Learn to Live Again
5. Under Pressure
Going to the city centre wasn't one of her favorite activities, but Rei had to get new strings for her poor violin. She had been lucky that only the strings had been attacked: she had checked and the soul was still in its place. 'Thank God' she thought 'I can't afford a new violin.'
She took the bus to get to the main streets of the city. She knew well where the music store was. Two squares t the north, turn left and continue for three more squares… she knew the directions by heart. As the girl didn't frequent such crowded places, she looked for them in local maps or memorized her little number of visits. The bus stop left her not too far away from the place, so she walked.
The streets were cramped with cars and people filled almost every space. Seriously, Tokyo wasn't the best place for claustrophobic people.
Just the city centre was enough to meet anyone but the people you knew. Rei was ok with that. Being invisible was her trademark feature and habit, and there was no better place for it than Tokyo.
Finally in the tiny store, the girl had to wait a bit to ask for the needed four strings and other four, if she needed to replace them in the future.
Many teens discussed about the best looking guitars and electric basses. Some punks chatted oblivious to their surroundings. They were blocking the way. Rockers and pop music followers insulted each other and argued about their style. Techno musicians looked closely at the latest electronic devises and complained about the prices.
Though there were so many music styles and fashions in the place, Rei didn't fit. As usual, she seemed out of place. Why? Mainly, she was wearing her uniform. Secondly, she wasn't with anyone and was completely silent, looking bored. Not that anyone noticed her, anyway.
This was taking forever. The shop assistants (which happened to be just two) couldn't assist everyone at a time, so a short queue had been formed. Rei was the last one.
She sighed and began thinking about the incident. Why would anyone take her strings? Why would anyone bother in harming her indirectly like that? Maybe that person was lacking strings and found her case by chance and took them… No. That wasn't a credible argument. So why the strings? If that person really wanted to cause her grief, he or she could have just broken the violin, damn it! Both ideas seemed equally acceptable now…
A hand took her shoulder lightly.
"I didn't expect to find you here." A male voice said. The girl turned. She knew the owner of those words! She wasn't sure why, but she felt a bit nervous.
Yes, confirmed. It was him.
"Your name is Kaworu Nagisa." She simply said, without even a greeting. The silver haired teen just smiled.
"Yes. Yours is Rei Ayanami." He replied.
"How did you know?" she was curious, very curious.
"I read it in the first page of your book. Hamlet." So simple. How could she have forgotten about that? Of course he knew her name.
"…" she stared at him for a while. Their eyes didn't meet in another timeless moment like the last time, but there was some magic in the air.
"So, what are you doing here?" he asked. Cool as usual.
"I came to get strings for my violin." Her coldness felt odd to her now. He laughed.
"Did you play too hard?"
"Somebody took them. Even the ones I was storing for emergency." She looked away. The queue was getting shorter.
"Say, how was the performance? I heard you did quite well!" the boy smiled at her once more, but then he looked away. He suddenly seemed interested in something else.
"I…" Rei began, but then fell silent. She followed the other teen's gaze and found the keyboards. He walked towards the nearest one and examined it carefully. He smiled to himself as he mumbled something the girl could not hear and placed his hands on the keys. He began to play a song that couldn't be heard well in the distance.
So Rei got closer. She was curious. She loved music. She wanted to hear Nagisa's song. The girl tried to get his attention, or at least know what that melody was, but he seemed completely absent. His eyes were now closed as his fingers moved from here to there, bringing life to wonderful tunes that could take anyone to Neverland in no time.
Before Rei could notice, the two of them were surrounded by the shop customers and curious people, who listened silently and stared at the pianist in admiration.
All of a sudden, the song was over. Everyone clapped, including Rei. Kaworu smiled innocently and said nothing. He then made his way to the shop assistants and talked to him. He called Rei after this and asked her for some money. The girl was still a bit numb and handed him her wallet.
Soon the two of them were walking on the streets with two sets of violin strings for Rei. None of them looked at the other, but they both felt very optimistic. Finally Rei broke the silence, something quite rare in her.
"You play very well. I really liked that song…" she slowly turned her head to look at him, but he was facing the street. "Where did you learn it?"
His eyes moved to hers and he replied:
"I invented it. While I was playing, I just did as I felt in the moment." As simple as that. Oh God.
"… Oh." She felt so stupid…
The two walked past several shops and stores, but they paid attention t none. Suddenly Kaworu looked at Rei and offered:
"Hey, wanna go for an ice cream or something?" The girl gasped, surprised with the sudden invitation. As simple as that. Oh God, again. He wanted to take her to eat? Of all people, Rei Ayanami?
"Huh?" she stared at him.
