CHAPTER 3 - WORDS CAN EXPRESS WHAT YOU MEAN TO ME

'I did what I did for me and I'm sorry if this has caused you any pain. I never really told you how much you made me laugh inside and put a smile on my face. It may not always have been visible but trust me, it was there. You were one of the first people to get to know me when you stupidly went into my mind, (I always told you not to go into my room!) and you accepted me for my demonic and human sides. For that I am thankful. You taught me to see the fun side to life and are the soul of the Teen Titans. I may not be here now but I will always be with you in spirit, protecting you, whether you are in battle or watching television or playing your video games. Like an annoying little brother I love you and always will… Raven xx'

Beast Boy could no longer hold back the tears. He knew Raven was alive for the moment but didn't know for how much longer. The letter she'd wrote was beautiful. It was one of the rare occasions where he knew how she truly felt. He heard footsteps behind him and he turned around hoping to see Raven standing there frowning at him, but it was Starfire.

"Hey Star."

"Friend Beast Boy. Robin said do not mourn for Raven as she is a fighter and will get through this crisis. You must not worry." Starfire smiled. She was naive and Beast Boy knew she didn't really understand what was going on.

"I know Star. By the way Raven wrote you this letter, in case we never saw her again. I think you should read it. It'll make you feel better."

Beast Boy handed her the purple envelope with her name on it and she stared at it.

"I'm gonna go find Robin and Cyborg. They have them too." And with that Beast Boy left Raven's boudoir and walked slowly down the corridor, leaving Starfire alone to read her letter…

'Starfire. You always made me see the positive side of things and are always happy. Please stay happy even though I won't see you again. When I first met you I knew how you felt to be different and in a completely new place, after all, I was as well and I was proud to be friends with someone so unique and cheerful. (I guess opposites attracts!) You are very powerful and a key member of the team. Stay strong and always smile. I'll be watching over you in battle and when you're questioning the wonders of life. Make Tamaran proud. You were like a sister to me and always will be… Raven xx'

Starfire smiled and giggled. "I never knew Raven could be so nice!" she said as she hugged the letter and flew out of the room to put the letter in her room. Beast Boy was right, she really was naive.

In the infirmary, Cyborg had finished pumping Raven's stomach, but now she was very, very weak and although her stats were low, he knew she was gonna live.

"Hi Cyborg. How's she doing?" Beast Boy said anxiously as he walked through the doors and looked at Raven. Cyborg looked up from the monitors and faced Beast Boy.

"She's not doing great but she's alive and that's what's important." he replied forcing on a smile.

"Oh, I found what she took. Thirty aspirins give or take." Beast Boy said handing him the bottle.

"Good job BB! This will help. Thanks." Cyborg said smiling.

"And, I have a letter. Raven wrote us all a letter in case she… you know… actually… never mind. But I read mine and I feel better. Star's reading hers now. Here's yours." Beast Boy said with a small smile handing him his purple envelope.

"I'll leave you alone. They're pretty personal and I need to find Robin."

"He's in his room I think. Thanks BB." Cyborg smiled as he stared at envelope and Beast Boy left the infirmary. Cyborg sat down on a chair next to Raven's bed and slowly opened the letter.

'Cyborg. I'm sorry I done this to all of you but I'm in a better place and there's no need to worry. I know you worried about me and protected me. I am thankful for your sense of security. You were like a big brother to me and always will be. I loved your attitude towards everything you did and how you would always see things through till the end, like you did with the T Car. I've never known anyone who was so caring like you were to me and are to our friends. I want you to protect them like you always have. Your technological knowledge is amazing and I know that you'll always look to the future. I have the up most love and respect for you. Your friend and 'little sis' forever… Raven xx'

Cyborg smiled and squeezed Raven's hand. "I love you too Rae."

"Robin?" Beast Boy knocked on the door to his bedroom.

"Go away!" Robin shouted.

"Robin, it's about Raven." he shouted through the door. It suddenly opened.

"What? Is she..? Has she..? What happened?" Robin said quickly, obviously worried.

"I found the pills, thirty aspirins. I went to see Cy and he said she was extremely weak but she's gonna live, so don't worry. But I came here to give you this."

Robin looked at the purple envelope Beast Boy was holding out to him.

"It's her… suicide… letter to you. We all got one. Mine cheered me up and the others have theirs. I think you should read it." he explained to the Boy Wonder.

"Thanks Beast Boy. And I'm sorry…"

"Don't be dude. We're all worried and emotional. But remember she's alive."

Beast Boy smiled at Robin and left him to read his letter. Robin sat down on his bed and stared at Raven's elegant handwriting on the front. So this is what Raven felt for him, that she would never admit alive.

'Robin. I'm sorry, truly, truly sorry for this. I know you're feeling guilty and confused, so I'm going to clear things up for you. You are the only friend I feel I can tell this too, my reason for dying. But before I do, I just want to assure you I'm in a better place. I did what I did because I was scared, afraid, of my father mainly. Every night I had the same nightmare about my father. He told me I would never get rid of him, and that none of you were my friends. I knew better but it all seemed so real, and you knew I sometimes felt alone. This morning when I fell asleep, I knew I was putting myself and you guys in danger, and I wasn't going to let that happen, not again. I was exhausted, exhausted from fatigue, nightmares, and life in general.

My life was hell before I met the Titans. You all took me in and accepted my demonic side. You helped me get over Malchior, face up to my fears, calm down when rage took me over, protected me from Beast Boy when he lost control, helped me fight my inner demons and conquer Trigon. You made me see how good my life was and how I was never alone. I am thankful for that.

Robin, you are so strong, kind, and willing to risk your life to keep others safe. You are a great leader and I don't think you realize how much Cyborg, Starfire and Beast Boy look up to you for guidance and orders. You always have everyone's best interests at heart. I will always admire your dedication to keep the innocent safe and protect them from Slade, Cinderblock, Control Freak and all the other villains we fought together over the years.

You were my shoulder to cry on, my leader, my protector, and the only person who ever really understood me and made me feel normal and not creepy. Thank you Robin, and I hope you can forgive me… love your team mate and friend for life… Raven xx'

Robin couldn't hold back a tear as it rolled down his cheek. This is what Raven had always wanted to say to him, but was too afraid to. But, luckily, she was alive and going to get better, and now he knew what a role model he was to her and how she relies on him for support. He had no idea how important he was to her. While he was lost in his thoughts, his communicator went off. Cyborg appeared on the screen.

"Robin! Raven's making loads of progress and she's waking up."