Title: Love
Author:ineXpressible
Word Count: 788
Rating: G
Warnings: Allusions to sex but that's about it.
Disclaimer: Two words: I wish.
Summary: Why the words 'I love you' seem to elude a certain Slytherin.
Love
Love.
Is a million words I don't think I'll ever be able to say. It's this infinite, never-ending expanse of emotion that's beyond even me, a Malfoy.
It isn't something that I can whisper in your ear after we've shown up late to the Great Hall because we stopped for a quick snog on the way. It's not something I can murmur to you between kisses and panting breaths as we share something that transcends words. I can't say it, even as I run my fingers through your god awful and deceptively soft hair in the morning, when the sunlight falls on your face just so... When you're relaxed and asleep, the perfect depiction of innocence.
It's something we can only appreciate, despite our differences, which are so vast that we'll never be able to completely breach them.
Love…
It makes me feel like I've died every time I look at your face after we fight and I've lashed out at you, angry with myself for caring. Furious that you expect me to choose you over generations of breeding.
It takes the guilt that has been festering from years of unrelenting torment and stabs it deeper within me, drawing blood in the form of harsh words that have no purpose. No meaning. No emotion other than survival. My survival against this altruistic desire I have to protect you.
Malfoy's are never selfless. They take what they need and leave, exacting revenge when necessary.
Love.
It enables me to hurt you in a way so much crueler than I could ever imagine. A way that goes beyond simple fights with fists and words in a crowded hall. It gives me the control to bend you every which way until you finally snap. Break. Crumble under my unrelenting will.
Power is a dangerous thing and a Malfoy should never be given as much power as you've given me. As much trust as you've given me.
Love.
It makes me just as weak as it has made you and that makes me all the more angry. Angry with myself for allowing thisthing between us to climb to a level where we can't simply stop and leave with a simple 'it's been fun.' Livid with the truth that I'm suddenly vulnerable, to a Gryffindor no less. I suppose it's safer being at the mercy of a Gryffindor than in the hands of a Slytherin.
Nevertheless, I should be with a Slytherin. With someone that will always watch their back around me. Someone who will expect me to put my father first, to hurt them and use them in every possible way. Not someone who will trust me and love me and have faith in my feelings for them.
Not someone who requires that I put them first, before even myself.
Love.
It blinds me during our helpless battles of will. It clouds my mind and makes all my convictions, once so strong and unbending, seem silly. Childish. It makes this loyalty that I have to my family seem insignificant. It infuriates me that you don't and never will understand the connection that I have with them, the price that I owe them. For that is how Slytherins work. Every favour has a price.
Love.
It makes you confident that in the end, when all hands are raised and fate rests on the tip of wand, dependant on nothing more than a series of words, I will choose you. I will forsake my upbringing and chooseyour side,your life,your mindset.
That's what fuels my temper the most, the fact that no matter what happens, I will end up choosing you. Because you're what makes sense to me. You're the only definition I know for the word love…
Love…
And so Harry, even though love is this infinite, never-ending expanse of emotion that's beyond even me, a Malfoy. Even though it's the one word, you want to hear me murmur to you between kisses and panting breaths as we share something that transcends words. Even though it makes me just as weak as it has made you.
I can't say it.
It's a million words I don't think I'll ever be able to say. It's a million words I know I'll never be able to say. But actions speak louder than words, or so the saying goes.
And so, perhaps you can forgive me the fact that I can't put words to a feeling I'll never understand. Perhaps you'll accept my choices as concrete evidence, so much stronger than the abstract word you wish me to say…
Love.
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Not many author notes, except that this is unbetad. I know, shoot me there's enough fluff here to fill a down mattress. If you've read this I'd really appreciate a comment. CC is always luuuuurved!♥ Also note that all sentance fragments are intentionally used. Style over Rules I suppose.
-TJ