Chapter 34- When One Breaks
The weeks passed more quickly than Haley could believe, and before she knew it Nathan's spring break was coming up. Nathan had promised, back when he'd been home during Christmas, that he'd return to Tree Hill and spend his break with Haley.
Haley had been spending more and more of her free time with Jesse the past few weeks. It was apparent to Haley that Jesse had feelings for her, and sometimes Haley felt as though she might have feelings for him. However, Haley had told Jesse that nothing could ever happen between them, explaining that she cared for Nathan too much to ever hurt him. Jesse had been understanding and knew that what Haley needed most was a friend, so he was there to provide it.
One night Haley was sitting at home finishing up her homework when her phone rang. She picked it up and glanced at the caller ID, when she saw Nathan's name pop up she quickly answered the call.
"Hi Nathan."
"Hey Hales, how are you?"
"I'm good, just doing some homework. I wasn't expecting to hear from you, is everything okay?"
Nathan had been doing great with calling Haley regularly. The phone calls were usually scheduled to ensure that each would have time to devote to the call. This phone call was completely unscheduled, and that worried Haley a little bit.
"Yeah, everything's okay, for the most part. I do have a little bit of bad news though."
"Oh no, what?"
"My mom called me earlier today asking me to come and visit her in Florida over my spring break. I know that you were looking forward to me being in Tree Hill, and I was too, but I couldn't say no Haley, she's my mom. She had already bought me a plane ticket and everything."
Haley's heart sank. While Nathan was home on Christmas break Nathan's mother, Deb, had moved to Florida with her new husband. Nathan hadn't been too distraught over this seeing as he was away at school and rarely saw his mother as it was. Haley, however, had been a little upset. She knew that this move would require Nathan to spend time on his breaks and holidays visiting his mother in Florida. Haley knew that it was selfish of her, but she didn't want to have any more time apart from Nathan than was really necessary.
"I understand, she's your mom, she's family. It's okay. I'll just have to wait until May to see you."
That last statement made Nathan feel guilty, he knew that Haley realized that May was still months away but she was still trying to make Nathan feel as though this time apart would be no big deal. Nathan loved her for it, but wanted her to be honest about her feelings.
"You aren't upset?"
"Nope." Haley spoke with a strained voice, "I understand, it's okay. I really should go Nathan. I was right in the middle of a paper. I'll talk to you again soon."
Haley hung up the phone before Nathan could even utter a good bye. Tears began to well in her eyes. Haley felt as though it was starting already, she felt as though Nathan was beginning to slip away from her. It starts with one visit here, and another there, and before she knew it Nathan would barely ever return to Tree Hill.
Haley sat on her bed crying for a few minutes, but then realized that this wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to spend her night being upset, she'd already wasted too many nights sitting around crying over Nathan, so Haley reached over and dialed a number that was becoming quite familiar.
"Hello hello."
"Hey Jesse, it's Haley."
"Haley, hey, what's up? You sound upset."
Leave it to Jesse to be able to tell how Haley felt from just a few words. From the minute they met he had had this innate ability to know just what Haley was thinking and feeling without her even needing to say a word. It was the first time Haley had connected so easily with someone like that. Sure, Nathan could read her well, but that had come from months and months of being together, with Jesse it was there from the beginning.
"I'm just upset about some stuff, but I don't want to sit here alone crying about it. So I was wondering if you wanted to meet up, we could go and talk somewhere."
"Sure, just give me a few minutes to finish up what I'm doing. Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know yet, how about I just pick you up in half an hour?"
"Okay then, I'll see you in a few."
Haley looked down at the homework that had been sitting in front of her and thought that she should really finish off her math assignment before she left. She took a deep breath and tried to focus, but it was all a jumble to her. Instead, she hopped off her bed and headed down to her car. She had a little bit of time before she had to go and get Jesse so she figured she'd just drive around until then, try to clear her head.
After picking up Jesse, the two friends decided to head down to the river front where they knew they'd be able to talk in peace. Spring was upon them, but the nights were still chilling in Tree Hill, the river front was usually empty after 6 o'clock or so, when everyone retreated to their homes to escape the cool night air.
Once they sat down on a bench overlooking the water, Jesse just put an arm around Haley but didn't ask her what was going on. He knew that she would fill him in when she was ready, until then, he was perfectly happy to sit there in silence.
The minutes passed and Jesse soon realized that Haley was shivering.
"I'm going to run across the street and grab us some hot chocolate, will you be okay here for a few minutes?"
