Hermione backed away from him in horror. He loved her? He loved her? She couldn't have heard him right. Yet when she looked at him, she knew that she had heard correctly. This was the man who hated her, who she hated. How could he love her? Before she could stop herself she erupted, saying, "How can you say that? After everything you have put Harry through? And Ron? They are my best friends and you have put them through hell. They are not bad potion-makers, but you have convinced them otherwise. I could never love you, not even respect you. I despise you!"
Hermione ran from the room.
As she reached Gryffindor, Harry and Ron began to talk to her, but she barely heard them. She brushed them off claiming that she had a headache. In truth, she did have a headache. After what Snape had said, she had plenty to think over.
Drawing the drapes around her four-poster bed closed, Hermione buried herself in blanket and pillows, looking for comfort and an answer.
Snape had always been horrible to you. Look at what he's done to Harry. He betrayed James and Lily to the Dark Lord! He is a former Death Eater—well so Dumbledore says. He could be working for You-Know-Who still. He's just going to use you to further his plans. He insults Harry nonstop. Even after all he's done, he can't stop hurting Harry. He hates the Weasleys. They've been like a second family to you, and he hates them. He doesn't even consider them worthy of being wizards. You're associated with them. You're worse than them. You don't even come from a wizarding family. He can't love you. He's just an evil git, like he's always been. He will never change.
She wished it could end there, but she kept replaying the scenario in her head.
He split the three of you up. He knows you're weaker alone. He made Harry and Ron sit with Crabbe and Goyle. He put you with the murderer of his sister! He was hoping you would get killed. He's always picked on you. Ever since that first year. You were the insufferable know-it-all. He's threatened by you! He knows you're more intelligent and he wants you dead.
The nagging voices wouldn't leave her alone. Wait, her reason cried, think again! So she thought.
He put you with Malevich because he knows you were strong enough. But he still put you in danger! If he loved you, he would never do that. He warned you. He was watching over you. He followed you down to the lake. That makes him a stalker, not a lover. He should have protected you from the beginning. Did you ever get hurt? Wouldn't you have confronted Malevich anyways? He let you do what he knew what you would discover and do.
She was beginning to crack. But what about Harry and Ron?
He split up Harry and Ron this year to make them better potion-makers. They can actually learn something when they're not dependent on me for answers. He could have told them that. Since when has Snape ever been one for explaining himself? When was the last time he insulted Harry or the Weasleys? When were they in detention last? Why didn't he want you to tell them about Malevich? He knew they would protect you and without them you could die more easily. No! He wanted to be the one to protect you. He doesn't trust them. They're troublemakers. He didn't want them doing anything stupid. You know that they don't always think. They're brave. They always survive. But do they need to be hurt so? Is Snape trying to make up for the past?
Hermione was rocking back and forth. She felt like she was being torn apart.
Why? Why do you feel torn apart? Could you actually love Snape? No! He's evil. He's a Death Eater. Dumbledore trusts him, and you trust Dumbledore. He calls you an insufferable know-it-all. He doesn't respect your intelligence. He said he did! He lied. He's lied before. He can use Occlumency and Legilimency. He hasn't used those against me. He respects my mind. If I were a tool in his plots, he wouldn't give me a choice.
Where was the answer? She was floating without an anchor. Everything she knew was wrong.
You thought Malevich was good, but you were wrong. He's more evil than Snape ever was. He uses love as a weapon in war. You thought Snape was evil. Could he be good? Would Snape use love like that? Does he even know what love is? He loved his sister. Enough to put his life in danger, confronting her murderers. Does he love that much? He put his job in danger. Can you love him? Do you love him? Do you love him?
She knew the answer.
You love him.
"I love him." She sat up, pushing her wild hair off her tear-stained face. "I love him, and I rejected him."With that, she fell asleep, exhausted from her mental and emotional trauma.