Author's Notes: First off, for those of you who actually clicked on this even after knowing it's a self insert, I've got another piece of info you might hate me for. This WILL be a Keitaro/Naru fic but that's only a side pairing and despite what this first chapter may tell you, it will start and end that way but the road to happiness is long and bumpy for them. Also when I say side pairing, I mean they won't be the only pairing and that mine will not take precedence over others (yes everyone gets someone in this fic). Second of all, just so you know ahead of time my character will be gunnin' for Haruka, so for those of you that like her and are opposed to the pairing, well, you can just not read this fic. Anyways give it a chance and hopefully you'll enjoy it.
Additional Note: This fic takes place after Love Hina Again in the anime and before the time jump to the marriage in the manga. Keitaro and Naru are Toudai students and are dating each other.
Heart of Smoke
Chapter 1: The Chain Smoking Handyman
Another beautiful day begins in the quite little town of Hinata, the sakura are falling and floating in the breeze creating a scene of perfect serenity. BAAAM! That is until a certain former ronin went sailing through the skies of the once silent hotsprings village. Keitaro Urashima has been sent on another impromptu flight courtesy of Naru airlines as a result of another of his little mishaps with his new girlfriend. For even though they've been officially dating for a while now there are still misunderstandings to be had and Hinata air tours to be experienced.
As Keitaro touches down and begins his short trip back to Hinatasou, he starts to think of how long it will take to fix this hole and how much of his study time this will take away. 'Why did this one have to quit on me too, those girls are just too ruff with guys' Keitaro thought to himself referring to the latest handyman he hired to give him more time to study that recently resigned due to 'dangerous work conditions'. 'Hopefully I can hire another guy soon, I have a big test in a few weeks'.
As Keitaro came to his aunt Haruka's teashop he figured he'd stop in for a cup of tea and ask if she's gotten anymore applicants for the janitorial job. "Hi Aunt HarukOw" Keitaro began before receiving a fist to the top of his head. "It's just Haruka and before you ask we still haven't gotten anymore applicants, I'm beginning to think the girls scared away all of the handymen in Japan" replies Haruka as she takes a drag of her cancer stick.
Keitaro's shoulders dropped as he let's out a sigh "Oh, thanks anyway Haruka-san, well can I get a cup of tea then", Keitaro asked in a downtrodden voice.
"Sure kid, so how's your relationship with Naru going" Haruka asked in a not quite interested tone, cigarette still in her mouth.
"There are still the occasional mishaps and she gets a little jealous now and then but other than that she's the perfect girlfriend" Keitaro squeals with a beaming smile as he goes off into some dreamy state as Haruka just walks off to get his cup of tea. "My nephew is such a baka" she muttered as she walked away.
On a train headed for Hinata
A young man is seen sitting, he seems average enough, medium height and build, blue-green eyes behind a pair of small-framed glasses, a slight goat-tee and below shoulder length dirty-blond hair pulled into a ponytail told you he was a gaijin. He's wearing a dark blue hoody with his thumbs sticking through holes in the wrists, extra baggy crème colored zip off pants that tie off at the ankles and a pair of canvas shoes. But what drew everyone's attention was the fact that he was smoking a cigarette on the train which was clearly a non-smoking area and repeatedly ignored the requests of the other passengers to put it out.
He was sitting casually listening to music and reading a flier that read 'Janitorial position available at all-girls dorm. Caution: will be hazardous working conditions, ask manager for details'. "Well this ought to be interesting, and I could really use a job right now" he said in English though he could speak perfect Japanese. He took the last drag of his death stick, put it out on the side of his boot and proceeded to light another one much to the dismay of the other passengers.
Hi I'm Joe Reber, I 'm originally from America but about four years ago I came here on a college study abroad program at West Virginia University and after my two semesters were up I decided to stay. Suffice it to say my family didn't take it very well but what do I care, anyways I continued to study at one of the local colleges, mainly for repair and maintenance classes. I just graduated and as luck would have it I found this flier and am on my way to this Hinatasou place.
