BETWEEN FATHERS AND SONS

SUMMARY: Alexander is now a student at Mieza, separated from the difficulties of court life. But then Hephaestion reappears… Hephaestion, meanwhile, has his own family problems to contend with….

CHAPTER 2: STUDENT

Hephaestion approached the building with a mixture of excitement and reluctance. It had been almost a year since he had had his request to join Philip's army refused, almost a year since he had met Alexander. Philip had not said at the time why he was refusing Hephaestion, though he seemed a little more reserved when they talked and Hephaestion was conscious of losing something though he was not quite sure what it was.

If only he had known then what Philip had in mind for him – to be educated in a private school by Aristotle, a philosopher brought from Athens, along with the sons of Macedonian nobles! Finally he would be away from home, away from the almost constant disagreements with his mother and Laius, who seemed far too close these days for Hephaestion's comfort. He would get to meet the sons of men who stood at Philip's right hand, boys who would go on to be Royal Pages. And he would get to study with Prince Alexander himself!

Hephaestion had thought about Alexander a great deal since the day they had met. Though initially he had been puzzled and not a little upset by the prince's odd behaviour when they had parted, when he had grudgingly confided in Laius, unable to contain his curiosity, his kinsman had told him that there was tension between Philip and Alexander's mother Olympias and Alexander was frequently caught in the middle of it. So perhaps Alexander's sudden coldness had nothing to do with Hephaestion! All the same, he had not quite found the courage to seek him out again, had irritably stifled fantasies of the prince asking his father about Hephaestion and coming to find him. He had heard Alexander was proud and thought a lot of himself, but after his initial curtness he hadn't seemed like that; in fact, as they had talked he had seemed shy, even lonely. And he had liked talking to Hephaestion; Hephaestion was certain of that.

As Hephaestion pictured Alexander sitting in his garden, framed by scented roses, intent upon his book, a small ripple of pleasure passed over him. Now they would be together and they could share as many books as they liked.

"Welcome, son of Amyntor," a steward emerged to greet him, "welcome to Mieza. Your teacher Aristotle will come to see you after breakfast, but for now you may join the other students at their meal…"

Many pairs of eyes shifted onto his face as he entered the breakfast room; he quickly focused on the one boy he recognised. "Joy to you, Prince Alexander," Hephaestion called brightly, "I'm very glad to see you again!"

Alexander stared at him in utter consternation for a long, embarrassing moment before glancing away, murmuring a reply. As if stricken by some sickness, he stayed seated, staring dully at his plate and making no move to introduce the newcomer to his fellow students. In the end it was down to a slightly older boy called Harpalos, who walked with a limp but was blessed with striking good looks, to make the introductions and show Hephaestion where everything was. As Hephaestion sat down to breakfast he caught Alexander looking at him. When he caught his eye, the prince quickly looked away.

oooo

Troubled and weary, Alexander was grateful to return to the privacy of his room. He had taken quickly to the idea of Mieza, of the independence, the peace, the chances it offered. He liked Aristotle and he liked being surrounded by boys more or less his own age. But now all that had been disrupted. That boy Hephaestion was here.

That day Hephaestion had blundered into the private garden had, while it had lasted, seemed as though it might be the happiest of Alexander's brief life. Finally it seemed as though he had found a boy with no agenda, no parents pushing him forward – he knew almost everyone at Court and he didn't know anyone called "Amyntor" – a boy who was clever and gentle and… and attractive too. And then in barely a moment it had all been ruined. Hephaestion was not simply a boy nobody knew; Alexander's father knew him already, maybe had even sent him to spy on his son or befriend him for some other purpose of his own! Or else Hephaestion really had come to see Philip, perhaps Philip had even sent for him. Why, if not because…

"Hephaestion…?" Alexander walked in to find the very boy sitting quietly upon the spare bed as if waiting for him. "What are you doing here? This is my room!"

"I am to share with you, Prince Alexander," Hephaestion replied softly, his eyes downcast.

"There's been some mistake," Alexander said quickly, "I have a room to myself, it's – "

"I checked, there's no other spare bed." Hephaestion chewed his lip for a moment, and then got suddenly to his feet. "Prince Alexander, I don't know what I've done to offend you, I thought – I – the day we met – I really liked you! I thought we might be friends! I don't know what I've done wrong or what you've heard about me, but…" He shook his head. "This was a mistake. I'll ask to sleep somewhere else tonight and go back home in the morning, I don't belong here…"

"Hephaestion, wait!" In sudden panic Alexander caught the other boy's arm as he headed for the door. Hephaestion looked at him, his eyes burning with anger and pain. "Don't go, not yet…"

"Can't we be friends, Prince Alexander?" Hephaestion asked suddenly.

