A/N: Be warned, this chapter is almost scary. But for now, it's one of my favorites! All the crap that happens, well, let's just say that there is no character bashing in this one. So if there's anything that LOOKS like character bashing, or whatever, it's not.(And don't go bashing Eliwood or Hector or anybody in my reviews, savvy? If you do, heads're gonna roll... Believe it or not, I actually LIKE Eliwood! Gasp!) Ok? Good.

Ch.7: The REAL Story of Lowen's Rescue!!

Stop right there, Hags!!" two very heroic sounding voices called out as they kicked the door down, right in the nick of time.

"No! We've been ratted out!!!" Hannah screamed as she dove for cover behind Eunice, "Ow! My back!!"

"Where do you two get off kicking an old woman's door in like that?!" Eunice yelled.

Hector and Eliwood exchanged glances.

"We're going to try that again! Now, put the door back on its hinges and enter like civilized people!!!"

"Yes ma'm." they both muttered, and then did what they were told.

Knock, knock, knock!

"Yes, who is it?"

"Stop right there, Hags!!" they called out heroically once again, except this time they opened the door nicely, which was significantly less cool than kicking it in.

"Shut the door! It's bloody chilly in here!" Hannah barked.

"Oh, sorry Miss." Eliwood apologized, shutting the door.

"Very good boys," Eunice said, "That was very civilized."

"Thank you ma'm."

Hector's expression changed from minor to extreme irritation, "Eliwood! I thought we were here to do some Wench-Bashing, not to brush up on our rescue etiquitte!"

"Yes, we were here to 'Wench-Bash', but I want to try talking first, before resorting to violence."

"'I want to try talking, blah, blah, blah,' That's a weenie's way of thinking!!"

Eliwood suddenly got uncharacteristically angry, "You calling me a weenie?!"

"That's right!!"

They both grabbed eachother by the shirt collar, but Hector had to lift Eliwood off the ground a bit so that they could be eye-to-eye and have that "angry conflict electricity" deal going.

Suddenly, Matthew burst through the door, "STOP!!! YOU MUSN'T FIGHT AMONGST YOURSELVES!! THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY WANT!!!!"

"Son of a- Why does everyone have to kick my door in!?"

"We're done for!!" Hannah wailed, "Ow! My back!!"

"AHHHH!!!! WHERE AM I?! WHY'S IT SO DARK!?!" Lowen cried.

"Lowen!" Eliwood shouted, "Where are you?"

"Oh joy. He's alive." Hector said.

"I- I don't know! All I know is that it's dark and there's a pungent smell of garlic!!"

"Where'd you put him, you old bags?!" Hector snarled, cracking his knuckles.

"We aren't going to tell you if you take that tone with us, mister!"

"We must negotiate with them, Hector." Eliwood said, because he always has to play the voice of reason, just since no one else will.

"I'd rather sit at a lame, drawn-out, pink fru-fru, nonstop-bubbles-and-sparkles-background tea party with Serra and the Pegasus Sisters for an entire day than attempt to reason with those hags!" said Hector.

Then, Karel popped into the scene, "Be careful what you wish for, for it may just come true! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!" he laughed deviously, and then disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

". . ." everyone didn't say.

"Ok," Matthew began, disregarding Karel's strange way of foreshadowing,"our only clues are that where ever he is, it's dark and smells like garlic."

Everyone clicked into thinking mode, including Eunice and Hannah because they're Alzheimery old women, and they couldn't remember anything that happened that day before breakfast, so naturally they'd forgotten that Lowen had locked himself in the closet.

Eliwood went and sat down on his Thinking Throne where he began to ponder as poorly drawn pictures of the clues he had floated above his head.

"Well, Blue," he told Hector, "I think we need to find our third clue."

"Ruff, ruh-ruh raooo!" Hector agreed.

So everyone followed Eliwood and Hector out of the hallway, all walking rhythmically to Matthew singing their newest theme song, "We're all lookin' for Looowen! We're all lookin' for Looowen! We're all lookin' for Loowen, cause-these-old-hags-for-got!!!"

