BOOK ONE: The Beginning
Chapter Four: D is for Dreams
AUTHOR: Mnemosyne
Disclaimer: No son mios!
SUMMARY: Immediately post-Serenity. The alphabet of hope, redemption, and loss. River/Jayne.
RATING: R for the series, R this chapter
SPOILERS: Through the film, Serenity.
WARNINGS: Eventual character death. This chapter contains some gruesome imagery. Please be warned!
PAIRING: Rayne
NOTES:
This chapter gave me all kinds of problems. I knew what I wanted it to be, but it refused to cooperate. Then it finally came to me all in a rush, and I typed it out fast as can be believed. I hope it was worth the wait!
D is for the dreams.
"Hey, Little River," Wash said, sitting on the edge of her bed and dripping blood on her sheets from the hole in his chest. She could see the opposite wall through his backbone. "How're you doing?"
"Wash, you're obviously scaring the poor child," Shepard Book chided, stepping out of her closet as though it were the door to another room. Blood coated his teeth. "The least you could do is wear a new shirt."
"You could brush your teeth."
"River, honey, everything's okay," Shepard said, crouching by the bed and holding her hand. "I know things seem bad now, but they'll get better."
"Yeah, though I don't think I'm ever going to shake this heartburn," Wash joked.
"That was uncalled for, Hoban."
"Really? So I guess the one about needing this like a hole in the heart is going a bit far?"
"River, sweetheart," the Shepard continued, ignoring the blond pilot's quip, "All you have to do is fight and they'll go away."
"Yeah, just make sure you fight hard or they're gonna get you," Wash concurred, nodding.
"Who?" River asked, finally able to make her voice function, though it sounded faraway and cracked.
"Them," Book said, nodding at the wall behind her shoulder.
She turned, and the Reavers grabbed her.
"Didn't we just tell her to fight?" Wash asked, shaking his head as River was dragged through the wall, screaming. Hands tore at her clothes and pulled at her hair as she flung out her hands to try and fend them off. "Honestly, kids these days. They never listen."
"RIVER! River, CALM DOWN!"
Jayne could hear the screaming all the way in his bunk. His first impulse was to leap up out of bed and run to see what the hell was going on. Not my problem, a vicious little voice spoke up at the back of his mind. The Doc can handle his loony sister.
Growling, Jayne flipped onto his other side and pulled the pillow over his head.
The room Zoe sat in was utterly black. It wasn't even really a room; more like a hole in space. Presumably she was sitting on some kind of chair, but if so it was as black as its surroundings and therefore invisible.
The other woman's back was to her as River made her way across the solid landscape of utter dark. "Zoe?" she asked, reaching out a tentative hand in the woman's direction.
"Do you know how to do this, River?" the second in command asked over her shoulder. She was doing something out of sight, her arms flexing as though she were squeezing an orange in front of her body. "I can't seem to get it quite right."
River knew how to do a lot of things, and what she didn't know she learned. Maybe if she helped the older woman, all this black would go away and she'd be in sunlight again. "I can try," she said, her footsteps gaining a bit more purpose "What is it?"
"I don't think I have the right tools," Zoe said, which wasn't really an answer. "I need something bigger."
"What are you doing, Zoe?" River persisted, wishing the woman would turn around and face her. She was beginning to feel queasy. Something here wasn't right.
"It's just, Wash always wanted us to have coordinating wardrobes. He thought it would be funny to see me in a Hawaiian shirt." She chuckled. "I told him only if I got to see him in a bra."
"Zoe, please!" River was pleading now. Running the last few steps, she grabbed the woman's shoulder and spun her around.
And screamed.
"What do you think?" Zoe asked. "You know all about knives. Do I need to use something bigger?"
The other woman's front was drenched in blood, a paring knife buried in her chest. She'd been sawing in a circle, methodically carving a hole in her chest; slicing out her own heart. River could see the organ pumping just beneath the surface.
"It's okay, honey," Zoe assured the terrified girl, reaching up to pat her cheek with a blood-soaked hand. "I don't need it anymore. You can have it if you want, only make sure to take care of it and give it somewhere warm to sleep. Oh, and don't let them have it. They already took Wash's. I don't want them taking this one."
River spun around, and the Reavers grabbed her.
"Can I borrow your butcher's knife!" Zoe called after her, as River thrashed in the Reavers' arms. She felt someone spread her legs, felt teeth dig into her thigh, and she screamed again.
"I can't get her to calm down!"
Jayne had by now piled his pillow, his blanket, and his discarded clothes on his head in an effort to block out River's screaming. Nothing seemed to work. Hell, either all the sundries were amplifying her voice or she was screaming louder. He didn't know how that was possible, since she already sounded like a steam whistle.
"Doc, you gotta shut her up!" That was Mal's voice. The men were having to shout to be heard over River's hysterics.
