Chapter 14: Not Good Enough
I didn't leave my seat until I heard the last class of Herbology go through the front doors. When they did, I finally abandoned my attempted escape and trudged quickly up the sloping lawn. At the front doors, I carefully opened them and stuck my head in, my eyes on the lookout for Draco, Pansy, or any of their gang. None were around.
I dashed through the doors and across the front hall with no problem. Amazingly, I even made it halfway to the Slytherin common room before I ran into any trouble at all. Of course, I don't know if you could call Mrs. Norris trouble.
Throughout my entire life I have been a cat person, but ever since I've been in this school I haven't been particularly fond of Mrs. Norris. There was just something about her that didn't seem right with me. Still, she was a cat, and since I didn't really go to this school, I had no fear of her.
"Shoo!" I told her when she stopped right in front of me. She turned her little eyes up to me and sat down instead. "I'm doing nothing wrong, go away." Her body twitched, as though she actually considered leaving. "You heard me! Shoo!" I started walking again, and sure enough, Mrs. Norris stalked off.
After that, I made it back to my room with no incident. It seemed everyone was at dinner. Not that I really minded. Soon I was sprawled across my bed, one leg hanging off. I couldn't stop thinking about Draco. Why did he do that? I was so confused. I realized that the lake had calmed me a lot. I wasn't so pissed anymore. I was hurt and confused, but not exactly pissed.
I heard a knock on my door. "Fuck!" I whispered. Okay, maybe I was still pissed. But not at the scale I had been before. Slowly I sat up, hoping against hope that it wasn't Draco, wishing that whoever it was would just go away and leave me in peace. They knocked again. I prayed that they would go away. And I guess my prayers were answered because the knocking soon stopped, and I was once again left in my room with no distractions.
At the moment, my mind was so numbed by the lake that I couldn't really focus. Something about it…it didn't make you forget about life so much, it just kind of put you in a trance to make you unable to stay on one track of thought long enough to be miserable. Or at least that was what was happening to me. Maybe it only affected muggles like that, like some sort of defense against muggles discovering the castle. Like they had at the Quidditch Cup…you know? I definitely don't remember anyone in the books being affected like this. Hell, Harry was in the lake and he didn't come out like this. Harry. He seemed different. I guess since Sirius died he's changed a lot. He seems a bit more open about things, and…I don't know… it's almost like he's more willing to live life or something. I mean, he was always willing in the first place, but now he doesn't want to waste time on Ron and Hermione bickering, and…oh I don't know.
There was another small knock on my door. This one came from a little over two feet off the ground. "Miss Shayna?" a voice asked. Dobby. It was just Dobby this time. I got up and unlocked the door, allowing him in.
"Yes, Dobby?" I asked. He opened the door a crack and slid in before shutting it again quickly. He had a small bundle wrapped in a napkin in his hands.
"Professor Dumbledore noticed Miss Shayna was missing during lunch and dinner." He stepped up to me and lifted his package. "He asked Dobby to bring Miss Shayna some food, in case she was hungry."
I took the napkin-wrapped parcel and opened it. The moment my eyes saw the food I suddenly realized how hungry I was. "Thank you, Dobby. That was very nice of you and Professor Dumbledore."
Dobby grinned, embarrassed by this complement. " 'Tis an honor, Miss Shayna." Then he turned and slipped out my door, much the same way he had entered.
After the door snapped shut I practically attacked the food. I was very hungry, and by the time the food was gone I still had room for more. I sighed, knowing I wasn't going to leave in order to get more food. I decided I'd go to bed. As I pulled my robes off I heard something chime on the floor. I looked down and saw that dreaded vile rolling on the floor underneath me. It had been in my pocket, but I still completely forgot about it. Unhurriedly I reached down and picked it up. It was much the same as it had been earlier, but it felt different to me. Because of this vile, I had four days left before I had to go home, or else make Dumbledore do more work. I wasn't about to do that; I was completely ready to go home. I crawled into my bed, my thoughts still somewhat focused on the vile, but steadily changing to the subject of Draco. Sleepily, I decided I'd find out what was going on tomorrow. Then I drifted off to sleep, the vile still in hand.
The next morning I had a few moments of happiness before the vile reminded me of the day before. I grumbled and got out of bed in a bad mood. I indifferently tossed the vile onto my desk and got dressed, prepared to actually leave. I was starving. And I don't mean like, I'm-very-hungry starving, I mean stomach-ache-no-energy-need-food-NOW starving. I looked at my watch and quickly ran out of my room, through the common room and out into the hallway. It was still rather early, so I figured I could eat breakfast and at least get out of the Great Hall before Draco showed up.
Tears welled in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. He was not going to have the benefit of knowing how much pain he has caused me. No, sir, not at all. I stubbornly wiped my eyes and marched rapidly to the Great Hall.
Before I opened the door, I stopped and wiped my eyes, just in case there were any tears. Then I opened the door as little as possible and snuck inside. I was immediately grateful that there was not many people in the Hall. I guess it was too early for most students. My eyes involuntarily wandered over the tables. A small smile flicked on my face when I saw Hermione, bushy hair falling over the book she was studying, already halfway done with her breakfast. Right as my eyes reached the Slytherin table, I looked down. That became the second thing I was grateful for. Every Slytherin that was awake had congregated at one end of the table, leaving the other end completely free. I walked over, keeping my head low, and sat at the very end of the table, away from everyone else. I made sure I didn't look over. I didn't want to know whether or not Draco was up and sitting down there. It would hurt too much.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone approaching me from the other end of the table. I was worried for a moment, but then they walked behind me, out of my vision. They had looked alarmingly like they had blonde hair…
I lifted a bun to my mouth right as a heard a drawling voice in my ear.
