I LIVE MY LIFE FOR YOU
Warning: H/D Slash
Summary: Seventh year finds Draco Malfoy with a lot of plans in mind, but getting engaged to Harry Potter is definitely not one of them. On the other hand, for Harry it is simply a dream come true…
Disclaimer: Own nothing, except the wild fantasy that Draco & Harry would ultimately resolve some UST in book six.
Phase 1
Boarding Hogwarts Express for his final year of school, Draco Malfoy was suddenly filled with some sense of trepidation. He could see his mother waving from the platform, and he smiled softly in return. He had become closer to her after his father left Malfoy Manor, currently on hiding with other fellow Death Eaters.
Lucius Malfoy escaped Azkaban soon after he was put there, and till now it had been a year since the Light side last saw him. The latest news from his father recently was just to tell – no, order – Draco that he would marry Pansy Parkinson right after graduation. Draco had profusely refused, threw a tantrum, begged his mother and many else. Nothing worked.
He seriously considered running away from his family, but he didn't want to leave his mother. Narcissa was lonely without her husband, and she really cared about Draco. She had tried to console Draco about his marriage arrangement, but she couldn't do anything. The documents pledging Draco Malfoy to Parkinson family were lawful and irrevocable. It wasn't that Draco didn't like Pansy. The girl might look like a pug on her earlier years in Hogwarts, but as time went by, she had matured into a lovely young woman with all qualities any aristocrat family would consider perfect for a spouse. She was a Slytherin after all. If Draco hadn't been currently in love with someone else, he would've had no qualms about marrying her. But Draco was in love with someone else.
Finding an empty compartment in the Prefect car, Draco put down his trunk and sighed inaudibly as he sat down. The previous sense of trepidation flooded him again, causing him to wring his hands in anxious gesture. His mind was occupied with what would happen after he finished school. He had never dated anyone before, and now he lost any chance for it because of the arrangement. 'Probably I'll just fail all my classes and repeat the last year', he mused. But he doubted it would be a positive plan. He would most likely be forced to marry, graduated or not, and repeating school was humiliating as well as tiresome.
He felt the train started moving. He was still alone in that compartment, but this was just what he wanted. He had a lot of problems to solve before he finished his last year. Thinking about any way to call off his engagement, Draco's mind was carried to his unrequited crush. Although this marriage could be cancelled somehow, what was the point of it if his love was not returned? This brought another problem to solve. He needed to try to win the heart of his beloved. Hopefully it wasn't too late. They had become friends, close friends even, but there was him…
After the event of summer after fifth year, Draco obtained trust from the Light side although he didn't actually help them, like becoming a spy or such. He provided a few, yet precious information to be used against Death Eaters activities, but that wasn't the reason. The trust he gained was because he had risked his own life to save one Hermione Granger from the hands of Voldemort's followers.
Not only his near-death experience granted him disbelief and appreciation of his hidden courage, Draco had also become closer to the Golden Trio of Hogwarts and earned him distrust and utter disdain from most of his fellow Slytherins after he returned to school for the sixth year. His so-called friends shunned him, called him a traitor, disgrace, etc. He was hurt at first, and began to regret his foolishness. What did he get from saving a mudblood and openly renouncing his own father and allies? However his pride and arsenal of fearsome curses helped him go through the year physically unscathed.
He was quite lucky that he still had his mother's support. Lucius had abandoned his family in order to join Voldemort, so all he had was his mother. Narcissa solemnly told him that he was old enough to make his own decision. She was still a pure-blooded snob, but she was also a mother who was concerned with his only son's well-being. Forsaking the Dark side meant placing his name on the top of most wanted death list of the Death Eaters. It was too late for Draco to redeem that single rebellious action. On the other hand, he had just brought himself a perfect chance to redeem his past misdemeanour in the Light side. Balancing the pros and cons between the two sides, Draco realized that unless he could change back time, the Light side was his best choice to survive. In the end, there was where his allegiance lay eventually. 'All I gave for love…,' Draco smiled wistfully.
His train of thoughts was interrupted when someone opened the door to his compartment. A pair of emerald eyes spotted Draco, and Harry Potter flashed his most brilliant smile at the blond boy. 'It's almost as if he were really happy to see me', Draco couldn't help the thought. He straightened his posture and schooled his mask in place.