"Stop, Ed!" the Tactician and various little children cried, "Look, a clue!!"

Eliwood stopped and looked around, "A cluuuuue?!"

"Over there!" Jordan and the children said in unison, referring to a giant poster with the words 'Lowen is in the closet' written in big, bold, black lettering.

Everybody stood there stupidly looking around everywhere but behind them.

"Where do you think it is, Blue?" Eliwood asked Hector.

"Ruh, ruh, rraoo, ruff." Hector replied.

Jordan walked on screen, "Honestly," she said, grabbing the poster and handing it to Ed, er Eliwood, "I can understand wanting to play the part and all, but there's a fine line between children's show innocence and complete idiocy!!!" she stomped off the scene.

Everyone exchanged glances and shrugged their shoulders, "UM!"

Then they made the trip upstairs to rescue Lowen.

"Uh-oh," Eliwood said, "the door won't open."

"UM!" Everyone exclaimed.

2 HOURS LATER!!!!!

Matthew remembered he was a thief. "Wait a minute.... I CAN UNLOCK DOORS!!!"

"YAY!!!" Everyone cheered.

Matthew whipped out his lockpicks and held them up importantly, making them say "Ping!", just cause they're so darn shiny! Then he started the not-so-tedious job of unlocking the door. But thenhis lockpicks inexplicably broke.

"Awwww....." Everyone said.

ANOTHER 2 HOURS LATER!!!!!

Sain walked through the door, "Hello, Mother." He said with little or no emotion at all, "I'm home."

Nobody replied. They all just stared at him like deer in the headlights. And he stared at them the same way they were staring at him.

Everybody was strewn about the hallway, standing there, except for Hector and Eliwood, because Eliwood was sitting in the Thinking Throne with Hector sitting on the floor next to him. There was nothing but awkward slience for a time. Then Eliwood, being the brave soul he is, was the first to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Look Blue!" he said, "We have a visitor!"

"Ruh-raooo!" barked Hector.

"... Why're you all here, standing in the hallway of all places?" Sain asked, "Are you hanging out with Hannah and my Mother?"

"Oh, heavens no, Sainy my dear!" Eunice said, "We'd never be seen with rabble like this!"

"Yes, we do have a reputation to keep!" Hannah added.

"Reputation for what? Ruining young men's lives? Leaving horrible emotional scars?" Sain asked.

Hannah and Eunice didn't reply.

Sain gasped, "You sick- How could you?"

"What?!" Hannah snapped.

"YOU GOT LORDS HECTOR AND ELIWOOD, TOO!?! HAVE YOU ANY IDEA OF WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!"

"Shut your trap, Sain! I'll have you know that they kicked the door down to save Loren, whom we were torturing before he locked himself in the closet!" Eunice spat back.

"My name's Lowen!"

"And now we're all trying to figure out how to get him out!" Hannah said.

Sain let out a sigh of relief, "Phew. So you want to get him out of the closet?" Sain said, grinning a little.

"Yes," Matthew replied.

Sain approached the closet and knocked on the door, "Lowen,"

"Yeah? Who's that?"

"Sain. Hey, the lock's on your side."

Click! "Oh yeah! I guess I forgot it was when I passed out!"

Everyone sat there, completely dumbfounded. Actually, Hector was trying to suppress his anger with chanting and breathing exercizes.

"Breathe in, breathe out, anger melting away, flames of fury calming...."

"Ha ha ha! Sorry to have made you waste all that time trying everything you could think of to get me out!" Lowen chuckled, causing Hector to chant and breathe more rapidly.

Lowen began to turn the doorknob, but suddenly stopped.

Click!

"Lowen? What did you do?" Eliwood asked.

"I locked the door!"

"Why?" Matthew asked, "We came to save you!"

Hector's calming exercizes utterly failed him, "WE CAME HERE AND SPENT FOUR HORRENDOUS HOURS WITH THESE WRETCHED WALKING CORPSES TO GET YOU OUT!!!!!! COME OUT OR I SWEAR I WILL COME IN THERE TO KILL YOU MYSELF!!!!!" Hector bellowed at the top of his lungs.