"Shayna," he said. I dropped the bun, and my eyes instantaneously started watering. "We need to talk." His voice actually sounded sad. How DARE he sound sad! He freaking cheated on me!
I turned to face him, one of my legs sitting on top of the bench. Draco straightened, and his eyes actually looked pained. But I didn't care. I was beyond feeling.
"You cheated on me," I said nonchalantly. "With…" I really didn't want to say it. "With her." I turned back around and grabbed another bun, trying with all my might to seem uncaring about the whole matter.
"Shayna," he persisted. Then he sat down next to me. I ignored him. He sighed. "Fine. Just tell me something." My eyes wandered in his direction, but I did not look directly at him. "Tell me, why him? You accuse me of cheating, when all I did was hold Pansy. I never went off to the library to snog with her. Why did you have to do that?" Now I wasn't the only one with tears in my eyes. "And with him?"
"What?" I asked. What was he talking about? I never even snogged with him in the library, what makes him think I did it with someone else. "What are you talking about?" My voice stopped showing no emotion. I was angry, very confused, and VERY hurt. "And who is 'he'?"
"You know very well who he is," he snapped, the first traces of anger showing in his voice. "You and he have been running off together every moment you get, haven't you? My scar-less forehead isn't good enough for you, is it?"
Wait… "You think I've been running off with Harry??" I asked incredulously. I laughed. "And who told you that?" I was so beyond normal feelings that I thought this was rather funny. A crooked grin was stuck to my face.
"Think it's funny, breaking someone's heart?" he spat out. My grin disappeared. "Pansy tried warning me about you when we started going out, but I didn't believe her. I thought you were a good person. I told her to piss off and leave me the hell alone. Then yesterday she comes up to me and tells me you've been running off with Potter, that she's seen you with him, and that you were in the library with him right then. I didn't believe her. You wouldn't do that, I said." At this point I uselessly tried to interrupt, but he just kept going, like he had to say it all. "Then she showed me a picture. She said she had just taken it five minutes before, said she thought about waiting to show me, but felt it couldn't go on any longer. It was a picture of you and Potter, Shayna. Standing outside the library, holding hands." He paused briefly. "How could you do this to me?" he asked painfully before starting to stand.
I was suddenly very reasonable, very practical, and very realistic. My eyes no longer shown with tears and my mouth no longer had that maniac-like grin on it. I was unexpectedly levelheaded.
"Sit down, Draco," I commanded before he was fully standing. Surprised by my reaction to his 'dramatic' speech, he sat. I thought about my first meeting with Harry. "May I see this picture that so perfectly declares me guilty?" Draco hesitantly reached inside his robes and pulled out a very crumpled picture. He handed it to me with hands that seemed unsure of themselves.
I looked at the picture. It was the moment when Harry and I were shaking hands, but the picture was taken at such an angle it looked like we were indeed holding hands. Both of us were smiling, me a bit warmer than him, but as I watched a smile did appear on Harry's face. We started talking, but for some reason we never let go of each other's hands and we never moved.
"Well," I said, "this is some excellent photography by Ms. Parkinson. It does look quite incriminating, doesn't it?" I asked, not really to him.
"You never let go of each other's hands," Draco said desperately. He wanted it to be a lie, and I could tell, but he didn't want to look foolish either.
"Yes I see that." I looked at the picture a bit longer before looking up at him. "Would you like to hear my side of this, or are you going to believe every word of little miss rapist?" I shrugged, the supernaturally reasonable part of me still in control. "Personally, I wouldn't believe even one word out of that mouth, but whatever. Do you want to hear my side?"
Still surprised by my sensibleness, Draco nodded numbly.
"Alright then. After you left the library, I was worried, because you were acting weird. I couldn't help thinking of you and Pansy, so I started freaking out. As I left I ran into Harry. Literally. Knocked the poor kid's glasses off. So, when he got his glasses on, I introduced myself and we shook hands." I handed the picture to him. "That's what's happening here. Whoever took this picture is very good, because they took the picture at such an angle that you can't really tell if we're shaking hands or holding them. After we shook, we had a brief conversation, and we parted." I pointed to the picture. "I don't know how they did it, but we were most definitely not holding each other's hand the whole time and we did not stay in the same place the whole time. I don't stand still like that, and Harry definitely moved."
"So…you're not secretly dating Harry?" he asked, shamefaced.
"No. No thank you. I like blondes." I grinned and ran my hand through his hair. "And I will always like this blonde, in particular. Even if he does do something stupid like believe a rapist." Then I frowned. The emotional part of me was starting to return.
"Shayna…I…I'm so sorry, I swear I didn't do anything with her." He was rambling. I could tell he felt bad, but the reasonableness that had controlled me moments before was starting to disappear. "I just felt so horrible. I needed someone so bad…I needed you so bad…but you weren't there, and Pansy was…and god I feel like an ass right now. I just didn't know what to do and…and I'm sorry." He stopped, waiting for a reply.
"Good," I said. "That helps." I looked back at my plate. "And I'm sorry too, but I don't know if that's good enough."
With that I stood up and walked out of the Great Hall, leaving Draco feeling absolutely dreadful.
see? he's not a complete ass. just a silly boy in love. R&R