Author's note: Just remember, it's about the journey. There's quite a ways to go to the end of this story and I will promise that this story will not end on a bad note. So, with that said, take the journey with me…
Chapter 35- Forever's A Really Long Time
Before Haley knew it, senior ball was upon her. Brooke was a whirlwind of excitement. She was planning everything for the night and had been dragging Haley and Peyton around with her to countless stores searching for the "perfect dress."
Haley wished that she could get on board with Brooke's excitement, but no matter how she tried she just couldn't. Nathan would be coming home for the summer in a few days, just in time for the senior ball, but Haley wasn't so sure that she wanted to go to the ball with him. In fact, Haley wasn't even sure if she wanted to still be dating him.
Haley knew that the majority of the hardship in their relationship was her fault. Once she had realized that she did in fact have feelings for Jesse she had started to pull away from Nathan. She had not cheated on Nathan, she just couldn't do that to him, but she had come close quite a few times. It had finally gotten to the point where Haley had to stop spending time with Jesse altogether, it just got to be too hard for her.
Haley knew that it was time to break things off with Nathan, but after all they had been through she just couldn't do it over the phone. That seemed to cold and impersonal, and she owed Nathan much more than that. Haley kept telling herself that all she had to do was hold on until Nathan came home and then they could talk. She didn't think that Nathan would be all that surprised, there wasn't any way that he could think that everything was fine.
In truth, Haley was right, Nathan was not happy at all with the way things had been going. He had felt Haley pulling away and had tried to fight against it at first, but then found himself giving in. If Haley was pulling away because she was unhappy, then Nathan knew that he had to let her have her space. The last thing Nathan wanted was for Haley to be unhappy, but trying to keep Haley happy was doing nothing but making Nathan unhappy.
Nathan missed Haley. He missed sharing the events of his life with her. He missed her calling him because she was excited about this thing or that thing, but most of all, he just missed his girlfriend. As much as he hated to admit it, Nathan had begun to pull away himself, in order to prevent himself from getting hurt.
Nathan was apprehensive about returning home to Tree Hill in a few days. He knew that once he was back he and Haley would have to talk about how things were going, and he was pretty sure that that was one talk that wasn't going to go well.
ooooOoooo
"Seriously, Tutorgirl, pull yourself out of this funk. What is going on with you? Nathan will be home tonight and you don't seem excited at all."
Brooke was getting sick of Haley's broody routine, it had been going on for weeks and she wasn't going to take it anymore.
"How can I be excited when I know that I have to break up with him?"
"Wait… what? You're going to break up with Nathan? Why? I mean yeah, I know that things haven't been that great for the two of you lately, but breaking up, do you really think that that is the solution? I'm sure that you can work through whatever is going on. You're Nathan and Haley. You can get through anything together."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence Brooke, but I don't think that we can get through this. I'm just not happy with him anymore. All that stuff that happened with Jesse made me realize that maybe Nathan isn't meant to be my one and only. I don't know, it just doesn't feel right anymore. He has only been gone for one year of school and look how bad things got, imagine how bad they would be after four years. I can't even imagine. This is the right thing to do."
Brooke could tell that this was upsetting Haley so she pulled her into a hug.
"If this is the right thing to do why is it making you so miserable?"
"I'm just scared. Thinking about what I have to do is much easier than actually doing it."
"Aw, Haley, it'll be okay. I have a feeling that when you finally see Nathan everything will become clear to you. If you're meant to break up with him, you'll know. Now come on, let's get to lunch, some food will do that skinny ass of yours some good."
Brooke put her arm around Haley and the two girls headed down the hallway. Brooke began to fill Haley in on the most recent gossip, hoping to keep Haley's mind off of the drama with Nathan, but it was hopeless. Haley could think of nothing else.
ooooOoooo
Haley headed for the parking lot, relieved that the day was finally over. Now she could go home and hide out in her bedroom. She needed the time to prepare herself for seeing Nathan.
Haley pushed open the door leading to the outside and stopped dead in her tracks. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. There was Nathan leaning on his car with a dozen roses in his hand. Nathan was standing right in front of her.
Haley made her way over to him and when she was right in front of him he pulled her into a hug. Haley tried to relax and let her defenses down so she could melt into his arms like she had always done before, but she just couldn't. Something just didn't feel right.
"Surprised?"
"Definitely. You were without a doubt the last thing I expected to see when I walked out of those doors. When did you get in?"
"A couple of hours ago. After I finished my finals yesterday I started packing and just didn't stop, I managed to hit the road around 2 o'clock in the morning. I just drove and drove, knowing that I could sleep after I got to see you."
"I appreciate that, I really do, but I thought you weren't going to be getting in until tonight and well, I have to meet with some kids about a project for my government class. I was just running out to my car to grab my notebook, I left it there after lunch."
Haley was amazed at how easily the lie rolled off her tongue. She could tell by the look in Nathan's eyes that she had hurt him, once again.
"It's okay, I understand. School comes first. I didn't give you much notice. I guess just call me later. I'll go home and sleep, but I'll see you later?"
