Chapter One: The Ice Queen

I am Nabiki Tendo, age seventeen, the rising star of the high school business world. My peers call me the Ice Queen of Furinken High!

I also do a mean Tatewaki Kuno impression, if I do say so myself.

My story begins on a Friday afternoon. Friday the twenty-eighth of April. It had struck me that I was tired of chaos in my home. I was tired to the never-ending fights, shouting matches, and insanity brought to my home by our perpetual house-guest Ranma Saotome. It also struck me that I wanted to end all of this.

Now, some people might take this as the beginning of my plot to assassinate Ranma and return everything to peace and quiet. This, however, is not my style. I don't kill people. I don't even arrange for people to be killed. I am subtle, mercenary on occasion, and much too smart to get blood on my hands, thank you very much.

Besides, getting Ranma killed would be too easy, and it might very well solve none of the problems. No, the more challenging task would be to tie up every single loose end in his life in one single evening, and preferably a few that were not attached to him, just to kill as many birds as possible with a single stone. I'm good enough that I can do this.

The main problem with Ranma is his many fianceés. There are four of them: my sister Akane Tendo, the okonomiyaki chef Ukyo Kuonji, the Chinese Amazon Shampoo (I don't know if she has a last name), and the wealthy but insane Kodachi Kuno. Family loyalty as well as a keen skill at match-making forces me to place Akane and Ranma together as a loud, but one day happy, couple. The others would require more work.

Then there are Ranma's male problems, most of whom want simply to kill him, but one of them also wants to marry his female half. Go figure. These would be: long-time rival Ryoga Hibiki, the Chinese Amazon Mousse (I don't know if he has a last name either), and my dear quixotic friend Tatewaki Kuno. I mean it when I say friend; I find him very entertaining.

And then there's the other problems: Ranma's father Genma Saotome (sometime panda bear), my father Soun Tendo (AKA the waterspout), Ranma's mother (and her katana . . . four foot eight inches), the aged master of the Anything Goes Style (Ugh, just ugh), Shampoo's grandmother Cologne, and Ranma's own female side.

While I'm at it, I think I'll do my other sister Kasumi a favor and set her up with our family doctor, but that's really not very difficult. And I want to have a fun evening myself, of course.

In other words, aside from a bit of juggling, it was nothing I couldn't handle.

"Daddy," I said sweetly. "I want to throw a party. In two weeks."

"That sounds fine, Nabiki." My father didn't even look away from his perpetual shogi tournament with a panda bear. "Who were you thinking of inviting?"

"Oh, everyone, I think."

"That sounds nice."

Now came the easy part. "I know the two of you don't want to be here all evening when the house is full of teen-agers. Why don't you go out, have some sake, and enjoy yourselves? While, you're out I'll even see if I can get Ranma and Akane to dance together."

"That's a fine idea, Nabiki," my father said.

The panda held up a sign reading, "Such a dutiful daughter you have, Tendo."

My next task awaited.

My next task was a harder one. I had to clear the event with the real power in the Tendo household.

"I don't know, Nabiki . . ."

"Please?"

"All those people . . ."

"Please?"

"All that food . . ."

"Please?"

"All that mess to clean up . . ."

"Please, Kasumi, I'll help!"

My sister smiled at me. "You really want to have this party, don't you, Nabiki?"

I nodded eagerly. I was being completely honest. After all, my future peace depended on it. "I'll invite Dr. Tofu."

"I'll think about it." Which of course meant yes.

From here, I set to work with the simple mechanics of the party: invitations, making sure my family had proper clothing, decorating the Dojo, all the usual things. Beyond these things, my task was a little more daunting. I needed to contact the right people, give everyone the proper directions, and most importantly not let any of them know I was helping anyone else.

First on my list was Mousse. I met him outside of the Dojo, staring longingly at Shampoo, who was draped across Ranma. I gave him a sympathetic smile. "She really thinks she's in love with him, doesn't she?"

He sniffed. "Do not rub it in, Miss Tendo."

"That wasn't my intention." I took his hand and turned him away from the scene that was making him so miserable. "You know about the masked ball we're throwing on Friday, right?"

"Of course, I know," he responded. "I bought my ticket, didn't I?"

"You know aside from the glasses and the hair style, you look a lot like Ranma." I held up my cosmetics mirror. "Right height, right build. Black hair, blue eyes . . . of course, no one can see glasses and eye color under a mask, can they?"

"What is your point?" Mousse was beginning to realize I was up to something.

"I want my sister and Ranma together . . . and so, obviously do you." I smirked. "Now, all the girls who love Ranma are going to be at this party looking for Ranma to prove their love. This includes your Shampoo."

I could see it as the thought fully occured to him. "So if I am there in the guise of Ranma, Shampoo will latch onto me!"

"Indeed. And if you prove to her that the spirit behind the mask that she loves is yours . . ."

"Then I will win Shampoo's heart!"

