Guiding Light

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Summary: Shawn Farrell has a gift, but all gifts come at a price. Or maybe this is just a down side to his gift. There's only one way to find out.

A/n: Sorry about the wait. I have been like uber busy… how long has it been? A long long time…August? 5 months… but I haven't written anything really… stupid school…

Disclaimer: The 4400 belongs to USA… if I owned it… JORDAN WOULDN'T HAVE DIED…

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"I Am Home"

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The conversation with Kyle tired Shawn out. He was happy that Kyle was okay, but the conversation he had had with Jordan Collier earlier still ran through his mind, even as he pretended to drift off to sleep.

He discovered that that was something he was quite good at. He had used it twice already. It made people leave him alone. They didn't leave, they just stopped talking to him. It made things a bit more peaceful.

Well, as peaceful as things could be when you were extremely confused. When you wake up not knowing that over four years had passed since the last thing you remembered, and apparently, you were missing for three years, and were some strange… person sent from the future.

In some ways, Shawn wished that his conversation with Jordan hadn't been cut off so quickly by Kyle coming in, but some things couldn't be stopped.

But there was something about Kyle. He just sensed that there was something different about him that Shawn couldn't place. He wasn't the old Kyle. Even though it was the same Kyle. Wasn't it?

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A little over a week passed. Shawn was discharged. Jordan insisted he return to the 4400 Center, but he was overruled. Shawn went home with his mother and brother, Danny.

Jordan didn't really know what to do, and that was probably a first. Shawn showed no signs of remembering anything, and all Jordan figured he could do anymore was wait for his memory to come back. And even though Jordan could tell Shawn was confused with everything going on, and had a sincere interest for what happened to him, he seemed so happy around Kyle, Susan, and even Danny. Deep down, as much as Jordan wanted Shawn around, Shawn was happy with his family.

At least for now.

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Shawn was happy. He had not forgotten talking with Jordan about what he was… and what he could supposedly do, but it was so farfetched…

So Shawn tried to forget. While Uncle Tommy did talk about the 4400 every now and then, just one look from Shawn would make him change the topic quickly.

Soon, Uncle Tommy would leave… Danny would go do something and it was just Shawn and his mother.

"I'm bored," Shawn said with a bit of a chuckle. He was so used to having something to do, places to be… now all his friends were older than him… and almost done with college. That was a scary thought.

"We should go see a movie," Susan said after a few beats of silence.

Shawn just looked at his mother before laughing again. "Come on mom, are you serious? The movies? Like, you and me?"

Susan nodded. "Is that so weird? We used to go to the movies all the time!"

Shawn laughed, but gave his mother a serious look. "When I was six!"

Susan chuckled, but then noticed the look on her son's face. "Shawn… Shawn… are you okay?" Susan asked, the joking tone in her voice completely gone.

What the hell was happening? Shawn had just zoned out, for no reason. It was the middle of the conversation. And he was the last one to talk. Susan grabbed her son's shoulders and shook him.

No change.

"Shawn…"

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Danny rushed in stopping the conversation between Shawn and Susan. "SHAWN! YOU PRICK!" he shouted before punching Shawn.

"Danny!" Shawn shouted, raising his hands up to protect his face.

Little did he know his mother screamed his younger brother's name at the same time.

Shawn threw his brother into a chair. It was the only thing he could think of to protect Danny. "Listen to me," Shawn said, the words coming out of his mouth so calmly. Shawn didn't know what was happening.

"You goddamn freak!" Danny shouted. Shawn flinched slightly. Since when was Danny calling him that? Danny ran at Shawn, knocking him to the ground.

"DANNY! Stop this! BOYS! Please! Danny, Shawn stop!" The sound of his mother shouting faded into the background as Danny continued punching Shawn.

Suddenly, Shawn reached up and placed his hands on his brother's chest. Danny stopped moving.

"Stop blaming me for Nikki! Don't you see it's over between you two?" Shawn didn't know what was happening, but all the color was being drained out of Danny's face, right in front of him.

"That's enough! Shawn, stop it! You're killing him!" The color suddenly came back as Susan pulled Danny away from Shawn.

"What did you do?" she asked angrily.

"I don't know!" Shawn said, the first truthful thing to come out of his mouth. "I didn't mean to do anything!"

He looked at his brother. "Danny…" He reached out to help him, but was stopped by his mother.

"GET AWAY FROM HIM!"

Not knowing what else to do, Shawn ran out of the house, right into… Nikki. "Shawn… I heard you guys shouting," she said, reaching to pull him into a hug.

Shawn backed away. "Don't touch me…" he said, not wanting the same thing to happen to Nikki.

The memory faded and then suddenly opened up again.

He was looking right into the face of Jordan Collier. "I tried really hard and… no matter what I've done, which way I've turned it just… it sucks. I need to clrar my head and get away for a while. I gues… what I'm asking is if I could stay here for a while..."

Jordan paused. "Shawn, you're one of the 4400. As far as I'm concerned, you can stay here as long as you want…

Shawn smiled. "That's great man. Thanks. Thank you.

Jordan returned the smile. "So erm… tell me a little bit more about this ability of yours…"

"SHAWN!"

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"SHAWN!"

Shawn blinked a few times. What the hell had happened. He turned and looked at his mother.