"I've tried! I can't hold her still long enough to inject the sedative!"
Ta ma de, Jayne thought angrily. He knew where this was going.
"JAYNE!"
Yep. That'd be the place.
The common room was ablaze with a thousand candles as the Serenity crew toasted Simon and Kaylee's wedding. "To the happy couple!" Mal proclaimed, raising his glass of fizzing champagne. The toast was echoed by the rest of the crew, as the blushing groom wrapped an arm around his beaming bride's waist.
"Cake!" Kaylee chirped. "Time for cake!"
Everyone laughed as they made their way to the table, which was laid out with all the priciest goodies imaginable. "Nothing but the best for our little Kaylee," Mal said with a wink, as he grabbed the silver lid of the serving dish that housed the wedding cake. "Tada!"
He whipped the lid away.
"Oooh, it's perfect!" Kaylee exclaimed, clapping her hands. "How'd y'all know I wanted a River cake?"
"Weren't much of a guess," Jayne said with a shrug. "Figgered you'd want to get rid of her so you and the Doc there can have a decent honeymoon without his crazy cowbrained sister hangin' around."
River screamed around her gag of strawberries, but it only came out as a moan. She strained against the cords of caramel that bound her to the serving platter, watching in terror as Inara held up a knife. "Bride gets the first slice!" the Companion said merrily.
"Ooooh, can I have her fingers?" Kaylee asked, eyes wide and hopeful. "I been sayin' for years, Ain't River got the prettiest fingers?"
"Of course you can, Kaylee," Simon said, dropping a kiss on his giggling wife's lips. Taking the knife from Inara, he calmly sliced off the fingers on River's right hand.
River howled through her gag and arched away from the table. No one noticed.
"Oooh, thank you," Kaylee cooed, taking the plate her husband handed her. "Look! Strawberry filling!"
"Who's next?" Mal asked. "Doc, you're the lucky groom. What's your pleasure?"
"You know, I think I'd rather like her brain," Simon said thoughtfully. "So many years of fascinating study shouldn't go to waste."
"That'll take a bit of cutting. Zoe, you wanna do that?" The second in command nodded and moved forward. No paring knife this time; her hands held a long, wicked butcher's blade. "While Zo's doin' that, Jayne, you want to pick your bit?"
Jayne shrugged; River could just make him out through her veil of tears as Zoe began to cut. "Nah, not hungry."
"Jayne's not hungry?" Inara said, impressed.
"Not fer River cake," Jayne said.
"Not even between her legs?" Mal asked, arching an eyebrow. "Come on, Jayne, it's a celebration!"
Before the mercenary could answer, there was a knock on the door that led to the engine room. "Whoops! Forgot!" Kaylee said, putting down her plate and scampering to the door. "More guests!"
She opened the door.
The Reavers streamed in, howling.
"Help yourselves to River cake!" Kaylee called out cheerfully as the Reavers swarmed around the table. "There's plenty for everyone!"
River sobbed and screamed helplessly as the ravening Reavers descended. No one seemed to notice. No one seemed to care.
"This is the best wedding ever," Kaylee sighed, leaning against her husband's chest.
"Absolutely," Simon agreed, and grinned as she fed him River's pinkie.
Jayne slammed open the door to River's room. "What's she carryin' on fer!" he barked, storming into the room. "Shut her-!"
He stopped. And stared.
River was covered in blood. Long, deep scratches covered her arms, legs and torso where she'd clawed herself in her sleep. The only thing keeping her from doing more damage was Kaylee holding the girl's hands – barely able to keep hold through River's thrashing -- and Zoe sitting on her legs. Mal had his hands on the girl's hips, trying to keep her down. "Jayne, gorrammit, come and keep her still so Doc can give her a shot!" the captain snapped.
Jayne stared for a second longer, then blinked and shook his head to clear it. With a sharp nod he moved towards the bed and swept Kaylee aside. Grabbing River's wrists in one hand, he yanked her into a sitting position so he could slide behind her and hold her tight against his chest with the other arm. She keened and squirmed against him, letting out another ear-piercing howl as he stretched her arms out straight so Simon had access to her veins. "Shut up!" Jayne barked in her ear. "Y'hear me? Feng le girl, shut up! Ain't no one gonna hurt you!"
She didn't wake up, but to everyone's considerable shock she stopped struggling. Jayne glared at them each in turn, before fixing his stare on her brother. "You gonna dope her, Doc, or I gotta sit here all night?" the mercenary growled.
Simon blinked, then shook himself and nodded, all clinical efficiency once more. Moving quickly, he swabbed a spot on his sister's arm, then applied the injector. River jerked a little in Jayne's arms at the sting as the sedative whooshed into her bloodstream. Then she went still.
