Chapter 7: Past Regrets and New Beginnings

In a small, clean room laid a tall, aging man. His room was practical for a military man. Beside the man, only a small bed, desk, short dresser, and a closet inhabited the room. Atop his dresser, over two dozen polished rested in a large wooden basket with a glass cover. Accompanying the honors was an American flag, folded into a foot long triangle. The man lying on the bed was in his late fifties, his hair was gray with several long streaks of silver. His eyes were dark brown, offsetting his pale but fair skin. Though he was troubled by many, great burdens, his face did not show the cares he had now.

He lie there, his eyes closed as he recalled the past. His failure at Black Mesa plagued his soul. The consequences of his actions now infected the entire world. Theodore Crowe's mind reached into his past; twelve years ago, to the days leading up to the Black Mesa incident.

A tall, lanky man in a blue suit came into the Crowe's office. He stopped in front of the desk where Colonel Crowe sat in a large leather chair.

"You are Colonel Crowe, commanding officer of the 81st Hazardous Environment Combat Regiment, are you not?" asked the man in a soft, raspy voice.

"Can you read the sign on the door and the desk?" asked an annoyed Crowe, occupied by a stack of dispatches on his desk. The man in the suit remained emotionless, seemingly unaffected by the marine's attitude.

"I am here under orders. I am to…" the man was cut off by the officer.

"What is your name sir, if you don't mind my asking?" asked Crowe.

"You may call me…Mr. Myers," the man said.

"Ah yes, Mr. Myers. You're right on time," the colonel said, impressed but still working on the papers covering his desk.

"Yes, here right on time. I am to inform you of…a change of training procedures." He said, severely stressing the last sentence.

"Really?" a surprised Crowe asked, "what are my new orders?"

"Your training will shift…from jungle warfare to a…combination of desert, urban, and indoor combat. Here are your new orders," he handed a large folder to the colonel, "I would begin immediately if…I were you. You are on a… strict timetable, Colonel Crowe. Good day, sir," and then turned and left through the door.

What an odd man, Crowe thought. He just came and left, he was a by the book professional. He opened the folder and shuffled through the documents. The regiment was to begin maneuvers in the Mojave Desert in Arizona along with conventional military units such as the 1st and 3rd Marine divisions. There were several large urban environments built by the military about thirty years ago in the area. The 3rd Division was the act as the Opposing Force, attacking three of the urban centers. The 1st Division would try to repel the attack as Crowe's 81st Regiment was to assault the OpFor's command center in the northern most urban center. The war game was to begin in ten days and end four days later.

Crowe picked up his phone and dialed a number, when it was answered he said, "Captain Peterson, this is Colonel Crowe, prepare the regiment for deployment. I'll have the details sent down to you in the next few minutes."

Just one week after the successful war game, the phone in Crowe's office could be heard ringing throughout the floor in the dark, cloudy morning. Crowe was usually the first to work everyday and had just gotten in when his phone stopped ringing. Several seconds after the ringing died it came right back. He set his briefcase down and picked up the phone.

"Colonel Crowe," he said.

"Colonel Crowe!" a voice practically shouted over the phone, "this is General Doug Wallace. We have a situation at the Black Mesa Research Facility in the New Mexico Chihuahuan Desert." Crowe was astounded, as the commander of a special environmental combat unit, he knew several details about the facility. Its existence and location were known facts; it was a civilian controlled research center on the sight of an old military missile base. It was given to the Union Research Combine Corporation by the federal government on the ground that it conducted weapon and research development projects for the military. Very few people, even those that worked there knew what exactly went on at the site. Its security system and taskforce was considered by many to be far superior than that of many U.S. military bases.

"What happened General?" asked Crowe.

"Colonel, this is top secret information coming from the president himself. You and anyone outside of your regiment are not to hear of this. Approximately two hours ago we received a distress signal from the facility. They have been experimenting in teleportation and they have experienced a resonance cascade. This means they have opened a portal to an alien world and creatures have crossed over to the facility, killing the workers. You're to take your regiment to the facility A.S.A.P. Your orders are to eradicate everyone and everything and find a way to close the portal. All witnesses must be killed. I'm sending you a fax of certain scientists and administrators you are to extract. If you fail, we are prepared to nuke the base. When you deploy your troops, act as if you are having a surprise-training mission at the facility. I will take care of all loose ends and make sure word does not spread. Your men are not to get their orders until they are en route to the base. I'm sending all the details now. I will contact you again soon, Colonel Crowe. General Wallace out," the phone clicked and all went silent. Crowe had no idea how to comprehend any of this. None of it made any sense to him. All he could do was do what the general told him. He picked up the phone and called his executive officer.

