Episode 02: Stealing the TARDIS
And it had all just gone so terribly, horribly fucking wrong.
That was the one coherent thought drumming its way through the Major's skull as he watched three mammoth-like KGB operatives bind Eroica's limp form to a small wooden chair. He felt the tight coarse rope biting deeply into the raw skin of his own wrists, and the heavy cold metal of a gun resting at the base of hisskull. He gritted his teeth.
This was not how it was supposed to go. He was Major Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach. He was NATO's best, and it should have been a simple enough operation. The building they were casing had been large and dark and it looked like the empty, decaying skeletal remains of a hospital or a hotel. The windows, the few that remained, were either boarded up or tinted black. He and the Earl had snuck in well after dark, and made their way down the stairs to the basement, and had been in the process of cracking the safe the Earl had assured him was archaic and simple, when it had become apparent that they were not the only ones in the room.
Painfully apparent.
Klaus saw again, repeating in his inner mind, the smoking bullet holes that had exploded in the wall inches from the thief's head, saw the blue eyes widen in surprise and the hands falter in picking the lock on the oh-so-archaic-and-simple safe. The Major had his magnum ready, but it was no use—they were surrounded and lost before it had even begun.
And now, Klaus cursed himself. He was helpless, and they were both compromised. Because of him. Disgraceful! This is disgraceful! How could I have been so fucking stupid? How could I not realize it was a trap? His thoughts swam in circles, as the head gunman gestured to the other enemy agents and they left, for the moment, disappearing behind a large metal door and closing it behind them with an audible clank. And then…Who set us up?
The Major's eyes closed in a silent grimace and when he opened them he saw Eroica shifting slightly in his chair, the tumble of golden curls falling elegantly over the broad shoulders and toned chest, revealed through the skin-tight black burglary suit the thief wore. Frowning, Klaus wasn't entirely certain if it was distasteful or not for the thief to manage looking so elegant even with fresh bruises forming along his jaw and bound to a chair.
When the blue crystal eyes opened, it was almost more than the Major could endure, to see the uncharacteristic confusion and fear spread through them as the thief struggled for a moment against his bindings, before remembering where he was, and relenting. "Major…"
"I don't know," he answered. Where we are. What's going to happen to us. Who's responsible. Well, besides myself. "It's your own fault for always sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong," he said suddenly. He wasn't even sure why he said it, other than to curb some of the guilt that was already building in his gut.
"…I wasn't going to blame you," came the quiet response. "We can get out of here, though, can't we?"
Not likely.
"Can't we?" the voice repeated, slightly shaken this time, slightly less composed.
"Major?"
"Answer me!"
"No," he said simply. And then, steeled himself to say something to the thief who had spent the last ten years steadily annoying, frustrating and terrifying him, something he had never expected to say to the accursed fop: "…I'm sorry."
He could feel the Earl's stare on him for a moment, though he could not bring himself to look at the thief just then. How would all of that golden hair look, matted with blood? Klaus felt the knots in his stomach jolt at the sudden thought; the skin along his neck crawled and he repressed a shudder. The thief, as annoying and troublesome as he had always been, was still a civilian. He didn't deserve whatever the KGB terrorists were going to do to him.
"I…oh I see…" Eroica's voice was quiet, as though the weight of those words was just dawning on him. "Klaus—I—look at me!"
It didn't seem right, how he had to wrestle with himself just to get his eyes to focus on the damn thief. Annoying wanker, he kept running that through his mind, trying to convince himself that the thief deserved whatever he got, all the while knowing it was a lie.
"Major…I'm sorry, too."
"You've got nothing to be sorry for. It was my mission. I failed. I'm the one who should be…sorry." And he was. More than he would have expected to be.
"I just…" the thief looked away for a moment, large blue eyes filled with…Klaus wasn't sure. It made him feel uncomfortable and guilty. That damn look again, that he so often found in the thief's eyes when he caught the blond man staring at him. "I don't regret it. I'm still glad…you're the best thing in my life, Major."
