A/N: Sorry folks, another FE fic! Funny thing, this had a plot, but it just kinda went .... nearly plotless after a while. But don't you Anti-selfinsertionists freak out, cause I really don't do much more than horse whispering and throwing swedish fish in Ch.1, and afterwards I shouldn't really show up at all, so it shouldn't be too bad. About the horse's names, umm, most of the names I can think of are Spanish, so if you don´t like it, TOUGH COOKIES!!! . . . Or you COULD give me name suggestions by review, and if I like the names, I'll use them. I still have to name Marcus' horse and Isadora's horse.
Oh, and should I tell you how much I LOVE reviews? Here it goes: I LOVE REVIEWS!!!!!!!! I don't care what they are, empty flattery, flames, constructive criticism, I take them all!! Suggestions or requests would be nice, too!!
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the names of Sain and Lowen's horses, and myself. Kent's horse's name is from "Gladiator", and the "Don Pan" Part of Sain's horse's name is actually the name of a bakery here in Spain!! And I have to thank Jerry Seinfeld for the phrase "Big, horsey, bowling ball eyes." I believe he was the one to use it originally!
Chapter 1: El Principe
Kent sighed. It was such a lovely day in Caelin, what with the birds singing, the flowers in bloom, children out playing and laughing. Everything was absolutely magical, except that Kent was stuck doing double duty with the watch, because Sain was probably out somewhere dancing about or something. Kent never knew how Sain managed to waste hours upon hours of going to the same pub and doing whatever he did there, which Kent believed was frolicking or prancing. Or drunken frolicking and/or prancing, something like that.
'Sitting on this horse is killing me!' Kent thought to himself as he shifted uncomfortably, 'Where in the world is Sain? I need a break!!'
Kent resumed waiting anxiously for Sain to arrive, as unlikely as it was, and decided that he was in dire need of something to entertain himself. Conveniently enough, Lyn and some other girls that Kent didn't really care to pay attention to because Lyn was present were walking around town square shopping. As weird and un-knightly of him as it was to do, Kent started to unintentionally eavesdrop.
Fiora spun around and looked the Tactician, Jordan, straight in the eye, "I SWEAR that if you don't quit throwing those THINGS at me, I will be sure to make you regret it!!!"
"What? You mean the Swedish Fish? You know, I'm only doing it because you refused to try them."
"I don't care! Leave me alone or I won't hesitate to hurt you!"
"... Uh, can you two, umm, get along? All the yelling is scaring Makar..." She said, Makar being her pegasus (It's from the game, I swear it!! It's a stupid name, I know!)
"Aww, come on Fiora! Just try one!"
"No!!"
Lyn got an exsasperated look on her face and decided it was up to her to restore the peace. So she reached into her coinpurse and threw a coin past Jordan.
"SHINY!!" Jordan said as she dove after it.
'How did we end up with such a strange person as our Tactician?' Kent thought.
"I'm back from my vacations!!" Sain announced as he walked his horse up, "How are you holding up, Kenty? You're a little distant! You've got to be ever vigilant! You never know what could sneak up on you!"
"I'm perfectly aware of what's going on in my surroundings," Kent said.
"... Are you watching the girls again?"
Jordan was running around, chasing pigeons and throwing Swedish Fish at them. "I'll teach you to poop on my sweater, vermin!!!" (the pooping actually happened to me...)
Kent raised an eyebrow, "I guess you could say that."
"Wow. That's a little creepy, Kent."
Kent sighed, "By the way, you're three hours late. I need a break or I might become permenantly bow-legged."
"Oh, but I was on holiday, and I saw the most wonderful things!"
"And, you don't have to call every break you take a 'Holiday' or 'Vacation.' It´s quite irritating."
"But that's what they are! They're miniature vacations meant to restore a man's soul!!" Sain exclaimed, going all starry-eyed.
"Right. Well, I think I'm going to go on 'Vacation' for a bit." Kent said as he began to dismount.
"Wait Kent! There's something I want to ask you first."
"What?" Kent repositioned himself in the saddle.
"It's El Principe Juanito Francisco María Don Pan III's Birthday next week and I want to plan something special for him."
"... Who?"
"El Principe Juanito Francis-"
"I heard you the first time, but who in the world is he?"
"He's my horse, Kent!"
"Where did you get that ridiculous name from?"
"Jordan made it up during holiday."
"Ok. So, you want to plan a birthday for your horse?"
"Yes, but please call him Principe Juanito."
Juanito looked up at Kent expectantly with those big, horsey, bowling ball eyes.
"Pardon me, Principe Juanito." Kent apologized, receiving a content snort from Principe Juanito, "So, Sain. What do you have in mind for El Principe's birthday party?"
"Principe Juanito's birthday party." Sain corrected.
"Whatever!"
"That's exactly what I came to ask you about! I don't have any ideas!"
"Ok. Let's start with guests. Who do you want to invite, horses or people?"
"Kent, does your horse have a name?" Sain asked, apparently ignoring Kent.
"What?"
"Does your horse have a name?"
"YOU'RE IT!!!!!" They heard Jordan yell. They both glanced over and saw Jordan running away from Fiora like a crazy person. "That's it!! I'm going to KILL you for touching me!!!" Fiora screamed.
Silence.
"Considering how she dresses, Lady Lyndis is quite fair skinned, isn't she?" Sain asked.
"Mm-hm" Kent agreed.
"Anyway! What've you named your horse?"
"Oh. Um, Blanky."
"Nope, nope, that won't do!"
"Hmm. Little Lightning?"
"LA-AME!! Choose a better one!!"
"Cloppity?"
Sain let out a deep sigh, "You're hopeless, Kent. A knight must have a half-decent name for his horse if he's to go anywhere with his Knighthood."
"Good day, Kent! How are-" Lyn began, but was cut off by Jordan.