"Potter."
"Draco."
Draco nodded in acknowledgement. Potter had begun calling him by his first name since the middle of sixth year. He couldn't return the favour though; the name Harry was foreign in his tongue as well as in his mind. Besides, Potter didn't seem to care. He still had that bright smile gracing his handsome face, and his eyes never left Draco. Draco had a distinct feeling that Potter was checking him out, but he dismissed it easily. Potter could have any girl he wanted, not only was he the one and only Boy-Who-Lived, he was also as gorgeous as Apollo. It never occurred in Draco's mind that Potter was attracted to him, his nemesis for 5 years and recently became something-close-to-friend. Little did Draco know what really was in Harry Potter's head right now.
Harry was ecstatic to see Draco again. He had missed his secret object of affection for the whole summer. He did a correspondence with Draco, but it was different than meeting the boy in person. Being close to this young Dragon always made him feel invigorated, while at the same time many wonderful sensations fluttered inside his stomach. It was such an incomparable feeling. He was currently admiring the way sunlight played with the silvery nuance of Draco's loose hair and gave sparks on his beautiful eyes. 'Why is every time I see him, he becomes cuter and cuter?'
"So Draco, ready for our last year in Hogwarts?" Harry didn't bother to ask about Draco's summer. From his letters he had already known how boring it was. Draco wrote that he trained for Quidditch and learnt some Dark Arts. Harry knew that this blunt confession was not to be treated as threat. Draco Malfoy had changed. Whatever Dark Arts he learned would not be used for misdeed. Harry had his own reason to believe it, apart from the fact that he was head over heels with the blond. Harry was in love, but he still had good instinct and kept a rational mind.
"Positive. The question should be: Are you, Potter?" Draco didn't tell anyone about his arranged marriage, and certainly he didn't want anyone to see how bothered he was with it.
Harry grinned. "Gryffindor will take over the House Cup this year." Last year for the first time since Harry Potter attended Hogwarts, Slytherin managed to steal the House Cup. Draco could proudly say that it was mostly thanks to him. He was the top student last year. Being isolated from Slytherins gave him more time to take care of himself and his lessons. It was a disappointment he wasn't made Head Boy this year, God knows why. Draco snorted in reply. Harry smirked.
"Why isn't Weasley with you?" Draco was just a bit curious, since he knew Harry spent his summer with Ron at Grimmauld Place.
"Oh, he'll come later. I wanted to talk with you in private."
At this Draco raised an eyebrow, silently prompting Potter to finish his personal business as soon as possible. Harry took a deep breath.
"Draco, the Order has established new plan for us. Before this you're not categorized as an active member. You just mostly assisted in strategic planning, and trained with us for a few times. We appreciated that, really. But… the Order believes you can do so much more on the front line, to involve in a real battle against Dark Eaters and Dementors. We just thought that your participation will be very helpful, with all those Dark Arts you specialize at."
Draco twitched slightly. He was still not ready to fully participate in upcoming war, even though he had firmly decided to stand up for the Light side. He only wanted to help his love who was an active member of the Order, but thinking that he might have to face his own father on battlefield was unnerving. This was another problem which had plagued him for quite a time.
Harry always noticed and recognized even the smallest gesture of Draco's body language. He knew something was bothering his love. Slowly Harry reached for Draco's left hand and clasped it in both of his own hands. Draco frowned and tried to jerk his hand away, but Harry's grip was firm. Harry smiled in assurance and said, "Don't worry. I don't… nobody would force you to do anything you don't like. Personally I agree that you should take more active part in this war. You are very strong, Draco. You can contribute a lot for us. Bad things can happen anytime, but all the Order's members will protect each other." After a slight pause, "I will protect you. "… with my life…
Potter's words and smile and hands were comforting and… affectionate. Draco stared intently on Potter's green eyes and he knew that Potter would hold onto his promise no matter what. Bloody Gryffindor, how typical. Another thing that Draco saw on those eyes, but subconsciously ignored it, was unconditional love. The same thing he saw shining on his mother's eyes or on his own eyes whenever he was looking on the mirror thinking about his secret desire.
Harry still didn't release Draco's hand despite the tug from Draco's part. The hand felt so cold, so soft, so absolutely wonderful. Instinctively Harry brought the hand up close to his lips, and Draco's eyes widened.
