," Donna says suddenly.
After dinner and a couple hours of TV, we're back in bed. She's cuddled up to my side, her head resting on my chest, lightly tracing my scars with her fingers
"Can I go?" The whole pregnancy process fascinates me. If I didn't think she'd kill me, I'd ask Donna for index cards.
"Do you want to?"
"Of course I do."
***
"Josh brought a list of questions." I announce, plopping down in CJ's office.
She looks up from her laptop. "He did what?"
"We had an appointment with my OB this morning. He brought a list of questions. At the top of the list was: is it normal for Donna to have to pee every two hours' and he followed up with questions about sex and fetal development. Two pages, single spaced."
I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now. Josh is freaking me out. I don't know how I expected him to act, but this isn't it. He shouldn't be this interested.
CJ is just staring at me, the side of her mouth twitching.
"Go ahead and laugh." I wave a hand at her.
"It's just so" She's laughing so hard, she's crying.
"Wrong?" I supply.
"What's wrong?" Sam asks, wandering into CJ's office.
"Have you seen Josh lately?" CJ finally calms down enough to complete a sentence.
"No, why?"
"Go find him. Ask him what he learned today," she instructs.
We had our first ultrasound today, too; not that you could tell what anything was. They gave us a little printout and Josh hasn't stopped staring at it since we left the doctor's office. I drove us back to the West Wing.
I'm serious. He's freaking me out.
***
"What's up?" Sam asks, sticking his head in my office.
"What?" I look up, startled. I haven't been able to stop looking at this ultrasound picture. Not that I can see anything, but it's still my kid.
"What are you looking at?"
I hesitate just a second before I hand him the picture.
"What is this?"
I walk around my desk and stand next to him.
"For starters, you've got it upside down." I turn it around.
"Not helping any, buddy."
"That is my kid's first baby picture."
"It's what?" You can probably hear Sam screeching in the East Wing.
"What is going on in here?" Leo demands. He and the President are standing in my doorway. They must be on one of Bartlet's hallway tours.
Sam silently hands the photo to Leo.
"Congratulations." Leo cracks a small smile, immediately identifying the picture for what it is and then handing it to President Bartlet.
"When?"
"July 29th," I tell them.
The President's eyes twinkle as he does some quick math. "That would have been early November, then?"
"Election night." I confirm with a grin.
Donna's urinary issues are definitely not all my fault. She can blame Leo and the President.
***
Friday didn't roll around fast enough.
Most of the staff is working a half-day today and then heading out to get ready for the Ball. It starts at 7:30, but Josh and I plan to be fashionably late.
We couldn't get dinner reservations before 7:00.
I cannot tell you how happy I am to get out of this building. News of the baby spread through the White House faster than Josh's secret plan to fight inflation. People I don't even know have been offering all kinds of crazy advice.
I blame Josh. He showed the ultrasound to President Bartlet. The President is the biggest gossip in the country.
Not that I won't have to deal with all of these people at the Ball, but at least I can duck them by making Josh dance with me all night.
We're going to Fracheli's for dinner. Vinnie was the only person in town who could seat us before 10 o'clock.
***
I opt for wearing one of my black silk camisoles under the dress instead of the teddy. Not that I had a lot of choice. When I put it on this afternoon, Josh accidentally tore it getting it back off.
He made it up to me in the shower.
Heels and pearls complete the look and when I saunter out of the bedroom, Josh's jaw drops open.
Again.
***
Oh. My. God.
It takes me a minute to pull myself together enough to stutter, "Are you ready?"
"Let's go," she says, appropriating my wool coat.
We get to the Watergate around 9, having taken our time with dinner. The party is in full swing, literally. The jazz band is damn good.
"I'm going to go find Sam," I tell Donna as we make our way through the crowd. "Do you want anything to drink?"
"Okay, no and I'm going to look for the rest of the assistants."
There are a wide variety of outfits on display, but when I find Sam and Toby at the bar, I decide Sam takes the cake. The man is wearing cream-colored knickers.
"We playing 18 holes later?" I ask after I order a martini.
"Shut up."
"No, seriously. Who dressed you?" I can't look at Toby or I'll bust out laughing.
"Rachelle."
"Who is Rachelle?" I tread carefully. Sam hasn't had a date since before Thanksgiving when Alex dumped him.
"She's this woman I met at the gym."
Toby points across the room to a well-stacked, leggy blonde who is mingling with the Senior Assistants Association.
"Dude, it's Twiggy!" I might have said that a little loud.
***
I didn't hear exactly what Josh just yelled, but I can tell by his tone of voice that it wasn't good. This Rachelle person Sam brought is sickeningly sweet. It has to be an act. Bonnie and Ginger keep glaring at her, giving me the impression something happened before I arrived. It makes the whole situation uncomfortable.
Seizing the opportunity granted to me by my overly obnoxious fiancé, I slip away.
"I'm going to go see what Josh is carrying on about." I give Rachelle a fake smile and pretty much bolt over to the bar.
CJ intercepts me on my way over, glaring towards Rachelle. "This is the last straw."
"Sam's date?"
"You know the word we don't use?"
I nod. I may have reclaimed it, but I still don't say it in public.
"Look it up in the dictionary and there she is."
"Okay. Josh likes to meddle in people's love lives. I'll put him and Toby on it." Maybe this will keep him from driving me crazy with inane pregnancy questions.
"She's really a very nice woman."
Sam is evidently explaining his dating choices to Josh and Toby, the newly ordained West Wing Yenta Society. If it kills them, they will find Sam a suitable girlfriend.
They just don't know it yet.
***
"If looks could kill, they'd have to arrest Bonnie and Ginger. I didn't even know it was possible to piss Ginger off." Toby is chastising Sam for his date selection. I'm simply observing, I've already had my turn.
Donna pinches my butt as she sidles up next to me.
"Dance with me," she whispers in my ear.
"I'm watching Toby. It's an educational experience." I whisper back, not wanting to miss anything.
"We need to talk."
She takes my hand and drags me out onto the dance floor. The band is playing something slow, so we just wrap our arms around one another and sway to the music.
***
"You need to find Sam a girlfriend." I state bluntly.
"Why me?"
"You love in meddling with people's sex lives. Besides, CJ and I are telling you to," I inform him as the band switches songs and picks up the tempo.
My experience dancing with Josh has previously been limited to staid, formal waltzes at State Dinners and the odd slow dance. I had hopes; he has shown some talent with the waltz. However, I am not impressed with his ability to swing dance. He doesn't completely suck, but pretty close.
"You need lessons, gangster boy," I tell him on our way back to the bar.
"I haven't had dancing lessons since I was twelve," he laughs. "Once I learned how to waltz and foxtrot my dad decided that was enough."
"I always got stuck with the ugly, fat girl." Toby volunteers. CJ has yet to entice him onto the floor.
"The one with two left feet and slimy hands?" Josh smirks. "She had a cousin in Connecticut."
"That's the one. Except my father made me finish, thus I know how to swing dance."
I'm shocked when Toby offers me his hand and leads me out on the dance floor.
"You'll be the center of attention at the thing on Monday night," Toby says before he twirls me. "I just want this one dance to tell you how much you deserve this happiness."
"Don't worry, Toby. I'll save a dance for you Monday night."