"Huh what? I'm hungry…" he didn't seem interested in the subject at all, but looked amused. His expression was almost unreadable sometimes, even when asking such personal questions… Wait. Asking for a meal wasn't personal… Ok, maybe a bit…
"… Ok." She hesitated a little. She had never bee asked for an ice cream before.
Kaworu just smiled. He walked on without any trace of doubts. He seemed to know quite well the place, unlike his partner… But Rei kept her monotone silence. She didn't ask or look around. Somehow the girl trusted the silver haired youth.
After a couple of minutes the pair reached the bar and restaurant area of the centre. The streets were now half empty. That was good: too many people would have been a problem.
"I'll get the ice creams. What do you want?" offered the ruby eyed boy. Rei told him that any fruit taste would be ok to her and he left her waiting on a bench. Soon she noticed there was somebody else she knew standing right across her.
Four pair of eyes looked at her. Yes, they were her classmates.
"Eh… hello Ayanami." Greeted Shinji Ikari, as he, Asuka, Touji and Kensuke got close to her. He seemed very hesitant at first. Asuka took the opportunity to speak:
"My, my. If it isn't the dummy." Somebody glared at her, but she paid no attention. "What are you doing here, may I ask?"
"… I just came to get something."
'A real dummy…' thought Asuka, who didn't say a word afterward.
The group stood there for a couple of minutes before they decided to sit. The bench wasn't big enough for the five, so two of them, Shinji and Touji, remained standing. They chatted for a while, completely oblivious of their surroundings. Asuka looked at Rei and commented:
"Hikari couldn't come today, so I had to stick with this bunch of idiots…" she sounded more like she was explaining a mess which she wasn't guilty of. 'But why does she?' Wondered Rei. 'I'm sure she knows I don't care…'
"By the way, Ayanami, I saw you with a guy just now… who is he?" she asked teasingly.
"…"
The little group eyed her curiously. None of the boys had noticed Kaworu. Rei was already getting uncomfortable with all the questioning and staring. She would have rather heard them talk about their own issues and else… why did the topic have to be Rei Ayanami now? There were surely a lot more of interesting subjects out there, waiting to be discussed…
"Back. Sorry if I took long." A silver head popped behind the observing four. Rei was relieved: Nagisa was back! He would surely have the solution to that mess: the girl was sure he would guide them out of the current topic into another one. An impersonal one.
Kaworu handed Rei her ice cream (which turned to be strawberry, one of her favorites) and happily ate his (chocolate). He greeted the others rather absently, as if they knew each other from a long time, and stared at the horizon. The group was very surprised with this attitude.
"Ahem…" Asuka cleared her throat "You must be Nagisa…" he nodded, his eyes unfocused.
The lack of verbal reply annoyed the ginger. She then got up and stood right in front of the older teen. He blinked and looked at her blue eyes.
"What?"
"You haven't introduced yourself." She spat.
"Well, I can guess you already know my name." He shrugged.
"But… don't you want to know ours at least?"
"Maybe. That'd be useful sometime…" and his eyes got lost again. The girl glared at him before returning to her place in the bench. "I can't believe Kaji-kun wants this idiot in his little group…" she muttered.
Shinji seemed to be the only one who heard this, because he gave the girl a 'don't be impolite' look. The boy then looked at the silver haired more carefully. He seemed to be…
"What are you thinking about, Nagisa?" the words slipped from his mouth, just like that. He didn't notice he was thinking aloud.
"Huh?" Kaworu turned to find a fidgeting, embarrassed Shinji. The boy suddenly apologized (for what?) and stared at his feet.
Kaworu smiled again and returned to the remains of hi ice cream. Once he finished it he went to Rei.
"I have to go now. Must take care of some business. Do you mind?" she looked at him surprised and said 'no' with her head. "Good. I was hesitating, but if you're ok with these guys, I'll go." And he turned around to leave, but a hand stopped him.
"Stop!" a girl's voice said. "Tell us. Would you like to join an elite group of talented and gifted students?" the question sounded more like an order than an invitation. Asuka was so demanding…
"Mr. Kaji's?"
"Yes… Wait! How did you know?" she looked even more demanding.
"I just knew." He replied "Well, right now I'm not interested. Maybe in a couple of weeks…" and he left before she could ask any more questions.
"That was… odd." Touji spoke for once. Everyone except Rei looked at him. "What?"
"You're odder, Touji. You didn't even speak when Nagisa came. That's not like you…" Observed Kensuke, looking at the place where the older teen had disappeared. Touji frowned.
"Neither did you!"
-o-o-o-
Tuesdays came with a lot of sports. Boys and girls practiced separately, another school rule. Maybe it was because the girls wore those shorts…
Anyway, Rei didn't enjoy gym much. She'd much rather walk or even swim: playing volleyball and basketball always made her feel too tired afterward. That day she was feeling a bit blue, to add more color to the situation. Sighing lightly, she remembered.