"Harry! Draco!"
At the cheerful sound, the door suddenly opened and Draco jerked his hand back forcefully.
"Hermione!" Harry called back, stood up and hugged his best friend. Draco saw the Head Girl's badge she wore. He wasn't surprised. Draco smiled when Hermione beamed at him, and completely taken aback when she hugged him tightly. His pink-flushed cheeks didn't go unnoticed by Harry.
"Well isn't it romantic. How does it feel to hug a Ferret, Mione?"
Ron Weasley came from behind Hermione, grinning at Draco who scowled and drawled, "I can assure you it feels better than holding a weasel, Weasel. Ferret's fur is very soft, you know."
Draco had ceased throwing nasty remarks towards the Trio, so to chase the dry atmosphere away Ron usually started playful insults in order to bait Draco into retorting. Hermione objected at first, but later she found out that indeed it was rather dull without taunt and teasing from Draco. Nothing actually hateful between the two boys, Ron stepped forward and patted Draco on the shoulder hard and Draco's lips twitched upwards faintly.
Harry grinned at Ron and said, "Well, let's go then. The prefect assembly awaits us." Then he donned his robe and pinned a silvery badge on it. The Head Boy's badge. 'So there it goes. Golden Boy got the position. Figures, he is Dumbledore's pet anyway,' Draco thought sullenly.
The four of them walked out and opened the door to meeting compartment where other Prefects had gathered. Draco saw Pansy Parkinson and sneered at her. She sneered back. Clearly she wasn't so keen on the idea of their engagement either. Draco made a mental note to talk to Pansy about this predicament as soon as possible. During the meeting Harry and Hermione gave their speeches of moral and responsibility and reiterated the prefect's duties which were just the same as every other year. In short it was another boring meeting.
Harry kept stealing glances towards Draco who was watching Hermione in rapt attention. He knew about Draco's feelings for her, but it seemed that everyone else was oblivious. Of course, not everyone watched Draco as intently as him. Draco was not easily read, in these recent years he always kept his emotion in check and appeared cold and composed in front of people. 'Always the Ice Prince, eh Draco,' thought Harry affectionately.
As they returned to their previous compartment, chatting amicably, Draco noticed that Harry had grown taller than him. Last year they were still on the same height. Another rush of jealousy emerged on Draco's mind. First, Potter had proven that he was indeed better than Draco in magical power and Quidditch. Second, Potter always managed to become well-liked and respected apart from his popularity as the Boy-Who-Lived. Draco himself was compelled to say that Potter had a charisma and nice personality. His temper was still easily boiled, but all in all Potter had been matured considerably. Third, after he started officially dated Cho Chang last year, Potter had discarded his atrocious glasses in favour of magical contacts, acquired a much better sense of fashion, and managed to appear as the hottest bloke in the entire Hogwarts population. If before these Draco could always prided himself on his good looks, now with the ugly duckling Potter had matured into a flawless swan, he felt oddly inferior. Besides, there was always that Cho Chang issue… it felt bloody upsetting when your first crush suddenly went out with your most-hated rival. Although they kept the relationship only for a few months in early sixth year before suddenly breaking up. By the time they broke up, however, Draco had already got over his crush on Cho and found a new love, who was currently sitting next to him in the compartment.
Harry watched the blond Slytherin looking out the compartment window, smiling ever so slightly as if he was enjoying the passing view. Nevertheless, Harry could swear that actually Draco was watching Hermione by the reflection of the window's glass. Harry wondered till when Draco would hide his feeling for Hermione. Not that he expected the blond boy to confess, Hermione was likely to turn him down. She was smitten with Ron. Harry himself felt like a crap. For months he had been mooning over Draco but in reality he only managed to either make Draco raise an eyebrow, become irked, or completely ignore him. He didn't know how to properly express his love for Draco or attract his attention without looking like a fool. Besides Divination, Harry Potter also awfully sucked at the art of seduction.
Wrapped up with different things in their own minds, neither Draco nor Harry realized that the train had slowed down. When Ron and Hermione stood up to get ready to exit the train, they were finally awakened from their trail of thoughts. The familiar view of their school ground come into sight from the window. Hogwarts Express had reached its destination.
TBC