Whoa. Who would have believed that I would get bored enough to continue this story. Certainly not I, but you're all in luck, I suppose.

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Seth could feel his life ending. He couldn't believe that he worked so hard to weasel his way into the richest family in Newport Beach, and brainwash them into believing he was their son, and it was all for nothing. He was going to die stuck in the doorway to his room because his stupid half- psuedo- step- adopted-brother couldn't have told him earlier that he had a mole on his face. Seth made a mental note to kill Ryan in an awful, bloody death, if he ever survived through this.

"Seth, you did NOT get your damn mole stuck in the doorway again!" Screamed Summer from behind him.

"Summer, I don't need your attitude right now. Can't you see I'm starving to death?" Seth screamed back at her.

"You SO aren't starving to death. You're eating a steak dinner as we speak." She pointed out.

"So I am." He admitted. He put down his dinner plate and wiped his mouth clean of steak residue.

"Anyway, You're mom is dressed and ready to go. I'm going to go and find Ryan so we can get you out of this doorway. But first I think we should play Boggle or something, because seriously, I rule at that game" she said

"Well fine" he said "But only one round because you know how playing Boggle generally makes me burst into flame"

"You always make up the worst excuses Cohen," she said. Then she left to go find Ryan. She couldn't take much more of Seth and his whining. She completely forgot about Boggle also. She opened the door to the pool house to find Ryan hanging naked from a noose.

"You did NOT commit suicide," she accused him.

"Well almost, but please Summer let me down. I've decided I don't want to go through with it anymore," he said urgently.

She huffed her way over to him and untied the noose. Then she took off all her clothes and had sex with him because it was just way too convenient.

Marissa walked in on them doing it.

But rather than get mad and cry like she normally would, she decided to make the most of the situation so she joined in too.

Ryan was rather impressed that his fake hanging had resulted in a threesome, which was, fittingly enough, his exact intention.

The three of them redressed and made their ways to the local Newport Beach Porno Movie House for Kirsten's premiere, completely forgetting about Seth in the doorway.

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"Honey, I'm home!" shouted Sandy into what he thought was a house full of his family and into what actually appeared to be an empty house.

No answers.

"Honey, I'm home!" He shouted again.

A slight peep was uttered from somewhere within the house. However, it was most certainly ignored.

"Honey, I'm naked!" he screamed nakedly.

No answers.

"Hmm, I wonder where everyone went?" He pondered. He rested his naked elbow on his naked knee and his naked chin on his naked fist. He bore a striking resemblance to that sculpture of that naked thinking guy.

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Meanwhile at the movie theatre…

"Mrs. Cohen, I have to say it – that movie was like completely awesome!" Summer said. She had obviously completely forgotten about the insane jealousy that she had towards her boyfriend's mom. Either that or she was being sarcastic. I guess we'll have to wait and see what she says next before we can judge the tone of her comment.

"I really mean it," she continued without the slightest hint of sarcasm. "It was tasteful, while still maintaining a steamy sexual interest. And it was educational, who knew that the simple combination of anal stimulation with a light massage of penis could make a man ejaculate like that….wow. I can't wait to try it out on your son."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, dear," said Kirsten. "Now who's hungry? I have a craving for wieners and a tossed salad."

Marissa and Ryan's heads both simultaneously exploded because of that mental image. Just kidding. But they were really, really uncomfortable.

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"DAD, IS THAT YOU?" screamed Seth.

Sandy was shocked to realize that he wasn't home alone. He figured he had better wipe his prints off the murder weapons and hide the dead bodies of Julie and Kaitlin Cooper before anyone found out that a crime had just taken place.

"DAD I'M STUCK UPSTAIRS," shouted Seth

Sandy breathed a sigh of relief and took his time with the cleanup.

"I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE, SON," Sandy yelled as he ripped the bloody carpets from the living room floor.

"I THINK EVERYONE ELSE LEFT ME BEHIND WHEN THEY WENT TO SEE MOM'S MOVIE PREMIERE," Seth shouted to his father.

"Not everyone," Sandy snickered to himself and eyed the brutally murdered corpses of the Coopers.

"I NOW HAVE ABANDONMENT ISSUES," Seth yelled. "I JUST WANT TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE, YOU KNOW? BUT EVERYWHERE I TURN THERE'S JUST ANOTHER PERSON WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE ME ENOUGH TO WANT TO STAY AROUND FOR VERY LONG. RYAN COULD TAKE OFF TO ANYWHERE AT ANY MOMENT. I ALWAYS WORRY THAT HE'LL UP AND LEAVE TO GO BACK TO CHINO, I MEAN NOTHING'S REALLY KEEPING HIM HERE. EXCEPT MARISSA, MAYBE, BUT I'VE HEARD HIM TALK IN HIS SLEEP ABOUT REALLY JUST HATING HER TO THE CORE. I CAN SEE WHAT HE MEANS, SHE'S PRETTY SNOBBISH AND SHE HAS NO REASON TO BE LIKE THAT. AND I MEAN ISN'T SHE A LESBIAN? REMEMBER HER AND ALEX? AND THERE'S ANOTHER PERSON WHO LEFT ME – ALEX. MAN, AND SHE WAS SMOKIN' HOT. IT REALLY HURTS WHEN I THINK ABOUT HOW I HAD THE BEST CHANCE IN THE WORLD TO GET WITH THAT BODY AND I BLEW IT. SPEAKING OF BLOWING, ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT MOM'S MOVIE?"

By the end of Seth's rambling Sandy had concealed most of the evidence and made his way upstairs to talk to his emotionally troubled son.

"Seth I think you're overreacting," Sandy said, trying to calm him down. "You're a wonderful boy with unique qualities. You've encountered a problem here and the only solution is to do the right thing. I'd love to give you more specific advice, but this is something you have to figure out on your own."

Seth's face brightened and his mole became significantly smaller, meaning he was finally free from the confinement of the doorway. Seth realized that the size of his mole was directly proportional to his mood. "Thanks Dad," he said with the glow of ultimate satisfaction. Not really a glow…more like a look of embarrassment for just having jizzed all over the carpet because of his intense satisfaction.

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