The Matrix Regurgitated
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this fic. However, I can make fun of them shamelessly. All the excellent work that went into the making of this movie and I decide to get all smartass and screw it up… I am sorry.
(On the phone)
Trinity: Is this line tapped?
Sipher: Of course not! What do you think I am, working for the agents to get codes to the Zion mainframe and kill you all in the process so I can go back into the Matrix as a rich guy? WHO TOLD YOU?????? I'm onto you Trin…
Trinity: Now why would I believe that? You're the most loyal of us all!
Sipher: Err… Thanks…
Trinity: Ok, yeah, so isn't the screen supposed to like, do something now?
Sipher: Shit, I don't know! You think I read the script?
Trinity: shh… You're spoiling it for the people watching!
Sipher: Err… Yeah, this ain't a movie! It's real! Sweats
(Screen zooms in)
(Cop and Smith are standing by the hotel)
Smith: I told you to wait!
Cop: (pouts) You're not the boss of me!
Smith: God damn you all! Inferior human slime! We took over and enslaved you all! But even in slavery you continue to give us hell! Back during WWII, You humans gathered together to create a bomb! Most people didn't want to use it! But you did! You used the bomb! DAMN YOU!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!
Cop: Wow… that was beautiful (sobs) Just like my mom used to tell me when I was a little boy… Wait! What am I saying? We're takin' her down now!
Smith: No, officer, you're men have a very slim chance of survival, due to the fact that this woman possesses superior, indeed superhuman, capabilities!
Cop: Dammit, they always get me like that…
(Next scene)
(Trinity is being arrested)
Cop1: Oh, yeah, this chick is definitely les!
Cop2: Now, how the hell do you know that?
Cop1: Look at 'er! She don't even look like a chick!
Trinity: (Looking over) Just to warn you guys, I'm going to severely kick your asses and/or kill you. So, if you've got any last words, say em now!
Cop1: God, we knew that! But we came prepared!
Cop2: Yup, we got portable lame ass movie twists with us right here!
(Cop1 throws lame ass movie twist at Trin)
(Trin counters with a kick ass plot twist and destroys the other one)
Cop2: Shit…
(Trinity proceeds to kick ass and/or kill the cops)
(Phone rings)
Trinity: Hello?
Other voice: Yes, is this pizza hut?
Trin: No, sorry, wrong number!
Other voice: Hahahaha! You fell for it again!
Trin: Goddammit, Morpheas, Why do you always do that?
Morpheas: Just tryin' to loosen you up a bit! Now listen, there's like some real bad dudes comin' up with like guns and Agents and all sorts of shit, and you're probably gonna die! But good luck!
Trin: (Sobs) Thank you… You've given me hope!
Morpheas: (to other people) She always falls for this crap!
Trin: MORPHEAS!!!!
Morpheas: What? Aw, shut the hell up, anyways! Nobody likes you! You're just a worthless slut that spends two days with "the one" and you're already "in love"!
Trin: Ok, gotta go! Bye!
(smith and more cops burst in)
Trin: Hold on…
Smith: Yes?
Trin: Now you know I'm going to run away and you won't catch me. So why bother?
Smith: Because it's in the script!
Trin: (rolls eyes) Fine…
(they chase each other around until Trin stops at the phone booth)
Trin: I need to use the phone!
Colin Farrel: Yeah, but I'm busy right now!
Voice on phone: If you hang up this phone, I'll kill you, Stu!
Colin: What the fuck do you want from me?
Voice: Now, Stu, Don't say that. You'll raise the rating of this fic!
Trin: We don't have time for this! Nobody's even gonna see your movie!
(Trin pushes Colin out of the booth)
(Colin' head explodes)
Voice: You've disappointed me Stu…
Trin: I'm not Colin
Voice: Oh my god! Carrie-ann Moss!
Trin: Yeah…
Voice: I've seen you before in that one movie…
(trinity is taken back to the matrix)
(Neo is sleeping)
(Computer screws up)
(Neo wakes up)
Neo: What?
Computer: WAKE UP, NEO
Neo: I am, dude!
Computer: I'M WAITING FOR YOU NEO
SWEET THIS THING IS AWESOME
STOP IT MOUSE
AWWW YOU'RE NO FUN
ANYWAYS…
GODDAMMIT YOU MADE ME LOSE MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT
SORRY
OH YEAH! FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!
(Neo's doorbell rings)
(Neo answers)
Neo: Who is it?
Guy: It's me
Neo: Who's me?
Guy: I'm that one guy!
Neo: Oh ,ok, yeah!
Guy: Can I have the disk?
Neo: Yeah…
(Neo gets the disk from a book entitled "Where Neo hides illegal stuff")
(hands disk to that one guy)
Guy: Oh, you are awesome! Bootlegged episodes of I Love Lucy! You are my own personal Jesus Christ! Or Buddha… Wait, no, Jesus is cooler1
Neo: Yeah, Jesus did that whole dying thing. By the way, have you seen The Passion?
Guy: Oh yeah… It was so sad! Jesus dies at the end!
Neo: DAMMIT! You spoiled it for me!
Guy: Sorry… Hey, why don't you go to the club with me tonight?
Neo: I can't…
(Carpet below turns yellow and bricky)
(Made in china pops up in the middle)
Neo: (mysteriously) Yeah, I'll go…
Well, folks that's chapter one! Geez, it took me a long time to finish that! My creative energy waxed and waned… Anyways, please review! I love reviews! Also, tell me if this fic is a little explicit for a PG-13 rating.