Foppish poetic nonsense.
"I wonder if you'll be thinking that when they start cutting off body parts."
He watched Eroica's face lose all of its colour, and the thief staring at him with a wide-eyed, frighteningly blank expression. Klaus felt the life drain from his own face as well, as he realized with a sickening pain in his gut that he had not been joking.
The door opened with a bang, and Klaus tightened his muscles in preparation for the worst. He was prepared to see Mischa the Cub, he was prepared for electric shocks and knives and fists and bullets. He was prepared for torture, interrogation, humiliation, and death.
But he wasn't prepared for a little robot dog that whisked into the room, gliding above the dirt-streaked cement. It's body looked altogether like a grey metal box, with a sort of dog-shaped head and snout, a band of red laser acting as the 'eyes.' Tiny clear satellite dishes perked up for the ears, and its nose seemed to be some sort of scanner.
Dorian and Klaus stared at it for a moment, unblinking. Finally Dorian managed to choke: "What…is that, Major?"
The robot dog swivelled around and fixed the Earl with its red sight for a moment before chirping crisply: "Voice recognition and holographic image processing...CONFIRMED. Subject: Dorian Red Gloria, Earl of Gloria, other current alias:Eroica. Species Classification: Human, or, Earthman."
"You don't suppose it's a…toy, do you?" the thief asked.
"I…don't know what the KGB would be doing with a…toy." Klaus answered finally.
"Subject: Major Klaus Heinz von Dem Eberbach of NATO Intelligence. Searching databank records...CONFIRMED. Species Classification: Human, or, Earthman," the robot continued. "Requested subjects are located, Mistress."
"Hey, hold up there, K-9!" a voice called, and a moment later a young woman, ran through the open doorway, brushing a long strand of silky golden hair back over her shoulders as she did so. "Damn, you've got yourselves into a bit of a mess here, haven't you, mates?" she asked, glancing at Klaus and Dorian.
"You sound English," the Earl said. "Who are you? Are you from MI5?...are you with Lawrence?"
"MI5?" she repeated, obviously stifling a laugh as she shook her head at them. "Do I look like someone from MI5? What do you think? Come on now, let's get you out of here. I'm Rose Tyler, by the way."
"And how do you propose to 'get us out of here,' exactly?" the Major asked, his voice quickly returning to its usual cold and harsh tonality. "A civilian woman has no place here. Get out before the KGB operatives come back!"
"K-9, burn those ropes," Rose said, meanwhile looking around with an air of impatience. "God! Where has he gone off to now? And just when we may need him, of course."
Dorian gasped sharply as a bright red laser shot out of the robot dog's nose and burned into the thick knots of rope that bound his arms to the chair. The smell of burning rope and the thick singeing crackle caused a momentary wash of panic to sweep through him before the light shut off and the rope tumbled to the cement floor in charred fragments. Shivering once, the Earl pulled himself together and practically leapt out of the chair, stumbling backwards, against the wall.
"Well don't look so surprised, it's a perfectly ordinary electric dog!" Rose laughed, before assuming an almost-apologetic expression as the laser turned it's sights to Klaus' bindings. "I understand, though, I guess I'd have been just as surprised just a few weeks ago. Hard to believe, now…"
"It doesn't matter," the Major said gruffly, stretching out his arms as he stood, shaking off the last bits of rope with a cool indifference. "I suppose you have some sort of a plan on how we are to get out of here?"
"…Right. A plan, then…" Rose repeated, nodding thoughtfully. "A plan..."
"The plan is to run!" a voice called behind them. Dorian turned to the door, and a man, perhaps in his late thirties or early forties, with short black hair and a leather jacket practically ran into him. "I've taken care of the KGB on this floor, but I think they're calling for back-up and we really don't want to be here OR now when their boss finds out about this. Trust me."