In Hinata Hotsprings Town
Now that I'm in Hinata I've started asking for directions but mostly all I've gotten for a response is guys screaming something about demon women before running off in terror. I shrugged it off and kept asking around until I came upon a group of robed old men with a bunch of fog around their feet. After asking one if they had a fog machine up their ass or something and getting a wrinkled glare in response I asked my real question and they grudgingly directed me towards the girls dorm but not without a few choice words on their part.
When I got to the bottom of the steps I didn't have any kind words for the designer of the place. After finishing off and lighting up another cigarette I began my long trek up this mini Everest until I came across a teashop and decided to stop and rest, maybe have a cup of tea or something.
As I walked in it seem like a quaint little place and there were other smokers there so I knew I wouldn't catch shit for smoking, not that I would have put it out anyway. I sat down at a table and waited for someone to come and not long after a lady with short brown hair wearing a brown sweater, tan shorts, and slippers with a cigarette in her mouth walked up to me.
"What can I get you?" she said in an even almost emotionless voice. "Damn, lacking a personality any are we, I'll have a cup of coffee, four cremes, and sixteen sugars if you will" Haruka's twitching eyebrow did not go unnoticed as Joe smirked in triumph. He always found a certain kind of joy at getting under people's skin and never knew why. "Sure, no problem" she replied through gritted teeth.
A few minutes later she returned with his coffee and setting it down on the table "Thanks, oh hold I got a question for you" he said remembering why he's in Hinata. "And that would be" she said trying to keep from strangling this increasingly annoying customer. "Damn, who lit the fuse on your tampon, anyways do you know anything about that dorm up on that hill"
The cigarette nearly fell out of Haruka's mouth at the last remark. She was seriously about to disembowel this guy but just barely held back from doing so and was surprised that this guy could actually get this close to breaking her calm. "Yeah, why do you ask" Haruka said managing to keep a level voice despite Joe's very obvious grin.
"Just curious about the job I saw on this flier recently and was wondering if the position was still open or not" he said in a rather nonchalant tone though on the inside he was reeling in laughter at this ladies reaction.
Haruka's anger was soon forgotten at the prospect of filling the position soon "Yes the position is still open, if you want I could go get the manager for you" she said in an unusually enthusiastic voice which surprised Joe a bit before he replied "Sure I guess, bring her down."
"The manager is a guy not a girl" Haruka corrected as she turned to leave. "A guy running am all-girls dorm, damn I'll bet that guys happy" Joe thought out loud.
"That's what you think" Haruka muttered as she exited the teashop to retrieve Keitaro.
On the steps of Hinatasou
"Wow, this guy really wants the job, this is great" Keitaro shouts but then frowns as he turns towards Haruka and asks "Does he know about the girls yet"
"No, not yet" Haruka replied taking a drag of her cigarette. "I figured I'd let you tell him yourself" She really didn't want to talk to this guy more than she had to for fear of actually killing him.
They arrived at the teashop to find the topic of their conversation in a heated argument with a group of people at the table next to his.
"I'll blow my smoke in whatever direction I damn well please. If you don't like it then move some where else 'cause I ain't gonna stop just 'cause some piss ant imbeciles can't stand a little smoke" Joe didn't seem as much angry as he did amused at the other customers plight.
Keitaro immediately walked over and stepped in "You must be the person applying for the janitorial position. I'm Keitaro Urashima the manager" Keitaro said extending his hand to Joe attempting to draw him away from the other customers.
Joe looked Keitaro over for a second before donning a half-friendly half-mischievous grin not unlike Kitsune's, that made Keitaro slightly nervous. "Nice to meet you Keitaro, so what does job require if I may ask" Keitaro seemed slightly surprised by Joe's sudden change in attitude but brushed it off.
"Basically you'll have to make any repairs needed around the dorm, clean the floors, and windows, along with scrubbing the hotsprings, and some minor gardening and landscaping work things of that nature really" Keitaro explained wondering if it was too much for one person too do by himself.
Joe's grin grew ever so slightly before he spoke "No problem, so what's it pay" Keitaro was glad he seemed able to do everything. "Along with free room and board it pays 7000 yen a day instead of hourly wages."
