Ch. 2
Disclaimer: "I'd like to love you, but my heart is a sore."
Sima Yi unlocked the shackles around Zhang He's hands and let him fall, exhausted, to the stone floor. He made no effort to catch him or help him up, and it would never have occurred to him to do so. He turned to put on his robes when Zhang He called out, "Wait… please…" He finished getting dressed before turning his attention to the man on the floor. "What is it now?" He snapped, irritated. Zhang He gazed up at him, anxious but determined. "Can I come with you?" Sima Yi stared, disbelieving. "Excuse me?" Zhang He's eyes darted nervously, and he fidgeted with his hair. "I… I just…want to go with you. To your room." The startegist's eyes narrowed. "Why?" The long haired general cringed, and stammered out, "I just want to...to be with you. Please?" Sima Yi considered. He had work to do, and Zhang He would be a distraction. "No," he said firmly. "I'm busy. Besides, we're finished here. You should go get cleaned up. You're bleeding quite heavily, and the whip marks might get infected. You could get sick." And then you'll be of no use to me, he added silently. He started to walk off when Zhang He called out again. "Please! I won't talk or anything, I promise! Please, I only want to be with you!" Sima Yi turned slowly to face Zhang He. "I believe I said 'no'. I don't remember saying this was up for discussion." His voice was dangerously calm. Zhang He scooted backwards from his spot on the floor until he hit the wall, eyes wide and terrified. "I'm sorry my lord, I didn't mean to—" "Aggravate me? But you're so good at it, my dear. You must try very hard." "No! Please, I didn't mean to!" There were the beginnings of tears in his eyes, and his lower lip trembled.
Sima Yi crossed the room quickly and dug his fingers in Zhang He's glorious hair, roughly yanking him to his feet by it. He slammed the taller man against the wall and brought his face close. "You hurt so pretty, you know that?" He whispered, one hand squeezing Zhang He's buttock in an iron grip that made the abused general cry out in pain. The grimace that twisted his face should have been hideous. Instead, it made him look ethereal, lovely. "I hate pretty things. Did you know that? I like to take pretty things and make them ugly. One of my favorite things to do is by a beautiful painting, take it home, and throw ink all over it. I like smashing those figurines that take years to carve out of precious jewels. I like to watch them shatter. I can break anything, if I try hard enough. Even people. I love to break pretty people. But you… you just keep getting prettier, damn you! Those black eyes I give you really bring out your eye color. Bruises and blood make what's left unharmed even more perfect. No matter how many times I split your lips, they stay luscious. So I try even harder to make you ugly. And the more I hurt you, the more gorgeous you get. At first I thought that I should kill you. But that wouldn't make you ugly, would it? You'd just be a beautiful corpse. Until you start to rot, that is. So maybe I should just cover every inch of your magnificent body with scars. Do you think that would work, dear?"
Zhang He closed his eyes. "Why on earth would you hate beauty?" he whispered. Sima Yi threw his head back and laughed, throwing Zhang He against the opposite wall. "No, of course you wouldn't understand. Poor, lovely Zhang He, of course you wouldn't get it. So I'll tell, since you're so damn interested. Since you're so damn beautiful." He ran a hand through his chestnut brown hair, which was short and cut close to his head. It made a stark contrast to Zhang He's knee-length, jet-black tresses. "Do you want to know why you make me angry, dear? Why everything beautiful makes me angry? It's because you have no right to be. The world is hideous, and it has no place for pretty things. You simply have no right to exist. I hate you and everything else that's beautiful, because you make the rest of us look so damn ugly in comparison. Beauty promises the world lies, like hope, and love. But those things are useless, dear, and they get people killed for stupid reasons. Commoners rebel against invading armies because they think that the land they live on is beautiful, and it gives them hope. People look for beautiful spouses and claim that they're in love. The commoners are slaughtered, the spouse becomes ugly and is cast aside for one more attractive. Useless lies." Zhang He stared up at him with blank eyes. "Love isn't a lie." He told him. "I love you, and I know that isn't a lie." Sima Yi laughed cruelly. "You would think you're in love with me, wouldn't you? Even if you are fool enough to believe you're in love, you must still admit that it's quite useless. After all, you're nothing to me but a good fuck. Surely you know that, my dear."
Now it was Zhang He who laughed. Sima Yi furrowed his brow, perplexed and angry. Zhang He was supposed to be breaking, not laughing. He was gorgeous when he laughed. "You wish I was just a good fuck. But you wouldn't find me so eternally attractive if that's all I was to you. I'd look broken, just like anything else. You feel something for me. I doubt it's love, but it's still something. And I'm willing to bet that's more than you've ever felt before, isn't it? That's why I always seem so pretty to you, no matter how badly you hurt me. You could cover my flesh with scars, just like you said, but I'd still look lovely to you. That's why you hate me, dear. Because you can't stand the fact that you care about me." Now he stood, and it was Sima Yi who backed away this time. "And let me tell you something else, dear. I'm not as weak as I like to let you think I am. And you're not nearly as strong as I let you think you are. I'm a soldier, remember? I could kill you with my bare hands. And I'm not stupid, either. I've been playing things your way this whole time, but you know what? I'm done, now. I woke up this morning, and there was blood on my sheets. I didn't know what it meant then, but I do now. It means that it's time to end this."
Sima Yi was speechless as Zhang He brushed passed him and stated getting dressed. He didn't bother claiming that he didn't care for him, that it wasn't true. They both knew it was. Zhang He turned to him, fully dressed and utterly in control. "I love you, Sima Yi. But I'm done letting you hurt me. I'm done letting you use me. When you're able to deal with your feelings like a healthy individual, come and find me. We can try again. Maybe we'll be able to work things out. But until then, just remember: the only reason you were ever able to hurt me is because I let you. And I'm not letting you anymore." And with that, he left. Sima Yi stood alone in the dungeon, staring at where Zhang He had been. He had a lot of mixed feelings about what had just taken place, and he wasn't sure what to make of them. He did know that he felt empty after Zhang He left, and a terrible sense of loss, which he didn't understand. This wasn't how things were supposed to go, dammit! Zhang He wasn't allowed to leave him. Not like this. He'd left anyway, though. Sima Yi began to make his way out of the dungeon. He wanted Zhang He to come back, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. Sima Yi would have to go to him. He'd have to work some things out, first, and it would take some time, but he could do it. He smiled. He still couldn't believe what Zhang He had said, how he'd just walked out on him like that. He supposed that was what they called tough love.
THE END
Ta-daa! Alright, Zhang He! Girl Power! Err…something. Yeah, so that's it for this story. Short and simple, right? Oh, and really messed up. Can't forget about that. Sima Yi needs some serious counseling. I bet he got made fun of a lot when he was a kid. Jesus, this fic was disturbing to write. Sometimes I think I need a straight jacket for my mind…