"Right," Dorian agreed, nodding and began to head after the stranger when he felt Klaus' hand grab his shoulder roughly and jerk him backwards so harshly he nearly fell over. "What is it?" he asked, startled to see a venomous seething glint in the Major's glass-green eyes.
"You," the Major breathed through clenched teeth. "You're the 'Doctor,' aren't you?"
"Why yes, yes I am," the man grinned widely, seemingly oblivious to Iron Klaus' murderous glare, and extended his hand. "Pleasure to finally meet you, Major Eberbach."
"Doctor…is that some sort of code name? What is your real identity? Who do you work for? Answer me!" the Major commanded.
"Terribly sorry, Major. But I'm afraid we don't have time for codes and manners, right at the moment," the Doctor replied briskly.
Klaus instinctively reached for his magnum, before remembering the KGB had, naturally, disarmed him. He felt unsettlingly naked without the firearm and settled for fixing the Doctor and his female companion with one of his most icy glares. The sort of glare that made his subordinates want to get on that plane for Alaska. "We can not trust these people, Eroica."
"What? Why not?" the thief asked, tossing a wave of shimmering golden curls back over his shoulder. "Weren't they in the process of saving us from torture and a grisly death, or did I just miss something here?"
"Yeah, that's right—we're trying to save your lives!" Rose cried indignantly. "So let's hurry up and get out of here before those creepy guys get back."
"This man is wanted by NATO Intelligence," the Major stated firmly. "He may be a spy for the other side."
"Oh really, is that all?" The Doctor asked. "And who do you think set up this trap, Major? It obviously wasn't me, if I'm risking my neck to get you out. Who was it that told you the Russians had information on me that your superiors wanted, anyways? I think if you look at the matter closely you'll see it was NATO who sent you straight into this trap. The fact is, there never was any Russian spy or information for you to garnish. The only things they're keeping in the safe downstairs are torture devices for when they catch us!"
Klaus was fairly sure he could feel his face changing colour as the blood curdled painfully in his temples.
"Um, could we maybe get out of here before we kill each other?" Eroica asked, looking worriedly from Klaus to the Doctor and back again.
The loud Russian voices in the hallway outside decided the matter for them. Klaus swore as the voices and pounding militaristic footsteps grew louder.
"We have to get out of here!" Rose shouted in a whisper, looking worriedly at the Doctor. "Like, now!"
"You can trust us," the stranger said, looking directly at Klaus and Dorian with a startlingly intensity that had not been there a moment ago.
But the Major was not a trusting man under normal circumstances, let alone trapped in some God-forsaken KGB hideout, unarmed, with a bunch of sadistic killers chasing them. The robot dog spun around again, facing the Doctor. "Nine men approaching through left hallway, Master. My scanners detect several primitive firearms in their position."
"The left hallway, eh? Then I guess we're taking the right!" the Doctor exclaimed. Impossibly, the man was smiling again, and reached a hand for Rose, who took it without hesitation and the two darted out of the small interrogation cell, the robotic dog skidding along at their heels.
So, because there was no where else to go, the Major and Eroica slipped out into the narrow, darkened hallway with them, and the four began to run. A moment later, they heard the gunmen following close behind them, and then they heard the distinctive clatter of heavy boots running down the hallway ahead of them.
Rose gasped as the Doctor pulled her to a shaky halt. Dorian glanced back down the hall over his shoulder. "We're in trouble," he said softly.
"Now what?" Rose asked.
"Well, we're in for a bit of a scuffle, no doubt," the Doctor answered thoughtfully.
"Oh sure, you can act all nonchalant, you've got two hearts! Try thinking about the rest of us, hmm?" she asked.
"Hey, I saved us from the alien-inhabited zombies, didn't I?" he flashed her a grin.
The Major had just enough time to scoff at their unprofessionalism. And it began. The KGB operatives swarmed them from both sides, the narrow walls of the hallway constricting their space, as a bullet ricocheted loudly off the wall next to the Earl's head. "That's the SECOND time today!" the thief shouted."I'm getting a little tired of being shot at!"