"Kick ass, when can I start" Joe exclaimed but before Keitaro could reply he spoke again. "Oh before I forget, what's with this 'hazardous working conditions' thing, is the place all run down and shit"
Keitaro frowned slightly, thinking that once he explained the warning that the guy would refuse the job. "No, it's not the dorm itself really, it's just some of the girls are a bit…excitable and tend to be a little to physical if you will" was Keitaro's rather shaky reply.
"Oh, so you're roomin' with bunch of demented violent chicks, no problem" came Joe's unexpected response to which Keitaro was nothing less than stunned to say the least.
"Are you serious, it won't be a problem for you?" Keitaro was ecstatic. "Hell no, man I grew up with eight sisters and only three male relatives and that includes my dad and brother, so I'm used to violent, moody, and altogether insane girls so this should be a walk in the park."
"Wow, this is just great, I glad to finally have someone who can handle the job, it's nice to meet you…umm actually I never got your name sir" Keitaro said, slightly embarrassed that he would forget such a thing.
"Name's Joe Reber and it's nice to meet you too Keitaro" Joe said with a rather large feral grin on his face as he took another drag of his seemingly ever present death stick.
"Thank you Mr. Reber I…" but before Keitaro could continue Joe cut him off once more. "Please, call me Joe, none of that formal crap, by the way who's the chick with no personality she's kinda cute" asked Joe.
Keitaro looked confused for a moment "Cute chick with no personality, who…OH GOD, that's my Aunt Haruka, oh god."
"Damn, that's your aunt, she looks like she could be your big sister or something, and cute too" said Joe much to Keitaro's dismay and his own amusement.
"Anyways, lets head up to the dorm so I can introduce you to the girls, ok?" Keitaro almost pleaded so he could leave this situation behind because he was sure that Haruka had heard every word from the slight blush on her face and twitching eyebrow.
"Sure thing Kei-man, lets go" exclaimed Joe as he lit up another cigarette and pushed Keitaro out of the shop but not before winking at Haruka to which her blush increased and eyebrow looked as if it were about to shake off.
In front of the Hinatasou
"I swear to god I'm gonna kill this places designer if he's still alive" huffed a slightly out of breath Joe as he made it to the top of the mountain of steps. Keitaro smiled at Joe "Don't worry, you'll get used to it…or die trying" chuckled Keitaro as he lead Joe in to the Dorm though Joe didn't seem to think it was all to funny.
As the two guys entered the living room Keitaro raised his hands to his mouth and shouted "GIRLS, DORM MEETING, EVERYONE DOWN HERE" in no time footsteps were heard from all around the dorm. Immediately a girl with short blue hair no older then 15 walked in from the next room, which he assumed was the kitchen due to the apron, she was wearing. She seemed a bit shy when she spotted Joe though not much.
Next came two girls from the down the hall, one had auburn colored that went halfway down her back and seemed a little younger than Joe, from the look she gave him he counted her as one of the 'excitable' girls. The girl with her looked to be about his age with really short sandy blonde hair and eyes closed making her look like a fox. She seemed to give him a look that dripped with mirth and mischief to which he returned in kind much to her surprise and her friends annoyance.
The next girl made a rather interesting entrance by jumping off the top of the steps to dropkicking Keitaro to the ground and landing but first on his face she seemed no older then the first girl. Her tan skin and shoulder-length blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail told him she was a foreigner as well.
To Joe the whole scene was hilarious but apparently the next girl didn't seem too happy about it. "Urashima, you lecher, you shall perish for this act of perversion, DIE" screamed a girl with long black hair in what appeared to be a shrine maiden's outfit and was waving a sword who had just came in the front door. She came charging towards Keitaro sword raised just as the blonde girl got off him with apparent intent to maim or kill the poor guy.
Seeing as how Keitaro didn't look like he was gonna move anytime soon Joe grabbed him by the shirt and yanked him aside just as the crazed sword chick brought her sword down on the floor creating a sizable hole.
"Damn, Kei-man you weren't kidding when you said some of these chicks where violent, that bitch damn near cut you in half" Joe shouted to Keitaro much to the shock and anger of the other girls for his use of such foul language.