"Definitely later."
Haley leaned in and kissed Nathan lightly on the cheek before turning and heading towards her car. Once she was inside she breathed a sigh of relief, she had managed to put off their much needed conversation for a few more hours. Haley sat there in her car for about five minutes before leaving, ensuring that Nathan had left the parking lot and wouldn't see her pull out and catch her in her lie.
ooooOoooo
Later that evening Haley was sitting downstairs waiting for Nathan to arrive. They had agreed to take a walk and talk about everything. Haley was nervous for what was to come, but she kept convincing herself that it was all for the best.
Nathan arrived and again had the dozen roses in his hand. Haley had been in such a hurry earlier that she had left without them. Nathan had tried to convince himself that Haley had good reason for running off on him so quickly that afternoon, but it wasn't working. He was pretty sure that she had lied, that she hadn't had a project to work on.
As he approached her front door he hoped that they could talk it all out tonight. But he knew, deep inside of him, that one conversation wasn't going to be enough to fix whatever it was that had torn them apart.
Haley answered the door and took the roses graciously, she had forgotten to bring them with her earlier and felt terrible about that. She ran to put them into some water and then met back up with Nathan in the entryway.
The two started off on their walk in silence, both of them not knowing what to say, both terrified to start the conversation. Finally, Haley realized that it was now or never.
"We really need to talk Nathan."
"Yeah, we do Hales."
"Things haven't been going to great lately, not that I really need to tell you that. I know that a lot of it was my fault, that it was me who pulled away."
Nathan nodded in agreement, "What happened to cause that?"
"Honestly? I met someone else." Haley looked over at Nathan and realized that he had stopped dead in his tracks. She turned to him and looked him in the eyes, "Now don't jump to conclusions. I didn't cheat on you, it wasn't anything like that. I just met this guy and, I don't know, he made me feel something. I could talk to him, he understood me. I realized I had feelings for him, and when I realized that, I realized that maybe that meant that you and I shouldn't be together anymore."
"No Haley, don't say that. You don't mean that. I love you, so much. I know you love me too, so how can you say that we shouldn't be together?"
Haley felt as though her throat was closing up, and she was trying to fight back tears. She could see that tears were forming in Nathan's eyes, and that caused her to lose all control.
"Because it just isn't right. I can't do it. I can't be so far from you. This year was so hard for me. It's not like it's going to get better, I'm going to Chapel Hill Nathan, I'm staying down here. That's three more years that we'll have to be apart. I'm not strong enough, I'm just not. I'm sorry."
Nathan had stopped fighting it and was crying now, "You are strong enough Hales, you have to be. I need you to be. Because without you, I'm not strong enough. You are my world Hales, you really are. I don't know what I'll do without you."
"You'll be okay Nathan, we both will. I think that we just need to grow up, and I think we need to do it separate from each other. I feel like I've lost myself sometimes, like I gave you too much of myself and now I can't be alone. I need to be alone. I need to know that I can be alone. I want to go away to school alone, I want to start that next step on my own. Don't you get that?"
"Yeah I get it. Go be with him, with whoever this guy is. I just wish you wouldn't lie and say that you want to be alone when you really want to be with him."
Nathan turned to walk away but Haley grabbed his arm and whipped him around so he was facing her once again.
"It's not like that and you know it. He just made me see that everything isn't okay. That's all. And it's not, it hasn't been. I just haven't been happy Nathan, do you understand that?"
"I understand that it's hard, I understand that it was probably harder for you than me. I mean here you are, stuck back home while I'm out living this brand new life. Of course that wouldn't be easy. But this isn't the answer. I mean you and me," He pointed between himself and Haley as he spoke, "We're supposed to be together forever."
Haley shook her head, "No Nathan, forever's a really long time. We're so young, how can we even begin to understand forever? And even if we do understand it, well I'm not ready for it to start. I'm not ready for forever yet. There's still stuff I want to experience for me. I'm only 18, you're only 19. I just think we're too young for forever. I think that forever can wait."
"What are you saying Haley?"
"I'm saying that I don't think that this is the end of us. I think it's more of a break. I think that we need to have some time apart, to grow up and experience life for ourselves. But with all honesty Nathan, I see myself with you in the end. I really do. I just can't have it be the end yet. I feel like I still have a journey to take, we still have a journey to take."
"I don't want to take that journey without you Haley."
Nathan was practically pleading and it was breaking Haley's heart.
"You have to Nathan. I'm sorry but you do. It will make it better for us in the end. It really will. Just please think about it Nathan, think about what I've said."
Nathan nodded, "Fine, I'll think about it."
"Now I'm going to go this way, stop by Brooke's that way you can go and get your car at my house. Just use that time to think about what I said and call me tomorrow. We'll talk again then."
"Fine." Nathan watched as Haley turned to walk away, "Hales?"
"Yeah Nathan?"
"I love you Haley, I need you to know that."
"I know Nathan, and I love you too. But sometimes that just isn't enough."