"Maximus Dessimus Meridius, my love!!" Jordan cried, "Into my arms!!!"
Kent's horse whinnied happily and trotted to the embrace of Jordan. Kent, still mounted on his horse, blinked and looked over at Sain.
"How long has she been best friends with my horse?"
"Beats me. I wouldn't doubt that she's like that with the rest of them, too." Sain scratched his chin, "that's funny how she just comes up with names like that..."
"Well, at least your horse's name is better than mine!" whined Lowen, suddenly riding up from nowhere, "She named mine Katrina-Bo Augustus St.Claire!"
"I've told you before! I don't make up the names, the horses do!" she said, throwing her hands into the air, "GOSH!!"
"Did she name yours the same way too, Lowen?" Kent asked.
Katrina-Bo noticed Jordan and walked up to nudge her in the shoulder.
"Hello, Katrina-Bo!" Jordan cooed, "How have you been?"
"Yeah! Who knew my horse was a girl! I wanted to name her something like Don Quixote!!" Lowen said.
"Shhh! I'm trying to listen!" Jordan hissed at the others, and then returned to listening to Maximus make various horsey noises, "Uh-huh ......... He wanted to name you what? Cloppity?!" Jordan shot a glare at Kent.
"I didn't know what he wanted to be named." He replied, shrugging his shoulders.
"Come on, Jordan. We still have more things to do," Fiora said.
"Alright. See you guys later!"
"Have a good day! And don't work yourself too hard, Kent!" Lyn said with a wave.
After they were out of earshot, Sain leaned over to Kent, "It's too bad Jordan ruined your chance to talk with Lyn, huh Kent?"
"Yes, but I suppose that I have a half-decent name for my horse now, right?" Kent replied, running a hand through his red hair.
"Definitely. Maximus Dessimus Meridius is a huge improvement over Cloppity or Little Lightning." Sain agreed with a nod.
"Oooo! Kent likes Lady Lyn?!" Lowen said, but was ignored.
"SAIN!!!!!" someone roared, "I've been looking EVERYWHERE for you!!"
"Oh, Eunice! What a pleasant surprise-" Sain said, putting on an aire of confidence.
"What have I told you about calling me by my first name, HMMM?!"
"Um, don't do it?" Sain guessed.
"That's right."
"Anyway, Euni- I mean, Mother, what are you doing here? I told you I'd be working all day today last night at dinner..."
"I need a springy, youthful back to move my entire livingroom set to be 'Feng Shui' compatable. According to 'Feng Shui for Dummies, I'm WAY off." She said roughly.
"Why can't Father do it?"
"Your Father is a worthless piece of trash!!!" She screamed, sending her into a fit of coughing from all her years of smoking, "Of course he can't do it!!"
"Oh, uh," Sain looked around desperately, and remembered Lowen, "Ah, Lowen! My dear, dear, YOUTHFUL, SPRINGY-BACKED friend!! Lowen will help you, Mother!!"
"I'm doing what?!"
She grunted, stroking her moustache thoughtfully, "Are you sure about him? He doesn't look as reliable as Kentykookykins here..."
Kent's spine stiffened.
"Don't let the mop of seemingly sight-obstructing hair fool you; He's VERY reliable!!" Sain said, all to happy to be sending poor, poor Lowen in his place.
"Fine. Let's go, Loren," she grumbled.
"My name's Lowen!"
"Pfft! As if that's better!" She scoffed as she grabbed him off Katrina-Bo, slung him over her shoulder and lumbered off into the distance until his cries could no longer be heard.
"You still live with your mother, Sain?" Kent asked with what I SWEAR could almost be a chuckle.
"Yes, unfortunately..." Sain hung his head, "She won't let me leave...."
"She reminds me of Hannah," Kent said with a shudder, "I'll never forget what that wench put me through. I'm still having nighmares from her..."
"Oh, yes, Hannah's a good friend of Mother." Sain said, "They still talk about you, you know."
"Great."
"They like that you're polite, and a man of your duty, and Mother is ALWAYS saying, 'Why can't you be more like Kentykookykins?' It drives me completely mad sometimes!!"
"Well, that's surprising that they're saying things like that as opposed to things like-"
Sain cut him off, "How tight and cute your butt is? Don't worry, they're still saying that."
"And here I thought that they were almost dignified."
"It gets worse! They write these stories of you, and they-"
"NO MORE! I don't want to hear it!"
"Oh, sorry! I got a little carried away."
"It's fine. Just don't tell me anymore of what they say. I'll already be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for the rest of my life without their sick fantasies adding to it."
". . ."
". . ."
"You know, I sometimes think that I'd like to be married one day, but the thought of the woman I marry turning into Hannah, or my Mother almost scares the living daylights out of me."
". . ."
"You won't tell anyone, will you?"
"Tell them what?"
"That I live with my Mother."
"... No."
"Good! That's exactly what makes you my Boon Companion!!"
"Thank you, Sain." Kent replied with little or no feeling at all.
". . ."
". . ."
Sain stretched, "Well, I think I'll be going on holiday again! After that whole ordeal, I need a drink to soothe my nerves!"
"Wait a minute! I never got my break!"
"And I'm off!!" Sain said, sending El Principe into full gallop.
Kent let out a growl. Why was he always the one stuck doing all the work?
"Juanito Francisco!! Come to me!!!" Jordan's voice rang out from somewhere in town.
"No, it can't be! Stop!! Wait! The tavern is in the opposite direction!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" rang out another voice, that could be recognized as Sain's.
Kent grinned and shifted in the saddle uncomfortably, preparing himself for a long night.
A/N: Ok, this chapter isn't that great, but it gets better and there'll be more randomly OOC-y gooness! I swear it!! And remember, if you review I'll love you forever!!!