Chapter 14
School was a nightmare.
I knew that it would be bad from the second I walked into homeroom. Everyone was talking, but when I came into the room, it got quiet. You could have heard a pin drop. I sat down at an empty desk and pretended not to notice that everyone was staring at me.
Walking from class to class, the only gossip I heard was about me. When I walked by, people would stop what they were doing and look at me. All my old friends refused to talk to me. They pretended that I wasn't even there.
I wanted to go home.
I wanted my anti-depressants.
I got called out of third period to go to the counselor's office. I hoped that it was just a problem with my schedule, but nothing goes my way anymore.
When I got there, I didn't have to wait to see the counselor. That was really strange because you usually have to wait a few minutes to see her. When I walked into her office, she had one of those fake smiles plastered on her face. I got a kick out of the sign on her door though. It said 'school psychologist'. If the counselor is a psychologist, then I'm a Soc…
"Hello, Ponyboy," the counselor said. "Have a seat."
I sat down in a chair, "Is there something wrong?" I asked.
"No," the counselor said. "In case you don't remember, my name is Mrs. Moore, and I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes."
For the next half hour, I got a lecture on how she knew that my coming back to school would be hard 'considering the circumstances', but she hoped I would stay.
"Don't take the rumors personally either," Mrs. Moore said. "I know everyone is talking about you now, but they will have lost interest by next week. I was your age once too you know, so I know how these things work."
Mrs. Moore was probably my age during the Stone Age. No amount of makeup could cover up all her wrinkles, everyone knows that she wears a wig, and I think she has dentures. How else could someone that old have perfect teeth? I realized that Mrs. Moore was asking me a question.
"You understand, don't you Pony?" Mrs. Moore asked.
"Um…yes," I replied. I didn't know what she was talking about.
"Good," Mrs. Moore said. "Just remember what I said: try to concentrate on your classes, try to make new friends, and don't pay attention to what everyone is saying. And remember, I'm always here to help you. You may go now."
I got out of the counselor's office as quickly as I could. I didn't want anyone to see me; that would make everything a lot worse. Why did Darry have to put me back in school? Why wasn't I back home? Why did Aurora have to die? I was confused and depressed. I was considering just leaving, but someone would definitely tell Darry. I didn't need Darry being mad at me on top of everything else.
I had third lunch, so that meant that I had to sit through all of fourth period before lunch. I had English that period, and we were reading Macbeth. It was just my luck that that day we were discussing the suicide of Lady Macbeth. Every time the teacher said "suicide" everyone would look at me. The teacher didn't even mind! There aren't words for how happy I was when that class was over. I hoped that Two-Bit and I would have the same lunch.
It turned out that Two-Bit had second lunch, so I didn't know anyone. I sat at a back table by myself. The people around me were talking quietly and snickering. I heard my name several times in their conversation. Why did Darry do this to me? He should have known that I wasn't ready to go back to school. I was sick of hearing the people laughing at me, so I got up and left. I was going to hide out in the bathroom for the rest of lunch. When I walked by their table everyone burst out laughing; there was no doubt they were laughing at me.
I suffered through my next three classes. I was supposed to meet up with the track coach in the gym after school to try out for track, but I didn't feel like it. I just wanted to go home.
When I got home I went straight to my room and looked under the loose floorboard under my bed. That was where I was keeping the bottle of anti-depressants. I only had two left. My heart sank; I was going to need a lot more than two anti-depressants. I had the rest of the school year to go. I walked into the kitchen with one of the pills in hand. I got a glass of water and swallowed the pill. I only had one left, how was I going to live?
When Darry came home from work and asked me about how school was, I lied to him. I didn't want him to worry. I knew that I should have told Darry how awful it was, he might have been able to get me a transfer to a different school. Probably everyone in the city knew about my going to the asylum by now though. For the rest of the night all that I could think about was that I only had one anti-depressant left and that I had to go back to school the next day.
I didn't know how I would make it.