"Shawn… are you okay?" Susan asked.

Shawn didn't respond.

"GET AWAY FROM HIM!" The image of Danny almost dead flashed before his eyes. He stood up quickly.

"Shawn…" Susan repeated.

Shawn bit his lower lip. "I think… I'm tired… I think I'm gonna go to bed…" he said slowly, turning without another word and heading up towards his room.

He was more confused than ever. He figured it was time to figure out what he was, and what the hell he did to Danny.

He had to take a short visit to the Center.

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The next day, Shawn got up to drive to the Center. He had to make sure he didn't wake his mother. His mother really didn't want him going there. But he remembered Jordan Collier… and he remembered that Jordan knows about what he could do.

He knew that Jordan Collier was the only person who could answer his questions.

When he finally got to the Center (having gotten there very oddly without getting lost, and not knowing where exactly it was), there were many cars there. A lot of cars.

And a lot of people.

Shawn closed the door. Everyone there was wearing dresses and suits, and he felt very out of place in his t-shirt and jeans.

There must have been some sort of party going on or something. Shawn closed his eyes.

Jordan Collier was the only person who would tell him the answers to all the questions running through his head.

Slowly, the teen opened his eyes, this was it.

He walked into the Center, where there were even more people.

A girl stood up on a mini-stage.

"Good afternoon. Thank you for coming to the center. We have a great day planned for you, but before we get started, I'd like to thank the man who made this all possible. I mean that literally. He didn't just pay for the food. He built this place and this movement. So I'd like you to please welcome, a mentor, a friend, Mr. Jordan Collier."

There was applause. A bad feeling grew within Shawn.

Jordan walked up to the microphone. "Thank you. And thank you Devon for that introduction." He smiled that patented Jordan Collier smile. For some reason, just seeing the man smile, made him feel happy.

Jordan began talking, but at the moment it was the least of Shawn's worried. Uncle Tommy was there.

"Shawn?" Uncle Tommy asked.

Shawn burst into a run. Uncle Tommy would make him leave. And if he left, Shawn had a bad feeling he would never come back.

Suddenly, Shawn stopped moving as he heard gun shots. While everyone dropped to the ground, Shawn's eyes met Jordan's.

He had been shot.

Oh shit.

Shawn began running, towards Jordan, but was stopped just inches from Jordan by Uncle Tommy.

"Let me go! Let me go!" Shawn shouted. He saw what he could do to Danny. Why couldn't he do the opposite of that? He needed to know!

He could help. He began thrashing against his Uncle's grasp. "Jordan. Oh God!"

The medics came in Tom held Shawn tighter.

"Let me go… please…" Shawn said, he was so upset right now. Suddenly Tom lets go of Shawn when the shooter gets his attention. Shawn lunged towards Jordan, putting his hands on his chest. He took a few deep breaths, closed his eyes.

Concentrated.

He was pissed off when he sucked the life out of Danny. So he thought back to a time when he was so overjoyed and happy. It wasn't a memory he remembered to well, but it seemed to be working.

Jordan arched and took a sharp intake of breath.

The medics are shocked and tried to push Shawn away. Shawn stopped for a moment.

"Breathing's stopped, we're losing him again. Come on…" one of the medics said.

That was all Shawn needed. "No! You're not going anywhere yet! I NEED YOU!"

He shouted in pain as he tried his hardest to heal Jordan, but knew it was a lost cause.

Suddenly, Shawn was pulled back from Jordan by his Uncle's firm grasp.

Shawn began fighting again. "LET GO OF ME!" he shouted angrily. But it was no use. The medics seemed to have given up on saving Jordan. He stopped fighting, his head hung in defeat.

He let his Uncle pull him closer as Shawn just stared at Jordan's dead body.

Dead.

Not alive.

Tears silently sprung to his eyes, and Shawn didn't know why.

He forced his way out of his uncle's grasp. So many things were running through his head. So many things. So many questions. And even if… even if Jordan couldn't answer them, he wouldn't get the answers from Uncle Tommy or his mother.

"Shawn!" Tom said. "Let's go home."

Shawn turned around and just glared at his Uncle. The memory of the fight with Danny and his mom replayed in his head. "I am home…" he said slowly.

He didn't know what came over him to make him say that.

But Tom just looked at him, and Shawn glared right back.

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A/n: Yeah… this chapter is what happens after taking a 5 month long break from writing it, and forgetting a lot of what was planned.

sarahofearth - Twice the Jordan? And no, don't tell me, please! I'm in love with Jordan and he's not allowed to be really dead, but don't tell me, because this is one show I'm not going to spoil for myself, because I do enough of that with Lost. And that sucks. I hate typos, and it is funny because I make so many of them, and currently, I am beta-less, so I beta my own stuff, and I suck at that. If only I could turn it upside down… nevermind. I'll try to update sooner.

Saynt Jimmy - Maybe…

Spice9 - Memory back?

4400 - Thanks… even though I can barely remember anything about the finale…

Mellaithwen - Shawn angst? I just realized it was very angsty… xD… and Jordan is my hero… so he can do whatever he wants to.

Fletty - This was a pretty dramatic chapter, I think…

RuByMoOn17 - getting your review is what made me feel like writing! THANKS!

Okay guys... please review...