"Borlan," Crowe said when the phone was answered, "prepare the regiment for deployment in one hour. Then meet me in the briefing room."

Just four hours after Crowe received his orders from General Wallace he was standing in the main security-command complex in the center of the Black Mesa research facility. They had arrived at the facility only an hour and a half ago and already all of the main security, military, and residential complexes as well as several of the main science and research facilities were under their control. Locations such as the Lambda teleportation facility and much of the underground tunnel facility were still being fought over. These aliens fought like nothing Crowe had ever seen before. Some seemed to be nothing more than wild beasts, charging blindly at his troops, only to be slaughtered while much of the alien host fought as trained soldiers. Most of these "soldiers" did not fight as well as his regiment but there were several small groups of behemoth aliens in some sort of armor that would easily slaughter a stray squad.

For the most part however, the aliens were defeated, the main areas held by his troops were heavily defended. As for the extermination of the facilities residents, Crowe could barely order his men to exterminate innocent civilians. He knew their deaths would haunt him forever but he had no choice but to follow his orders. Though he feared for his men, if the facility workers had to be killed than what about his marines who had seen these aliens as well. Even though they had made much progress in the short time they had been at Black Mesa he could not but feel that the regiment as well as himself would be stabbed in the back.

One of his aids shouted out, bringing him back to reality, "Colonel, Slater's company have just reached the underground rail leading into the Lambda sector. They are facing heavy resistance from security forces and alien hosts. Reports from all companies indicate that these creatures are teleporting to the base in much higher numbers. About 4 times more are arriving every hour than when we first arrived and more of the soldier-like aliens are coming through the portals."

"How long before Slater can get inside Lambda?" asked the Colonel, "That is where we can shut down these portals."

"Slater said there are several blast doors sealing the entrance," said Sergeant Paterson, "he said it will take at least an hour to blow threw them all.'

"Tell him he has thirty minutes," said the colonel, "if the alien force grow larger the facility will be lost. We do not have much time. What of those designated for evacuation, have they been extracted yet."

"All but Administrator Breen have been evacuated, he wishes to speak to you," Paterson said. Crowe sighed but agreed to meet the administrator. He had very little time to spare but Breen was considered the most important person to be evacuated according to General Wallace, so he followed Paterson to a small recreational room that had been converted into a medical center. He saw Breen sitting on one of the couches, apparently oblivious to the dying marine's head only inches from his legs. Crowe hated the man already. Before speaking to Breen he confronted Paterson.

"Sergeant," he said, "what is the ETA on Foxtrot Company? They've been overdue for almost an hour."

"There aircraft had some mechanical problems but that has already been fixed. They should be here within twenty minutes," the man said.

"Good. When they arrive, have them assist Slater's company," he said as Paterson saluted and went back to the command center. Crowe turned toward Dr. Breen and motioned him to follow himself. Breen followed and they stood in one of the corners of the room, out of earshot.

"Dr. Wallace Breen," the administrator introduced himself as he held out his hand. Crowe did not take, he only stared into the man's eyes.

"Colonel Crowe, Doctor," he said, a hint of distaste escaped his breath, "what is it you that you needed?"

"I was wondering if the rocket launched earlier today contained a satellite. Did it?" he asked as if he was hoping it did. Crowe continued to look into the man's eyes but could see no deceit.

"Yes, approximately two hours ago a rocket was launched with a satellite onboard. The other two rockets were not tampered with. Why do you ask," he asked suspiciously. Breen hesitated, but his face remained expressionless.

"We need it," he finally said, "in order to create a relay signal that would allow us to open a portal to the alien world, Xen."

"Why in hell would you do that?" asked Crowe in a startled voice.

"Don't worry Colonel, they would not be able to pass through. It is essential that we send a force to Xen in order to take out their portals since it is impossible to do so from here. The scientists in Lambda should have a portal set up soon. You must send your people over in order to end this once and for all," he said. Crowe noticed the scientist fidget slightly at the last comment.

"Very well. Thank you for the information. One of my men will escort you to a chopper ready to evac you," Crowe said, a little less apprehensive about being around this man for revealing this information to him. Though the information itself only troubled him more. Breen nodded and then followed a marine out of the infirmary with a large smile across his face.