In the end Rei had finished her ice cream while returning home with Ikari, Langley, Aida and Suzuhara. She was already feeling down because it had been the first time a boy had invited her to something, and she couldn't even thank him properly. She hadn't said a word after Nagisa's departure and slipped from her captors seven blocks from her house.
On Monday she didn't even greet anyone and sat confused with her thoughts…
"Hey Ayanami!" Hikari's voice brought her back to the present. "You're not even looking at the ball!"
They were in the middle of volleyball practice. The bluenette hadn't noticed till then. She mumbled some apology and tried to concentrate. She wasn't too good at sports, especially team sports. No wonder, being the lone wolf she was.
'Ok, maybe the word wolf is a bit out of place…' she thought.
A white sphere flew through the air and hit her straight on her forehead. Rei almost fell.
"Are you daydreaming today, Ayanami?" snorted Asuka, a few steps from her. Hikari and the others couldn't help laughing.
"…" Rei's expression didn't change. She took the ball and passed it to her teammates. As long as she didn't have it, everything would be ok.
The game went on normally, with some amazing scores made by Asuka, who was the star player of her team, and miserable blockings and passes by Rei. Hikari played quite well and tried to help hear teammates as much as possible. Like their lives depended on that.
When the class was over, everyone left, except for Rei and Hikari. The brunette looked rather guilty. Taking a few steps to the girl with the hair of sky, Hikari spoke:
"Ayanami… you played… quite well today!" oh, man. That didn't sound convincing at all…
"…" Rei wasn't stupid. She knew she had done far from good. What the hell! Far from acceptable!
"Well, you can improve, you know?" she tried to look more serious now. "If you practice, everything will be ok." And she passed the ball to the scarlet eyed teen.
Rei just looked at the ball, then at Hikari.
"Do you have anything to do now?" the brunette inquired.
"… No."
"Great! Then we can play… for a while…" the delegate was now a bit hesitant.
Rei stared at her for some time. Deciding she had to change something in her life, and not just wait for the changes to come, she just replayed 'Ok'. So they played.
Not believing her quick improvements, Rei began to actually enjoy what she was doing. Or was it because Hikari saved every ball with ease? Maybe spending time with other people is not that bad…
"You're getting it, Ayanami!" cheered the brunette.
The other just smiled shyly, then with some more confidence. She hit the white ball with a bit more strength, trying to aim at her partner… but failed. The shot went straight past Hikari… and hit a boy. Touji Suzuhara, to be precise.
The teen turned quickly with an exaggerated frown on his face. When he spotted the two girls, he went straight to them, ignoring Kensuke, who was following and asking questions. Rei apologized for her miscalculation, but the boy glared at Hikari.
"She says she's sorry, Suzuhara!" the brunette stated.
"Was she the one who shoot? I thought it was you!" he pointed at her.
"Well, I wasn't. What' the big deal, anyway?" she looked rather annoyed now.
"Ayanami surely did well." Touji eyed Rei for a few seconds "It was you the one who didn't catch it!" Hikari got angrier.
"Can it be possible that you're such a jerk!" the delegate was now shouting.
"Geez… can't you be more feminine or calm… like Ayanami?" Touji looked somehow serious. He then snorted and walked away.
But Hikari wasn't finished.
"I'm the way I am! If you don't like it, then get lost!" she roared.
"That's exactly what I'm doing." He laughed and took Kensuke by the arm before 'getting lost'.
The two girls were now alone on the pitch. Hikari almost forgot Rei was there too.
"He's such an idiot…" she turned around and almost shrieked when her brown eyes met a pair of crimson ones.
"Oh! I'm sorry, Ayanami. Really. I didn't expect…"
"It's ok." Rei cut off. "I don't mind." And they silently walked to the girl's restroom to get changed. Hikari acted rather strange since the incident and didn't even say bye when she went away. Rei didn't mind this either, but she felt something wasn't right.
"Whatever. It's not my problem…"
And she walked home.
-o-o-o-
"I'm sorry this meeting was this sudden, but there are some important things I'd like to discuss before the exams." Said Kaji with a carefree smile.
"You brought us here to give us studying tips?" asked Asuka in disbelief.
"No, no… I just want you to relax before the testing time, so you'll do better. Remember your mind has to be well trained and 'athletic', always." He replied, handing the teens some papers.
They eyed them curiously in silence. Only Asuka seemed alive that day: the meeting had just begun and she was already questioning and giving opinions.
"But I don't need this… I'm sure I can handle it myself…"
"I'm sure you can, Langley…"
"Call me Asuka, Kaji-kun!" the girl smiled and Misato eyed her oddly.
"…Ok, Asuka. Well, I know you can, so I'm just giving these lists of authors, books and music for your mind's good. Surely you'll feel tired after studying or an exam. This is just to keep you in good mental shape!"