Alexander gazed wonderingly up into Hephaestion's face. He was such a handsome boy; more than that, his very presence seemed to affect Alexander in ways he was not prepared for. No other boy - no other person had ever disturbed him like this. Perhaps he was just another boy after all and Alexander was just using his doubts over his father as an excuse to avoid being too close to him. He didn't know exactly what he wanted, except that he didn't want Hephaestion to leave. "It's just "Alexander"…" he said slowly, "but yes… yes, of course we can. It's only… I don't really know who you are!"

"Is that all?" Hephaestion gave a short laugh. "I'm nobody special. My father…" he frowned slightly. "My father once worked for yours – represented him in Athens. When he – when he died, your father was kind enough to help us move back to Macedon. It's because of my father that I'm here, just like all the other boys I suppose. That's all there is to me."

But as Alexander gazed thoughtfully into Hephaestion's eyes, the young prince knew that was not entirely true. Hephaestion was certainly somebody special.

oooo

How quickly the precious days seemed to pass, Alexander mused as he made his way back to his room. All the impatience he had felt back in Pella seemed to fade away here in Mieza; here, amongst his friends, in the constant company of his dear Hephaestion, nothing seemed to matter beyond getting as much as they could out of each hour of the day, be it from their studies or their leisure time. Now, when he visited Pella, things seemed somehow more balanced – his father less threatening, his mother less overpowering. He no longer felt as though he was struggling to escape from the shadows they cast; he didn't have to keep proving he was not her son or his son but just himself. Here, everyone knew that. He was Alexander.

"Hephaestion, have you…" Alexander stopped in the doorway as he saw Hephaestion sitting on his bed, a crumpled letter in his hand, his face a mask of anger and misery. "Hephaestion…?"

Hephaestion did not look up as Alexander came to sit next to him. "My mother," he said very softly.

"Is she all right…?"

"Oh yes!" Hephaestion gave a bitter laugh. "She's fine! She's writing to let me know that she's to marry again! To her kinsman Laius! And she wants me to be there!"

"Laius… the one who came to live with you when your father…"

"I hate him! I hate them both!" Hephaestion twisted the letter into a ball and threw it across the room. "Why does she want to marry? At her age! For what? And why to him? She says she's all alone, that now I'm here she can't decently live with Laius alone on the farm! She says soon I'll be a man, I'm not interested in the farm and I won't need her… it's all excuses! She says she wants my blessing, that my sisters approve! Well she won't have it!" He jumped restlessly to his feet, pacing over to the window. "I'll never give it to her, never!"

Alexander frowned. He did not think it was the time to talk about his own father's marriages or how much they worried him and his mother. He did not know how to offer advice on something which compared to Court intrigue seemed so mundane, yet to Hephaestion meant so much. Instead he went over to his friend and after a moment slipped his arms about him from behind, resting his cheek against the back of Hephaestion's shoulder. Was it wrong to feel such pleasure in holding him in his arms when Hephaestion was so unhappy? If so it was not something Alexander could help. He was finding it harder and harder to keep his hands off him; time after time he caught himself staring stupidly at the other boy, mesmerised by the way he moved, the sound of his voice, the shifting of the expressions on his handsome face. They were becoming men. They were beginning to experience desire. Alexander was not naïve. But it was so much more than that…

"I miss him, Alexander," Hephaestion said at length, his voice soft and tremulous; "I miss my father so much… I mean, his work kept him from us a lot but when he was home…" his voice broke and Alexander squeezed him tighter, "he used to make me feel so safe, he was so strong and clever and handsome and he would always find time for me, if I was naughty he didn't have to shout or beat me, he'd just look at me and show he was disappointed in me and it would be enough to make me cry! You have your father, Alexander, you know what it's like!"

"I…" Alexander chewed his lip uncomfortably, unable to think what to say. He hadn't told Hephaestion much about what went on at Court; he had not even wanted to think much about it since coming to Mieza.

"How could she just forget him? How could she ever compare Laius to him?" Hephaestion turned in Alexander's arms, looking at him with such anguish that Alexander's heart ached. "How can I ever go home again with him there? How can I even face my sisters? I'm alone," he cried, burying his face in Alexander's shoulder with a deep, shuddering sob, "I'm completely alone!"

