Chapter two
"I can't believe you did that." Wilson yanked House's Ipod from the speaker dock, killing the strains of Verdi's La Traviata that had been drifting luxuriously through his office.
"Okay, you're going to have to be more specific." House offered nonchalantly as he span around in his chair to face Wilson. Mildly irritated by the interruption, he caressed the large green and red tennis ball he engaged so often to keep his hands occupied.
"Cuddy." Wilson continued sternly, unsuccessfully attempting to snatch the tennis ball away from him.
"Oh, sex dream?" Light flashed through House's eyes. "I didn't actually do her though."
"Oh god." Wilson sighed, dropping into the chair across from his friend. "Apart from the fact you were sick enough to sit there and watch her…" He shook his head in undisguised disgust. "What did you think you were doing?"
"Eating chips?" House looked at him nonplussed.
"You tipped her!" Wilson shouted.
"Oh, that?" House recoiled in the face of his friend's anger. "She knows it was a joke."
"It's not a joke!" Wilson stood, driving his fist down onto House's desk sending a stack of medical journals to the floor. "It's quite possibly the single most demeaning thing you could have done. You know how busy Cuddy's been preparing everything for the meeting on Friday, she hasn't left this place since last week. That poor woman puts up with enough of your shit as it is."
"Geez." House slid down in his chair. Wilson loosened his tie, breathing heavily.
"Go and apologise." Wilson concluded, composure returning.
"Chip?" House grabbed the packet of barbeque chips from next to his computer monitor, extending it in Wilson's direction.
"Apologise!" Wilson snapped before reaching toward the chip packet.
"No chips for you." House quickly shifted the chips out of his reach, popping one into his mouth.
"Go and apologise you asshole." Wilson rubbed the back of his neck as he wandered out, shaking his head in disbelief as House continued to crunch.
After lunch, it occurred to House that there was no harm in swinging by Cuddy's office, not to apologise, but more to ensure she'd taken his actions in the manner he had intended. He got as far as the clinic reception before the he found his passage blocked by Rachel, the rotund Head Nurse. Nurse Rachel stood, hands on hips between House and Cuddy's office, visibly unimpressed. House stepped awkwardly to the left. Nurse Rachel mimicked his movement. House stepped with greater difficulty to the right only to have Nurse Rachel continue to block his path.
"Oh please." House gazed skyward in exasperation. "What are you, the gatekeeper?"
"You asshole." Nurse Rachel growled at him, eyes narrowed. "There's no way in hell I'm letting you go anywhere near her."
"Okay, hearing a lot of that today." House sighed. "Top secret doctor stuff, let me through."
Nurse Rachel glared at him, unmoving.
"Fine." House rolled his eyes, turning and ambling back toward the elevator.
At 3.30pm House managed to sneak past Nurse Rachel and through the first set of double doors leading to Cuddy's office. Still checking behind him to ensure she wasn't following, he walked headlong into the static form of Cuddy's PA.
"Oh," House stepped backward in light of the contact. "Didn't see you there."
The PA remained stationary, arms folded across his chest.
"You're an asshole." He glared at House.
"Yes, we've been through this." House found himself looking at the ceiling. "Okay, you've made your point, move."
"What, so you can go in and insult Doctor Cuddy again?" The PA remained defiant. House shifted, attempting to look over the PA and into Cuddy's office.
"Yes, so I can go and insult her again." House sighed in exasperation, hand tightening around his cane.
"No." The PA glared at House.
"Move!" House barked at the PA.
"No!" The PA snapped back.
"Fine." House lifted his cane, jamming the butt down into the PA's foot.
"Hey!" The PA yelped in surprise, before grabbing the nearest medical file and swinging it spine-first in a chopping motion against House's right thigh.
"Ahhh FUCK!" House shouted, legs buckling beneath him. He caught the edge of the PA's desk on the way down, wincing as he struggled to stay on his feet.
"Shit…" The PA began to back away toward the clinic. "I didn't know that was …"
"My bad leg?" House hissed at him through clenched teeth, gripping the PA's desk white knuckled.
"I'll just go and get…" The PA garbled, waving his arms ineffectively as he stumbled out into the clinic. House painfully hauled himself back to his feet, retrieving his pill bottle and desperately shaking out three Vicodin. He pushed through the door into Cuddy's office.
"Out!" Cuddy glared at him, wild-eyed. House stood silent, somewhat stunned. "Out!" She repeated, rising to her feet behind her desk.
"Cuddy…" House began, walking gingerly toward her desk.
"OUT!" Cuddy grabbed the empty coffee mug to her right, turned, pointed and threw.
"Oomph!" Was the only sound House could manage as the coffee cup struck him in the groin before clattering to the floor. He retreated, bent over at the waist, left hand nursing his balls while his right arm struggled to keep him upright.
Cuddy sank back into her chair as she watched him stagger out, utterly pathetic in comparison to the brash manner in which he had exited earlier this morning. A pang of guilt shot through her as she watched him leaning against the wall outside her office, eyes squeezed shut fighting yet another surge of pain. Cuddy's eyes travelled from the somewhat broken figure of the tall lean man outside her office to the neatly folded $20 note on her desk. Anger once again rose inside her, and it occurred to her that perhaps she should have thrown a chair.