Title: Pushing Forward or Pulling Back

Rating: PG 13

Disclaimer: Wish they were mine… alas they are not

Summary: 1st fic… Just trying things out. Is Sara moving on without Grissom? GSR!

I should be studying for finals. Oh well!

That paperwork that was piled up on Grissom's desk never got finished. He was lost in his own thoughts when Brass called in with a B&E. He was the only one not out on a case, but he decided not to call Sara. He made her mad enough for one day.

The case was fairly simple. Daughter sneaks out to see her boyfriend the parent's don't approve of. She makes a little too much noise when she tries to come back though her bedroom window. Parents get frightened and call the police, while the daughter tries to act like nothing happened.

However, Grissom felt something disturbing. It is not like he never worked a case by himself before, but all while he was collecting the evidence, he felt alone. Not just alone at the crime scene, but alone in his heart.

He wrapped up the case and went back to the lab to start on the paperwork before shift ended. After 2 hours he finished up about half of the stack on his desk. When he looked back at the clock he realized that shift ended half an hour ago. I guess I should go home to try to get some sleep.

Grissom got into his Tahoe and drove. When he stopped he realized that he was parked outside Sara's apartment, not his townhouse. I really should apologize. Grissom thought. Oh please Gil! You just want to see her again.

"Shut up" Grissom muttered to his mind as he walked up the steps to Sara's door.

After pausing for a second, Grissom raised his fist and knocked on the door.

"Just a minute!" he heard Sara shout from inside her apartment.

"Hey I thought you were coming over in an hour. You're ear…ly" Sara trailed off as she opened the door.

"Grissom! What are you doing here?" Sara asked not hiding the surprise in her voice.

"I wanted to apologize. Can I come in?" Grissom asked quietly.

"Sure, sorry, come in" Sara stated "Do you want anything to drink?"

"No, no. I'm fine"

Sara looked at him willing him to speak.

"Look, Sara I'm really sorry about what happened today. There was no reason why you should have been stuck doing paperwork. It was an oversight on my part, and I truly am sorry" Grissom stated.

"Well thanks Grissom, that was a really amazing apology. I can tell you really put a lot of thought and effort into it." Sara answered bitterly. "Grissom, it clearly was not an oversight. You knew that all the others had way more paperwork than me. There has to be a reason why you are so pissed off at me. Seriously Griss, I know that you only put me on paperwork duty when you're pissed at me. So why don't you just tell my what I've done?"

"Sara you didn't do anything" Grissom answered, shocked by her harsh tone.

"But you are mad at me" Sara stated simply.

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are Griss. Jeeze, it doesn't take a world renowned entomologist to see that you never look me in the eye anymore and you barely speak to me at all unless it is absolutely necessary. So just tell me what I did so I can avoid being on your shit list in the future" Sara replied, tears welling up her eyes.

"Sara, I…" Grissom was at a loss for words as he saw how much he hurt the woman he loved.

"Look, Grissom. I'm tired of playing games with you. You have me on this leash so you can pull me around and keep me at whatever length you want to. Your flirting with me about having sex in airplane bathrooms one day and the next you completely ignore me. I'm tired of it." The tears were threatening to fall down her face as she continued. "Please Grissom, just leave."

Sara shuffled towards the door and opened it to reveal.

"Mark!" Sara stammered trying to wipe her tears away quickly.

"Sara, honey. What's wrong?" Mark spoke in a gentle tone collecting a very broken Sara in his arms. "And who are you?" Mark asked seeing Grissom in the hallway.

Honey, he called my Sara Honey Grissom thought angrily.

"He was just leaving" Sara stated bitterly as she shot a glare in Grissom's direction.

"No, I'm not. I really need to speak with you Sara" Grissom said firmly locking eyes angrily with Mark.

"No actually I think you should be leaving" Mark said as he glared back at Grissom. "It's plain to see that you are hurting Sara by being here. I suggest you leave right now Mr…"

"Grissom, Gil Grissom"

"Grissom!" Mark stated in a shocked voice. "Isn't he your boss? The one who wouldn't…"

"Mark please. Not now" Sara pleaded. "Grissom please leave. Mark, you too, I have to think"

"What! Sara, I'm not leaving you alone" Mark replied.

"I'll be fine. Raincheck?"

"Of course, anything for you honey. Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Mark questioned, his eyes never leaving her face.

Sara shook her head no.

"I'll call you later" Mark assured her as he gave her a kiss on the cheek. With that, he headed out the door, but lingered outside to make sure Grissom respected her wishes.

"I guess I'm too late" Grissom whispered quietly, but loud enough for Sara to hear.

"I gave you so many chances Grissom, but I need to be happy before I lose myself completely. I would have given you everything, but you never let me" Sara whispered back, tears streaming down her face.

"Just answer one question for me Sara."

"What?"

"Do you love him?"

"No, because I will always love you. But he loves me and maybe one day I'll grow to love him too. I need to be loved Grissom, but you made it clear that you never would love me. I want to get married and have children. I don't want to be alone anymore. Besides you said it yourself, I'm not worth the risk to you" Sara answered.

"You heard that?"

"Yes I did. I need to find someone who is willing to take the risk, and obviously it's not you. Please leave." Sara choked out.

Grissom, too stunned that she heard his confession, backed out of the door. His eyes locked with Sara's as she gently closed the door to her apartment after him. What he saw was all the damage and heartache that he had caused to her heart. His eyes, now moist with tears, shut as the site of the door replaced her beautiful eyes.

Mark, who was still standing in the outer hallway, cleared his throat as he overheard the whole conversation. Grissom turned and looked at him.

"Look Grissom, as much as I hate you right now for hurting Sara. Sara and I have been going out on dates, but I could always tell that a little piece of her is always somewhere else. I could tell she was always thinking about something else. I though it was her job, because from what she told me it really can take a lot out of a person. Tonight, I figured out that that something was someone. And Grissom, that person is you. I love Sara, and it's plain to see that you are the only person that can make her truly happy. Look, Grissom you need to tell her how you feel, or else I think we all will lose Sara." With that Mark turned towards the direction of his apartment.

He stopped half way and added "This is your last chance Grissom. Don't hurt her again. Sara deserves to be happy, and I love her too much to have her unhappy and regretting everything for the rest of her life." Mark turned back towards his door when he heard Grissom reply:

"Thanks Mark, you're a good friend to Sara. I won't hurt her again. I can't hurt her." And with that Grissom headed towards his Tahoe, intent on finding a way toget back Sara's forgiveness and trust and prove to her how much he loved her.

TBC?... Reviews Pleazo!