Haley looked up at Jesse and nodded.
Jesse returned and handed Haley one of the steaming cups. She took a slow sip, allowing the sweet liquid to warm her insides. Haley then took a deep breath and began to speak.
"Nathan called tonight, to tell me that he wasn't going to come home for his spring break anymore. Instead he's going to go and visit his mother in Florida. I know that I shouldn't be angry, it's his mother after all, but I am and I can't help it. I want him to come here and be with me. Is that terribly selfish?"
"I don't think so. I think it's just realistic. Of course you want him to come home and be with you, you haven't seen him in months. And now, if he doesn't come here, you won't see him for another couple of months. That's what, five months apart? That's a long time. I think you're justified in being upset."
"It's just like, this brought me to a point where I have to ask myself, is this worth it? Is all the waiting worth it? Five months apart, and for what? All we'll get is the summer together, and that's just about three months. It's like we spend so much time apart and never get to make up for it in the time we do spend together. It's just hard, so much harder than I thought."
As Haley spoke, tears began to stream down her cheeks. She'd been feeling uneasy about things for a while now, but it was just a slight feeling of unease. This newest event had increased that feeling ten fold, and now it was just more than Haley could bear.
"I know it must be hard, but you need to look past these hard times and focus on the times you are together. You need to keep that in mind so you know what it is you're fighting for."
Haley looked up at Jesse and smiled. "It's funny, you have these feelings for me, and I know it, and sometimes I share in those feelings, but here I am crying to you about Nathan. I really am selfish, making you listen to what is probably the last thing you want to hear me talk about."
"I'll gladly listen to whatever you want to throw my way. And I promise that I will always try and give you completely unbiased advice, even though sometimes that's hard to do."
"So what if you decided not to be unbiased? What would your advice be for me right now?"
Jesse looked thoughtful for a minute. He was contemplating whether or not he should really say what he was thinking. Realizing that this might be his only chance, he figured he might as well.
"I'd tell you to break up with him. I'd tell you to find someone who can really be there for you, and not just over the phone. I'd obviously prefer that that person was me, but I guess I could settle on someone who is in this zip code, at least then I would know who my opponent really was."
"Opponent?"
"Sure, the other guy who is vying for your heart." Jesse took a deep breath, "You know how I feel Haley, its no secret. I think that you're absolutely amazing. I hate to see you hurting like this, especially because there isn't anything I can do about it."
"You're doing enough Jesse, really you are. Just being here, listening, that's really all you can do."
"It's not all I want to do though. I want to do more."
Haley nodded in agreement, "I know, sometimes I wish that you could..."
Haley's voice trailed off on that last word. Jesse had begun to lean in towards her, and she found herself reciprocating. Before she knew it, their lips were mere millimeters apart. Haley felt torn, wanting to lean in and discover what feelings could lay behind that kiss but at the same time knowing that it would be so wrong.
"I'm sorry, I just can't." Haley said as she jumped off the bench.
"No, Haley, don't apologize. It's my fault. I shouldn't have even initiated it like that. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Please, sit back down, I promise I'll keep my lips to myself."
Haley ran her hand through her hair, trying to gather her thoughts. She couldn't believe that he had tried to kiss her, but even more than that, she couldn't believe that she had almost kissed him.
"No, I really should get going. Let's go, I'll take you home."
"Haley…"
"No really, it's okay. I just need to get home."
It was obvious to Jesse that now wasn't the time to try and apologize, so he nodded in concession and got up, following Haley towards her car.
The car ride to Jesse's house was cloaked in an odd silence. Neither really knew what to say. When they pulled up in front of Jesse's house they turned to each other, each one wanting to speak, and Haley spoke first.
"I'm really not mad at you. I think I'm just more confused, and mad at myself a little bit. I almost cheated on Nathan, and not because of anything you did, but because I wanted to kiss you. I just have a lot to work through."
Jesse nodded, "I understand. Take all the time you need. I know that you say it isn't my fault, but I'm still sorry. I really am. I was out of…"
Haley raised a finger to Jesse's lips, "Shhhh. It's done, there's nothing left to talk about. I'm really not angry."
Jesse lightly kissed Haley's fingertip and then opened his door and got out of the car without another word.
Haley watched him walk into his house. Once the door closed behind him she began to furiously punch at the steering wheel. She punched for all of the hurt that her relationship with Nathan had managed to bestow upon her. She punched for the frustration that she had momentarily wavered in her devotion to him, but most of all she punched because of disappointment that the kiss had not happened.