Rose yelped and ducked down as the spray of bullets roared over them. Dorian dove for cover and managed to kick the legs out from under one of their enemies, the man toppled backwards and a trail of bullets ran across the ceiling as he uselessly pulled the trigger on his gun.
However, in the heat of battle, it was Klaus who stood out among the group, blazing, confident, strong, and completely in his element. He stood unflinching, the image of a proud warrior carved in stone, his gaze piercing and unrelenting. In a moment, he came to life, burning, the fire of war in his eyes and the complete blistering fury that was Iron Klaus set free.
He lunged for the nearest KGB agent, knocking the gun from the man's hands without thought or effort. One rock-hard fist tore through the air and smashed across a man's jaw, and the Russian collapsed in a limp form, a trail of dark blood splashing up from his shattered mouth. A large muscular agent sprang forwards as though to tackle him, and the Major slammed his knee into the giant's gut, grasping the gun from the wounded man as he fell.
It was a magnum. It was his magnum. Klaus felt a surge of almost-irrational rage rise up in his chest at the thought of one of the filthy KGB touching hisgun. "Bastard," he muttered, pulling the trigger and blasting the man's brains out.
"Major, look out!" Eroica's voice warned him just in time, and Klaus swerved around to see the rest of their enemies taking aim and preparing to fire…
"K-9, stun them, quickly!" the Doctor ordered. A brilliant flash of red burst from the robot dog's eyes, and a second later, the rest of the KGB fell lifelessly to the ground, staring up at the ceiling with open, glassy eyes.
"So that thing is a weapon," Klaus snorted, pointing his gun at the Doctor. "I should have known."
"Only when he needs to be," the Doctor replied easily, seemingly unaffected by the magnum aimed for his skull. "Listen, you can shoot me all you like, it won't really do you any good. And right now, we just need to get out of here while you still can." With that, he extended a hand to Eroica, helping the thief up.
The next thing the Major saw made his blood run cold (although he wasn't sure why) the thief practically fell into the stranger's arms! Eroica may have been a ridiculous fop, which the Major had to grudgingly admit he was at least used to, but the Earl was still almost six feet tall and he had some muscle on him and was capable of taking care of himself in most fights. So why he went nearly limp and practically draped himself over the Doctor, Klaus didn't want to think about, although anger was seething in his eyes and his hands clenched into fists. Automatically, he tightened his grip on the magnum.
"Oh, dreadfully sorry! I don't know what came over me," the Earl crooned, looking up at the Doctor almost shyly. "I seem to feel a little faint after all this excitement…"
"ENOUGH!" Klaus roared, grabbing a fist full of the thief's hair before he even thought about what he was doing, and pulled, hard.
With a startled yelp, Eroica stumbled backwards, and the Doctor stared on, looking quite baffled and a bit confused. However Rose, standing beside him, Klaus noted, looked positively livid. "Enough is right!" she snapped. "You're a grown man, for Pete's sake, you can stand on your own two feet!"
"More agents approaching from the north," K-9 reported suddenly, and the group abandoned their arguments to look back down the hallway.
"Come on," Dorian said. "Let's get out of here!"
Several minutes and several deserted hallways later, Rose stumbled to a halt, the Doctor stopping to help her. "This place is a bloody maze!" she exclaimed, breathing heavily. "Everywhere we go is just more hallways!"
"Enemies are detected seven yards away," the robot dog reported dutifully.
"What is that, anyways?" Dorian asked, looking at the metal dog curiously. "It's rather cute, you know. I might like one."
"Would you keep your mind on the situation at hand for once?" Klaus growled. "We have to find a way out of here."
"I think there's an exit around this next left," the Doctor informed them. "Under the stairwell, it should lead out into an alleyway."
"Good," Klaus muttered, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it.
