Summary: Looking at Kagome Higurashi, you'd never know that she carried a secret storm. Her therapist suddenly quits on her, and she must go to find someone else to help her. She struggles to keep her new therapist out of her life. She tells him the best of her is gone. Why won't he believe it? Kagome's POV.
"Talking"
"Sign Language"
Flashbacks
(Diary Entry)Beginning/End of diary entires
WARNING! This chapter has random entires from Kagome's diary. Some of them will be from when hermother will still be alive. Keep this in mind. Kagome started to have problems when she was 13. She'll have her age next to the date, so you know the times these things are.
They're not all from the same diary. Some are from the diary she had before Naraku, some are from the one she got after meeting Inuyasha. Pay attention to her ages. It'll help you understand this more.
Best of You
Chapter 15: New Life
Inuyasha likes to protect me. He stays on the couch every night - he doesn't want the temptation of being in the same bed with me - and will bolt in the door if he hears me crying. That's the biggest reason I have for him loving me. When I do have my nightmares again, he cuddles me until I'm asleep again.
And, when I fall back asleep. There's no more nightmares, and no more pains of the past...
- - -
January 31st
Age: 12
Mom brought home a new boyfriend today. She said his name was Naraku. He seems kinda scary, and Souta agrees with me. He acts really nice when she's around, but he gives us mean looks when she leaves. I don't think that he's a good person. I've tried to tell mom, but she says I'm paranoid...
I'll have to see what that word means.
Ah, here it is. The dictionary says something... It basically means that I'm afraid that everything will go wrong. Well, I guess I am. I'm always afraid of Souta falling off his bike and hurting himself. I should try to trust Naraku. He can't be too bad if mom trusts him.
August 11th
Age: Just turned 13 yesterday
Naraku is mean. Mom was at work today, and he knew that she wouldn't be home until seven. That's when she's always home. He used the spare keys that she hid under the cat statue. He let himself in, and came upstairs. I was doing homework at my desk, and Souta was doing his homework on my bed. Anyway...
Naraku came up the stairs. When Souta and I heard the creaky floorboard, we both looked at each other. We thought mom was home really early, but Naraku came in my room instead. I looked at him and asked why he was here when mom wouldn't be home for a few more hours. He said that he was here for us. Souta and I knew something was wrong at that point.
He started to yell at us to bow to him and other wierd stuff at first. We didn't understand what he was saying, because his words were all mixing together. When we didn't understand, he started to hit me. I cried, and Souta tried to protect me. When he almost hit Souta, I kicked him in the crotch. Souta said that it must've hurt a lot more than it looked like, because Naraku doubled back and started crying.
Souta and I started to run out, but Naraku caught up with us. He started to hurt us. I got most of it, since I took most of Souta's beating. He stopped an hour before mom was going to be back. He told us to shower and come up with lies on why we had bruises. We did, because we were scared of what woudl happen if we didn't.
When mom got home, we watched her come in. She made out with Naraku (yuck!), then took something from him. It was a white stick thing. It was really small, and she lit it on fire. Then she started smoking it the way that we see grown-ups smoking cigarettes. After she got halfway through with it, she was lying on the couch with sweat on her body. She didn't even know that anyone was there, and she made no sense with what she was saying...
June 16th
Age: 15
Souta's birthday is today. If I can get out of here fast enough, I'm going to visit his grave. And mom's grave too...
I guess it's been a long time since I wrote. It's hard for me to find the time or energy now. Naraku is now my legal guardian. I don't think that he's being much of a guard. He doesn't protect me from anything. He just brings pain to me. He reminds me of a mercenary that they taught about in history classes...
Well, Souta died around four months after Naraku started to hurt us. Mom started getting so drugged, she wouldn't be able to function without the crap. Naraku, as it turns out, was a drug dealer. He got mom hooked enough to where he could beat us in front of her, and she wouldn't even know it. He killed Souta... Wait, I mentioned that, didn't I?
My memory is horrible nowadays. I'm passing my classes (somehow), but I can't remember half the things that are said. I feel like a robot. I just do as I'm told without even thinking about it...