"Dang, he's got a mouth that'd make a sailor blush" said the fox eyed girl with a grin, to which Joe replied with a wink and said "Why thanks for the complement cutie" The fox eyed girl just blushed in response.
"What did you call me you filthy male" shrieked the black-haired girl as she pointed her sword at Joe with a fierce glare. "Yeah, you can't talk about Motoko like that" shouted the auburn-haired girl raising her clenched fist threateningly though Joe didn't seem too fazed by any of this, not that he wasn't afraid it just didn't serve any purpose to show it other than to encourage the aggressor even more. So he just kept a calm exterior and took a drag of his cigarette.
"Girls, please calm down, this is Joe Reber, he's going to be the new handyman around here. Joe this is Shinobu, Naru, Kitsune, Kaolla, and Motoko" Keitaro explained and introduced though for Naru and Motoko it seemed only to rile them up more.
"Absolutely not, I refused to let a man like him stay in this dorm" shouted Naru as Motoko nodded in agreement "I must agree, someone that speaks in such a way could corrupt the youth of this dorm"
"Oh yeah, and a sword waving, homicidal maniac is a MUCH better role-model for young people, I mean seriously you could have killed the guy if I hadn't pulled him away" rebuked Joe.
"You know he's got a point Motoko, you almost killed my boyfriend back there" said Naru with a bit of a frown and her hands on her hips.
"You're Keitaro's girlfriend" Keitaro asked before looking her over and turning to Keitaro "Damn Kei-man you dog, your girl is hot, congratulations dude" exclaimed Joe through his cigarette as he patted Keitaro on the back and both Keitaro and Naru just stood there blushing.
'Oh great, another Kitsune' were the mutual thoughts of Keitaro and Naru.
"So," Joe begins as he clapped his hands together, "Where's my room" he finished in an overly enthusiastic tone before he spoke again. "I hope it's not near the sword chick's room, I'd hate too wake up a few inches shorter if you know what I mean" said the somewhat worried but still rather aloof gaijin much to the others' shock and embarrassment.
"N-no, your room will be two doors down from mine, next to Kitsune's" was Keitaro's rushed response.
"Kick ass, I'm roomin' next to the hotty" Joe shamelessly blurted causing Kitsune to blush furiously again. "Say, you old enough to drink yet, 'cause I could use a drinking buddy"
At this Kitsune brightened up and grew a sly smile while the others paled slightly. "Sure am, what's your poison" she replied in an exuberant voice that carried a hint of mischief.
Joe grinned and said "Whiskey, preferably Jack Daniels, but if ya ain't got it that's fine, how 'bout you" to which Kitsune answered "Beer and any kind of sake though the more expensive the better"
At that Joe only put his finger in his mouth and gagged then said "Damn, you drink that swill" as if that fact greatly offended him. "Oh well, guess beggars can't be choosers, so, wanna go out for a drink"
The others were a stunned that someone would want to go out drinking this early but Kitsune on the other hand was thrilled to have found another person like her, "Sure."
"Great just let me call my friends and tell them to bring my stuff over from my apartment" Joe said as he pulled a cellphone out and started dialing. "Hello, hey Julia, can you have the guys pack my stuff up for me and help me take them over to here… Yeah it turns out the job comes with free room and board so I guess that means more money for cigarettes and booze… Anyways I'll see you guys later, bye." Joe hung up and turned to Kitsune "so are ya ready to go"
Kitsune nodded and grabbed her coat then turned to the others in the room "seeya later guys" to which they only and waved to their soon to be inebriated friend and their new handyman.
Author's Notes: Okay that's the first chapter, hope ya liked it(I wrote the whole thing while listening to ICP's cd The Wraith). For those of you who are wondering, yes that this is exactly how I think, talk and dress (I really baggy clothes, they feel comfortable to me) and I really do smoke too damn much for my own good and I will and have smoked on public transportation. If any of you are curious to my appearance I should be making a homepage soon and will have my picture along with some other pictures of me and my friends doing stupid shit. Also I will post all my fics, partial chapters and fic ideas on the site as well as a few other goodies. So tell me what you think, suggestions and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcome but if your gonna flame me then I guess that's ok, I could use a good laugh.