"How can you smoke at a time like this?" Rose demanded.
Klaus glared at her.
The gun shots interrupted them once again. The Doctor pulled Rose quickly to the side, Dorian flattened himself against the wall and the Major fired off a volley of quick, precise shots at their enemies, allowing a grim sort of half-smile to twitch along the corners of his lips as, at the far end of the hall, four enemy agents collapsed, red blood splaying up and bursting along the nearby walls.
"Get down!" he heard the Doctor's voice in the background, and in the next instant a horde of masked men burst through the wall next to him.
Burst. Through a thick, solid wall. He fired the magnum automatically, only somewhere in the back of his mind registering that the men were all taller than he was, and he was six foot, and all of them, freakishly identical, were built like steroid-induced wrestlers. Their faces were covered by strange metal masks and his bullets didn't seem to do any damage.
But that wasn't possible.
"Shit!" he cursed, flicking the cigarette out of his mouth and diving back, away from the intruders.
He just barely felt Eroica tug at his arm. "This way!" the thief shouted, and a moment later they had slipped through a narrow doorway and were somehow running around the other half of the hall, and climbing out of a gaping, empty window.
It was only after they had dropped from the building, and landed in the cool darkness of the empty trash-littered alleyway that Klaus realized they had been separated from the Doctor and the girl. "God damn it!" he took a deep breath of the cool night air, taking in their surroundings as best he could. "What was that?"
It was also only then that he noticed how pale and shaken the Earl looked. It wasn't like him. After fixing the thief with his inquisitive glance for amoment or two, Eroica turned back to him, offering a shaky and not-in-the-least sincere smile. "D—Did you see those men? With the masks? They just came throughthe wall and then…your bullets…came right off them, Major. Like they didn't even feel it."
"Don't be ridiculous," the Major snapped. "It was a trick of the light, the closeness of the hallway, the—the fatigue you are feeling from the previous encounter."
"What are we going to do about the Doctor?" Dorian asked, glancing back to the suddenly forbidding building. "And his friend?"
"They have that dog with them," the Major replied. "Besides, there's nothing we can do about it now. Just listen to the commotion inside."
Inside. They could hear gunshots and explosions. The ground shook beneath them with the crashes of what sounded like pieces of the building already beginning to collapse. "Those…things…will be after us in a few minutes. We should get out of here."
"But…"Dorian cast one last worried look at the dark gaping windows of the building, before shivering slightly, and following Klaus deeper into the shadows of the alley. "I hope they're alright, that's all…" he whispered softly.
"They will be," the Major snorted. "I've been trying to tell you—that man is an agent for the other side. I was sent by NATO to investigate him. We only know him by the code name 'Doctor' and…well, he's the one my idiot superiors think is an 'alien.'"
"Really?" the Earl asked, slowly regaining his usual spirits as he cast the Major a sidelong look. "He didn't seem so bad to me."
"Well I suppose not, you were draping yourself all over him, after all!" the Major snapped with a bitterness that he surprised himself with. "It isn't like you tobe clumsy, Eroica," the Major practically growled. "Or 'faint.' Even you aren't that idiotic, perverted fop though you are. And here you were practically falling all over that strange man!"
"Ooh?" Dorian asked, playfully batting his golden eyelashes at the Major. "Are you jealous, darling?" The Earl practically sang. "If I didn't know any better—"
"Don't be an idiot!" he snapped, barely restraining from hitting the annoying fop. "I was thinking that you must have picked the stranger's pockets."
"Oh, you know me too well, darling," the thief gave a dramatic sigh. "You're right you know, and the man has such curious, curious things….But how did you know that was all it was?"
"He's not your type," the Major snorted with emphasized disgust, glaring at Erocia out of the corner of his eyes.
"Oh no?" the Earl asked a little haughtily. "And just what, pricelessly, makes you say that, dear Major?"
"I wouldn't think you would be interested in a man with lines on his face," the Major replied indifferently.