"You're not alone, Hephaestion," Alexander whispered, stroking his hair. Gently he drew back, daring to reach out and touch Hephaestion's cheek. "You're with me and… and… I love you." He looked up defiantly into Hephaestion's eyes, ready to face his rejection. "I love you…"

Hephaestion stared at him. "You… you do…?" Like the sun breaking through clouds, brightness touched Hephaestion's face. "Oh, Alexander…!"

"I love you," Alexander repeated, leaning forward to gently, quickly kiss his friend's lips. "Come on, let's get ready for bed."

Frowning slightly, Hephaestion nodded, shedding his chiton and slipping on a loose night tunic. Alexander watched him in silence until he was about to get into his bed. "Not there, Hephaestion," he called softly, holding out his hand, "come in with me."

Hephaestion stared at him. "But I…"

"Come. I want to keep you in my arms tonight," Alexander said, gripped by a sudden, powerful need to protect him, "I want to know that you're sleeping safely…"

Without another word, Hephaestion did as he was told. Alexander sighed softly as the other boy settled into his embrace, realising guiltily as they lay together in the shadows that he wanted to do a lot more than protect him.

oooo

Hephaestion shut his mother, sisters and Laius out of his mind. He didn't want to think about them. Why should he? He didn't need his mother; he had Alexander to embrace and kiss him and tell him he loved him. He didn't need Laius trying to replace his father – he had Philip.

He occasionally found himself wishing he could have talked to the King about his mother's marriage; in the heat of his anger he had even considered begging him to put a stop to it. But he had begun to realise that Alexander was not comfortable when Hephaestion talked about his father, though he could not understand why. Was Alexander jealous, did he think Hephaestion was trying to come between them? Surely not. Still, there was something wrong. Perhaps if Hephaestion had grown up around the Court he would understand such things. As it was, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He and Alexander never discussed it; sometimes Hephaestion wished Alexander would be more open with him because he knew there were many things that troubled him and Hephaestion wanted to help. But then he would guiltily remember he had not told Alexander much about the true relationship between Philip and his own father or the nature of Amyntor's work for Macedon. Surely Alexander, as the heir to the throne, had a right to know such things, yet Hephaestion was not sure quite what one was supposed to say or not say to anyone at Court, and he heard such unpleasant rumours…

He should not question his fate. He had lost his father… and his mother. But he had gained Alexander. Beautiful, unstoppable, passionate Alexander, so very unpredictable. At times he could be stunningly arrogant, every bit the imperious little prince; his temper could be frightening. But when the two of them were alone, when he smiled at Hephaestion, when he cuddled him and told him he loved him, Hephaestion knew he would endure anything to keep him close.

Hearing the sound of horse's hooves, Hephaestion put aside his studies and hurried out into the grounds. Alexander had received a letter from Pella that morning and insisted on riding over there, despite Aristotle's objections. Hephaestion's happiness at his return diminished sharply as he saw the thunderous expression on his friend's face. "Alexander…?"

"It's not fair, Hephaestion!" Alexander cried, "he's going on campaign again and he insists I have to stay here! Again! He'll keep me back forever, he never wants me to get anywhere! Mother's right, he's doing it deliberately!"

"What did he say?" Hephaestion asked gently.

"What - ? Oh, some rubbish about how I should finish my studies, that there was more to being a future king than being a soldier – that I'm being given opportunities he never had… now I see why he let Aristotle locate us here! He's keeping me prisoner, away from everyone and everything that could help me! He's jealous because he knows I'll be a better General than he'll ever be!"

Hephaestion felt a rush of irritation. "Alexander, you're still only young, there's plenty of time…"

"No! There's no time! Soon he will have conquered everything and there'll be nothing left for me!"

"You shouldn't be so bitter, Alexander," Hephaestion told him severely, "you're lucky to have a father like Philip."

"Lucky!" Alexander shrieked.

"Yes, lucky! Lucky to have a father at all! Don't forget my father is dead!"

"Well I wish mine was too!"

The slap rang out across the courtyard. For a moment Alexander and Hephaestion stared blankly at one another, then Alexander slowly lifted a hand to touch the cheek Hephaestion had struck. His heart thumping, Hephaestion looked down at his own stinging hand, then at the welt rising on his friend's pale skin. Then with a cry of dismay he fled from the grounds, into the woods beyond.

TBC