She didn't speak this time: the ginger looked now very happy.
"Yes." Kaji replied an inexistent question "I care for my students."
Then he got up and left the three teens reading the lists he gave them. Misato followed. They entered a little room which had nothing but a plain desk and a chair. The man sat there waiting for the purple haired woman to join him. He lit a cigarette, which she took and threw through the window.
"What?" he didn't look annoyed or upset.
"I'm just worried about those three. Well, more about Asuka."
"And why is that?"
"You can tell! She's intelligent and everything, but makes the others feel a bit inferior…" Misato wasn't sure about her worries herself.
"We're her teachers, not her psychologists." He looked away.
"I know, but I think making those three work together or something may help them with their personal problems…" she walked around the room.
"Well, we've got quite a colorful group, if that's what you mean. Shinji's very shy. Asuka's a bit too impulsive. Rei's antisocial. But if they don't want to change, there's nothing to be done…" he crossed his arms and looked at the walls.
"Well, in my classes I noted Rei getting over her antisocialism a bit. She's talking with other students, you know. Did you give her any special book or something? Maybe she's influenced." She stopped and looked at the farthest corner. Silence came to the place for a few seconds.
Kaji slowly stood and went next to the English teacher. He put a hand on her left shoulder and made her turn so she would face him.
"Do you really think it's the books? Or maybe there is something else we're missing?" he looked serious.
The only lamp in the room showed signs of getting weaker. Was everything that old in the school library?
"Maybe. But what do you really want by doing these meetings, Riouji?" the woman looked into his dark eyes. He stared for a while and took a breath before answering.
"The same as you. There's something special in those kids… and it'd be good to make it come out."
"But that's not what I'm thinking about. What I meant was-" she complained, but was silenced bi Kaji's soft fingers.
"I know, Misato. But my way of doing this is through art." He smiled briefly.
"Kaji."
"Yes?"
"What about you?" she looked at her feet.
"Me? Well, I'm fine…" he was getting amused with those questions of hers.
"No! Not that…" she sighed. Kaji nodded and wrapped his arms around the woman's shoulders. She hugged him back.
They stayed like that for what seemed hours…
"Kaji!" Asuka's voice came form the corridor, making the two adults let go abruptly. The girl entered the room to find the couple looking at the floor, expressionless. Asuka couldn't figure what was so interesting about their shoes…
"Kaji! I wanted to talk about these bands… the books you listed also seem interesting, but I'd like you to tell me something about them before borrowing…" she took him by the arm and dragged him out of the room. Misato sighed and sat on the abandoned chair, thinking. Hard times were coming.
-o-o-o-
Everyone returned to their classrooms early after lunch. The teachers would be delivering the exam timetables soon.
"I hope we get maths first…" begged Touji. Kensuke eyed him curiously.
"Why?"
"Because we'll get rid of it sooner… I don't wanna worry more than necessary these following weeks…" he looked very tired.
"Like you ever study for anything…" half-joked the boy wearing glasses. His friend joust glared at him before saying:
"This year I need good grades… or at least acceptable one, or my dad will put me to work!" and the two stared at the blackboard, which was empty.
Rei was busy with the newest note she had found under her desk. It said:
This week I'll be busy. Sorry.
'And the days keep going weirder…' the girl thought and folded the paper. She proceeded to open her folder and take a few notes before reading the timetables. Exams would begin the following week, so she'd have to study from that afternoon on.
'Let's see… first we've got science…' and she wrote the subjects she'd need to revise more. Then maths…
Shinji was looking at his copy too. He just doodled on a blank paper. On the front seats Asuka and Hikari planned studying meetings. Concentrated, as usual.
When the class was finally over, Rei got up quickly and headed toward the door, but she had to wait for everyone else to go out because they were blocking the way. She never tried to go with the group: it was already a usual thing to her.
When the last student left the girl walked out of the room, noticing there was somebody following her. Turning around, Rei found a nervous Hikari who looked as if she had just been caught stealing. She opened her mouth and then closed it. Clearing her throat, the brunette spoke:
"Eh… Ayanami…" she looked around, like looking for somebody or something that would help her.
"Yes?" the other replied dryly.
"I was wondering if… if you wanted to come to my house this afternoon…" she fell silent, waiting for an answer.
"That's… now, right?"
"Er…" Hikari consulted her watch "Yes!"
Rei thought for a second. Her parents wouldn't return home till midnight that day, they had told her when she got up, so there wouldn't be any problems.
"Ok."
"Great!"
-o-
Whew, done! Sorry I took so long to write this chapter… but with all the celebrations and family stuff, I bet you've been busy too. I hope you have enjoyed these days and are having a good time now. Now that I'm working on two stories you can check my bio for news and else!
Anyways, review!
And thank you for reading!
RaineL.