"Do you really think I'm so shallow?" Eroica asked, feigning hurt. "Besides," he added, turning serious. "He did have a brilliant smile, it lit up his whole face, just like a little boy! It was adorable, really."
"EROICA! I don't want to hear about whatever PERVERTED thoughts go on in your head!" the Major shouted, turning on the thief so suddenly he could see the surprise in the blond's face. It was rare to shock the thief with his shouting, he mused internally, maybe he was a bit louder than normal. "Just…tell me what he had in his pockets," he sighed tiredly, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he felt another headache coming on…
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"Shit!" Rose cursed, diving for cover behind a crumbling piece of wall. "What are those things, Doctor?"
"This is worse than I thought," the Doctor mused, watching the giant masked men approach. "K-9, stun them!"
"Negative, Master. Subjects are android. Detecting 97 cyber-biological implants."
"So we're dealing with Cybermen?" he repeated in disbelief. "Surprisingly dangerous looking Cybermen at that! What happened to the skinny guys in tinfoil suits with goggles?"
"Cybermen. Data analysis...NEGATIVE," K-9 replied, seemingly ignoring the Doctor's last comments.
"Well do something!" Rose shouted, as the not-Cybermen lumbered towards them.
"Do not move, Doctor," the creatures stated in unison, their voices chopped and static-ridden, fragmented and somehow quite menacing. "Or we will destroy the girl." One large hand raised towards Rose.
"Umm…is that hand loaded?" she asked weakly, remembering the shop mannequins. And these guys were a lot more intimidating than walking plastic.
"Now, now, there's no need to do anything rash," the Doctor said hurriedly. "What do you want? Who are you working for?"
"You will find out soon enough," the alien answered. "When we take you to him, and he kills you, meddlesome Time Lord."
"Oh, well, actually it just so happens we have a previous engagement," the Doctor replied, beginning to back away, pulling Rose with him. "It seems we are just in the middle of…well…living, really." He reached into the pockets of his leather jacket and felt around. "Now, where's my Sonic Screwdriver? Oh sh…"
"Doctor?" Rose asked.
"New plan, Rose! Run for your life!"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"What do you suppose this is for, Major?" Dorian asked, twirling the small ratchet-shaped wand around his fingers. It was long and cylindrical, made of some sort of metal, with a grip end, a series of control bands, and some sort of emitter that cast a bright blue light when he squeezed the trigger. It was sort of pretty he decided, whatever it was.
"How the hell should I know?" Klaus retorted, snatching the shiny thing away from the thief for closer examination. "Must be some new technology the Soviets are using. We'll hand it over to NATO when we get back."
"You don't suppose it's some sort of—of toy do you?" Eroica asked suddenly, biting back a giggle, eyes sparkling mischievously.
"Nein,do not be stupid, thief. What sort of—PERVERT!" and he had the pleasure of watching Iron Klaus' face change several angry colours before the--item inquestion--was chucked forcibly at his head.
Eroica somehow managed to stifle his laughter, returned the strange device to his pockets and jogged a little to catch up with the Major, who was muttering what sounded like angry German curses under his breath. "There's this too," he said, pulling out a small blank card, and an ordinary-enough-looking key.
"What good is a blank piece of paper?" the Major muttered. Then froze suddenly, his head jerking back intently, as though he were listening for something, his long black hair brushing across his face in a way that made the Earl sigh contently at how beautiful his beloved look in profile. "Stifle whatever perverted thoughts you are thinking," the Major said sharply, turning back to him and eyeing the thief's glazed happy expression with supreme annoyance. "We are being followed."
"What? Followed?" Eroica asked, shaking off his reverie and glancing around the dark alleyway, but it was no good, the shadows were too deep and black for even his excellent night vision.
"Ja, this way," the Major hissed, turning sharply out of the alley, Dorian following him. By this time, Dorian heard the heavy uniformed footfalls behind them as well and voices giving orders in Russian. Orders that sounded somehow less-than friendly.