Theodore Crowe stood before a group of fifty civilians. Most were technicians but a handful were scientists and guards. Next to Crowe sat a still Humvee equipped with a fifty caliber machinegun. The marine manning the turret gave his commanding officer an uneasy look as he loaded the weapon. Crowe had not watched any of the massacres he had ordered his troops to commit. However, he could not turn his back to these people anymore. He had to see the death he was ordering done at least once. He looked up at the young private manning the turret. He could see the tears forming in his eyes just above the heavy bags under his eyes.

This would be Private Alex Grant's third execution of the day. The two groups he had slaughtered earlier were made up of at least three-hundred men and women. Though the group thirty yards away was much smaller than those before them his heart was still heavy. The screams from the victims before still rang in his head. He knew he would never be able to forget what he had done. He looked toward Colonel Crowe, only to be surprised at the look of pain on his face. Seeing this, tears began to sting his eyes as they slid slowly down his cheek.

Crowe saw the tears on the man's face and had a sudden sense of mercy. It was not for the group of doomed men and women to his front, which was already eating his heart away; it was for the marine on the turret, who he knew had already killed innocents before this. He thought killed because Grant did only that, he was no murderer. Crowe was the murderer, for he was ordering their deaths. He knew he was under orders but he had the power to stop these senseless killings, yet he did not. And he would not let another man feel the pain he did now.

"Private," he said to Grant, "step down. I cannot order someone to do something like this." A look of relief swept over Grant has he got off the Humvee. He thanked the colonel and began to walk away as the sound of gunfire burst into his head. He turned in time to see Colonel Grant firing several more bursts from the machinegun at the group of civilians and hear their screams as they fell into the trench behind them. Before his stomach emptied itself of its contents he saw Crowe fall back into the Humvee, tears covering his face as snot dripped of his nose.

The last thing Crowe saw before pulling the trigger was a woman. She appeared to be in her thirties, with light mocha skin, long black hair, and deep brown eyes. She was fingering a small pendant around her neck as the first bullet tore her chest open. After Crowe was able to stand he walked toward her body. Her eyes were open but she her face showed no sign of pain. She looked peaceful, he thought as he closed her eyes forever. He slid the bloody pendant out of her fingers and held it in his palm. It was a small silver heart held around her neck by a slim silver chain. He looked at the words engraved on the heart. Words that stuck with him forever but held little meaning until nine years later. Engraved on the heart were ten simple words:

To a loving mother and wife

from

Alyx and Eli

The door to Crowe's room squeaked open as Dr. Eli Vance stepped in.

"Hello Teddy. Come on, we have to..." Eli stopped as he saw Crowe fingering a small silver heart he held in his left palm. He slowly walked up to sitting man, his metal leg clanging against the hard cement floor. He bent down and without asking grasped the heart from his friend's hand. He saw Crowe look up at him, tears starting to form in his eyes. He then looked at the heart, reading the words engraved on it aloud. He already knew what it said but he had to read it, for himself.

Before he could react Crowe fell to his knees and sobbingly said, "I'm so sorry Eli. It was me... I did it. She's dead because of me. I...I...killed her." Eli helped lift his friend off his knees. He stood there and stared at him for what seemed to be an eternity. His eyes never changed. Only the one small tear that escaped his eyelid betrayed any emotion.

"Ted, you have been my best friend since I met you three years ago," he said softly, no anger or malice was in his voice, "That was a long time ago. You were under orders..."

"But I didn't have to follow them," Crowe snapped, cutting Eli off.

"No, you did not have to. But you did. Neither of us can change that. I forgive you for this...because you had the courage to tell your best friend this." He placed the pendant in Crowe's palm and closed his hand around it. "I want you to keep this, as a gift from me to you. Do not tell anyone this...especially Alyx. They do not need to know and I do not believe that Alyx would have the strength to forgive."

A small smile managed to part Crowe face, "Thank you Eli. I could not leave you in the dark anymore."

Eli smiled, "I know. That is how I know you are my friend. Now hurry up and get ready cleaned up. Meet me in the briefing room as soon as possible," he said as before he left the room. Crowe wiped his face with a small towel from his dresser and then placed the pendant in the his jacket's left chest pocket, over his heart.