All eyes were focused on Jayne, and he shifted uncomfortably. "What?"
Oddly enough, Kaylee was the first to speak. "How'd you do that?" she asked, awestruck.
"Do what?"
"Gorrammit, Jayne, you know damn well what," Mal said, though his frustration was tempered by weariness. "How'd you make her quit her thrashin'?"
Jayne was suddenly vividly aware of the small girl wrapped in his arms. Her smooth arms were wet with blood beneath his hands. "Cuz I ain't you," he muttered, shifting again, but this time using the movement to move her into what he thought was a more comfortable position. Didn't look right, the way her head was all cricked sideways like that.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Simon asked, though he didn't sound angry so much as confused.
"I ain't you!" Jayne snapped again, glaring at the doctor. "I ain't none of you!" His eyes raked the room at large. "Wearin' your emotions on your gorram sleeves. Ain't you got the sense your mommas gave you?" He pulled River into his lap, as much to get her out from under Zoe as to show the room who he was talking about. "She's a gorram READER. Got a brain like a sieve. Can't keep none of it out, and y'all been screamin' at her since Mr. Universe."
"We haven't-"
"In her HEAD, dipshit," Jayne growled, glaring at Simon before the doctor could finish his thought. "Why you think she keeps hangin' around me, huh? Cuz I don't go spewin' all this emotional go se like some kind o' godforsaken geyser. Keeps her head quiet."
"We didn't... I mean, I never..." Kaylee stammered, tears in her eyes.
Jayne sighed. "You think she blames you?" he said, wondering when in hell he'd become some kind of psychiactitrist, or whatever the gorram word was. "Hell no. She knows this stuff's gotta happen. She just don't want it happenin' to her. Easy as makin' mud pies." A vindictive lick of flame lit up in his stomach. "Course, now that I been told good and proper I ain't to go near her, guess I'd better get goin'." He moved to stand up.
"Sit down, Jayne." It was Mal's voice, though he sounded tired.
"Why?" Jayne asked petulantly.
"Gorrammit, Jayne, I said SIT DOWN!" The captain pushed himself to his feet and turned to glare at the mercenary.
Jayne sat down.
"I ain't gonna say I understand a half of what's goin' on in this room right now," the captain said, keeping his voice admirably level. "That'd be a lie. What I do know is the girl's quiet, which means everyone can sleep. Know what that means? That means you get guard duty, Jayne." He laughed mirthlessly. "Christ on the cross, I never thought I'd be puttin' you two together 'cept when you'd gone and torn each other apart, but here we are. Can't fight facts. Doc, you got a problem with this?"
Simon was staring at his sister, who virtually disappeared in Jayne's arms. "I... oh." He shook his head vaguely. "No. No, I... I suppose not. If it helps her..."
"Good," Mal said firmly, before the doctor could change his mind. "Jayne, you stay here tonight. We'll think about tomorrow come morning. Till then, everyone get some gorram sleep. 'Cept you, doc."
"Hmm?"
Mal nodded to River again. "See to your sister," he said softly.
Jayne watched the rest of the crew file out of the room, as Simon knelt beside the bed. The doctor took some gauze from his medical pack and began dabbing at the wounds on his sister's arms. "I don't understand any of this," Simon murmured as he cleaned away the blood. "I hope you realize how... hard that is for me to say."
"You and me both, doc," Jayne muttered, trying to ignore the way River's warmth was seeping through his t-shirt. "You and me both."
She was sitting on a cloud. "Am I dead?" she asked.
"Gorram, I hope not." Smiling, River watched as Jayne strode towards her across empty air. He seemed to be making a concerted effort not to look down. "That'd mean I'm dead, too, and I ain't fixin' to die anytime soon."
"This would appear to be heaven," River pointed out, looking out across the mounds and valleys of cloud and blue sky that stretched away on all sides.
"Don't believe in heaven," Jayne muttered, sitting beside her.
"Don't want to," River corrected him.
"Huh?"
"No heaven means conversely no hell." She smiled at him. "You are afraid of hell."
Jayne shifted uncomfortably. "Shut it," he said, without conviction. Then, "Why'm I here? Ain't this your head?"
"Yes."
"Lemme out. Nothin' here to do."
"You can keep me company." She reached out to cover his large hand with her smaller one. "Please? It's so lonely here with no one else."
"How come you ain't talkin' crazy?" Jayne asked suspiciously.
River thought for a moment, then smiled again. "Because I'm not crazy here," she told him simply.
"Oh, sure. Makes sense. Whatever." He didn't sound like he believed a word of it.
River closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder. She felt him stiffen then relax. "Thank you," she murmured, as wisps of cloud tickled the soles of her feet.
"For what?"
"For staying," she whispered, and squeezed his hand.
A second passed, then he squeezed back.
TBC...