"We can't fight them in the dark! We don't even know how many there are," he said after a moment, surveying the dark and empty street. That was when it caugh this eye.
Perched on the corner of the abandoned street stood a blue police callbox. He pointed it out to Klaus. The German regarded the blue box suspiciously, but Dorian chalked it up to the fact that Klaus regarded everything suspiciously.
"Don't you even wonder what a London police box is doing in the middle of Soviet Russia?" the Major asked, scowling darkly.
"Who cares," Eroica replied easily. "It's a place to hide, isn't it?"
"NATO operatives do not 'hide.'"
"You know I love you, darling, but even you can't shoot those guys in the dark—God, I just can't pick this lock!" somehow they had crossed the street and were standing behind the police box, Eroica kneeling down and trying to pick the lock (not that he was sure why a police box would even be locked!) and the thing was like nothing he had ever encountered before in all his years of thieving. He was more than a little mortified at his inability to open the damn thing, and was secretly thankful the Major was too distracted looking out for KGB agents and masked giants to notice the trouble he was having.
Then he remembered the key he'd stolen from the Doctor. Well, it was a long-shot if ever there was one, but as a thief he had learned to survive on hunches before, so, Eroica fished the small nondescript key out of his pocket and put it in the lock.
It fit perfectly.
"…huh."
"What?" Klaus hissed.
"I think this police box belongs to that Doctor," the Earl said uneasily.
"That makes no sense,"
"As much sense as a London police box being in the middle of Soviet Russia, darling," Dorian murmured. "Besides, I thought they dismantled all of these years ago."
"Enough!" the Major ordered, "They're coming, get in!" So together, they ducked into the blue police box.
Everything was pitch black, that was Dorian's first thought as he felt the wooden door close behind them. The Major had walked in front of him, and was suddenly standing still, blocking his path. Dorian collided with Klaus' back, and stumbled around him a bit shakily, grasping the German's arm. He expected to be pushed roughly away, but the Major was just standing there, perfectly still, as though in shock. "Darling, what's—"
And then he saw. The inside of the police box…they weren't inside of a police box at all! The room opened up into a massive circular area, tall metal arms snaking down like twisted support columns, the walls—spacious around them, were tall and the sheen of silver metal was covered by a dully glowing coral-like material. The…room…appeared to be a mesh of technology and organic life. While Dorian was gazing with wide eyes and not the least bit of awe, Klaus noticed that in the centre of the large circular room stood a thick clear column made of something like metal-glass, in the centre of a many-sided control station. Piled all around it was a rather chaotic mess of machinery—computer screens, metal trays and convoluted messes of wire and cables, levers, cranks and so much Dorian couldn't even fathom what it could possibly be used for. He caught sight of doorways and the corners of hallways stretching out around them as well, it seemed incredibly, impossibly huge.
"Are you sure this is…the police box?" he whispered after a moment.
Klaus made a sort of disconcerted sound deep in his throat and turned hastily, groping for the door, but froze when Dorian tugged on his coat. "We can't go back out there, the KGB are looking for us. Remember, the not-so-pleasant prospect of torture and death?" Dorian whispered, just the faintest tremor shaking his voice.
"Alright, alright…" the Major growled quietly, taking a deep breath he seemed to steel himself and drew himself together, turning back to face the…
"It looks like a control room of sorts," Dorian said softly, walking back towards the array of machines. "Don't you think?"
"What the hell is it?" the Major asked in a low voice, rubbing the bridge of his nose and roughly jerking a cigarette out of the pack in his pocket. "It's…bigger on the inside…than…the outside…God damn it," a sort of ragged sigh of frustration.
"Oh, darling! Just think—wouldn't it be wonderful if this was the control centre for some sort of alien spaceship!" the thief exclaimed suddenly, stars shining in his eyes as he flourished his arms dramatically.