Kaitlyn suddenly bolted up from her slumber. Two surprised men by the door were facing her. It appeared that the opening of the large metal had startled her from her sleep. She had slept for ten straight hours after crying herself to sleep after her interrogation. She still in her undergarments, the rest of her clothes were folded up, lying on the bed next to her. The two men by the door both wore dark blue fatigues, one was holding several pairs of clothes in his hand.

"Ms. O'Rourke, please follow us when..." Kaitlyn was surprised by what they called her but she was already standing with her back facing them with her hands behind her back.

"What are you doing?" one of the rebels asked her.

"Waiting for you to handcuff me," she said arrogantly, "the last time you came you had me bound, gagged, and blindfolded." Both men burst out laughing. She turned around and gave them an annoyed look.

"What are you laughing about?" she said angrily.

One of the soldiers managed to stop laughing, "No, they will not be necessary. We have brought you some clean clothes. We don't know your size so we guessed. We'll have your clothes washed for you," he said as he laid the clothes in his arm on a bed.

"Fine," she said, the malice still in her voice, "if you would excuse while I change." The men left her alone in the room, telling her to open the door when she was done. She grabbed each article of clothing and examined them closely. There was a pair of blue jeans, a white T-shirt, a gray windbreaker, a pair of white socks, and a pair discolored white sneakers. She took off her bra and panties and placed them with her dirty clothes. She did not like the idea of going nude under her clothes but she felt that her underwear should be washed as well. She struggled to put the jeans since they were one size to small. Kaitlyn knew she wasn't big or fat but the pants she just put on were made for the anorexic. The white T-shirt was a size to small as well put it was comfortable. The socks fit fine but the coat was to small as well. The sleeves did not even reach her wrists and it stopped just above her navel. The sneakers fit fine though. She picked up her dirty clothes and heels and opened the door.

One of the soldiers took her clothes. He then jogged down the corridor and took a left turn about thirty yards down. The other man smiled when he saw her. He knew the clothes he gave her were too small. The base kept a large store of clothes in the base. Some of the clothes were very sexy and revealing. They were meant for the parties the base sometimes held. They held no purpose other than keeping up the rebels spirits and morale. The revealing clothes were for the women that lived there. While many were either too young or old to be wearing such things there was some young women and couldn't wait to dress themselves up the few times a year they can. Several of them were very beautiful but the woman standing before him far exceeded their beauty he thought.

He finally snapped out of his daydream, "If you would follow me, Ms. O'Rourke," he said, leading her down the corridor.

"Where you taking me, and why are you treating me differently?" Kaitlyn asked suspiciously.

"I am taking you to see our leaders. They wish to speak to you," he said. Kaitlyn did not press the man for anymore information and followed him in silence. After a short elevator ride, she was lead through an open door. The room was large, at least twenty meters by twenty meters. There were several maps covering the right wall. Most of the them were of City-17 and the surrounding are but some were of much larger regions. There was a large round table with twelve seats placed around it in the center of the room. Sitting in one of the chairs on the left side of the room was Adrian Shepard.

"Adrian," Kaitlyn cried out as she ran toward him. He began to get up but was only thrown back into the chair as she jumped onto him, giving him a strong, affectionate hug. Needless to say, he was quite shocked toward her reaction of seeing him.

"Hey…uh… are you alright," he said softly. She slowly got off him and stared into his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just glad to see you're alright. What are we doing here? What are we doing here?" her questions kept on going and Adrian could not answer her. Every time he spoke she would not stop, she kept asking questions frantically. He could take no more and in a flash he sprang up and gently covered her mouth with his hand. She was taken by surprise and suddenly stopped speaking.

He removed his hand from her mouth, "Thank you," he said, getting an annoyed glare from Kaitlyn, "I don't know where we are or what is going to happen. Let's just sit down and wait, okay." She nodded in agreement and sat down in the seat to his right, drawing herself closer to him.

The door opened and four figures came through the entrance. Adrian slowly stood up as the figures took their seats across from them. Kaitlyn remained seated but stared up at Adrian, wondering what had shocked him. Dr. Eli Vance, William Collins, and the Vortigaunt John each took their respective seats. But it was the man who sat across from Adrian that occupied his gaze.

"Corporal Shepard, it is good to see you again," the man said.

Adrian opened his mouth to speak but nothing escaped his lips. After what felt like an eternity to Shepard he was finally able to speak, "Colonel Crowe…..what the hell is going on here?"