"Correct," I finished. "There is one other thing-"

"-the old crone," he guessed. "Of course, Nabiki, I will keep you up to date on her activities."

It was all that I could have asked for.

The next issue was contact number two. While I had no doubts as to my abilities to pull huge amounts of wool over his eyes, finding him was another matter entirely. Even this was easier than I had expected: all I had to do was visit the UN's THR website (THR stands for Track Ryoga Hibiki). I was a bit surprised to find such a website, but after a bit of thought it made since. After all, he wanders all over the world, occaisionally getting depressed and putting huge craters in the ground. If I were the UN, I'd be tracking him too. They keep a map with his trail marked on it. If I had time for recreation, I'd get a lot of amusement out of watching it, because the trail doubles back on itself and creates odd-shaped patterns, sort of like staring at a screen saver. They also have a page where people can report sightings, some of which are very amusing.

I kept an eye on the website for three days, before he came close enough to make finding him practical. It still required a half an hour's train trip, but I figured it was worth it.

"Hey, Ryoga!" I called out, on spotting him.

"Hmm?" He looked around to see who has calling him. "Nabiki? I'm in Nerima? I thought this was Nagasaki . . . I'm sorry for missing your party last week."

"Oh, that's fine," I said. "Things got complicated and we had to put it off a few days. It's tomorrow night instead." The party was still five days away. "It's that I wanted to talk to you about actually."

"What?" he asked pleasantly.

"Well," I said looking about as if I weren't sure that I wasn't being followed. "The truth is, Ryoga, that I'm sick and tired of Ranma and his constant fights with my sister! I want the chaos out of my house as soon as possible." The best lies are always based on truth.

His eyes widened. "I understand completely, Nabiki. I will kill him!"

"-but," I continued, "Akane is ridiculously fond of him." Also true, though Akane did not seem to notice it yet.

"I know." He looked gloomy.

"You know, Ryoga," I said thoughtfully. "You're about the same height as Ranma. And build. Your hair is even the same shade of black."

"I do not look like that-!"

I interrupted him quickly, "You know, I bet you could impersonate him perfectly. All it would take is a mask and a clip-on braid. Then my sister would like you, instead of him. Once she realized that you were the one she really loved, Ranma would have no reason to live at our house." My one and only lie, with so much truth building up to it. Because the one who has going to fall in love with Ryoga wasn't my sister.

I could see the thoughts going through his head, images of a life without Ranma where Akane loved him Ryoga. I allowed his fantasies to continue for several moments, before resuming my speech. "Here. I brought you a costume. Akane is going to be dressed as a fairy. I thought you might like a costume to match hers." I pushed a bundle into his arms, then checked my watch. "I've got a meeting in forty-five minutes, so I'd better be going. Bye, Ryoga!"

"Thank you so much, Nabiki."

No trouble, I thought, none at all.

"So Ranma," I asked my third victim . . . I mean unknowing accomplice, "are you looking forward to this week-end's party?"

Grimace, but no comment.

"Prepared for the inevitable fight?"

"Hmm." Considering look.

I made a leap of intuition. "Or having lots of trouble with your algebra?"

"Nabiki, this is kinda hard, can you leave me alone?"

It was now time for a winning smile. "I can help you, Ranma. I won't even charge you. All you have to do is follow a few little instructions at this week-ends party."

He returned to scribbling with his pencil. "Not worth it."

"All you have to do is stay male, wear a costume I pick out, and not comment that you are the real Ranma Saotome," I went on.

"What?" It was beginning to occur to him that this was a really good bargain. Honestly, it was. This time I was actually acting for his own good, oddly enough.

"What you think I was going to auction you off or something? I've got two decoys for you . . . maybe a third if I can find any attractive red-heads to replace your other half. It's part of one of my obscure plots. You really don't have to worry about it." I yawned. "Oh, well, I can see you'd much rather work on your math homework than go train in some strange martial arts discipline." I turned to go and counted silently to three. One, two, thr-

"Nabiki?"

"Yes, Ranma?"

"I'll do it."

I continued my retreat. "Thank you, Ranma. The answers are in the back of the book." I heard him fall to the floor behind me. All too easy.

Most of my preparations were completed, aside from a few words with my sisters, regarding how to deal with the little pervert, and waiting for Mousse to return to me with message about Cologne's plans. I did not have long to wait. A brief letter addressed to me arrived in the mail, three days before the party was scheduled to begin.

Nabiki Tendo,

Cologne has begun brewing another potion. After scanning over her books it would have become clear to me what it was, even if she hadn't loudly tutored my darling Shampoo in its use. It is a potion designed to cause something called "The Hundred Year Sleep." She plans to slip the potion to Akane and Ukyo to keep them out of the way. It does, however, have a considerable weakness, as the sleep ends when the sleeper is kissed by a member of the opposite sex to whom she feels attraction. Cologne has not mentioned this failing to Shampoo, and I feel certain you can discover a way to use this information to your benefit.

Mousse.

Oh, I could, I certainly could.