"Peace, Hector!" Eliwood said.

"You, can't blame him," Sain said, "after what they've probably put him through."

Hannah and Eunice cackled with glee.

Sain turned to Lowen's rescue team, "I'd run for your lives if I were you," he said, cooly making his exit out of the hallway and down the stairs.

"As if!" Hector scoffed, "We're going to finish what we came to do!"

"Yeah!" cheered Eliwood and Matthew, who then joined Hector in a group high-five full of school spirit. Yeah, you know the one.

"I could care less if the entire army were there! I'm not coming out if those women are out there!!" Lowen said.

"COME OUT!!!!" Hector ordered.

"I'd rather have Vaida lovingly (shudder) shove meatballs of mystery meat down my throat for an extended period of time than come out like a man and face those evil, evil women!!!"

Poof! "Be careful what you wish for, for it may just come true! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!" Karel laughed and ran out the door.

"Eunice! He's cuter than Lenny is!"

"My name's Lowen!"

"Let's go get him!"

And with that, Eunice and Hannah gave chase to Karel out the door, "Ow! My back!!"

Silence.

"Geez. That's the third time he's done that...." Matthew said.

"It's safe for you to come out now, Lowen." Eliwood said.

Lowen timidly poked his head out the door, "Really? Are they gone for good?"

"Yes."

"Hey, Sain!" Hector hollered, "I have a question for you!"

"What?" Sain hollered back.

"How'd you know the lock was on the inside of the door?"

"Because I installed it for Kent a while back!"

"OH!" Everyone exclaimed.

Eliwood turned to the audience, "Well, it's time to say goodbye, everyone! Thanks for your help!"

"Don't mention it!" Jordan said.

"Would you all help me with the goodbye song?" he paused for an answer for a second, "You will?! Great!" He replied emphatically to the silence.

"C'mon, Blue! Join in!"

". . ."

Eliwood began singing, "Now it's time for so long! But let's just sing one more- OW!"

Hector slapped Eliwood, "The Blue's Clues thing ended a while ago."

"You didn't have to hit me..." Eliwood pouted.

"Believe me, it was entirely necessary."

"YAY!" Everyone cheered, "LET'S TAKE LOWEN HOME!!!"

With Lowen in tow, Eliwood, Hector and Matthew walked into the sunset, which subsequently burned them, so they walked somewhere else.

A/N: Yay! What'd you think? Hey, if any of you have good ideas that you think I could use, be sure to tell me because I'm running a little low! Suggestions? Anything?

Now, you all know what time it is, don't you?! (Need I say more?)

Nightmare: You're so good! Yay for you reviewing every chapter! Hmmm... Ok, Ephidel might do something, but I think Nergal's learned his lesson from the camera, so I don't think it'll go twice, but I'll come up with something!

I think this chapter probably answered your question about Hector. (But if it didn't, well, I think that might be a bad thing if you didn't notice.)

El Principe Juanito Francisco María Don Pan III's Birthday will be later on. Much later depending on how much crap I feel like putting in.

Did that line really sound suggestive? Well, what I wanted her to portray with that was more like "Get your butt over here or face the wrath of Nergal." kind of thing. Oh, well! Now I have a question for you, do you keep reviewing twice on purpose? Just a thought!

Darkness-Aura: Thankies! Glad you liked it! And BELIEVE me, I shall continue!! Any suggestions or whatever?

Queen of the Insects: Yes indeed! I don't know why, but I love the word smite! I had to work hard to keep myself from using it too much!

The Ephidel sword thing was really weird, huh? Ha ha ha! The thought of Nergal frolicking probably scares everyone, but what can you do? If the man wants to frolick, by golly, you let him frolick! (Pardon my absurdity, I didn't get much sleep last night, so I'm a little spacy today!) You really think this is the funniest thing? Why, I'm so flattered! Thankies!

Lemurian 04: That's good that you think it's getting better! I'm particularly fond of the League of Random Axefighters!

Alright kiddies! Be sure to tune in next time for more insanity! The next one has a true story!(Involving only me of course.) And be sure to review! They really do make my day!