"Don't be an idiot," Klaus growled. But he was still too stunned to properly yell at the Earl, and in all honesty he hadn't the slightest notion what they had gotten themselves into, either. Suddenly, everything the Chief had told him about the mysterious mission and the 'Doctor' came swimming back into his head.
"Hmmm…" Dorian began thoughtfully, running his long slender thieves' fingers across the machinery apparatus. "What do you suppose this is all for? I say, they ought to clean it up a little. And it's so dreadfully plain along these walls…I mean with all this room you think they could hang up a painting or something. Although, the coral-effect is quite nice. Very…organic looking."
"Don't be an idiot," the Major growled for the fourth or fifth time that day, "this is obviously some sort of military…contraption. Not a plaything!" the Major frowned sternly, joining Dorian at the control panel, he began peering in and around the various objects and screens, studying the array of cables and wires and prodding bits of the apparatus.
"I should have known you would like it," the thief sighed, "Machine Maniac…" he said it affectionately, even as the Major growled disapprovingly at him. "Ah well. Hey, I wonder what this does?" the thief asked, flicking a random switch.
"You idiot!" Klaus shouted. "Don't touch anything! Knowing you're luck with machines, you'll wind up killing us both!"
The thief was about to object, that surely Klaus was overreacting just a little, when the entire room began to vibrate. The walls trembled and shook, and the floor lurched up wildly beneath them, causing Dorian to fall off his feet and land on the cold metal floor with a loud and rather undignified crash. He heard Klaus stumble and grope for something to hold onto above him and thought: hm. Maybe I shouldn't have touched it.
In a moment, the violent tremors came to a halt and the machine became completely still and quiet once again. "What…was that?" Dorian asked, rubbing his head a little as he sat up. "Probably messed up my hair…"
The Major was staring at everything with a sort of dazed expression. "I've had enough of this…idiocy…" he growled, storming back towards the door.
"But the—"
"I don't care! I'm not staying in this—this—THIS!" with a final angry shout, the Major flung open the wooden door, and stopped. Closed the door. Turned around. Walked back to where Dorian was sitting on the floor, and shakily lit a cigarette.
Dorian had never, in his life, seen the Major 'shakily light a cigarette.' He had never seen the Major pale faced and well, as disturbed as he looked just then. "Major…?" he asked quietly. "Darling?"
Klaus didn't yell at him. Klaus didn't even appear to hear him. Something was definitely wrong. Dorian glanced at the door hesitantly, then got up and crossed the control room, moved down a little ramp he hadn't noticed on the way in, turned back one last time to see the Major staring into space, smoking with a very glazed expression on his face, shrugged, and opened the door.
It was not night-time.
That was the first thing he noticed as sunlight momentarily blinded him. Then, blinking, Eroica noted, it was not Russia, either. Thick twisting grass rolled out beneath the wooden box for miles, slithering in the slight wind like emerald eels. Enormous trees spiralled up in twisting masses all around him, their leaves impossibly huge, thick vines and giant glistening flowers hanging from them in thick matted entanglements. They seemed to be in the midst of some tropical jungle.
Dorian stared at the scenery with wide eyes, then gripped the corners of the wooden doorframe tightly as the ground began to tremble. He heard the inhuman screeches of something like birds that took flight in thick black clouds from the distant treetops, and then he saw the trees themselves begin to tremble and rustle, as the shaking grew stronger, until the Earl felt his knees turn to water and had to grip the blue doorway just to remain standing.
The Earl of Gloria knew just enough about dinosaurs to know that the fact that a tyrannosaurus rex was looming above him was probably not a good thing. The beast towered fifteen feet above the small wooden police box, its head was easily twice the length of Dorian's body, and it tilted to one side for a second, staring down at the blue box with one large red eye. A hot gust of breath flared through one giant nostril before it turned back, rearing its long muscular neck, and opening its massive jaws to reveal rows of jagged white teeth.
To be continued in Episode 03: Anywhere But Home