Mom overdosed on the drugs and died a month (give or take a few days) after Souta did. Naraku claims that he got custody of me. Since I have no other living relatives, they had no choice but to believe him. I guess this is just the way life works out for me. It's becoming normal to get bad luck.
I told Miroku why I wasn't interested in dating boys. He asked about it today during lunch. I told him that the best parts of me had been taken. Even though that's an understatement. They have been jerked away from me and dangled above my head, so I'll always remember the parts that I'll never get back.
Like my virginity. My knowledge. Not every fifteen-year-old girl experiences the torture that I go thruogh. The worst things they deal with consist of missing a JC Penny's Sale. My worst things are him coming home with a hardon.
A lot of fifteen year olds don't go home and know they're about to get raped. I guess I'm just different. I'm forced to be different, and I'm forced to be in pain. After all... How happy can you be when someone's jerked away the best of you and you're unable to get it back? Or at least pretend that you have it...
September 8th
Age: 28
I'm going to have a baby soon. I just got my cast off a little while ago, and Inuyasha and I have already done 'it'. Things feel a lot different when a man isn't forcing himself on me. It feels like forever ago that I was being beaten. Yet, when Inuyasha and I were together like that, it felt like yesterday that I had lost my virginity to the bastard in my nightmares.
Inuyasha kept telling me that it was okay. That even though I'm not pure, he doesn't mind. It's not my choice that I'm ruined this way. It's not my choice that I'm scarred with these memories. Well, I guses he's right. It just feels horrible when my mind keeps taunting me by saying that it IS my fault.
Well, Inuyasha is out getting the pregnancy test. I offered to go with him, but he refused. He said that I was probably still too stressed from the memories that the - ahem - sex brought me. He said it a little rougher, though. He said something along the lines of "You're probably still remembering when that bastard fucked you, since I just did."
He's not normally that harsh, but I've been morose the past few days. I'm trying to get over the memories of being forced into things like that, and I'm sure that Inuyasha's tired of hearing it.I probably deserved those words.
But, I should stop writing. If I write too much, he'll take notice. Then he'll steal my keys and diary again...
Just incase you're wondering, I'm not his patient anymore. Inuyasha stopped charging me for the visits since weeks five. Week five is when we started to get closer. At that point, he knew that he could get in trouble for it. He didn't want to get in trouble and be forbidden to help me. So, he did it in his free time.
That's what he told me a month after having my cast on. I guess that explains why he started having evening sessions with me...
Here's something that I should read when I start remembering things again...
Even though life can get hard an unfair, you have to push through. I know, from experience, that ther ecan be times where you pray to die each night, but wake up in a healthy body. I understand the agony of it. But, that's not what you're intended to go thruogh. Even though there are hard times, try to rememebr that there will be good times. It never seems like you'll go up when you're down, and it never seems like you can get down when you're up. Even though you may have hard times where you can't imagine things getting better, just keep trying.
I did, and that's how I got my happy ending. Well, I hope it's a happy ending. Having experience being this happy again, I'm not sure if I could handle another massive downfall...
Sequal for Best of You...
It's hard to imagine things ever coming up when you're down, and vice verse. That's what Kagome Higurashi told herself years ago. Now she's stuck on the bottom, once again. Even though she has to tell herself that things will get better, she highly doubts that they can. The best things to her have been jerked away, once again, and dangled above her head to taunt her.
Title: Best of Us
Look for it soon! Add me to your author alerts list to find out when I'll have this story out. Hope you all will read it!
It's so hard for me to believe that this is really done. I spent a week or two typing it up, and it's finished! I'm sure it's taken much longer just to post everything.The previous thing is for a SEQUAL, NOT ANOTHER CHAPTER! Keep that in mind.I'm done working on the plot, and I've already started typingit up. I'm sure the first chapter is done by the time I post this... Bye bye!
FYI: I'm working on the fourth chapter of the sequal right now. I probably won't post it until I'm done with the sixth or seventh, just so I can be ahead of you all. I hope that you all will read the sequal. Unlike my other attempted sequals (that were deleted), this one is focused on Inuyasha and Kagome still...
I've talked too much. But, please, read it. It'll be good, yet sad. My stories focus on sadness. It keeps me happen and reminds me that I have no reason to be depressed... yet.
- Bipolar Tangerine